u/CuelessCurses

My friend abandoned me no contact around two weeks ago now. I've had an attempt recently, it's not getting better, I'm completely alone no one to talk to I'm forced to go to work, go home and ruminate on my situation. It's just a joke, I don't know how much time I have left, it hurts and no one's there to help. I have no one to lean on, they were my only pillar in life, made it feel like life was worth living and now it's over, discarded like a rag with no one caring if I lived or died.

So we've known each other for a year now, grown really close, used to go out almost every single week, or multiple times a week. We went out together to an event around two weeks ago, they got very drunk one night and I had to bring them home. Everything was fine, I stayed for an hour to make sure everything was okay, then next few days nothing, silence I thought something happened so I contacted on various socials and called a few times, nothing. I thought something happened. Then I just realized I was kicked to the curb again. They were my first friend in around five years. Had a lot in common, slept over a few times, had this stupid little ritual where we'd hold hands while watching something together.

I'm just completely torn up right now because they were my only pillar holding back my mental health from spiraling and now that's gone out of the window. While I was always supportive it seems like I just outlived my usefulness for whatever god forsaken reason. My life has turned nightmarish in the past two weeks and I've turned into a danger to myself.

I just got dropped four or so days ago, we had a small chat about me getting a new job and she just stopped replying. We've been friends for a year and around two months ago we got really close. We've been going out at least once a week to get drinks for two months or so.

This isn't an isolated incident, it feels like every time I get to know someone they just leave without much of a reason. I suffer from several mental illnesses that make socializing hard and this was my first friendship in 5 years. I asked her if something happened on multiple socials, to no avail. We even went out for a concert a week ago and suddenly I'm just a persona non grata. I'm thinking of just writing a physical letter and dropping it off in her mailbox to get some closure on my end, but probably won't as it feels like overstepping. I'll wait a few more days to see if I'll get any response, but that's about it.

Sorry for a barebones post because I don't have much to work with. This is more of a vent than anything else.

I had an attempt after pretty much over a decade without harming, no scars anymore, and just completely broke down because I got abandoned a few days ago and tried to kms.

Anyway it's a deep cut, but looks nothing out of the ordinary, I've had similar injuries because I'm clumsy(stabbed my hand a few months ago lol, didn't heal up well) Do I just attempt to properly let it heal or let it grow into a painful reminder? It's around my leg so the friction is probably going to be painful as shit if I don't properly watch out for it. I hate the pain, but it might help keep me focused and keep me away from doing it again, for a while.

Please delete/tell me to delete this post if it's somehow violating the enabling rule

So I used to be on benzos during my high school days, lost access to a psych and had to quit cold turkey. And the withdrawal wasn't that bad.

Now I started going to a psych a year ago and I'm quitting again by tapering, what are some of the expected side effects. I'm already feeling ill, suicidal, no apetite and my insomnia is back(took ages to fall asleep/barely slept for 6 hours compared to a steady 8-10 before). From what I understand I'm on the worse end of the spectrum when it comes to the withdrawal symptoms. How long do these usually last, from what I looked up it lasts around 2-3 months?

I originally started taking them for depression and suicidal thoughts, but it didn't work as well as I hoped and I still had both while on the meds, just number and less prone to emotional outbursts.

Currently the main issue is the suicidal thoughts which are ramping up due to recent events that happened in my life. This was something out of my control and I'm not sure what to do about it besides keeping myself occupied every single moment that I'm awake as I have in the past few days which is honestly burning me out and overstimulating me.

As the title says, I'm already in therapy but my next appointment is in a week and my life has spiraled enough for it to to hell at a moments notice. I also doubt that the meeting with my psych will go well other than treading the same talking points we've done for the last few years. I don't feel like I have much time left it's killing me inside and I have no one to talk to.

If anyone knows anything that might help please comment below I would be very thankful