u/Conscious-Fluid

(Update*) I finally got on the right line and got ahold of someone who could actually help me! My son and I are insured and the kind lady told me if I've already had any Dr visits I can tell them to bill my insurance! (No $990 ER bill for me!) And that I can see Drs, dentist and therapists and have them all bill soonercare 😭🥹 Thanks for the advice and support!

So I'm 19w pregnant, and haven't gotten medical care yet cause of the DHS website taking forever with my insurance application. It turned out that no one contacted me letting me know I needed to upload recent documents, so I did that as soon as I found that out. A couple weeks ago. I realize it can take up to 28 days for new documents to be reviewed but I was having trouble logging in, got completely locked out, I got help once but now my account is locked again. Giving me a number to call as my only option.

I had my WIC appt last week and mentioned that I need to set up an OB appt as soon as possible as I've not had any care yet, and have a history of high risk pregnancy. Someone on this sub mentioned that once my application goes through and I have coverage that soonercare will back pay for any appointments I've already had. When I asked the lady at the health department (where the WIC appt was) about backpays she said "well sometimes" and told me if I call the DHS helpline they can expedite my application if I let them know my situation and tell them I have an OB appt scheduled. She also mentioned it could take several hours of waiting on hold.

So now I have an OB appt scheduled for next Friday and I was on hold with the DHS helpline for over four hours yesterday, and was hung up on. I was on hold for around three hours this morning, and got hung up on again. I am also in need of some serious dental work which I hope to get done in the next five months while I'm still pregnant. All this waiting on hold and getting hung up on is very frustrating and making me feel very tempted to go into temporary medical debt so I can start receiving care and just have them bill the insurance later however long it takes to approve my documents.

Although I know OB care is essential I don't know if a dentist would accept a patent claiming to be "working on the insurance thing" and wait for payment. I'm so frustrated. Currently waiting on hold, but also ready to give up for now. Any advice?

Yes Mod I'm located in Oklahoma

Hi all, so I had late onset pre-e with my first. I wasn't getting traditional medical care I was seeing a midwife so hadn't had an ultrasound since 20w, at which point baby and I were completely healthy, I was still low risk, he was a good size etc. around 30w or so I knew I had developed high blood pressure but I didn't find out about the pre-e until 37w. They said it was late onset. But again that was my first official medical checkup in a while. At that point they needed to start the delivery process asap I ended up going into an emergency C-section within hours of showing up to the ER.

My baby was very very small (2lbs 11oz) and he spent 5 weeks in the NICU. I really don't want to repeat this experience with my next delivery, as I mentioned I had a midwife, and was planning to have a natural midwifery birth.

Anyway I'm pregnant again, it was unexpected, my first is only a year (14m). I stay at home with our dogs and toddler so I can't exactly be on bed rest and my blood pressure is already showing signs of creeping up even though I'm taking low dose aspirin this time, since 15w. I went into the ER a week ago cause I had a terrible headache and high BP (156/99) and woke up the next morning still aching and getting high BP reading. As soon as I arrived at the ER my BP was completely normal and remained stable while I was there. They ran labs on my blood and urine and everything came back great. The baby looked healthy on the ultrasound and was showing a strong heartbeat. But since then I have multiple BP readings within the range of hypertension.

Can I request getting on blood pressure medication without being diagnosed with pre-e? Would this help the health of my placenta or would it only make a difference for my physical health, not necessarily the placenta or baby? It really feel like there should be something I can do

So I have a one yr old (14m) who has only been breastfed or taken breast milk from bottles since he couldn't latch at birth. But he's a totally booby monster now. He relies on nursing for comfort, and always ALWAYS needs boobs to go to sleep be it naps or bedtime, and weaning feels like it would only be cruel and challenging. He won't even nap for dad or in the carseat he just wails if he's tired.

