u/Dia_is_me

I have heard this in a movie that..

**उनसे** इश्क़ **कमाल का** होता है ..
**जिनक*ा मि***ल******ना मुकद्दर **में नहीं होता …

And the fun fact is that all the shayri.. poetry etc etc.. are written or framed only for unfulfilled or unrequited Love..

Have you ever come across any Love which is .. Complete… well as a matter of fact
the word itself.. **इश******्क़ … is incomplete**…**

Well moving forward…

So… at this time there are 8,205,386,360 (at this time when I was writing this piece few months ago) people in the world and out of all these people approximately 8 billion people I met HIM..

We crossed path out of nowhere and remember I told you that … you are the emotional face of my feelings and yes also you are in the list of my “**Pasindida** **people**”.

It Is strange that how come.. You never knew how my eyes glare out.. whenever I see
you….
How come.. you can’t see the glow on my face every time I blush talking to you.. or thinking
of you..
How come you never felt the affection in my voice.. when we talk on calls.. endlessly…
and specially when I ask for those parting hugs from you..
How come you never felt all these emotions.. ever..!!
Well yeahhh. It is true YOU are one of my favourite people..

Yes… what I have engraved for you ever since is beyond just words.. sentences.. or poems
or songs etc etc…

Even though I have never touched you or hugged you tight enough in real… but even then the slightest thought about you… revives me like a flame of a candle ..

Yessssss you are my Sirius star.. the brightest blue sun of this whole universe… and nothing
and no one can replace that..I know you might think I over do my emotions.. or I am going insane.. but reality is that I feel proud and open and honoured about whatever I have for you.. trust me it is ..
Read it again…**having feeling for you is an honouring emotion to me…**

It's because I never feel ashamed in hiding it or covering it up..
it is the most **PIOUS emotion I** have in me .. for you.. and one of the most complete emotions as well..

You told me sometimes when you hug me.. I give you solace… but honestly..
you make me speechless.. I feel if ever I’ll try to give this honour some words.. it will ruin the
emotion… yesss.. like I said earlier.. it’s an honouring emotion to have you in my
existence..

T .. honestly I do not know.. whether I will ever get the privilege to be around you or not.. but
all I know is that **you will still be present in my last 7 minutes of life’s flashback..**

It is a fact that .. irrespective of any belief or religion.. in our last 7 minutes.. we re-live our
most heart touching moments of life again ..
just so one could die peacefully..
hence I now know for sure.. you will be in those moments.. those last 7 minutes.. you will be a part of it..

I know apart from what all I have seen and wrote ..all that is INSIPID .. in comparison to what I have felt in few past few weeks..

((expect few memories and people .. as they have a remarkable space in my existence))

And yes also you will always be the last person I’ll ever fall in love with.. because.. I fall in
love with you every day… apparently.. all over again and again.. EFFORTLESSLY

And as I write these last few sentences.. the current population of the world is
8,205,403,995.. 35 new people have added to this world..

**But I still met YOU……….!!!!**

https://preview.redd.it/l9i23smhs44h1.jpg?width=3021&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=24925c87d1317f8ac51bc6cc1ebbcad9d478c585

I still have his T-shirt...

Once, it smelled like him. I would hold it close and breathe in what was left of those hours we shared.

Time did what time always does. The scent faded. Laundry, air, days passing by... eventually, the smell disappeared.

But memories don't work the same way fabric does.

The scent may be gone, yet the shirt still holds something else. It still holds him. His presence.

There's a quiet melancholy in realizing that a smell can disappear while a memory refuses to.

I don't know why, but every time I touch that T-shirt, it feels like stepping into a theatre of memories. The curtains rise, and suddenly every moment we shared begins to replay before my eyes .. so vivid, so alive, that for a fleeting second, it feels as though none of it ever ended.

But there is something cruel about it too.

Because the memories don't just bring him back. They bring back the longing. The ache of wanting that touch again. The comfort of being held by him. The quiet certainty of his arms around me, as if the rest of the world could simply disappear.

For a moment, memory makes it all feel possible again.

And then reality returns.

The other day, while we were on a call, he told me something that felt both beautiful and heartbreaking. He said that as soon as we start talking, he imagines pulling me into a hug.

