u/Conscious-Fluid

For a little bit of context we don't have a vehicle right now as our truck broke down and we had to sell it cause my husbands work was closed down permanently from bankruptcy, so we couldn't afford to have any maintenance done to keep it driving. We are behind on bills and don't have any family nearby to help is get to the grocery store.

I just need a little bit of cash to order baby aspirin to help manage my blood pressure. I am 28w along and at risk for getting pre-e again due to genetics. My son is also running out of milk. If we could order aspirin and milk we will be ok for right now.

I have venmo and Amazon

Request granted! Thank you!

Hi, so for some context I planned to have my first with a midwife, but around 30 weeks I began having regular blood pressure readings within the range of hypertension. At 36w I had an ultrasound for the first time since the 20w and found out my baby was suffering from growth restriction and was measuring the size of a 26 weeker. At 36+5 I went to the ER cause I wasn't feeling the regular kicks and was diagnosed with pre-e and induced, but his heart rate dipped with every contraction so I had to have an emergency C-section just a few hours after arriving. I had a hemorrhage and didn't see my son until he was two days old, he was so small and spent nearly five week in the NICU. It was all around traumatic, stressful and awful. But my blood pressure went back to normal postpartum and has been stable since.

Anyway, baby boy is 15 months old now and super happy and healthy. And I'm expecting baby 2 in mid January 27, making me 23w. I've seen an OB at the nearest women's clinic (risked out of being eligible for a midwife) and they want to schedule a repeat CS as they don't support vbac's. But they did say if the pregnancy continues to have a healthy progression they could refer me to a hospital that does support vbac's. These services happen to be offered at hospitals that are an hour or more away either direction, and we live in a rural area so wouldn't have much help along the way if there was an emergency.

I truly wanted to have a home birth for my first, and spent months mourning that experience. I'm curious if anyone has succeeded at having a home birth after struggling with hypertension, pre-e?

To my knowledge many women only have pre-e with their first, and it's much less likely to develop again with the second baby, especially with an overall history of good health, which gives me hope that I'm not completely crazy to consider "accidentally" giving birth at home. Feedback, experiences and advice welcome. Thanks for reading

My toddler is 15m old EBF and I got pregnant around 11m pp so I'm nearly 22w now. My milk supply decreased significantly week 5 of pregnancy right after I got the positive test. (I literally went down a cup size or more) And my son is still absolutely relentless with nursing. He absolutely will not give up the boob for nap time, or nighttime, and uses it for comfort sometimes throughout the day too, although he drinks a ton of cows milk now.

Anyway after my supply decreased his latch got crazy painful and one side specifically has gotten bit a couple of times but should be healed by now. It seems like just having his strong toddler latch is unbearable on that side and he stays latched and tugs it around as he's falling asleep even once she's done suckling. I feel like I may have gotten permanent nerve damage? Is that even possible? I don't want to force weaning with my toddler but I don't want to be in pain for my newborn either. I know I'll be producing more and don't want to resort to pumping if it's not necessary that sounds like absolute hell for nips at least from this standpoint.

Hi, so I had gestational hypertension with my first which turned into late onset pre-eclampsia. Delivered at 37w and luckily didn't have any BP issues postpartum, although I was kept on BP medication for a week or so. I never had high blood pressure outside of pregnancy, if anything it was on the low side of average. For comparison I had been working full time as a nanny, went part time @6months and stopped all together @ 7m pregnant. Then moved on nothing but a prayer and had a very challenging and stressful time as we had nowhere to live temporarily until we got into a trailer about two weeks after moving.

I'm 21w pregnant with baby 2 and I don't work, I stay at home with our baby (15m old now) and two dogs. Although my life is not nearly as stressful as it was during my first pregnancy, I feel like I'm constantly on my feet. If it's not cleaning/tidying up, it's cooking, if it's neither of those it's something my toddler or dogs need. My son is always getting into everything and there's rarely a moment when he's just chill. The only time I can relax is when he takes his one nap of the day, which now I sometimes take the opportunity to nap too, or doom scroll, or read. But he's still nursing and so attached to the boob that I can rarely sneak away.