Currently 18w pregnant with the second. My supply dropped drastically at 5w right after I found out about the pregnancy (I literally went down a cup size) and my baby has since acted fussier, switching sides regularly, and acting hungry after nursing for a nap or overnight, wanting cow milk from a cup. Etc. although I can tell he's still getting some milk, I have no idea how much. The amount of time spent nursing has gone down, but it still seems impossible to wean completely

In the past week the nipple pain is so unbearable (he also bit me on one side) that I can feel my nipples anywhere at any time, loose shirt or not, just walking or laying around. ALWAYS. and nursing itself is only somewhat decent when he's completely asleep cause boy he's got a strong toddler latch 😮‍💨 babes also a chest sleeper and it's starting to get uncomfortable to sleep on my back all night just to keep him happy. I've woken up in the morning a few times with my tailbone hurting? Like there's no way a 17-18w baby is putting that much pressure on my bones. I'm trying to get him used to side lying but he's so temperamental, wiggly, switches to relatch so often, that feels like a lossing battle.

He's eating solids and drinking cow milk but it still feels like weaning isn't even within sight. What has worked for others in this situation? How do you manage the discomfort or set boundaries? Help

So I had a son around a year ago and due to his medical needs at birth I got help from a social worker at his hospital with securing soonercare. answered all the questions I would've had to fill out online, and by the end the rep goes "okay he's insured" and provided login info, and that was that.

I was able to use his account to then go on and apply for soonercare for myself, his mom, and I was approved pretty quickly. I hadn't reapplied in time and our insurance expired in the new year (26). I became pregnant again and found out in May. I re-applied using my previous account in June, stating the new pregnancy and the form said pending. I have since been looked out of the account and tried numerous times to get back in and finally called the helpline to access my account. While I had a rep on the phone I asked about the status of my application. she told me I would need to update my information, and possibly submit missing documents. And that due to pregnancy I would be instantly approved once the app is processed.

So I went through and made sure everything was correct and for some reason in my personal info I was listed as Not pregnant. Even tho I last submitted in June when I in fact changed my info to currently pregnant. So I updated it AGAIN to currently pregnant and submitted the form. It didn't say anything about missing documents or anything that I still need to submit. Am I supposed to just wait around to get pregnancy care until this form has processed? I'm 17w along and have not been seen by a care provider due to lack of insurance and I'm slightly fuming that my pregnancy wasn't processed when I applied months ago. I thought that pregnancy made me legally eligible. What am I supposed to do?

I've found myself suddenly very drawn to the name Willow. My husband wants to use Esther for a girl but I am not so sure. The biggest selling point for me is the possibility of Essie being a nickname but I don't think that alone is enough to fully convince me.

Anyway I'm curious what would pair with Willow as a first name. Willow Esther sounds kind of like a mouthful and doesn't flow as well as our son's name. I haven't made a big deal about Willow to my husband yet but it might be easier to sell him on if I have a cute pairing in mind.

I'm traveling and haven't been home w/ my husband for 10 days. I'm pregnant with our second and I get extra separation anxiety due to the high hormones. I'm 15w and starting to show just a little.

This morning I dreamt that I wasn't w/ my husband at all, he wasn't in my dream, but I needed to let a married man (who I went to hs w/) know that the baby I'm carrying was his. He is happily married and has twins close to my son's age irl. It almost seems like he was happy abt the news, and was keeping it quiet but might have been planning to leave his wife to be w/ me and father the child?

I was doing some type of project using recycled textiles (which is something I want to start a business doing irl) and I went outside one morning to find stacks of old jeans and clothes lying all over my porch, presumably left there by this guy, in show of support for my desire to create new things using old things. A random, but sweet anonymous act of support.

I also walked into my childhood kitchen at some point in the dream and saw my (late) father having a conversation with my oldest brother while making breakfast. I remember feeling a lot of joy in this dream and this was one of the moments of very strong joy. Finding the clothes outside also made me feel happy and seen.

I don't remember very much else but at one point the guys wife irl was doing something nearby while I was doing some work and she might have seemed suspicious, but not upset. Like she didn't know anything yet, nor had their marriage been left outwardly. But in that moment I had a mixture of excitedly sneaky, and very guilty vibes/feelings at the same time.

I found this dream very weird. I love my husband very much, we're soulmates. I do think maybe my subconscious desires more physical and emotional support during this second pregnancy and created a scenario where someone who is not struggling w/ their financial life swoops in to "save me". Either way I have a very grounded mindset about this season and these struggles being very temporary. I still wanted to know what the r/dream community thinks

So I'm (27) currently almost 15w pregnant with my second baby, my first is only 13m old and my husband and I have been struggling w/ finances a LOT. He is finally in a good enough job and about to be promoted, but we have still been struggling in the meantime. 

