u/Daisyfairy26

I decided to go no-contact two weeks ago. I know it's for my own good and I won't ever go back to him but this weekend felt pretty lonely, how I have no idea how he is doing (he is still trying to convince my family so I suppose okay) but just the big and small things we used to share about each other's day. I ended things pretty much all of a sudden in a sense that he wasn't expecting it, neither was I cause I never thought i would have the courage to walk away and my family practically forced me (which I am glad) but it's hard.

I decided to go no-contact two weeks ago. I know it's for my own good and I won't ever go back to him but this weekend felt pretty lonely, how I have no idea how he is doing (he is still trying to convince my family so I suppose okay) but just the big and small things we used to share about each other's day. I ended things pretty much all of a sudden in a sense that he wasn't expecting it, neither was I cause I never thought i would have the courage to walk away and my family practically forced me (which I am glad) but it's hard.

I decided to go no-contact two weeks ago. I know it's for my own good and I won't ever go back to him but this weekend felt pretty lonely, how I have no idea how he is doing (he is still trying to convince my family so I suppose okay) but just the big and small things we used to share about each other's day. I ended things pretty much all of a sudden in a sense that he wasn't expecting it, neither was I cause I never thought i would have the courage to walk away and my family practically forced me (which I am glad) but it's hard.

During my engagement, I know I was emotionally abused, but sometimes I begin doubting myself that I am making a mistake by leaving him, it was just miscommunications and he is a genuinely good person. He is still trying to convince me and my family that he is sorry, he will respect all my boundaries/conditions and will keep me happy. Somewhere I also have this fear of how I will find someone else, especially that I have a broken engagement now and there is a big stigma around your past in Pakistan. These were the major issues that came up:

My fiance used to joke about my appearance despite telling him a few times I don't like this. He would say that he is doing this so that I can get over my insecurities and relationships are supposed to be fun, etc. He would also point out other beautiful girls. The funny thing is he felt hurt when I had a crush on Zohran Mumdani.

Initially his stance was he won't force me to have kids during my PhD. Then he brought up that he and his family have decided that there is no point in marrying if we don't have kids immediately. I agreed in the moment (he would get upset/threaten to leave every time I didn't agree with something). Now that I ended things, he is saying that he is an understanding person who would never force me and would compromise.

He once said that he would leave if I didn't bleed the first night. I tried explaining that it's a cultural myth and there is no religious/scientific basis. He started doubting me, so I closed the discussion, but I was anxious about what if I don't bleed? Side note: He would become an expert in issues that concerned his body by reading scientific literature.

I am pretty sure we initially agreed that all my money would go towards travelling. His pov now is that we will mutually decide, and it should also go towards saving. On the other hand, household chores would be my responsibility, but he says he is a good guy and will do chores if he feels I need help.

He was perfect the first 3.5 months; the next 1.5 months were extremely hard. This was followed by 2 amazing months, but I spent the last month again crying. It wasn't as bad as the first down. But I think the reason it's so confusing is that he is everything I ever asked for during those good months.

He started this joke that he will leave me if he finds a better girl. Once, I joked back that if he is this bothered, he can find one. He hung up the call midway, stating that if he told me once yesterday that he doesn't like when I make this joke, then why did I do it again?

On our first Eid together, he ghosted me for 3 days. When I asked why, he had justifications that he was busy, forgot his mobile home, etc., but then also backed down that "you didn't try enough and could have put more effort" !?

On the chand raat of next eid, he forced me to delete screenshots of our calls for no apparent reason. I got hurt and mentioned that i think he should be sorry. It backfired to me that why I asked him to apologise when I should be the one to say sorry because I got angry. And the morning of eid, he mentioned how he is doing a favour for forgiving my behaviour and not spoiling my day

He would kinda force me to let him read my chats and my diary; otherwise, he would start doubting me that I am hiding something, but I wasn't allowed to read his. And he would get upset based on chats from 2021.

During his down phase, I used to hear "no, everything is good and there is nothing wrong", "I did something wrong, but he doesn't remember what it is" or "I made such a big mistake that he can't even tell and it's on me to figure out what I did wrong" depending on the week.

When I read everything I write, I start judging myself for thinking our relationship was normal. But then, I also think that everyone makes mistakes, I am also not perfect, so I should also forgive him if he is willing to put in the effort. He also sent me flowers last week for the first time, with a note that he is genuinely sorry. But I want brutally honest feedback so that I don't fall back in his manipulations again.

