How do you teach a 9 year old to think before they speak?
Hi parents, I’d really appreciate some advice from anyone who has dealt with something similar.
I have a 9 year old boy who has received a tentative ADHD diagnosis. The assessment isn’t complete yet, but we’ve seen some of the symptoms for some time now.
The main difficulties at the moment are attention/focus at school (he starts but struggles to finish tasks) and something I’ve personally noticed around his social judgment and filtering.
He’s actually extremely sociable and extroverted and has lots of friends. He doesn’t seem to struggle with making friends at all. If anything, he’s very comfortable socially and enjoys being around people.
The issue is that he can be very impulsive about what he says in social settings amongst family and friends.
He’ll hear or notice something, think it’s funny or interesting, and immediately blurt it out without really considering whether it’s appropriate to say in that particular setting or in front of certain people.
For example, recently he was in the car with me, my sister, her husband and his younger cousin. He told his cousin’s dad that his cousin had said that horses have big butts. He was laughing and, in his mind, was probably just reporting something funny that his cousin had said. But my sister’s husband was quite taken aback, and I found myself feeling mortified.
There have also been occasions where he repeats things he’s heard or makes comments about subjects that are considered more adult or socially sensitive. He doesn’t necessarily mean anything by them. He just seems to have a very poor filter between “I’m thinking this” and “I should say this out loud.”
He also asks very direct questions about things he notices, sometimes without seeming to understand that there is a difference between asking something privately and announcing or discussing it publicly.
I’m trying not to shame him or make him feel that there is something wrong with him for being curious or outspoken. At the same time, I really want to teach him that there are certain things we can think about, ask a trusted adult about privately, or discuss in the right setting, but that we don’t necessarily say everything that comes into our heads in public.
For parents of children with ADHD (or children who struggle with impulse control/social cues), how did you teach this?
Are there particular strategies that worked for helping your child develop that “pause before you speak” skill and understand what is appropriate to share publicly versus privately?
I’d also be interested in hearing about any therapy or social-skills interventions that were particularly helpful.
We’re obviously going ahead with the full assessment, but I’d really appreciate practical advice from parents who have been through this.