Anyway I was reading online that exercise in daily life is supposed to reduce the likelihood of getting hypertension again. It should also theoretically help reduce the chances of getting gestational diabetes**. Is it** really necessary to add walks to what I'm already doing? It's also not like I never get out. But it's more likely to be a stroll through Walmart than outside cause it's been terribly hot where I live and it's not enjoyable or bearable to be outside at all. I meant to keep this short but I wanted to give context to my question, thanks for reading

I was speaking with my OB about delivery and he told me that their hospital doesn't support vbac's due to uterine rupture rates and said that if I'm a candidate for a vbac later in pregnancy that they would have to refer me to a provider for delivery, in one of the cities here, which happen to both be an hour away. It will be my first time attempting to labor naturally. How do people handle laboring at home knowing the hospital is so far away?

Hi, So for some context I needed an emergency CS to deliver my first at 37w as he had fetal growth restriction and was measuring at 2lbs. I had been struggling with gestational hypertension which turned into late onset pre-eclampsia and all my plans for a natural birth were thrown out within an instant. The Drs knew that a SC was a worst case scenario for me so they attempted to induce labor but mild contractions were causing babes heart rate to drop and it was too scary to continue laboring. So I had the SC while absolutely terrified for both our lives, but little guy came out just fine. He spent over 4 weeks in the NICU and was discharged close to his due date. Needless to say it was an extremely traumatic experience I would do anything not to repeat.

I had a low transverse incision and no complications healing from the wound itself, but I did suffer from a hemorrhage and needed three blood transfusions in a span of 36 hours. I think I passed out three times, maybe more.

Anyway this was all in May of last year, my baby boy is 15m old now and I found out I was pregnant again this past May, just weeks before his birthday. I'm 20w+6, due in mid January and have been thinking a lot about the risks of repeat SC versus planning to try for a Vbac. Also planning to start this discussion with my OB. I'm aware that my history with high blood pressure makes me need more frequent monitoring, but I would prefer a medication free birth if my health allows it. Does the short time between delivery of my first and becoming pregnant again affect my eligibility for a Vbac? Anyone with similar history have successful vbac stories?

(Update*) I finally got on the right line and got ahold of someone who could actually help me! My son and I are insured and the kind lady told me if I've already had any Dr visits I can tell them to bill my insurance! (No $990 ER bill for me!) And that I can see Drs, dentist and therapists and have them all bill soonercare 😭🥹 Thanks for the advice and support!

So I'm 19w pregnant, and haven't gotten medical care yet cause of the DHS website taking forever with my insurance application. It turned out that no one contacted me letting me know I needed to upload recent documents, so I did that as soon as I found that out. A couple weeks ago. I realize it can take up to 28 days for new documents to be reviewed but I was having trouble logging in, got completely locked out, I got help once but now my account is locked again. Giving me a number to call as my only option.

I had my WIC appt last week and mentioned that I need to set up an OB appt as soon as possible as I've not had any care yet, and have a history of high risk pregnancy. Someone on this sub mentioned that once my application goes through and I have coverage that soonercare will back pay for any appointments I've already had. When I asked the lady at the health department (where the WIC appt was) about backpays she said "well sometimes" and told me if I call the DHS helpline they can expedite my application if I let them know my situation and tell them I have an OB appt scheduled. She also mentioned it could take several hours of waiting on hold.

So now I have an OB appt scheduled for next Friday and I was on hold with the DHS helpline for over four hours yesterday, and was hung up on. I was on hold for around three hours this morning, and got hung up on again. I am also in need of some serious dental work which I hope to get done in the next five months while I'm still pregnant. All this waiting on hold and getting hung up on is very frustrating and making me feel very tempted to go into temporary medical debt so I can start receiving care and just have them bill the insurance later however long it takes to approve my documents.