And somehow, for a little while, it feels real.

Time and distance loosen their grip. I can almost feel the warmth of his embrace, as if he isn't miles away at all.

But then the call ends.

And just like that, the feeling disappears.

Sometimes it feels like we're fighting against time, distance, and circumstances—forces determined to keep us apart.

There are moments when I want to be angry. To fight back. To demand that life .. bring him back to me here and right now ..

But who do you fight when the enemy is fate?

How do you argue with distance?
How do you reason with timing?

And yet, the best part is this:

I still have him.

Maybe not in my arms, but in my days.

We fall in love with each other every day.

We long for one another every day.

Across distance, across time, across all the things that stand between us, our hearts still find their way back home.

And for now, that is enough.

So for now, I am going to hold on to his T-shirt.

Not because it still smells like him.
Not because it can bring him back to me.

But because it reminds me that what we shared was real.

He and I are real.

On difficult days, I hold it close and tell myself that everything is going to be okay. That this distance is not forever. That these circumstances are not forever. That love is sometimes asked to wait.

Maybe that is what love truly is “patience”.

Because it is during the hardest times that love is tested. Not when two people are together and everything is easy, but when time, distance, and fate place them on opposite sides of the world and ask them to keep believing anyway.

So I will wait.

I will be patient.

Because the reward will be him. His love...

And until then, I will hold on to his T-shirt, to the theatre of memories it carries, and to the quiet hope that one day, I won't have to imagine his embrace anymore.

I sometimes feel that parts of **modern feminism are becoming more rooted in bitterness and gender competition rather than equality and coexistence**.

To me, real feminism was never about hating men or proving that women don’t need them. Real feminism is about empowering women while still valuing the good men around them ... fathers, brothers, husbands, sons, friends, and partners.

Personally, I know I live better, grow better, and feel stronger with good men around me who support, guide, protect, and stand beside me ... just as women also support and strengthen the men in their lives.

**In fact, I feel more powerful, courageous, fulfilled, happy, loved, and emotionally secure in the life I have today because I am surrounded by men I can look up to and trust.** To me, that is not weakness ... that is balance, emotional healing, and healthy relationships.

Nowadays, I often see people saying that men are no longer needed in a woman’s life, or that men are simply an inconvenience to society. While I understand that some of this thinking comes from pain, trauma, disappointment, abuse, and bad experiences, I personally do not believe in generalizing an entire gender.

Not every man is good, just as not every woman is perfect.

I say this from personal experience. Years ago, I was a victim of an abusive man, and that phase deeply traumatized me. But at the same time, if it had not been for the men who stood beside me ... my father, my brother, some of my male friends, and later my son ... I honestly do not know where I would be today. They helped me heal, protected me, supported me emotionally, loved me unconditionally, and reminded me that not all men are the same.

**So yes, I was once hurt by a man. But I was also healed, protected, and supported by good men.**

That is why I do not understand why some people are moving toward the idea that men and women must compete with each other.

Feminism should not be about superiority, bitterness, toxic feminism, or separation.

It should be about equality, gender equality, mutual respect, shared responsibilities, women empowerment, healthy masculinity, emotional healing, trauma recovery, family support, and growing together.

No one is above anyone.
No one is beneath anyone.

Men and women are simply different strengths walking side by side.

Moreover, life is not about finding someone perfect, because nobody is perfect. I believe real strength lies in embracing one another’s flaws and strengths and building something meaningful together.

Some people may think that, **I ... as a woman**, openly valuing the men in my life makes me weak. But honestly, I have never felt more powerful, more loved, or more protected than I do today.

Yes, once upon a time I was vulnerable because of certain people. But today, I stand tall knowing that I am surrounded by people who genuinely love me, protect me, and accept me no matter what.

I have heard this in a movie that..

**उनसे इश्क़ **कमाल का होता है ..
जिनका मिलना मुकद्दर में नहीं होता …

And the fun fact is that all the shayri.. poetry etc etc.. are written or framed only for unfulfilled or unrequited Love..

