u/Cvxbro

I'm an Iraqi 19 y/o girl and I'm in a ldr with a russian girl and i love her sm, but the problem is that my mom is very suspicious of my relationship with her. they know that I'm talking to her because they heard me speak in english with her on the phone once and have been asking too many questions about her ever since.

for example my dad once asked me if I've ever sent her any pics in a "you better have not" way and I, of course, lied and said that I've never. my mom keeps making it clear that she's suspicious of her, and it happened on many instances but today she was scolding me abt isolating myself in my room all the time "especially because I'm showing signs of depression" and she said "you're up in your room all day talking to a foreign girl that is planting god knows what ideas in your head! we don't know her religion, her beliefs, personality, SEXUALITY" and she put sm focus on sexuality that it gave me chills..

i could tell she's itching to go through my phone and while deleting all my conversations with my gf would be the obvious solution, i want to take more drastic measures to protect myself and stop their suspension..any ideas?

مقارنة بقسم التربية مال اللغه الانجليزية يعني

like very long distance..west asia and eurasia kind of distance..

i'm interested to hear if any of u had a similar experience.

.

للأسف اني مأجلة دور ثاني 3 مواد ف يعني عقد العبودية تمدد 😞 بس سولفولنا انتوا شراح تسوون كلش مهتمه اعرف 3:

مخططه التقي بيوم امتحان الانكليزي بصديقه الكترونية بالصدفة طلع مركزنا الامتحاني بنفس الجامعه ف حاطه ببالي البس قميص جوزي وتنورة سودة واكيد اخلي مكياج مو اوفر بس شو سمعت يحاسبون, عاد صدك لو لا؟

هسه اهلي جابولياهن والصراحه كلش عجبني اثنينهن صايرات ورقه وحده مال عربي بيها كل القواعد والفيزيا حاطلك كل القوانين وشوكت تستخدمهن. الصراحه عجبتني شويه اكثر من مال كيميا بس مال كيميا نوع الورق مالتها احسن

وهم شنو الي خلاكم تختارون او تصيرون وحيدين؟

i'm a west asian 18f and i've been certain i'm not normal ever since i was young, here are stuff i do:

1. I have very fast changing mood swings one moment i feel like i'm on top of the world then i feel like i want to die already in the other.
2. my feelings about someone shift so much depending on their latest action towards me. i can withdraw myself completely from someone i consider my bestfriend just because they looked at me wrong, and then i'd go back to normal if they approach me nicely again.
3. i don't have a clear idea of myself in my head, the way i think about myself mostly depends on how others think about me.
4. i have a very hard time paying attention in class, and i haven't done a single homework or studied when i had to in 7 years.
5. i'm always moving/fidgeting whether it's shaking my legs when i sit or fidget with whatever is near me.
6. i keep going back and forth between binge eating and anaroxia not for body image issues but simply out of boredom.
7. i have a chronic sense of guilt and shame that never really stops.
8. i feel like a horrible person, a demon to walk the earth and i feel like everyone who likes me is being decieved because i unconsiously manipulated them, and when i'm being genuinly kind i feel like i'm manipulating myself.
9. i overthink SEVERLY to the point where i started growing white hair a lot. i usually overthink my actions, if i was cringe, if i'm a bad person or if everyone around me hates me and wants to harm me/talking about me behind my back. and i also obsess over mistakes or embarrassing things i've done in the past.
10. i'm horrible with friendships and rarely any lasts, they usually end horribly.
11. even though i overthink a lot, I do tend to do and say things without thinking first.
12. i have severe black and white thinking.
13. avoid eye contact.
14. walk in a very, very weird way and always bump into things like walls etc.
15. I end relationships that are considered close out of the blue if i think that they're harming me mentally more than benefiting me.
16. when I was little i used to draw the exact same drawing for long periods of time until i find another one to replace it, I remember clearly that the only way I played with toys was by categorizing them in a row against the wall by color, and I heard stories about me from my mom that I used to throw huge fits if my clothes "felt wrong", though I don't experience any sensory issues now.
17. i spend the majority if my day listening to songs and walking in circles in my room for hours while imagining scenarios from different world i developed in my head while going through the rest of my day.

I'm 18f and i've been struggling generally with friendships my whole life. it's either they wrong me or i wrong them or we just stop talking for no reason and no friendship ever lasts. the only lasting friend that i have had for years now is my cousin and i don't think that it counts because we're related. my other longest friendship i cut off randomly with no explanation whatsoever after a last straw that i realized that the effort i was putting in being a good friend to her was much bigger than the effort she was putting and it made me feel stupid, she also did a lot of things that hurt me and I talked to her about it multiple times but she never bothered to change (tho i really fucking miss her and recently unblocked her but we didn't talk).