I was engaged for 8 months, and these were the issues that came up. I know I was emotionally abused, but sometimes I begin doubting myself that I am making a mistake by leaving him; it was just miscommunications; he is a genuine person, and I am just exaggerating things. He is still trying to contact me and my family that is sorry for everything; he will agree to all my conditions and will keep me happy.

• He used to joke about my appearance despite telling him multiple times I don't like this. He would say that he is doing this so that I can get over my insecurities and relationships are supposed to be fun, etc. He also used to point out other girls' b**bs. The funny thing is he felt hurt when I had a crush on Zohran Mumdani
• Initially his stance was he won't force me to have kids during my PhD. Then a few days ago, he brought up that he and his family have decided that there is no point in marrying if we don't have kids immediately. I agreed in the moment (he would get upset/threaten to leave every time I didn't agree with something). Now that I ended things, he brought up how it was just a miscommunication; he is an understanding person who would never force me and would compromise if he could see that a PhD and kid are not manageable together.
• He said that he would leave if I didn't bleed the first night. I tried explaining that it's a cultural myth and there is no religious/scientific basis. He started doubting me, so I closed the discussion, but I was anxious about what if I don't bleed? Side note: He would become an expert in issues that concerned his body by reading scientific literature.
• I am pretty sure we initially agreed that all my money would go towards travelling. His pov now is that we will mutually decide, and it should also go towards saving. On the other hand, household chores would be my responsibility, but he says he is a good guy and will do chores if he feels I need help.
• He was perfect the first 3.5 months; the next 1.5 months were extremely hard. This was followed by 2 amazing months, but I spent the last month again crying. It wasn't as bad as the first down. But I think the reason it's so confusing is that he is everything I ever asked for during those good months. And no one can be consistent.
• He forced me to delete some of the screenshots I used to take during our calls for no apparent reason. In another incident, he told me that he deleted our pictures without sending them to me. I was really hurt cause these were our first pictures together. But now, after I broke up, he sent me screenshots showing that he still has those pictures and was planning to surprise me by gifting them to me in hard copy.
• He started this joke that he will leave me if he finds a better girl. Once, I joked back that if he is this bothered, he can find one. He hung up the call midway, stating that if he told me once yesterday that he doesn't like when I make this joke, then why did I do it again?
• On our first Eid together, he ghosted me for 3 days. When I asked why, he had justifications that he was busy, forgot his mobile home, etc., but then also backed down that "you didn't try enough and could have put more effort" !?
• He would kinda force me to let him read my chats; otherwise, he would start doubting me that I am hiding something, but I wasn't allowed to read his. And he would get upset based on chats from 2021.
• During his down phase, I used to hear "no, everything is good and there is nothing wrong", "I did something wrong, but he doesn't remember what it is" or "I made such a big mistake that he can't even tell and it's on me to figure out what I did wrong" depending on the week.

When I read everything I write, I start judging myself for thinking our relationship was normal. But then, I also think no one will ever love me because I am not perfect and I make a lot of mistakes, but he always forgives them, so I should also forgive them. He also sent me flowers yesterday for the first time after 8 months, with a note that he is genuinely sorry.

Just to start, I deleted my 4 year old reddit account in fear of him not liking something. I don't really understand anymore the mental gymnastics i had behind this cause I had nothing to hide. I am gonna grieve my previous "ExpensiveComfort_56" account and all the small things i used to post there from my first solo trip in Italy to my african violet flowers dying :)

Now coming to the list, maybe I just want to vent on how i didn't realise earlier or sometimes i began doubting myself that I made a mistake by leaving him, it was just miscommunications, he is a genuine person and I am just exaggerating things. He is still trying to contact me and my family so I wonder if things can still work between us and he didn't realize he was hurting me and if we communicate, he will understand.

The classic: He used to joke about my appearance. I told him multiple times I don't like this. His response would be it's just a joke and I am being too sensitive. He is doing this so that I can get over my insecurities and relationships are supposed to be fun, what's the point if he has to walk on eggshells. He also used to point out other girl's b**bs. The funny thing is I had a crush on Zohran Mumdani and he pointed out how it's hurtful for him to know this.

I am pretty sure i remember we initially agreed that all my money will go towards travelling (the only reason I work). His pov now is that it should also go towards investments and savings and it will be a mutual decision. On the other hand, he is that he won't contribute to household chores and it will my responsibility (but i wrote in my diary during the initial days that he doesn't believe in traditional gender roles. I don't know if it was me who misunderstood his personality back then cause I would never go for someone who does). At the same time, he say he is a good guy and will do chores if he feels i need help.