Anyway, my mom has always been disapproving of my relationship w/ my husband and has always looked down on me for choosing a man w/o a career path (married for love) and shames us both, mostly to me, but she has said some more than slightly rude things to him as well. She has compared him to my late father whom allowed her to financially rely on him so completely that she couldn't leave him even when she wanted to. (As if that relationship was something to admire)

My mom adores my son, and at times it feels like he is the reason she has continued to have a relationship w/ me after my husband and I moved away from home to a more affordable place to live. She helped us out financially and helped make it possible for us to leave the city, which we are grateful for.. but it feels wrong. It feels like she's been trying to buy my love and respect w/o respecting me or my husband or our life choices. She insists that her (demeaning and rude) perspective of my life is "factual" and gets angry w/ me if I try to explain my side or get defensive. She calls me entitled, whiny, ungrateful, bratty, a b*tch, a fake, a liar, an enabler to my husband, says that I'm using her for her money, and says so many other hurtful things I can't even repeat. She says she feels abused by me

She insists that I should be more grateful and I must be ungrateful bc of how we get along. I have tried really hard to explain to her that gratitude for what she has done is completely separate from my feelings of anger towards how she speaks to me and her overall regard for me and my husband. But in her perspective if I was grateful I wouldn't speak to her these ways (defending my character and my husband's). 

She has caused problems in my marriage and creates so much tension. Yet somehow, out of desperation to see my family and announce the new pregnancy in person, I asked her if she wanted to plan a trip back home w/ me, as she has recently been living in another state too, and my brother also has a baby similar to my son's age. 

We are currently on said trip, and our problems have only gotten worse. She uses personal information against me and things I've said in confidentiality to belittle me. We had a huge argument at the end of our 11+ hour drive and threatened to leave me and my son in the middle of nowhere at 11pm w/ no way of contacting anyone. When we arrived in town she said she was only booking a room for herself, knowing fully well I 1) still couldn't contact anyone, and 2) couldn't afford even the cheapest place to stay w/o dipping into money that was saved for our bills back home. She said I couldn't even sleep in her car and I said "fine" and told her that I would sleep on a park bench. To which she said I would be abusing my son, "that's child abuse" She later claimed that she was only making those threats to "shock/scare me" into being nicer to her. I have explained that respect is a two way street. 

Basically this is the last time I'll be seeing my mom for a while bc her plan is to leave the country and before she found out I was pregnant was saying she "didn't know when" she would come back. But when she found out I'm pregnant it seems like she changed her plan to return to the states around my babies due date bc she believes I will "need her help" which I don't want. She already told my family that's when she'll be back and I want to tell her not to come back but we still have to make the 11+ hour drive back to my home together and I don't think I can handle any more conflict. 

On top of everything she knows I've quit smoking weed for my pregnancy and smokes in front of me every single day that we've traveled together, completely not even attempting to keep the smoke away from me. She says she feels "sorry for me" that I "can't have any" even though SHE is the biggest source of my current stress. A quick conversation between ai told me that this is a situation to try to remove myself from as quickly as possible. I have no way to remove myself w/o her help and she lords it over me that I "need her" and can't do anything but what she is willing to help me w/. I just feel so emotionally and physically drained and just wrecked in so many ways. Is this abuse?

For context I moved to another state with my husband in April of last year before having our son in late May, as our home state where our families and friends live has a very high cost of living and we knew we wouldn't be able to reasonably afford to start a family in the current circumstances.

Anyway, I (27) got together with my husband (26) abruptly in early 2024, as we had already known each other from dating when we were 18 & 19. We both really needed each other and dropped everything to move in together. Due to my mom not knowing my now husband prior to us moving in together, and some of what he had been through, my mom had huge prejudices against him and did not believe our relationship would last. Anyway there's a lot of complicated bs that went down and when we got pregnant with our son and decided to get married we decided not to invite my mom to our wedding as she had shown nothing but disapproval of our relationship.