Although I know OB care is essential I don't know if a dentist would accept a patent claiming to be "working on the insurance thing" and wait for payment. I'm so frustrated. Currently waiting on hold, but also ready to give up for now. Any advice?

Yes Mod I'm located in Oklahoma

Hi all, so I had late onset pre-e with my first. I wasn't getting traditional medical care I was seeing a midwife so hadn't had an ultrasound since 20w, at which point baby and I were completely healthy, I was still low risk, he was a good size etc. around 30w or so I knew I had developed high blood pressure but I didn't find out about the pre-e until 37w. They said it was late onset. But again that was my first official medical checkup in a while. At that point they needed to start the delivery process asap I ended up going into an emergency C-section within hours of showing up to the ER.

My baby was very very small (2lbs 11oz) and he spent 5 weeks in the NICU. I really don't want to repeat this experience with my next delivery, as I mentioned I had a midwife, and was planning to have a natural midwifery birth.

Anyway I'm pregnant again, it was unexpected, my first is only a year (14m). I stay at home with our dogs and toddler so I can't exactly be on bed rest and my blood pressure is already showing signs of creeping up even though I'm taking low dose aspirin this time, since 15w. I went into the ER a week ago cause I had a terrible headache and high BP (156/99) and woke up the next morning still aching and getting high BP reading. As soon as I arrived at the ER my BP was completely normal and remained stable while I was there. They ran labs on my blood and urine and everything came back great. The baby looked healthy on the ultrasound and was showing a strong heartbeat. But since then I have multiple BP readings within the range of hypertension.

Can I request getting on blood pressure medication without being diagnosed with pre-e? Would this help the health of my placenta or would it only make a difference for my physical health, not necessarily the placenta or baby? It really feel like there should be something I can do

So I have a one yr old (14m) who has only been breastfed or taken breast milk from bottles since he couldn't latch at birth. But he's a totally booby monster now. He relies on nursing for comfort, and always ALWAYS needs boobs to go to sleep be it naps or bedtime, and weaning feels like it would only be cruel and challenging. He won't even nap for dad or in the carseat he just wails if he's tired.

Currently 18w pregnant with the second. My supply dropped drastically at 5w right after I found out about the pregnancy (I literally went down a cup size) and my baby has since acted fussier, switching sides regularly, and acting hungry after nursing for a nap or overnight, wanting cow milk from a cup. Etc. although I can tell he's still getting some milk, I have no idea how much. The amount of time spent nursing has gone down, but it still seems impossible to wean completely

In the past week the nipple pain is so unbearable (he also bit me on one side) that I can feel my nipples anywhere at any time, loose shirt or not, just walking or laying around. ALWAYS. and nursing itself is only somewhat decent when he's completely asleep cause boy he's got a strong toddler latch 😮‍💨 babes also a chest sleeper and it's starting to get uncomfortable to sleep on my back all night just to keep him happy. I've woken up in the morning a few times with my tailbone hurting? Like there's no way a 17-18w baby is putting that much pressure on my bones. I'm trying to get him used to side lying but he's so temperamental, wiggly, switches to relatch so often, that feels like a lossing battle.

He's eating solids and drinking cow milk but it still feels like weaning isn't even within sight. What has worked for others in this situation? How do you manage the discomfort or set boundaries? Help

So I had a son around a year ago and due to his medical needs at birth I got help from a social worker at his hospital with securing soonercare. answered all the questions I would've had to fill out online, and by the end the rep goes "okay he's insured" and provided login info, and that was that.

I was able to use his account to then go on and apply for soonercare for myself, his mom, and I was approved pretty quickly. I hadn't reapplied in time and our insurance expired in the new year (26). I became pregnant again and found out in May. I re-applied using my previous account in June, stating the new pregnancy and the form said pending. I have since been looked out of the account and tried numerous times to get back in and finally called the helpline to access my account. While I had a rep on the phone I asked about the status of my application. she told me I would need to update my information, and possibly submit missing documents. And that due to pregnancy I would be instantly approved once the app is processed.