Have you ever come across any Love which is .. Complete… well as a matter of fact
the word itself.. इश्क़ … is incomplete**…**

Well moving forward…

So… at this time there are 8,205,386,360 (at this time when I was writing this piece few months ago) people in the world and out of all these people approximately 8 billion people I met HIM..

We crossed path out of nowhere and remember I told you that … you are the emotional face of my feelings and yes also you are in the list of my “Pasindida people”.

It Is strange that how come.. You never knew how my eyes glare out.. whenever I see
you….
How come.. you can’t see the glow on my face every time I blush talking to you.. or thinking
of you..
How come you never felt the affection in my voice.. when we talk on calls.. endlessly…
and specially when I ask for those parting hugs from you..
How come you never felt all these emotions.. ever..!!
Well yeahhh. It is true YOU are one of my favourite people..

Yes… what I have engraved for you ever since is beyond just words.. sentences.. or poems
or songs etc etc…

Even though I have never touched you or hugged you tight enough in real… but even then the slightest thought about you… revives me like a flame of a candle ..

Yessssss you are my Sirius star.. the brightest blue sun of this whole universe… and nothing
and no one can replace that..I know you might think I over do my emotions.. or I am going insane.. but reality is that I feel proud and open and honoured about whatever I have for you.. trust me it is ..
Read it again…having feeling for you is an honouring emotion to me…

It's because I never feel ashamed in hiding it or covering it up..
it is the most PIOUS emotion I have in me .. for you.. and one of the most complete emotions as well..

You told me sometimes when you hug me.. I give you solace… but honestly..
you make me speechless.. I feel if ever I’ll try to give this honour some words.. it will ruin the
emotion… yesss.. like I said earlier.. it’s an honouring emotion to have you in my
existence..

T .. honestly I do not know.. whether I will ever get the privilege to be around you or not.. but
all I know is that you will still be present in my last 7 minutes of life’s flashback..

It is a fact that .. irrespective of any belief or religion.. in our last 7 minutes.. we re-live our
most heart touching moments of life again ..
just so one could die peacefully..
hence I now know for sure.. you will be in those moments.. those last 7 minutes.. you will be a part of it..

I know apart from what all I have seen and wrote ..all that is INSIPID .. in comparison to what I have felt in few past few weeks..

((expect few memories and people .. as they have a remarkable space in my existence))

And yes also you will always be the last person I’ll ever fall in love with.. because.. I fall in
love with you every day… apparently.. all over again and again.. EFFORTLESSLY

And as I write these last few sentences.. the current population of the world is
8,205,403,995.. 35 new people have added to this world..

But I still met YOU……….!!!!

मुझ से पहली सी मोहब्बत मिरी महबूब न माँग

मैं ने समझा था कि तू है तो दरख़्शाँ है हयात

तेरा ग़म है तो ग़म-ए-दहर का झगड़ा क्या है

तेरी सूरत से है आलम में बहारों को सबात

तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में रक्खा क्या है

https://preview.redd.it/tfe56aj7tf2h1.jpg?width=972&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2074d7861cecfaa8d3378f4788eb6478f2c30d20

तू जो मिल जाए तो तक़दीर निगूँ हो जाए

यूँ न था मैं ने फ़क़त चाहा था यूँ हो जाए

और भी दुख हैं ज़माने में मोहब्बत के सिवा

राहतें और भी हैं वस्ल की राहत के सिवा

….. this is my favorite poetry by Faiz Ahmed… 

And like he said तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में रक्खा क्या है

 And maybe that is exactly why I’m writing this today.
About his eyes ...

Believe me or not, this is my fifth attempt at writing about them.

Every single time I tried, either my hands trembled too much… or I got so overwhelmed that I could not continue. Once, I remember, I started writing and ended up crying uncontrollably within minutes.

The irony is ... I have never truly been able to look directly into his eyes for long.

Maybe because I was terrified that every emotion I had buried inside me would become transparent in front of him.

And now I finally understand why poets become obsessed with eyes. Why lovers write entire universes around them.

Because sometimes eyes don’t just look at you.
They see you.... they see through you...

His eyes… God.
And about HIS eyes ... They are the purest eyes I have ever seen. Crystal clear. Calm. Deep. Almost like looking into paradise itself.