I have since made up with my mom and she has helped us financially over time as she had the means to and felt very strongly about our lives improving for our son. So I've tried really hard to have a decent although shallow relationship with her. Not because of the financial help, but also because it means the world to her to have a relationship with my son. So I've been trying to be the bigger person even when she's extremely rude to both me and my husband. She has said some awful things about my husband and she genuinely means them. She believes he's narcissistic and has compared him to her awful father who was -emotionally, physically, s3xually- abusive and hated/hates children which in of itself should be reason enough to cut her off completely, go no contact and keep her away from my son. Bc she genuinely means it even though she barely knows my husband, and doesn't show any remorse for talking sh|t about the person I love and am devoted to. .

So I am pregnant again, and for some dumb reason planned a trip with her back to my hometown as she claims to be leaving the country as soon as the summer is over. We drove from where I live with my husband over 11 hours for this trip and we barely spent any time NOT arguing. She feels like I'm so disrespectful and ungrateful bc I stand up for myself and my husband when she talks bs about us, and has literally been gaslighting and yelling at me anytime I try to correct the way she took what I say as "slamming her" if I even attempt to defend myself she will literally YELL over me and won't stop until I stop talking. With my son in the car/room mind you.

For some reason I was so hopeful and optimistic that we would have a good time traveling together and even did everything I could to I could to pull off going camping in her favorite spot together on our way to see family. But she has repeatedly told me that I'm "ruining it" and "yelling over my son's head" and many other hurtful things just to get me to shut up. She believes that I'm only nice and try to make up w/ her bc I want her to keep paying for stuff. And that's so hurtful too, cause I have money but I'm trying to be responsible and I always need to save what I have for bills back home. Truthfully I wouldn't be able to afford this trip but she willingly planned it with me knowing I'm broke. She's calling me two faced, and then acting like she wants to be generous while also believing that I'm "using her for her money" in the back of her mind. She says she's "glad my voice is getting stronger" as I've always been a quiet person while also telling me that I'm "abusing her", "draining her energy", "acting just like her family" (who were all abusing and shallow) when I try to explain or stand up for myself. It feels so hypocritical. Yesterday she told me that she doesn't listen to me (the context was directions during a drive) bc she's "always been independent" (even tho she relied on my dad my whole life) but when I tried to tell her the same thing as my reason why I was literally planning to follow a recipe instead of using the ingredients she wanted me to use (soft bread instead of sourdough for FINGER SANDWICHES) for the family potluck today I was yelled at until I stopped speaking. So much for wanting my voice to grow.

I don't even feel happy enough to be excited to announce the pregnancy to my family. I feel like I should just crawl under a rock and give up. Anyway rant over. I feel so sorry my baby has had to hear this abuse too.

(Edit) She was wrong about the direction she was driving and I was right but she "just wanted to see" if she could find the way to the hotel w/o looking at the map. I wasn't even looking at the map and knew she was wrong and I was right but I can't speak or I'm abusive.

Etid pt 2) I was trying to keep the pregnancy a secret from her but the Dr called her phone and outed me, and she accused me of lying and had no idea what my intentions would be for keeping that kind of information from her. My reasoning? Bc I knew it wouldn't change how she treats me and only raise concerns. Not to mention she believes I will "need her" when baby #2 arrives 🫠

Considering if we have a girl we might name her Iris. My biggest hang up is not knowing what her nickname or middle name would be. Some options for middle names are.

Iris Alessandra or Iris Miera

If you're named Iris or you have an Iris what's some nicknames you use or have?

So this was a strange and vivid dream, the majority of the time I was trying to find somewhere to use wifi to contact my ex friend, it seems like we traveled to a different city together and made plans for the night but he went to a bar (seems like to pregame) and I went wandering around near our hotel which was a highrise, to explore bit but felt like it was important to keep in touch with him so I kept searching for wifi I could use.