It was kinda mutual that he won't force me to have kids during my PhD, he understands that I can't manage no matter how badly he want kids. Then a few days ago, he brought up that him and his family have decided that we can't get married until I find a solution and confirm that i will have kids immediately. I agreed in the moment (he would get upset/threaten to leave everytime I didn't agree) but it was the next day that it hit me that what on the earth am I doing? Side note: after i ended things, he brought up how it was just a miscommunication, he is an understanding person that he would have never forced me and compromised if he could see that a PhD and kid are not manageable together. Mind you, i asked him multiple times if he and his family can wait but it was a straight no. He later lied to my family he never made such demands/involved his parents.

He said that he would leave if I didn't bleed the fisrt night. I tried explaining that it's a cultural myth and there are no religious/scientific correlation between virginity and bleeding. He was that those scientific facts are wrong and started doubting me so i closed the discussion but I was anxious that what if I don't bleed? Side note: He would become an expert in issues that concerned his body by reading scientific literatures.

He forced me to delete some of the screenshots I used to take during our calls. He later accepted that he didn't really had any reason behind it. In another incident, it was agreed that he is gonna send pictures we took together and delete them. He then randomly told me that he deleted everything without sending them to me. I was really hurt cause these were our first pictures together. I mentioned him a few times how upset this made me but he never said sorry. (But now, after i broke up he send me screenshots that he still has those pictures and was planning to suprise me gifting them to me in hardcopy)

He started this joke that he will leave me if he finds a better girl. Once, I joked back that if he is this bothered, he can go find one. He hung up the call mid-way stating that if he told me once yesterday that he don't like when I make this joke, then why did I do it again?

On our first eid together, he ghosted me for 3 days. When i asked why, he had justifications that he was busy, forgot his mobile home etc. but then also backed down that "you didn't tried enough and could have put more efforts" !? I was looking at his face that I texted you, called you, what else was I supposed to do?. And he also ghosted me for 3 days in another incident. He had time to post stories on both.

He would kinda force me that I let him read my chats otherwise he would start doubting me that I am hiding something but I wasn't allowed to read his.

He was perfect the fisrt 3.5 months, the next 1.5 months were extremely hard, I would cry every other day, he would become extremely emotional available. This was followed by 2 amazing month but I spent the last month again crying. It wasn't as bad as the the first down. But I think the reason it was difficult to leave was all those incidents used to happen during his down phase and so my mind was would get confused because he was everything I asked for during those good months.

And actually he didn't know why he was marrying me. I mean he wanted to marry me, knew I was the most perfect person for him and wanted to make things work out but he was worried that he is not excited to marry me. And i think that's another reason, he used to say if he is able to keep me this happy despite the fact that he has doubts and no feelings (it was kinda an arrange marriage setup), how happy will he keep me once he is 100% sure about his feelings. I was naive and now i think it was future faking/hoovering.

On one side, he used to say that he don't have any problem with me but then somehow, everything became my fault. I understand i am not perfect but i never understood why i had to say sorry to him at least once a week and he said sorry 4-5 times only. For example, He once told a small lie and hid some pictures of him. When I started doubting, he proved that he was not hiding anything but then became upset that why I doubted him and didn't trust him.

During his down phase, i used to hear "no everything is good and there is nothing wrong", "i did something wrong but he don't remember what it is" or "i made such a big mistake that he can't even tell and it's on me to figure out what i did wrong" depending on the week.

When i read everything i write, i start judging myself on how I thought our relationship was normal and also angry that why I didn't leave earlier. I think i was so desperate to be loved that my mind would just look at how perfect he was during the highs. So yes I now understand why it's so difficult for people to leave abusive marriages when it took 8 months for me to end an engagement. I will make another post on how i think he is future faking after I broke up cause I found his manipulations funny since I could see through them now.

To anyone who is confused about their relationship and can relate to my post, please leave now. You might not see things clearly because I wasn't also able too so trust your instincts and specially your body! Once you take a step back, you will realise how everything was just gaslighting, manipulation and what not.

Just to start, I deleted my 4 year old reddit account in fear of him not liking something. I don't really understand anymore the mental gymnastics i had behind this cause I had nothing to hide. I am gonna grieve my previous "ExpensiveComfort_56" account and all the small things i used to post there from my first solo trip in Italy to my african violet flowers dying :)

Now coming to the list, maybe I just want to vent on how i didn't realise earlier or sometimes i began doubting myself that I made a mistake by leaving him, it was just miscommunications, he is a genuine person and I am just exaggerating things. He is still trying to contact me and my family so I wonder if things can still work between us and he didn't realize he was hurting me and if we communicate, he will understand.

