u/Critical-Newt

(Pork dumplings and chili oil cucumbers from my local dim sum place)

Boyfriend (30) and I (27) met around two years ago while I was working a summer internship in his city. At the end of the summer, I went back to law school several states away. We kept in touch, and we pretty quickly decided to become a long distance couple with the understanding that we could do everything to close the distance once I graduated law school.

Well, about a year ago I started applying for post law school jobs, and I asked him where I should be applying so that we could live together. All throughout law school, I assumed that I would move to his city and we would start the next chapter of our relationship there. To my surprise, he told me that I NEED to be applying to jobs in New York City. Neither of us live nor have ever lived in NYC. But he insisted that pursuing a career in NYC finance has always been his lifelong dream, and he suddenly wants to fulfill that dream now.

At first I protested, pointing out that the New York legal and finance markets are some of the hardest in the world to break into, and we would both be living very far away from our families. But he was insistent that in order to be together, I need to support his dream of making it in NYC. So I started sending out applications and to my surprise, I was able to land a dream job within a couple of months. It’s well paying with great hours and it’s in a niche field of law that I’ve always wanted to work in. I’m now diligently studying for the New York bar, and I’m set to begin work in September. Even though I never envisioned myself working in New York, I’m super excited and my friends and family are very supportive.

The problem is my boyfriend. We initially has the New York conversation last July, I began applying in earnest in September, and I landed my job in November. All the while, he created excuses as to why he couldn’t start applying to jobs yet. Finally in April he began applying. Since April, he’s applied to around 50 jobs but he hasn’t gotten a single interview. Thus far, he’s vehemently refused any feedback on his resume or any other advice from me. He’s insistent that “it’s just a slow market” and that he should be flooded with offers any day now. He says that he’s carefully crafted a perfect resume, and that he knows everything that there is to know about landing a New York finance job. While I know that the job market is shit and I’m sympathetic, I also don’t think he’s doing himself any favors by refusing all feedback.

His lack of interviews hasn’t stopped him from going full steam ahead on his NYC dreams though! He went ahead and cancelled his lease. So if he doesn’t get a job by the end of this month, then he’s going to be effectively homeless. He’s also canceled his gym membership and told all of his family that he’s moving at the end of this summer. And every day he sends me listings for every the upper east side apartments that he’s “seriously” considering.

He’s making my head spin because (to me) it’s a clear case of putting the cart before the horse. He’s planning an entire life in another state despite not even having an interview lined up. I’ve started to put my foot down and tell him that he needs to change his tactics and take this job hunt more seriously. But every time I say something, he starts pouting about how I don’t believe in him and that I’m being unsupportive. He’s insistent that he will have a six figure NYC finance job by the end of the summer despite all of the evidence to the contrary. He says that failure isn’t an option because this is his biggest dream and he’s “manifesting” it.

While I’m happy that my career is on the up and up, I’m just pissed off that his career aspirations literally might jeopardize our relationship. We were supposed to stop long distance and enter into a new phase of our relationship. Now I’m moving across the country all by myself and we’re continuing long distance until he magically manifests a job out of thin air.

Boyfriend has been working in finance in a major city for almost a decade now. However, he’s desperately trying to break into the New York finance scene. He’s been applying since April with zero interviews. Any advice helps!!