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The first place I went into was another hotel, short and basic in comparison to the one I was staying at, and I went up to the second floor which was crowded with people who were all wearing navy blue uniforms. It seems like they could've been military uniforms and they were all kind of just in the hallway talking. I was making my way through the crowd of people and noticed some of the men were like a whole foot taller than everyone else. And a staff member with a housekeeping cart looked at me with excitement in her eyes as if I was a friend to share secrets with and told me "none of the people who stay at this hotel are real"

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I did a double take back over my shoulder at the men who stood taller than everyone else, lucky it seemed like no one noticed me but the maid, and I decided I had better get out of there. I continued down the hallway and found a side exit by the pool, which was large and completely empty. Even the pool room itself was not as well lit as where everyone was gathered and talking. Once I was outside I made my way down a single flight of stairs and found the street and tried to pretend like nothing happened.

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As I was walking down the street back towards where I came from there was a kid outside a toy store with around 50 different stuffed animals that were all elephants and giraffes in different colors, poses, and sizes. The owner of the toy store was outside a few paces away, he was a decently tall man with a friendly disposition, maybe in his 50's/60's with salt and pepper grays in his brown hair, and I walked right up to him and gave him a big hug. He asked "do I know you?" And I said I had been here before, referring to his store. That seemed to have been enough explanation for my behavior and we had a short conversation before I kept on down the street.

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The area was on a corner without a through street as if this hotel and toy store etc was part of a mini mall. (Exept I don't think there was a parking lot in the center it seems like it could've been a park something) I turned the corner to head back towards where I had entered the mini mall from and decided to stop outside of a sandwich shop on the corner to eat and use their wifi. I ran into someone I knew from highschool in a small crowd outside the sandwich shop and asked if he had seen my friend, he said no and that was the end of our interaction.

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As I was ordering I had a moment of panic feeling like I didn't have my wallet, keys and phone, but I found my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans, and it turned out that I still had my phone too. (Maybe it was just the key to my hotel I was missing cause I still didn't understand why I didn't just go back to my room?) So I must have ordered and sat down at their outdoor seating to use the Wi-Fi while I waited for my sandwich. No matter what I did I couldn't get ahold of my friend, and I don't remember anything else

I had a dream that started in a large white sterile building, similar to airports I've been to, I couldn't say which it was most similar to bc there were no noteable details, it was essentially completely empty aside from people waiting in lines and crowds walking around. I was with a girl (I'll call her Jean) who I had gone on church trips with in highschool. It was very strange because Jean and I had everything we needed and got on a big elevator located at the center of the building (it seemed huge but don't know what to compare it to cause the walls were very undefined and almost nonexistent, it just kind of a big square platform to stand on) as if it was taking us where we were going rather than a plane. There were other people I didn't recognize with us, also with various luggage, and the elevator went up. 

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It seems like the elevator went a very long way up, it almost seems like we saw some different levels we were passing and may have passed through spaces that were just pure blue, possibly various shades, as we got higher. 👀 and when we reached where we were going, I have no memory of exiting the elevator but we must have, And it reminded me of a trip to Thailand I had gone on with Jean. It's strange I remember thinking it was just like this trip while I was still dreaming. irl we had visited an elephant sanctuary and it seems like that was where this dream trip started out, on a deck exactly like one we had actually been on, with an elephant reaching out to grab snacks from us and it was such a joyous moment. But it passed quickly and it seems like there was other things that happened that I don't remember. And at some point Jean and I were sitting at a table eating almost like we were back in an airport, but there were no surroundings.. and then there was another detail that reminded me of the exact trip in my past as well. 

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There had been a massive flood in Thailand while I was there that caused a lot of damage, and during the rain I had walked through water that was higher than my ankles, it came up around my lower mid calf area. and the next part of my dream that I can actually remember I was wading through water of the exact same depth, but below my feet was blurry ocean shade blue? And I have no memory of other surroundings it almost seems like it was a large sky shades of blue, as just an expanse of nothing. And I don't remember anyone else being there. But it seems like I wasn't necessarily alone even though I can't remember who I was with and it seems like there was an element of danger. I had another moment of feeling like this was just like my visit to Thailand. Anyway, at some point after that I was back with Jean and we were back on the elevator headed back down to where the dream started. When I reached what I assume to be the main level, or the airport space, there were still crowds of people and I woke up. 

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After being awake for several hours, replaying in my mind what I could actually put to words, and analyzing all this mentally I realized something that requires me to give more context. 

