u/Competitive-Topic-17

I have suffered from ridiculous sweating since I was in middle school. It is SO frustrating, especially for someone like me that is a super outgoing people person. I’m extremely performative and love going out. I’m also a makeup artist. I think this is the only community that can sort of relate when I say my most common experience: I’ll be dancing (not even moving a lot, just bobbing) and will be DRENCHED to the point people come up with napkins to dab my face and ask if I’m ok. I always say “oh sorry, I’m just rolling on molly” because it’s less embarrassing. That’s straight up humiliating. I also love being on camera, stage, anything performing. My soul begs me to and my soul is so amped and my heart is and mind is, but my body won’t stfu with the sweat. It’s held me back from replying to call backs from agents, made me embarrassed to go out…I’m lgbtq and have never been to a pride in my entire life because I am in Texas and know I would absolutely embarrass myself and be so miserable. F**k this disorder and how debilitating it is. I feel like I’m in a wheelchair with the hurtles I have to go through to simply exist. I can’t wear color. My wardrobe is fully black…the only thing to camouflage the sweat…as long as I haven’t worn it so much that it fades. Thankfully the look works for me since I’m a makeup artist, but like come on! I want to wear color! i literally got voted most likely to win project runway in the yearbook of my high school. I crave design/color/expression/art, but im held hostage by this. I want to feel nerves before performing about me remembering my lines/lyrics, not about people seeing me pour sweat! I want to feel anxiety about ANYTHING else. Anything! It all circles back to my sweating and has made me so depressed, reclused and lost. I have to find a new job rn and am dreading the thought of where, because I have to think about dress code and if I can wear black on top. I have to think about if I can handle the struggle of a poker face while it feels like acid is dripping in my eyes. No one would know how much I am freaking out about being perceived for this disorder if I didn’t tell them. I am an actor and play the part FLAWLESSLY, but the sweat doesn’t stop. I shouldn’t have to mask myself to be authentically me…I shouldn’t have to feel less humiliated at 30yrs old saying I’m on tons of molly to avoid the issue. I’ve tried the gy…(idk how to spell it) and we started 1mg 2x a day. Nope. 2mg 2x a day…nope. I see my dr every three months and can ask for a dose adjustment, but every single thing is wet except my eyes and mouth which are SO dry. I see a future of who I am and what I can accomplish and I have seen that same person since I was 4 years old, but this road block of a disability blocks my dreams and leads me down a never ending road of depression. I’ve tried ashwaganda, I’ve thought “oh, if I work out and jog a lot, my body won’t want to sweat with minimal activity,” nope…that’s not how this works. I’ve tried topical prescriptions, oral gy…idk and I simply don’t know what to do. I know when I’m older, I will have inheritance and can buy the really really expensive nerve block surgery, but for rn, I can’t afford thousands and thousands just to cure a problem no one else around me thinks is an issue. I have so much in me for the world that’s begging to come out, but I’m stuck. I’m sweaty. I’m lost. I’m pleading for suggestions. I can’t be ME. I AM my hyperhydrosis. It’s taken full control.