And I swear… I understand that now.

His eyes make me tremble and calm down at the same time.
They undo me within seconds.

Sometimes the way he looks at me feels almost unreal ... like the first sensual touch I had felt in years… without even being touched...

And the truth is ... " I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away..!"

It is a quote from an epic emotionally intense flick.

I still remember one video call where he looked at me intensely for a few silent seconds.

And suddenly I became aware of my entire body.
My skin. My heartbeat. My breath.

He wasn’t even physically there.

Yet somehow… his eyes touched me more deeply than hands ever could.

And in that moment, I understood how divine connection can be ... when someone reaches your soul without laying a finger on you.

Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like if all of him existed around me at once ..!!!
his hands, his eyes, his fragrance, his heartbeat, his warmth…

And honestly? Even imagining it gives me goosebumps.

Maybe I sound insane.
Maybe love always sounds insane from the outside.

But listen carefully, T ...

Your eyes became my universe long before you ever became my reality.

They became my escape.
My solace.
My silence.
My home.

And the first time I truly looked into them… I knew I was gone.

Gone in the most epic ways possible.

So here it is ... the truth I kept swallowing for so long that I am in LOVE with you.

Completely. Irrevocably. Helplessly. Insanely, Insatiably. 

And trust me, I tried not to confess it.

Not because I was ashamed of loving you…
but because I was terrified of losing you.

Maybe that’s why this hurts so much.

Because some loves are never really meant to become destinations.
They simply become places inside you that you visit forever.

Still… I do not regret loving you.

Not even for a second.

Because strangely, loving you did not destroy me.
It made me rise.

Even knowing that I may never truly have you… I still choose this feeling wholeheartedly.

And maybe that is what love really is.

Not possession.
Not certainty.
Not promises.

Just choosing someone in your heart… again and again… even when life remains uncertain.

I don’t know whether you will ever love me back.

But what I will always have are your eyes… your touch… your fragrance… our moments… and the version of me that existed only because of you.

But today, for the very first time, I want to ask you something honestly:

Does your heart ever skip a beat thinking about me too?

Do I mean anything to you at all?

Because mine still trembles at the thought of you.

Especially your eyes.

God… your eyes.

I miss them today.

I miss you today.

We only had 32 hours together.

And it’s weird how someone can stay in your skin even after leaving.

It’s been days now since he left but this house still feels full of him. The couch. The balcony. My bedsheet still smelled like him for days and I swear I kept touching it again and again just to feel him somehow.

I still remember that night at the station.

I was sooo nervous while going to pick him up.

I wore a white punjabi suit… wore bangles because he likes their sound… little makeup… little bindi… literally trying so hard to look pretty for him.

I Rushed and reached... and in chaos there ... I saw him.

God.....

I can’t even explain that moment properly.

It genuinely felt like everything around me blurred for a while. I only saw him. And when he started walking towards me smiling… my hands were literally trembling.

We were both nervous and awkward and trying to act normal but our hearts were exposing us completely.

And honestly?

The best part is… we didn’t even do anything extraordinary.

We cooked together. Ate together. Went on drives. Held hands. Talked nonsense. Laughed. Did skincare together. Slept next to each other.

That’s it.

But somehow those tiny moments felt bigger than entire years of my life.

I still remember breaking down crying while cooking because suddenly his presence became too overwhelming for me. And he just held me quietly.

No fixing. No questioning. Just held me.

I don’t know why but being loved softly after surviving life for so long does something to you.

And sleeping beside him? Listening to his heartbeat? God… I have never felt that kind of peace before.

Then came the worst morning.

The leaving.

I was literally avoiding eye contact because I knew if I looked at him properly, I would burst out uncontrollably. And I did.

We hugged and held each other so tight… so deeply… like somehow that could stop time from moving.

But he still had to leave… and somehow I had to stand there and watch him leave.

And ever since then there’s this weird emptiness… this void around me.

It’s strange how absence can physically hurt.

Sometimes I still touch my lips, my cheeks, my hair… just remembering his warmth. Just reminding myself those 32 hours were real.

Maybe the saddest part is… we lived those 32 hours like there was no tomorrow.