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My best friend (Gabriella) passed away suddenly when I was 18 (2018), I had gone to Thailand when I was 16 (early 2017 {my bday is July so I'm only the same nunber as the year for the second half of the year}) and my best friend had gone to Thailand on the same church trip a couple years before so like maybe 2014or15 when I was too young to go. But it was her favorite place on earth after that, she always talked about it and her love for Thailand played a large part in my desire to go myself, and was so bummed that she couldn't go the year that I finally could. I realized maybe Gabriella had disguised herself as Jean (to reduce shock value) and brought me to heaven to experience what her version of heaven is like and of course it would be Thailand. I wept at this realization. This was such a mystical and mysterious dream it just kind of all clicked together when I realized that could have been the case and I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for what I had just experienced. Lmk what y'all think.

So I had a long dream but the ending is the part I wanted to share. The only bit that's semi important about what happened before the ending bit is that I needed to make money for rent and went to babysit a girl I used to nanny for but she was living in my childhood home, and her friend was there who introduced herself and I couldn't understand her when she said her first name but her middle name was Oscar-Myer. And I drove __ Oscar-Myer to school.

I don't remember the drive to school but I remember driving back to my house which seemed like it was only a few blocks away going south down a road near my childhood home, and when I turned left to go down my new street the whole dream turned from realism into like a Simpsons cartoon in order to pull off what was about to happen. I was driving down what started out as a city street with tall buildings but before my eyes it was transforming (like it was seamlessly supposed to do this) into a pedestrian street with lawns and driveways. And part of the city became hidden underneath the road I was now driving on. The house I was pulling up to, clearly where my husband and I live, was an open kitchen restaurant so you could see us while we prepared food and were running a burger joint out of the front of our house. The whole area was done transforming by the time I pulled into the driveway and as mesmerizing as it was I had no qualms with the fact that the whole city just turned into a neighborhood. I pulled up my phone which I saw in realism again and my bank account now read $1,111 apparently from the job I did driving _ OM to school that morning I had to do a double take but the number was still there.

The dream ended but what's even weirder is that as I was driving I was thinking about how to describe what I was seeing, my mind was like "this is like a mix between Simpsons animation and Futurama" and then it was all about absorbing the visuals of everything changing before my eyes. Has anything like this happened to anyone else?

So the matrix came out the same year I was born, just watched the entire series for the first time with my husband over the last three days and I can't help but wonder if Trinity is the coolest idea I've ever heard for a girls middle name?

We are Christian so there's that neat connection as well, and I'm not sure if that was intentional in the movie but it makes this idea that much more appealing. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but I kind of love this idea? We love the name Iris for a girl and it's one of the only names we both fully agree on so she would be Iris Trinity. Is that pretty or am I crazy?

I had a dream where some people from my highschool were meeting in a secret backroom above like some kind of warehouse or furniture store type thing. Seemed like it was just a cool secret hang out spot that we used to vibe after hours and it seemed like some ppl also used it as a hookup spot but that's not what I remember being there for. Picture like a very laid back low lit vibe, white room white walls, couches, bean bags, possibly smoke in the air.

It seems like I had made plans to hang w/ someone who I know for sure had a crush on me back in freshman year and I must have stood him up for some reason I wasn't able to make it out that night. I ended up looking at my phone and seeing texts from this person each getting increasingly emotional, saying stuff like

"I just really needed you, I needed someone to talk to I thought you knew that"

And I scrolled and saw that there were like four or five messages with similar emotional tone. I felt a huge amount of guilt and immediately regretted not being able to be there for him and at that point my now husband (who I didn't know in school, didn't meet until around a year after graduating) showed up over my shoulder and started asking if those were messages from my ex and I was like omg no and the dream seems like it ended there.

For context both I and this person I missed messages from are both married with kids and haven't spoken since graduating eight years ago. But for some reason the weight of the messages and how I felt reading them and since then has made me feel so guilty for how immature I was back then and almost made me feel like reaching out just to see how he's doing. Is that a terrible idea? I feel kinda dumb for even asking but I asked Google and Ai said there could be conversations that never got to happen, or something unresolved about the way the relationship ended. We were friends and he actually ended up married to a girl from our high school. I wouldn't want to bring up any hard feelings since she probably knew he liked me at one point but I still don't know. What would y'all do?