The classic: He used to joke about my appearance. I told him multiple times I don't like this. His response would be it's just a joke and I am being too sensitive. He is doing this so that I can get over my insecurities and relationships are supposed to be fun, what's the point if he has to walk on eggshells. He also used to point out other girl's b**bs. The funny thing is I had a crush on Zohran Mumdani and he pointed out how it's hurtful for him to know this.

I am pretty sure i remember we initially agreed that all my money will go towards travelling (the only reason I work). His pov now is that it should also go towards investments and savings and it will be a mutual decision. On the other hand, he is that he won't contribute to household chores and it will my responsibility (but i wrote in my diary during the initial days that he doesn't believe in traditional gender roles. I don't know if it was me who misunderstood his personality back then cause I would never go for someone who does). At the same time, he say he is a good guy and will do chores if he feels i need help.

It was kinda mutual that he won't force me to have kids during my PhD, he understands that I can't manage no matter how badly he want kids. Then a few days ago, he brought up that him and his family have decided that we can't get married until I find a solution and confirm that i will have kids immediately. I agreed in the moment (he would get upset/threaten to leave everytime I didn't agree) but it was the next day that it hit me that what on the earth am I doing? Side note: after i ended things, he brought up how it was just a miscommunication, he is an understanding person that he would have never forced me and compromised if he could see that a PhD and kid are not manageable together. Mind you, i asked him multiple times if he and his family can wait but it was a straight no. He later lied to my family he never made such demands/involved his parents.

He said that he would leave if I didn't bleed the fisrt night. I tried explaining that it's a cultural myth and there are no religious/scientific correlation between virginity and bleeding. He was that those scientific facts are wrong and started doubting me so i closed the discussion but I was anxious that what if I don't bleed? Side note: He would become an expert in issues that concerned his body by reading scientific literatures.

He forced me to delete some of the screenshots I used to take during our calls. He later accepted that he didn't really had any reason behind it. In another incident, it was agreed that he is gonna send pictures we took together and delete them. He then randomly told me that he deleted everything without sending them to me. I was really hurt cause these were our first pictures together. I mentioned him a few times how upset this made me but he never said sorry. (But now, after i broke up he send me screenshots that he still has those pictures and was planning to suprise me gifting them to me in hardcopy)

He started this joke that he will leave me if he finds a better girl. Once, I joked back that if he is this bothered, he can go find one. He hung up the call mid-way stating that if he told me once yesterday that he don't like when I make this joke, then why did I do it again?

On our first eid together, he ghosted me for 3 days. When i asked why, he had justifications that he was busy, forgot his mobile home etc. but then also backed down that "you didn't tried enough and could have put more efforts" !? I was looking at his face that I texted you, called you, what else was I supposed to do?. And he also ghosted me for 3 days in another incident. He had time to post stories on both.

He would kinda force me that I let him read my chats otherwise he would start doubting me that I am hiding something but I wasn't allowed to read his.

He was perfect the fisrt 3.5 months, the next 1.5 months were extremely hard, I would cry every other day, he would become extremely emotional available. This was followed by 2 amazing month but I spent the last month again crying. It wasn't as bad as the the first down. But I think the reason it was difficult to leave was all those incidents used to happen during his down phase and so my mind was would get confused because he was everything I asked for during those good months.

And actually he didn't know why he was marrying me. I mean he wanted to marry me, knew I was the most perfect person for him and wanted to make things work out but he was worried that he is not excited to marry me. And i think that's another reason, he used to say if he is able to keep me this happy despite the fact that he has doubts and no feelings (it was kinda an arrange marriage setup), how happy will he keep me once he is 100% sure about his feelings. I was naive and now i think it was future faking/hoovering.

On one side, he used to say that he don't have any problem with me but then somehow, everything became my fault. I understand i am not perfect but i never understood why i had to say sorry to him at least once a week and he said sorry 4-5 times only. For example, He once told a small lie and hid some pictures of him. When I started doubting, he proved that he was not hiding anything but then became upset that why I doubted him and didn't trust him.

During his down phase, i used to hear "no everything is good and there is nothing wrong", "i did something wrong but he don't remember what it is" or "i made such a big mistake that he can't even tell and it's on me to figure out what i did wrong" depending on the week.

