u/CofeeHideCrimsonMind

Alright so I met this woman at a party and here is how the conversation went;

Me: Hi

Her: Hey

Me: Has anyone told you you did that dress a favor by wearing it? Because you look really stunning.

Her: Look, I know I'm pretty, but honestly such kinds of conversations really bore me. Could we just have a normal conversation? Please?

Me: Got it. So what kind of work do you do?

Her: I don't work.

Me: Oh. Well, what would your dream career be?

Her: Owning a hardware and cosmetics store.

Me: Interesting. Is there a relationship between the two?

Her: Fucking hell! You and your questions. So what if there is or isn't a relationship, huh? What will you do with that information? Why don't you just get to know someone first before asking these dumb ass questions?

Me: I thought being curious and asking questions how I get to know you?

Her: \* sigh \* Tsk \[Walks away\]

I admit the compliment might have been a little too strong (Fuck you, Heineken.) But when she let me know she was uncomfortable, I tried to recalibrate. I don't know why she ended up exploding on me. What do you think I might have done better?

I am currently failing to see any difference between the Ardent Rake and your everyday simp. Here is a quote from The Art of Seduction;

>The Ardent Rake teaches us a simple lesson: intense desire has a distracting power on a woman, just as the Siren’s physical presence does on a man. A woman is often defensive and can sense insincerity or calculation. But if she feels consumed by your attentions, and is confident you will do anything for her, she will notice nothing else about you, or will find a way to forgive your indiscretions. This is the perfect cover for a seducer. The key is to show no hesitation, to abandon all restraint, to let yourself go, to show that you cannot control yourself and are fundamentally weak.

This sounds fundamentally like a simp and common knowledge it is common knowledge that simps never end up attracting any woman. Would you say that Greene's advice on this one is a little dated and modern women do not react well to the rake? If Greene's observations are timeless, then what would you say the difference between the simp and ardent rake are?

Alright so this story needs a little bit of background. I am a 31 year old jet-black heterosexual male who's never really done well when it comes to romance. From puberty all through middle school and high school, girls just didn't seem to like me. We're talking moving chairs to be away from me, throwing stuff at me because I "looked like a garbage heap," and verbally bullying me by saying things like, "Do you actually eat with people when your face is exposed? I'd puke if I had to look at that while eating." When I left for college, the experience was a little better. These women would chat with me and a handful tried flirting with me (e.g. Locking arms with me, saying risque things, asking for my opinion on their hair or outfit, playing with my beard) but I had gotten so used to being disliked that I would just ignore them, avoid getting too close and stay platonic. Fast forward to the present day and I am a functioning member of society. Or so I'd like to think. During the course of one day, I met a woman who was arguably the prettiest woman I've ever seen in the flesh. She could try for a career as an insta model if she wanted to. When I first saw her, of course I was attracted but thought, "Why would she ever be into me?" So I did my level best to just avoid her. As fate would have it, one of our mutual friends tells me little miss gorgeous has a thing for me and gave me her number saying she wanted to chat. Our friend described it as a "healthy crush," I thought it might just be curiosity. I thought the whole thing was a set up and waited for a week to finally get in touch with her. When we finally got to talking, I thought it went okay-ish though she kept saying she found me a little curt and I talked like I didn't really like her presence. Eventually, after a month of texts and calls, she just stopped talking to me. I tried to reconnect with her but she seems to have lost interest me. While one part of me says she was probably just trying to use me for something, another says she may have genuinely been interested in me. The latter part of me further goes on to say that may be the only woman of that quality that will ever be interested in me and that I have blown a generational opportunity.

Assuming the second part of me is right, how do I get over the mental block I've formed that maybe I am not as hideous as the girls back in high school would have had me believe? I haven't had a glow-up, in fact, I think I look worse than I did back in my school days so why should I believe that I have become desirable now?

Over the past decade or two, introversion has experienced a huge surge in popularity. We've had several people championing the benefits of reserve, reflection and depth. I would argue that this has all been performative and that in the modern world, extraversion and talkativeness yield better life outcomes than introversion and talkativeness.

Wealth and career success

This is perhaps where I feel the evidence for my claim is strongest as quite a number of meta-analyses seem to make this suggestion. Openness to experience, conscientiousness, and most poignantly extraversion are all found to be positively correlated with earnings, while agreeableness and neuroticism are inversely correlated with earnings. The mechanism that enables this is social capital. How others view your performance is fundamentally what generates offers/promotions/raises/accolades and extraverts simply have a broader base to help them get ahead. The effects of social capital are even more powerful when the metrics by which success is measured become more subjective or intractable and all this comes before we talk about the shift toward open-plan offices, "personal brands," LinkedIn self-promotion, and modern interview processes that increasingly reward charisma, charm and wit over reflection and depth. More and more, the modern economy views extraversion as a far more valuable personality trait than introversion.