So I went through and made sure everything was correct and for some reason in my personal info I was listed as Not pregnant. Even tho I last submitted in June when I in fact changed my info to currently pregnant. So I updated it AGAIN to currently pregnant and submitted the form. It didn't say anything about missing documents or anything that I still need to submit. Am I supposed to just wait around to get pregnancy care until this form has processed? I'm 17w along and have not been seen by a care provider due to lack of insurance and I'm slightly fuming that my pregnancy wasn't processed when I applied months ago. I thought that pregnancy made me legally eligible. What am I supposed to do?

I've found myself suddenly very drawn to the name Willow. My husband wants to use Esther for a girl but I am not so sure. The biggest selling point for me is the possibility of Essie being a nickname but I don't think that alone is enough to fully convince me.

Anyway I'm curious what would pair with Willow as a first name. Willow Esther sounds kind of like a mouthful and doesn't flow as well as our son's name. I haven't made a big deal about Willow to my husband yet but it might be easier to sell him on if I have a cute pairing in mind.

I'm traveling and haven't been home w/ my husband for 10 days. I'm pregnant with our second and I get extra separation anxiety due to the high hormones. I'm 15w and starting to show just a little.

This morning I dreamt that I wasn't w/ my husband at all, he wasn't in my dream, but I needed to let a married man (who I went to hs w/) know that the baby I'm carrying was his. He is happily married and has twins close to my son's age irl. It almost seems like he was happy abt the news, and was keeping it quiet but might have been planning to leave his wife to be w/ me and father the child?

I was doing some type of project using recycled textiles (which is something I want to start a business doing irl) and I went outside one morning to find stacks of old jeans and clothes lying all over my porch, presumably left there by this guy, in show of support for my desire to create new things using old things. A random, but sweet anonymous act of support.

I also walked into my childhood kitchen at some point in the dream and saw my (late) father having a conversation with my oldest brother while making breakfast. I remember feeling a lot of joy in this dream and this was one of the moments of very strong joy. Finding the clothes outside also made me feel happy and seen.

I don't remember very much else but at one point the guys wife irl was doing something nearby while I was doing some work and she might have seemed suspicious, but not upset. Like she didn't know anything yet, nor had their marriage been left outwardly. But in that moment I had a mixture of excitedly sneaky, and very guilty vibes/feelings at the same time.

I found this dream very weird. I love my husband very much, we're soulmates. I do think maybe my subconscious desires more physical and emotional support during this second pregnancy and created a scenario where someone who is not struggling w/ their financial life swoops in to "save me". Either way I have a very grounded mindset about this season and these struggles being very temporary. I still wanted to know what the r/dream community thinks

So I'm (27) currently almost 15w pregnant with my second baby, my first is only 13m old and my husband and I have been struggling w/ finances a LOT. He is finally in a good enough job and about to be promoted, but we have still been struggling in the meantime. 

Anyway, my mom has always been disapproving of my relationship w/ my husband and has always looked down on me for choosing a man w/o a career path (married for love) and shames us both, mostly to me, but she has said some more than slightly rude things to him as well. She has compared him to my late father whom allowed her to financially rely on him so completely that she couldn't leave him even when she wanted to. (As if that relationship was something to admire)

My mom adores my son, and at times it feels like he is the reason she has continued to have a relationship w/ me after my husband and I moved away from home to a more affordable place to live. She helped us out financially and helped make it possible for us to leave the city, which we are grateful for.. but it feels wrong. It feels like she's been trying to buy my love and respect w/o respecting me or my husband or our life choices. She insists that her (demeaning and rude) perspective of my life is "factual" and gets angry w/ me if I try to explain my side or get defensive. She calls me entitled, whiny, ungrateful, bratty, a b*tch, a fake, a liar, an enabler to my husband, says that I'm using her for her money, and says so many other hurtful things I can't even repeat. She says she feels abused by me

She insists that I should be more grateful and I must be ungrateful bc of how we get along. I have tried really hard to explain to her that gratitude for what she has done is completely separate from my feelings of anger towards how she speaks to me and her overall regard for me and my husband. But in her perspective if I was grateful I wouldn't speak to her these ways (defending my character and my husband's). 