When i read everything i write, i start judging myself on how I thought our relationship was normal and also angry that why I didn't leave earlier. I think i was so desperate to be loved that my mind would just look at how perfect he was during the highs. So yes I now understand why it's so difficult for people to leave abusive marriages when it took 8 months for me to end an engagement. I will make another post on how i think he is future faking after I broke up cause I found his manipulations funny since I could see through them now.

To anyone who is confused about their relationship and can relate to my post, please leave now. You might not see things clearly because I wasn't also able too so trust your instincts and specially your body! Once you take a step back, you will realise how everything was just gaslighting, manipulation and what not.

He had 8 months to do it but he didn't. He mentioned a few times that he thought of sending them but couldn't because there was no delivery option. You can read my last post ( https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/swymjLot5C ) on why I think he is emotionally abusive and just trying to manipulate me but seeing the flowers with a note is extremely triggering and I don't know what to do because what if he is genuinely sorry.

Just to start, I deleted my 4 year old reddit account in fear of him not liking something and now I regret it. I don't really understand anymore the mental gymnastics i had behind this cause I had nothing to hide. I am gonna grieve my previous "ExpensiveComfort_56" account and all the small things i used to post there from my first solo trip in Italy to my african violet flowers dying :)

Now coming to the list, maybe I just want to vent on how i didn't realise earlier or sometimes i began doubting myself that I made a mistake by leaving him, it was just miscommunications, he is a genuine person and I am just exaggerating things. He is still trying to contact me and my family so I wonder if things can still work between us and he didn't realize he was hurting me and if we communicate, he will understand.

The classic: He used to joke about my appearance. I told him multiple times I don't like this. His response would be it's just a joke and I am being too sensitive. He is doing this so that I can get over my insecurities and relationships are supposed to be fun, what's the point if he has to walk on eggshells. He also used to point out other girl's b**bs. The funny thing is I had a crush on Zohran Mumdani and he pointed out how it's hurtful for him to know this.

I am pretty sure i remember we initially agreed that all my money will go towards travelling (the only reason I work). His pov now is that it should also go towards investments and savings and it will be a mutual decision. On the other hand, he is that he won't contribute to household chores and it will my responsibility (but i wrote in my diary during the initial days that he doesn't believe in traditional gender roles. I don't know if it was me who misunderstood his personality back then cause I would never go for someone who does). On the hand he say he is a good guy and will do chores if he feels i need help.

It was kinda mutual that he won't force me to have kids during my PhD, he understands that I can't manage no matter how badly he want kids. Then a few days ago, he brought up that him and his family have decided that we can't get married until I find a solution and confirm that i will have kids immediately. I agreed in the moment (he would get upset/threaten to leave everytime I didn't agree) but it was the next day that it hit me that what on the earth am I doing? Side note: after i ended things, he brought up how it was just a miscommunication, he is an understanding person that he would have never forced me and compromised if he could see that a PhD and kid are not manageable together. Mind you, i asked him multiple times if he and his family can wait but it was a straight no. He later lied to my family he never made such demands/involved his parents.

He said that he would leave if I didn't bleed the fisrt night. I tried explaining that it's a cultural myth and there are no religious/scientific correlation between virginity and bleeding. He was that those scientific facts are wrong and started doubting me so i closed the discussion but I was anxious that what if I don't bleed? Side note: He would become an expert in issues that concerned his body by reading scientific literatures.

He forced me to delete some of the screenshots I used to take during our calls. He later accepted that he didn't really had any reason behind it. In another incident, it was agreed that he is gonna send pictures we took together and delete them. He then randomly told me that he deleted everything without sending them to me. I was really hurt cause these were our first pictures together. I mentioned him a few times how upset this made me but he never said sorry. (But now, after i broke up he send me screenshots that he still has those pictures and was planning to suprise me gifting them to me in hardcopy)

He started this joke that he will leave me if he finds a better girl. Once, I joked back that if he is this bothered, he can go find one. He hung up the call mid-way stating that if he told me once yesterday that he don't like when I make this joke, then why did I do it again?

On our first eid together, he ghosted me for 3 days. When i asked why, he had justifications that he was busy, forgot his mobile home etc. but then also backed down that "you didn't tried enough and could have put more efforts" !? I was looking at his face that I texted you, called you, what else was I supposed to do?. And he also ghosted me for 3 days in another incident. He had time to post stories on both.

He would kinda force me that I let him read my chats otherwise he would start doubting me that I am hiding something but I wasn't allowed to read his.