Romantic success

For one, extraverts have an advantage when it comes to exposure. They can handle attending more parties, joining more clubs, groups and causes, initiating more conversations all without the need to sit down and recharge. Daniel Nettle's research on extraversion seems to also suggest that extraverted people more easily form long-term relationships. Modern dating layers a second disadvantage on top of this: dating apps which reward skills most extraverts already have — quick rapport, low hesitation to message first, comfort escalating from text to voice to a date. Introverts, who are more comfortable with deliberate, slow-warming relationships are left. In addition to that Daniel Nettle's 2005 study of 545 British adults found extraversion was a strong predictor of lifetime number of sexual partners, a finding that has since been replicated. Actually a follow-up review found extraversion is the most important personality trait in sexual behavior — number of lifetime sexual partners, involvement in casual sex, and more. So whether a person's objectives are "True love," or "Self-Exploration," extraversion seems the most certain way to achieve it.

Health and longevity

The evidence here is a lot more circumstantial but I believe the case has merit. According to Holt-Lunstad's landmark meta-analysis of 70 studies, social isolation, loneliness and living alone corresponded with a 29%, 26%, and 32% increased likelihood of mortality respectively, even after controlling for confounds. Introverts, who on average maintain smaller social networks and are less driven to seek out the frequent social contact are closer to the isolation end of the spectrum that predicts earlier death — not because introversion is loneliness, but because a world that keeps sorting people into fewer organic third places (declining religious attendance, fewer clubs, more remote work). This leaves introverts with less compensating social infrastructure than they'd have had a century ago, while extraverts' natural drive to seek people out largely offsets that same decline. In other words, modern social atomization is a bigger tax on introverts, who don't fight it as hard, than on extraverts, who do.

I'm a 21 year old heterosexual male who is 5'8 and weighs 165 lbs. I'm looking to begin dating but feel unready because I am not as athletic as some of my friends. I love watching sports like soccer, basketball and boxing but was never really good at them because I was either too weak, too slow, too short or lacked stamina. I have been lifting weights for about a year and a half in conjunction with a weekly 3 mile run and I do see some definition now, but I don't even come close to having the physiques some of my friends have. Lately, I've been reading a lot of Evo Psych books and a lot of them seem to claim that women are more attracted to men that are athletic because they have a greater capacity to protect them. Do you think that this aspect might affect my ability to find a good partner? If so should I consider medical interventions such as steroids, height lengthening surgery?

I am a 31 year old male who has struggled with dating since I hit puberty. I'm still a virgin and have never had a girlfriend. In fact, women all through my formative years (15-24) didn't seem to like me that much and would diss me with what I thought was unwarranted frequency. I doubt it had something to do with my social skills and/or personality because during the same period, I had many male friends and got along with my male folks just fine. One guy actually described me as one of the most interesting men I can think of ("You can play 4 instruments, you are in touch with pop culture, you're not too bad at sports.") It was the women who didn't seem to like me and I'm convinced the reason girls hated me was because I am ugly. I strongly believe this is a reasonable assertion as a lot of their insults were tailored that way. E.g One once told me to my face that it would be impossible for me to take a woman to dinner because no human being is eating in my presence. Another time, a mother was trying to tell her daughter to get serious with school and talked about how I was going to study applied physics on a full scholarship. The daughter replied with, "At least I'm not painful to look at." Eventually, I gave up and decided I'd just live my life on my own and for a while things were going okay until I got into my 30s and started thinking about the marriage and family question. I have tried to making attempts at dating but when women end up flaking (and good lord, a lot do) my mind begins to tell me this was exactly what was going to happen. I've looked at my male friend group and those that were interested in relationships have found them but I also remember that none of them were dissed or bullied about their looks as much as I was. I sometimes think that without money to offset my looks, this may just be too high of a hill to climb.

Alright so I met this woman at a party and here is how the conversation went;

Me: Hi

Her: Hey

Me: Enjoying the Party, Miss???

Her: Huh?

Me: Your name.

Her: Oh, Girl'sName.

Me: I see. Well, Girl'sName, has anyone told you you did that dress a favour by wearing it? Because you look really stunning.

Her: Yes, I know I'm pretty, but such kinds of conversations really bore me. Could we just have a normal conversation please?

Me: Got it. So what kind of work do you do?

Her: I don't work.

Me: Oh. Well, what would your dream career be?

Her: Owning a hardware and cosmetics store.

Me: Interesting. Is there a relationship between the two?