many of my friends tell me that i sound cold in texts even though i don't mean to, I also tend to overshare A LOT. and I also gossip about people who are not my friends (but if two people know one another i never tell them gossip about eachother) BUT recently i had a huge fight with one of my friends because she was talking shit about a deaf girl that we used to be friends with, said girl asked me if my friend and another was talking shit about her and made me promise to tell the truth and I told her yes because i pitied her, i made her promise not to confront them and she did (bitch lied. she went and told my friend everything). i tried to deny it at first when confronted because i'm a fucking coward (i'm still embarrassed) but eventually i went to her and told her everything and deeply apologized but she harshly rejected it and blocked me. i didn't get upset because i understood her anger but i was so fucking pissed off at the deaf girl because not only did she betray me after begging me to say the truth and guilt tripping me with her disability but she also painted me as the bad guy to my friend and kept lying to me to the very end.

another one of my negativities is that if i had two friends and on of them did me wrong in a way, I'd keep ranting about said wrong doing to the other. it's not really talking shit but i'd keep talking about how horrible they were for doing it, and it lead to a friendgroup breakup once.

another negativity is that my feelings completely switch up on a person the moment they hurt me even a little. i'd stop talking to them and completely withdraw myself until they approach me nicely again and then i'd return to normal. meaning that my feelings about someone usually depend on their most recent action even if they were close to me.

the reason i'm posting this because yesterday my friend told me that our shared friend (my online bsf and kinda his gf idk, i met him through her) told him that she doesn't trust me enough to tell me things about her even though i tell her every single detail abt myself. her reasoning was that that she feared i would shame her for them later and that she saw me telling her stuff about people that she does not know and would never meet in her life. i asked her abt it and she said "eh, that's true.'' i told her ''but i've never shamed my friends with information they trusted me with? and even then if that was my intentions for u then i wouldn't be telling u every single thing abt myself'' she said ''but u told me stuff about your ex friends that were supposed to be secrets.'' i asked her to give me an example and she left me on read. our shared friend then kindly confirmed that i am indeed not friendship material and that i shouldn't be sad and just work on it. he told me that i can sometimes sound aggressive and sound like i'm pulling info out of someone. but i can't help but be upset because i genuinly love and trusted my online bsf and realizing that the feeling wan not fully mutual made me feel horrible.

am i like, awful?

I'm 18f and i've been struggling generally with friendships my whole life. it's either they wrong me or i wrong them or we just stop talking for no reason and no friendship ever lasts. the only lasting friend that i have had for years now is my cousin and i don't think that it counts because we're related. my other longest friendship i cut off randomly with no explanation whatsoever because i realized that the effort i was putting in being a good friend to her was much bigger than the effort she was putting and it made me feel stupid (tho i really fucking miss her and recently unblocked her but we didn't talk).

many of my friends tell me that i sound cold in texts even though i don't mean to, I also tend to overshare A LOT and that includes gossip about other people (but if two people know one another i never tell them gossip about eachother) BUT recently i had a huge fight with one of my friends because she was talking shit about a deaf girl that we used to be friends with, said girl asked me if my friend and another was talking shit about her and made me promise to tell the truth and I told her yes because i pitied her, i made her promise not to confront them and she did (bitch lied. she went and told my friend everything). i tried to deny it at first when confronted because i'm a fucking coward (i'm still embarrassed) but eventually i went to her and told her everything and deeply apologized but she harshly rejected it and blocked me. i didn't get upset because i understood her anger but i was so fucking pissed off at the deaf girl because not only did she betray me after begging me to say the truth and guilt tripping me with her disability but she also painted me as the bad guy to my friend and kept lying to me to the very end.

another one of my negativities is that if i had two friends and on of them did me wrong in a way, I'd keep ranting about said wrong doing to the other. it's not really talking shit but i'd keep talking about how horrible they were for doing it, and it lead to a friendgroup breakup once.

another negativity is that i completely switch up on a person the moment they hurt me even a little. i'd stop talking to them and completely withdraw myself until they approach me nicely again and then i'd return to normal. meaning that my feelings about someone usually depend on their most recent action even if they were close to me. the reason i'm posting this because yesterday my friend told me that our shared friend (my online bsf and kinda his gf idk) told him that she doesn't trust me to tell me things about her even though i tell her every single detail abt myself. her reasoning was that that she feared i would shame her for them later and that she saw me telling her stuff about people that she does not know and would never meet in her life. i asked her abt it and she said "eh, that's true.'' i told her ''but i've never shamed my friends with information they trusted me with? and even then if that was my intentions for u then i wouldn't be telling u every single thing abt myself'' she said ''but u told me stuff about your ex friends that were supposed to be secrets.'' i asked her to give me an example and she left me on read. our shared friend then kindly confirmed that i am indeed not friendship material and that i shouldn't be sad and just work on it. he told me that i can sometimes sound aggressive and sound like i'm pulling info out of someone. but i can't help but be upset because i genuinly loves and trusted my online bsf and realizing that the feeling wan not fullu mutual made me feel horrible.

am i like, awful?

اذا عندها شنو الشروط ولأي تخصصات