She has caused problems in my marriage and creates so much tension. Yet somehow, out of desperation to see my family and announce the new pregnancy in person, I asked her if she wanted to plan a trip back home w/ me, as she has recently been living in another state too, and my brother also has a baby similar to my son's age. 

We are currently on said trip, and our problems have only gotten worse. She uses personal information against me and things I've said in confidentiality to belittle me. We had a huge argument at the end of our 11+ hour drive and threatened to leave me and my son in the middle of nowhere at 11pm w/ no way of contacting anyone. When we arrived in town she said she was only booking a room for herself, knowing fully well I 1) still couldn't contact anyone, and 2) couldn't afford even the cheapest place to stay w/o dipping into money that was saved for our bills back home. She said I couldn't even sleep in her car and I said "fine" and told her that I would sleep on a park bench. To which she said I would be abusing my son, "that's child abuse" She later claimed that she was only making those threats to "shock/scare me" into being nicer to her. I have explained that respect is a two way street. 

Basically this is the last time I'll be seeing my mom for a while bc her plan is to leave the country and before she found out I was pregnant was saying she "didn't know when" she would come back. But when she found out I'm pregnant it seems like she changed her plan to return to the states around my babies due date bc she believes I will "need her help" which I don't want. She already told my family that's when she'll be back and I want to tell her not to come back but we still have to make the 11+ hour drive back to my home together and I don't think I can handle any more conflict. 

On top of everything she knows I've quit smoking weed for my pregnancy and smokes in front of me every single day that we've traveled together, completely not even attempting to keep the smoke away from me. She says she feels "sorry for me" that I "can't have any" even though SHE is the biggest source of my current stress. A quick conversation between ai told me that this is a situation to try to remove myself from as quickly as possible. I have no way to remove myself w/o her help and she lords it over me that I "need her" and can't do anything but what she is willing to help me w/. I just feel so emotionally and physically drained and just wrecked in so many ways. Is this abuse?

For context I moved to another state with my husband in April of last year before having our son in late May, as our home state where our families and friends live has a very high cost of living and we knew we wouldn't be able to reasonably afford to start a family in the current circumstances.

Anyway, I (27) got together with my husband (26) abruptly in early 2024, as we had already known each other from dating when we were 18 & 19. We both really needed each other and dropped everything to move in together. Due to my mom not knowing my now husband prior to us moving in together, and some of what he had been through, my mom had huge prejudices against him and did not believe our relationship would last. Anyway there's a lot of complicated bs that went down and when we got pregnant with our son and decided to get married we decided not to invite my mom to our wedding as she had shown nothing but disapproval of our relationship.

I have since made up with my mom and she has helped us financially over time as she had the means to and felt very strongly about our lives improving for our son. So I've tried really hard to have a decent although shallow relationship with her. Not because of the financial help, but also because it means the world to her to have a relationship with my son. So I've been trying to be the bigger person even when she's extremely rude to both me and my husband. She has said some awful things about my husband and she genuinely means them. She believes he's narcissistic and has compared him to her awful father who was -emotionally, physically, s3xually- abusive and hated/hates children which in of itself should be reason enough to cut her off completely, go no contact and keep her away from my son. Bc she genuinely means it even though she barely knows my husband, and doesn't show any remorse for talking sh|t about the person I love and am devoted to. .