Her: Fucking hell! You and your questions. So what if there is or isn't a relationship, huh? What will you do with that information? Why don't you just get to know someone first before asking these dumb ass questions?

Me: I thought asking questions was how I get to know you?

Her: * sigh * Tsk [Walks away]

I become more reluctant to approach when interactions go this badly. What went wrong during this interaction and how could have I done better?

Here is the situation; In my country, we follow the British system of education so I completed my O-Levels last year and taking a gap year this year while I try to plan my A-Level subject selection. I sat for 9 subjects in year 11 and got the following results;

• English Language: A*
• Physics: A
• Chemistry: A
• History: A
• Computer Studies: B
• Biology: B
• Mathematics: B
• Additional Mathematics: B
• Literature in English: C

My interests lie in the realm of the sciences and I would love to become an engineer in either Mechanical, Aeronautic or Robotics. However, my parents say I am more suited to being a lawyer because I'm argumentative, read a lot and speak really well. In addition to that, they also say that if I get into engineering, I will not be "playing to my strengths," as my Mathematics skills are pretty mediocre. Given how competitive college is in my country, they say that I will probably end up wiping out if I go to college for engineering. Also, they have mentioned that since our country isn't as industrialized as some, they worry that I may end up underpaid or worse, unemployed. I love my parents and acknowledge that older people are often wiser and so I would do well to listen to them but I just cannot picture myself happily doing law. What do you think I should do?

I was given this piece of advice by a friend of mine who by my account has done pretty well for himself in the world of romance. He dated so very lovely, kind and respectful girls from high school to adulthood and is now married to a lovely lady with 2 kids. After discussing my struggles in the realm of love and romance, he revealed to me that I prefer to take a more "nonchalant," approach to love and that might be a part of the problem. According to him, many women like to keep their cards close to their chest and are only willing to reveal their preferences in what they believe is a safe environment. This is because in her mind, the best case scenario of her revealing interest to someone who isn't interested in her is you just end up just ignoring her and the worst case scenario is that you use it to manipulate her. With that being the case, you flirting with any woman you are romantically interested in gives all interested women an opportunity to come out as well.

While this advice does sound logical, it seems to contradict most of what I've heard because traditionally, the average woman is already being bombarded by men and so indifference can be employed to stand out.

So which is it? Should I flirt with every woman I am interested in dating or take up another approach?

At work today, I had a situation where my boss accused of something that was not my fault. My colleagues agreed as much and tried defending me but nonetheless, he began yelling at me. I got so anxious that as I was trying to defend myself, there was no coherence in what I ended up saying. I am usually eloquent and charming, as people have noticed, but I seem to notice that when I'm met with confrontation, all my language training just goes offline and if I try to talk my way out of things, I look really, really silly. I want to learn how to keep my cool and maybe even talk smack when I am under fire. What would you advise I do?

Perhaps this story needs some context. Physically, I am not impressive. In fact, all evidence points to the contrary; most women that have talked about my looks have said I'm "okay" or outright "ugly." Financially, while I'm not suffering, I am not doing well enough to attract a partner. Personality wise, I'm a little more on the quiet and reserved side and that only seems to work in Telenovelas. The only thing I would say I have going for me is that I have some moderately interesting hobbies i.e. I can play 4 musical instruments and I can cook really well. Also, the few women that have been brave enough to become my friends say I'm actually quite funny but I don't know about that one, tbh. I have not had a lot of romantic success. I tried to get a girlfriend in my teens and I got so many rejections that I decided to just call it quits and live my life. Actually one guy tagged me in a Facebook post on girlfriends day which stated, "Tag someone you know will never get the chance to commemorate this day." Such was the confidence people had in my ineptitude for attraction.

Last month though, one female friend of mine called to tell me one of her friends (the aforementioned 32 year old) had seen me at her house and was dying to speak to me. I got her number, called her one night and tried to put my best foot forward. She seemed impressed and asked to see me again physically so I arranged a meeting and it went, okay. She seemed a little quiet and reserved but she kept smiling at me and touching my arms when she laughed so at least she wasn't repulsed by me. The following morning, I get call from her and she is yelling at me. She is asking why I didn't wish her good morning or anything. I told her I didn't know how our date went and just wanted things to settle before I reach out again. She then tells me, she made it clear that she enjoys my company and if I don't like her, I should just say it. I apologized but have come to the realization that since I have no romantic experience, I wouldn't know what to do with my dream girl even if I magically found her sleeping in the same bed with me.

I finally have a woman interested in me and I'm blowing it like the Gunners. I need your help. What do I do now? Invite her for a movie? Ask her for sex? What do I do?