I asked this question in the pregnancy sub but I must not have given enough context

For context I have a 1 yr old son who my mom adores. We live in different states and she barely gets to see him or his cousin (my brother had a daughter four months after I had mine, they also live in another state) with the exception of some holidays or special occasions. I just found out I'm pregnant again, but the first time she told my family about the pregnancy before I got the chance to announce it myself. So I haven't said anything.

More for more context, I'm my mom's only daughter and she feels very strongly about having emotional support for the birthing process and was very much hoping to be there for me when my son came, but there were medical complications at the end of my first pregnancy, he was delivered early. But she ended up coming out from our home state to spend time with me at the hospital while he was in the NICU. He was in the hospital for six weeks and she truly was my only support through a lot of that as my husband had to work and couldn't keep making the commute due to distance and cost.

We live in the US and I'm the only one of my moms children that she still has a decently good relationship with. But in spite of finally having grandkids she wants to leave the country as soon as possible. She doesn't like it and has never felt like she fits here. That's completely understandable and I totally respect her desire to make that happen for herself.

I know she wants to be involved in her grandkids lives and wants her grandkids to be close to her. But some people commenting on my last post said that if she were going to change her mind due to babies in the family the current ones should have already swayed that decision. What difference would another baby make?  

My husband feels pretty strongly about keeping the pregnancy a secret from her for now, even though she's coming to visit for my baby's first birthday this week. And he has said it will be easier for us the less she knows and the less involved she is. But I still don't know if she would want to wait to at least meet the newest member of the family. Is it cruel of me to wait for her to make her own plans before breaking the news?

Not sure if this is a trigger warning but just in case (loss is mentioned)

I never thought I'd be making a post like this. But my husband (25) has been expecting me (26) to be a good "trad wife" and keep a positive attitude while caring for our 11 month old with almost no help, while cooking for him and catering to him while he's been sitting on his butt jobless for over a month. Thank God he recently got a job but I'm arguably still a bit bitter about how he refused to pick up home chores and family duties while unemployed. He's also made very rude comments and had low to no patience with me and can get very angry, has a short fuse over almost nothing.

That being the background, I decided to plan a trip to visit my hometown and see my family with my mom, cause trying to plan anything with this man is a nightmare and means it won't happen. (We moved over a year ago and haven't been even close to affording a trip home, flight or drive) So I talked to my mom and she and I have been planning a trip for a family reunion (my mom has been away from home, traveling as well and my brother also recently had a baby who hasn't met my baby! So there's lots of reasons to visit!) initially we wanted to plan a road trip for the fall like Sept and my mom changed her mind because she wants to leave the country, and sooner than later. The only reason that detail matters is because we decided to move the trip up to summer (June/July) so we've been talking about planning more and trying to get things into place. My and my husbands birthdays are both early July so I had the condition that we can't travel over our birthdays so my husband and I can be together for our birthdays. Pretty reasonable so far imo.

I had no reason to believe my husband could come with us on this road trip because 1) he recently got a job and 2) doesn't have the best relationship with my mom

So I never even considered a 10 hour road trip together as a possibility, and that's one way mind you.

I was talking with my mom about trip planning today and she mentioned that she could fly my husband out for the family reunion, maybe a weekend. This news caught me by surprise and I brought up the idea to my husband after he got home from work and settled in. This is where it goes sour.

He got upset and started saying that it felt like an afterthought to include him, that he gets to travel and fly by himself and went on a whole rant about if he was the one planning to see his family how I would feel to be flown out while he's driven home with his parents. I literally just had to leave the room.

But he followed me. So I snapped and started crying saying how he doesn't understand that I may be able to go see my family but I can't ever truly go back home because my dad is gone and our family home I grew up in is long since sold. He was like "oh, so I'm supposed to have empathy for a broad spectrum of things here." And I said no it's just one thing. My flipping family. I told him if it was his family and he was planning a trip I would be happy to have any part in it. And he just completely shut down. Saying something like "it's all me then" and like a small weak apology. But I'm not in the situation for that to fix anything that he's done.