So I am pregnant again, and for some dumb reason planned a trip with her back to my hometown as she claims to be leaving the country as soon as the summer is over. We drove from where I live with my husband over 11 hours for this trip and we barely spent any time NOT arguing. She feels like I'm so disrespectful and ungrateful bc I stand up for myself and my husband when she talks bs about us, and has literally been gaslighting and yelling at me anytime I try to correct the way she took what I say as "slamming her" if I even attempt to defend myself she will literally YELL over me and won't stop until I stop talking. With my son in the car/room mind you.

For some reason I was so hopeful and optimistic that we would have a good time traveling together and even did everything I could to I could to pull off going camping in her favorite spot together on our way to see family. But she has repeatedly told me that I'm "ruining it" and "yelling over my son's head" and many other hurtful things just to get me to shut up. She believes that I'm only nice and try to make up w/ her bc I want her to keep paying for stuff. And that's so hurtful too, cause I have money but I'm trying to be responsible and I always need to save what I have for bills back home. Truthfully I wouldn't be able to afford this trip but she willingly planned it with me knowing I'm broke. She's calling me two faced, and then acting like she wants to be generous while also believing that I'm "using her for her money" in the back of her mind. She says she's "glad my voice is getting stronger" as I've always been a quiet person while also telling me that I'm "abusing her", "draining her energy", "acting just like her family" (who were all abusing and shallow) when I try to explain or stand up for myself. It feels so hypocritical. Yesterday she told me that she doesn't listen to me (the context was directions during a drive) bc she's "always been independent" (even tho she relied on my dad my whole life) but when I tried to tell her the same thing as my reason why I was literally planning to follow a recipe instead of using the ingredients she wanted me to use (soft bread instead of sourdough for FINGER SANDWICHES) for the family potluck today I was yelled at until I stopped speaking. So much for wanting my voice to grow.

I don't even feel happy enough to be excited to announce the pregnancy to my family. I feel like I should just crawl under a rock and give up. Anyway rant over. I feel so sorry my baby has had to hear this abuse too.

(Edit) She was wrong about the direction she was driving and I was right but she "just wanted to see" if she could find the way to the hotel w/o looking at the map. I wasn't even looking at the map and knew she was wrong and I was right but I can't speak or I'm abusive.

Etid pt 2) I was trying to keep the pregnancy a secret from her but the Dr called her phone and outed me, and she accused me of lying and had no idea what my intentions would be for keeping that kind of information from her. My reasoning? Bc I knew it wouldn't change how she treats me and only raise concerns. Not to mention she believes I will "need her" when baby #2 arrives 🫠

Considering if we have a girl we might name her Iris. My biggest hang up is not knowing what her nickname or middle name would be. Some options for middle names are.

Iris Alessandra or Iris Miera

If you're named Iris or you have an Iris what's some nicknames you use or have?

So this was a strange and vivid dream, the majority of the time I was trying to find somewhere to use wifi to contact my ex friend, it seems like we traveled to a different city together and made plans for the night but he went to a bar (seems like to pregame) and I went wandering around near our hotel which was a highrise, to explore bit but felt like it was important to keep in touch with him so I kept searching for wifi I could use.

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The first place I went into was another hotel, short and basic in comparison to the one I was staying at, and I went up to the second floor which was crowded with people who were all wearing navy blue uniforms. It seems like they could've been military uniforms and they were all kind of just in the hallway talking. I was making my way through the crowd of people and noticed some of the men were like a whole foot taller than everyone else. And a staff member with a housekeeping cart looked at me with excitement in her eyes as if I was a friend to share secrets with and told me "none of the people who stay at this hotel are real"

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I did a double take back over my shoulder at the men who stood taller than everyone else, lucky it seemed like no one noticed me but the maid, and I decided I had better get out of there. I continued down the hallway and found a side exit by the pool, which was large and completely empty. Even the pool room itself was not as well lit as where everyone was gathered and talking. Once I was outside I made my way down a single flight of stairs and found the street and tried to pretend like nothing happened.