He was perfect the fisrt 3.5 months, the next 1.5 months were extremely hard, I would cry every other day, he would become extremely emotional available. This was followed by 2 amazing month but I spent the last month again crying. It wasn't as bad as the the first down. But I think the reason it was difficult to leave was all those incidents used to happen during his down phase and so my mind was would get confused because he was everything I asked for during those good months.

And actually he didn't know why he was marrying me. I mean he wanted to marry me, knew I was the most perfect person for him and wanted to make things work out but he was worried that he is not excited to marry me. And i think that's another reason, he used to say if he is able to keep me this happy despite the fact that he has doubts and no feelings (it was kinda an arrange marriage setup), how happy will he keep me once he is 100% sure about his feelings. I was naive and now i think it was future faking/hoovering.

On one side, he used to say that he don't have any problem with me but then somehow, everything became my fault. I understand i am not perfect but i never understood why i had to say sorry to him at least once a week and he said sorry 4-5 times only. For example, He once told a small lie and hid some pictures of him. When I started doubting, he proved that he was not hiding anything but then became upset that why I doubted him and didn't trust him.

During his down phase, i used to hear "no everything is good and there is nothing wrong", "i did something wrong but he don't remember what it is" or "i made such a big mistake that he can't even tell and it's on me to figure out what i did wrong" depending on the week.

When i read everything i write, i start judging myself on how I thought our relationship was normal and also angry that why I didn't leave earlier. I think i was so desperate to be loved that my mind would just look at how perfect he was during the highs. So yes I now understand why it's so difficult for people to leave abusive marriages when it took 8 months for me to end an engagement. I will make another post on how i think he is future faking after I broke up cause I found his manipulations funny since I could see through them now.

To anyone who is confused about their relationship and can relate to my post, please leave now. You might not see things clearly because I wasn't also able too so trust your instincts and specially your body! Once you take a step back, you will realise how everything was just gaslighting, manipulation and what not.

Well, I ended things 3 days ago, and if you had asked me at that time why, I would have said I don't know, other than 5 friends, my family and 2 of our family's friends told me that, at the end of the day, it's your choice, but this person is a walking red flag and abusing you, and you need to leave now!

I am now spending my days on this subreddit and other relevant ones to realise that I can relate to every other post (he checked off around 35/50 and 120/200 abuse points in the questionnaires resources shared here) and how on earth I couldn't see how emotionally abusive he was (mind you, I am a PhD student, so definitely judging myself xD)? I think it was the fact that he was perfect 70% of the time that made me think that it's just a human being not being perfect, or I am telling only the negative sides of him to my family and friends, and therefore, they might not see the full picture (Our first 3.5 months were amazing; I then spent 1.5 months crying, for things to get perfect for 2 months, and then spend the last whole month again crying) and I beleived I was the reason this relationship was not working! But thank you to Reddit for making me realise abuse is abuse even if it's 1% of the time.

Anyway, now I think he is in his "future faking"/"hoovering" phase, but I have decided not to respond to anything, even though it is tempting and it feels like he genuinely wants to make things work.

I will make a longer post once things settle down. But I CAN ALREADY FEEL THAT MY MIND IS LESS ANXIOUS AND MY BODY IS RELIEVED AND I AM JUST PROUD!

Well, I ended things 3 days ago, and if you had asked me at that time why, I would have said I don't know, other than 5 friends, my family and 2 of our family's friends told me that, at the end of the day, it's your choice, but this person is a walking red flag and abusing you, and you need to leave now!

I am now spending my days on this subreddit and other relevant ones to realise that I can relate to every other post (he checked off around 35/50 and 120/200 abuse points in the questionnaires resources shared here) and how on earth I couldn't see how emotionally abusive he was (mind you, I am a PhD student, so definitely judging myself xD)? I think it was the fact that he was perfect 70% of the time that made me think that it's just a human being not being perfect, or I am telling only the negative sides of him to my family and friends, and therefore, they might not see the full picture (Our first 3.5 months were amazing; I then spent 1.5 months crying, for things to get perfect for 2 months, and then spend the last whole month again crying) and I beleived I was the reason this relationship was not working! But thank you to Reddit for making me realise abuse is abuse even if it's 1% of the time.

Anyway, now I think he is in his "future faking"/"hoovering" phase, but I have decided not to respond to anything, even though it is tempting and it feels like he genuinely wants to make things work.

I will make a longer post once things settle down. But I CAN ALREADY FEEL THAT MY MIND IS LESS ANXIOUS AND MY BODY IS RELIEVED AND I AM JUST PROUD!