He went on a rant about how Jesus should be enough to heal me from my grief and how I shouldn't need a therapist or anyone or anything outside myself and Jesus to overcome my big emotions about my past and losses. And I just couldn't. It was my turn to shut down. What on earth should I do in this situation??

I don't want to always be bitter towards my husband, I want to respect it if things I say are triggering to him, but will he ever realize that things he says being triggering to me also is a problem that needs fixed??

I'm pretty picky about girl names but I've been recently introduced to the name Alessandra, as a variation of Alexandra. While I don't think I would use it for a first name I'm curious what people think of it paired with a shorter first name used as a middle name. My ideas:

Aurora Alessandra

Iris Alessandra

Other names I like but I'm not completely sold on are

Siena Rose

Aurora Rose

Iris Miera

Anyone else craving a fourth meal right before bed?

I know it's not great for digestion and later in pregnancy makes sleep uncomfortable but I'm in my first few weeks of pregnancy and haven't had any reason to limit meals yet (no nausea or constipation yet) so I'm assuming its best to listen to the hunger cues?

Just here for some validation I suppose 😅

I'm pretty picky about names especially girl names. Our first baby has a deeply Christian name, named after an important biblical figure and we to keep up that tend for our future babies.

While I like that my son's name is traditional I tend to like less traditional girl names, especially the botanical or nature names, like Lily, Iris, Hazel, Willow, Rose

Biblical names that I like but wouldn't choose for my daughter are Elizabeth, Hannah, Leah, Eve, Shiloh, Eden (can't use bc it's my nieces name) Holly, Poppy, Amari

My husband likes Iris best of all of these and I would probably pair it in one of the following ways

Iris Rain (two syllable family name ending in E sound)

Iris Solome (__E)

If it's a boy I like the names Luke or Noah

Any ideas for combinations of these with middle names or new suggestions are welcome!

Content warning (self harm)

My husband (25) and I 26 have an 11m old baby. I've been so depressed and lately I've been feeling emotional neglect from my husband due to the things in this post(I also have had ppd and ppa) that I can barely remain calm and functional when he gets upset.

Usually my husband works and I stay home with our baby. So the at home chores being on my plate has generally made sense although he would rarely pitch in when he did get home aside from maybe feeding the dogs.

But right now my husband is between jobs and has been home for over a month. He has tried getting interviews and he's in a bit of a lul with that at the moment as everything has either been too low paying to be motivating for him to actually follow through with or ended up going with someone else.

While he's at home though I still am doing all the chores. 90% of the baby care, cook all the meals, do laundry, dishes, feed the dogs and take them out and the majority of cleaning. When our son was a newborn I did everything for him then too. All the night feeds all the naps every diaper every outfit change.

My husbands stress about unemployment is making his fuse shorter and irritability worse. he snaps on a regular basis. It's also affecting his self esteem and he questions if I want to be with him so he makes things about himself when I try to express my exhaustion to him.

The worst part to me is that he's so critical. A few months ago our son went through a really hard sleep regression and was fussy all day daily for over a week and I was stretched really thin. As our boy doesn't stay happy very long sitting in his dad's lap watching video games (one of the only ways he'll be willing to help). But I was getting frustrated with our son's bedtime routine and had been attempting to calm him for over an hour when I started to lose my cool and my husband could clearly tell that I was struggling but instead of trying to step in or offer comfort to me he said

"Maybe you aren't cut out for motherhood" and I kid you not I placed our baby down, stepped outside and fractured my hand on our metal ladder because I needed to hit something and I couldn't stop myself. (I have a history of self harm in this way but I hadn't hurt myself in years and never broken anything before- more like left bruises)

Anyway. That was a phase and our son isn't always that fussy, and my hand has since healed. But I can't help but feel like I'm doing this on my own. We also moved away from our families so my village, our village is over 10 hours away. It just hurts so much I never expected marriage to be this hard. I feel like my self esteem has taken a massive hit and sometimes I don't even recognize the things I'm saying because I just feel so far removed from myself.

I've told him how depressed I am, I've told him I need more support and that I might need meds. He doesn't think I need meds and hasn't changed at all since watching me decline so badly