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As I was walking down the street back towards where I came from there was a kid outside a toy store with around 50 different stuffed animals that were all elephants and giraffes in different colors, poses, and sizes. The owner of the toy store was outside a few paces away, he was a decently tall man with a friendly disposition, maybe in his 50's/60's with salt and pepper grays in his brown hair, and I walked right up to him and gave him a big hug. He asked "do I know you?" And I said I had been here before, referring to his store. That seemed to have been enough explanation for my behavior and we had a short conversation before I kept on down the street.

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The area was on a corner without a through street as if this hotel and toy store etc was part of a mini mall. (Exept I don't think there was a parking lot in the center it seems like it could've been a park something) I turned the corner to head back towards where I had entered the mini mall from and decided to stop outside of a sandwich shop on the corner to eat and use their wifi. I ran into someone I knew from highschool in a small crowd outside the sandwich shop and asked if he had seen my friend, he said no and that was the end of our interaction.

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As I was ordering I had a moment of panic feeling like I didn't have my wallet, keys and phone, but I found my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans, and it turned out that I still had my phone too. (Maybe it was just the key to my hotel I was missing cause I still didn't understand why I didn't just go back to my room?) So I must have ordered and sat down at their outdoor seating to use the Wi-Fi while I waited for my sandwich. No matter what I did I couldn't get ahold of my friend, and I don't remember anything else

I had a dream that started in a large white sterile building, similar to airports I've been to, I couldn't say which it was most similar to bc there were no noteable details, it was essentially completely empty aside from people waiting in lines and crowds walking around. I was with a girl (I'll call her Jean) who I had gone on church trips with in highschool. It was very strange because Jean and I had everything we needed and got on a big elevator located at the center of the building (it seemed huge but don't know what to compare it to cause the walls were very undefined and almost nonexistent, it just kind of a big square platform to stand on) as if it was taking us where we were going rather than a plane. There were other people I didn't recognize with us, also with various luggage, and the elevator went up. 

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It seems like the elevator went a very long way up, it almost seems like we saw some different levels we were passing and may have passed through spaces that were just pure blue, possibly various shades, as we got higher. 👀 and when we reached where we were going, I have no memory of exiting the elevator but we must have, And it reminded me of a trip to Thailand I had gone on with Jean. It's strange I remember thinking it was just like this trip while I was still dreaming. irl we had visited an elephant sanctuary and it seems like that was where this dream trip started out, on a deck exactly like one we had actually been on, with an elephant reaching out to grab snacks from us and it was such a joyous moment. But it passed quickly and it seems like there was other things that happened that I don't remember. And at some point Jean and I were sitting at a table eating almost like we were back in an airport, but there were no surroundings.. and then there was another detail that reminded me of the exact trip in my past as well. 

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There had been a massive flood in Thailand while I was there that caused a lot of damage, and during the rain I had walked through water that was higher than my ankles, it came up around my lower mid calf area. and the next part of my dream that I can actually remember I was wading through water of the exact same depth, but below my feet was blurry ocean shade blue? And I have no memory of other surroundings it almost seems like it was a large sky shades of blue, as just an expanse of nothing. And I don't remember anyone else being there. But it seems like I wasn't necessarily alone even though I can't remember who I was with and it seems like there was an element of danger. I had another moment of feeling like this was just like my visit to Thailand. Anyway, at some point after that I was back with Jean and we were back on the elevator headed back down to where the dream started. When I reached what I assume to be the main level, or the airport space, there were still crowds of people and I woke up. 

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After being awake for several hours, replaying in my mind what I could actually put to words, and analyzing all this mentally I realized something that requires me to give more context. 