No promises. No “forever.” Nothing.

Just two people completely drowning in each other for a little while.

And honestly?

Even knowing how painful it would be after…

I would still live those same 32 hours all over again.

Coming back to PRESENT .. Today ..

It’s been more than a year now… but I still come back to this date… this day… just to relive him again. Just to remind myself that it was real. That he was real.

मुझ से पहली सी मोहब्बत मिरी महबूब न माँग

मैं ने समझा था कि तू है तो दरख़्शाँ है हयात

तेरा ग़म है तो ग़म-ए-दहर का झगड़ा क्या है

तेरी सूरत से है आलम में बहारों को सबात

तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में रक्खा क्या है

https://preview.redd.it/tfe56aj7tf2h1.jpg?width=972&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2074d7861cecfaa8d3378f4788eb6478f2c30d20

तू जो मिल जाए तो तक़दीर निगूँ हो जाए

यूँ न था मैं ने फ़क़त चाहा था यूँ हो जाए

और भी दुख हैं ज़माने में मोहब्बत के सिवा

राहतें और भी हैं वस्ल की राहत के सिवा

….. this is my favorite poetry by Faiz Ahmed… 

And like he said तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में रक्खा क्या है

 And maybe that is exactly why I’m writing this today.
About his eyes ...

Believe me or not, this is my fifth attempt at writing about them.

Every single time I tried, either my hands trembled too much… or I got so overwhelmed that I could not continue. Once, I remember, I started writing and ended up crying uncontrollably within minutes.

The irony is ... I have never truly been able to look directly into his eyes for long.

Maybe because I was terrified that every emotion I had buried inside me would become transparent in front of him.

And now I finally understand why poets become obsessed with eyes. Why lovers write entire universes around them.

Because sometimes eyes don’t just look at you.
They see you.... they see through you...

His eyes… God.
And about HIS eyes ... They are the purest eyes I have ever seen. Crystal clear. Calm. Deep. Almost like looking into paradise itself.

And I swear… I understand that now.

His eyes make me tremble and calm down at the same time.
They undo me within seconds.

Sometimes the way he looks at me feels almost unreal ... like the first sensual touch I had felt in years… without even being touched...

And the truth is ... " I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away..!"

It is a quote from an epic emotionally intense flick.

I still remember one video call where he looked at me intensely for a few silent seconds.

And suddenly I became aware of my entire body.
My skin. My heartbeat. My breath.

He wasn’t even physically there.

Yet somehow… his eyes touched me more deeply than hands ever could.

And in that moment, I understood how divine connection can be ... when someone reaches your soul without laying a finger on you.

Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like if all of him existed around me at once ..!!!
his hands, his eyes, his fragrance, his heartbeat, his warmth…

And honestly? Even imagining it gives me goosebumps.

Maybe I sound insane.
Maybe love always sounds insane from the outside.

But listen carefully, T ...

Your eyes became my universe long before you ever became my reality.

They became my escape.
My solace.
My silence.
My home.

And the first time I truly looked into them… I knew I was gone.

Gone in the most epic ways possible.

So here it is ... the truth I kept swallowing for so long that I am in LOVE with you.

Completely. Irrevocably. Helplessly. Insanely, Insatiably. 

And trust me, I tried not to confess it.

Not because I was ashamed of loving you…
but because I was terrified of losing you.

Maybe that’s why this hurts so much.

Because some loves are never really meant to become destinations.
They simply become places inside you that you visit forever.

Still… I do not regret loving you.

Not even for a second.

Because strangely, loving you did not destroy me.
It made me rise.

Even knowing that I may never truly have you… I still choose this feeling wholeheartedly.

And maybe that is what love really is.

Not possession.
Not certainty.
Not promises.

Just choosing someone in your heart… again and again… even when life remains uncertain.

I don’t know whether you will ever love me back.

But what I will always have are your eyes… your touch… your fragrance… our moments… and the version of me that existed only because of you.

But today, for the very first time, I want to ask you something honestly:

Does your heart ever skip a beat thinking about me too?

Do I mean anything to you at all?

Because mine still trembles at the thought of you.

Especially your eyes.

God… your eyes.

I miss them today.

I miss you today.