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My best friend (Gabriella) passed away suddenly when I was 18 (2018), I had gone to Thailand when I was 16 (early 2017 {my bday is July so I'm only the same nunber as the year for the second half of the year}) and my best friend had gone to Thailand on the same church trip a couple years before so like maybe 2014or15 when I was too young to go. But it was her favorite place on earth after that, she always talked about it and her love for Thailand played a large part in my desire to go myself, and was so bummed that she couldn't go the year that I finally could. I realized maybe Gabriella had disguised herself as Jean (to reduce shock value) and brought me to heaven to experience what her version of heaven is like and of course it would be Thailand. I wept at this realization. This was such a mystical and mysterious dream it just kind of all clicked together when I realized that could have been the case and I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for what I had just experienced. Lmk what y'all think.

So I had a long dream but the ending is the part I wanted to share. The only bit that's semi important about what happened before the ending bit is that I needed to make money for rent and went to babysit a girl I used to nanny for but she was living in my childhood home, and her friend was there who introduced herself and I couldn't understand her when she said her first name but her middle name was Oscar-Myer. And I drove __ Oscar-Myer to school.

I don't remember the drive to school but I remember driving back to my house which seemed like it was only a few blocks away going south down a road near my childhood home, and when I turned left to go down my new street the whole dream turned from realism into like a Simpsons cartoon in order to pull off what was about to happen. I was driving down what started out as a city street with tall buildings but before my eyes it was transforming (like it was seamlessly supposed to do this) into a pedestrian street with lawns and driveways. And part of the city became hidden underneath the road I was now driving on. The house I was pulling up to, clearly where my husband and I live, was an open kitchen restaurant so you could see us while we prepared food and were running a burger joint out of the front of our house. The whole area was done transforming by the time I pulled into the driveway and as mesmerizing as it was I had no qualms with the fact that the whole city just turned into a neighborhood. I pulled up my phone which I saw in realism again and my bank account now read $1,111 apparently from the job I did driving _ OM to school that morning I had to do a double take but the number was still there.

The dream ended but what's even weirder is that as I was driving I was thinking about how to describe what I was seeing, my mind was like "this is like a mix between Simpsons animation and Futurama" and then it was all about absorbing the visuals of everything changing before my eyes. Has anything like this happened to anyone else?

So the matrix came out the same year I was born, just watched the entire series for the first time with my husband over the last three days and I can't help but wonder if Trinity is the coolest idea I've ever heard for a girls middle name?

We are Christian so there's that neat connection as well, and I'm not sure if that was intentional in the movie but it makes this idea that much more appealing. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but I kind of love this idea? We love the name Iris for a girl and it's one of the only names we both fully agree on so she would be Iris Trinity. Is that pretty or am I crazy?

I had a dream where some people from my highschool were meeting in a secret backroom above like some kind of warehouse or furniture store type thing. Seemed like it was just a cool secret hang out spot that we used to vibe after hours and it seemed like some ppl also used it as a hookup spot but that's not what I remember being there for. Picture like a very laid back low lit vibe, white room white walls, couches, bean bags, possibly smoke in the air.

It seems like I had made plans to hang w/ someone who I know for sure had a crush on me back in freshman year and I must have stood him up for some reason I wasn't able to make it out that night. I ended up looking at my phone and seeing texts from this person each getting increasingly emotional, saying stuff like

"I just really needed you, I needed someone to talk to I thought you knew that"

And I scrolled and saw that there were like four or five messages with similar emotional tone. I felt a huge amount of guilt and immediately regretted not being able to be there for him and at that point my now husband (who I didn't know in school, didn't meet until around a year after graduating) showed up over my shoulder and started asking if those were messages from my ex and I was like omg no and the dream seems like it ended there.

For context both I and this person I missed messages from are both married with kids and haven't spoken since graduating eight years ago. But for some reason the weight of the messages and how I felt reading them and since then has made me feel so guilty for how immature I was back then and almost made me feel like reaching out just to see how he's doing. Is that a terrible idea? I feel kinda dumb for even asking but I asked Google and Ai said there could be conversations that never got to happen, or something unresolved about the way the relationship ended. We were friends and he actually ended up married to a girl from our high school. I wouldn't want to bring up any hard feelings since she probably knew he liked me at one point but I still don't know. What would y'all do?