u/Diligent-Double-8803

We are moving in together for the first time with another couple and moving expenses are… pricey in Brooklyn to say the least. My boyfriend is currently unemployed and has been for the last 8 months because he dropped out of his masters program to instead pursue a law degree starting this August. He studied for a month and had a strenuous application process that paid off because he will be getting a full ride.

Currently, I pay for (most) of our food expenses, gas, and apartment expenses such as furniture and other random things we need. His parents pay for his rent and assist in buying things for the new apartment at times as well.

Im getting frustrated because I thought he was going to get a small part time or minimum wage job while waiting for law school to start, but he’s shown no initiative to do this. He also got upset at me because I asked him to pick up something from the hardware store tomorrow while I’m at work so that we can have more time moving things and he was like “I’ll see if I have time”. This infuriated me because I work a full time job and still find time to do extracurriculars after work and help him with whatever he needs, but he can’t find time to pick up one thing to help me???? It just isn’t seeming fair. And then he gets upset any time I mention the disparity of how much more I pay for because I myself am finding that I am in financial strain.

I just feel stressed and overwhelmed and don’t know how to handle this situation. He is a great boyfriend overall and cares, but I’m starting to feel burdened by taking on most of the financial responsibility.

AITAH for setting the boundary with my boyfriend that I wouldn’t want him to watch a movie or hang out at a female friend’s apartment one on one? It would make me uncomfortable and simply cross a boundary for me.

He is telling me “so you don’t want me to be friends with 50% of the population” and saying that “well I would just not follow that boundary” because he doesn’t agree with it and is starting law school soon and enjoys watching TV show and movies with people.

Please clarify if my boundary is too much or if im being an asshole for trying to impose that.

Hi! I 28F am just seeking advice on how to handle my boyfriend 30M going to another females apartment and watching a movie. I trust him, but something about the scenario feels inherently “datey” and intimate to me. Maybe that’s a me problem. My boyfriend has plenty of female friends right now but he made a new one in school and wants to do this with her. Please give me advice on how to handle this and how you would feel. Thanks!

Hi! I’m seeking advice about how to navigate boundaries in a relationship. I’m a 28F dating a 30M. We’ve been together for about 8 months.

He is attending law school in August and we’ve discussed that he will probably be hanging out with females one on one. I am fine with him having female friends, but I feel uneasy about the idea of them hanging out one-on-one in her apartment. He has a track record of having female friends and currently lives with his best friend who is a girl. He’s discussed that he is not a big fan of bars, parks, etc and will be broke so the apartment will be the best option. Plus he likes watching TV shoes and movies and listening to music and values this as quality time and would like to do this with them.

He understands why this would make me uncomfortable, but I don’t want to impose any restrictions on him and he has made it very clear that he intends to still be able to hang out this way even if I feel uncomfortable.

I would like advice on how to navigate this healthily so that we both feel comfortable and how this would make others feel? Thank you!

EDIT: we both made a list of things that could help both of us feel more comfortable. I am open to any additions/advice or critiques. Or if anyone has experience with this and has advice or things that worked for them please let me know :)

1. Meet them beforehand
2. Don’t stay out too late at their apartment
3. Not getting obliterated or wasted with just them

Hi! I need some advice. I’m a 28 F dating my partner, 30 M. He is beginning law school in August and I brought up that I’d feel uncomfortable with him going to a new woman’s apartment alone and watching a movie/show with her.

To provide some context, he has had female friends long before we started dating that were always platonic. He enjoys having female friends and has made this blatantly clear. I am his first real relationship and I have been cheated on in my past and my parents are divorced, so I am sure I have some trauma from that.

My boyfriend mentioned that he’d like to make some women friends at school and watch survivor with them, even if this be one on one. He is a huge reality TV and movie buff and I am not as big into this. He also told me his definition of a friend involves being able to spend one on one time or else he views that person as just a group member or acquaintance. I personally don’t agree with this definition, but I told him I’d be uncomfortable with the idea of him going to a woman’s house (specifically new friend) and watching something because to me that is an intimate setting and provides ambiguity and a space where cheating could be possible. Not that it would happen.

I do trust him, and want him to have female friends including new female friends. I just don’t feel comfortable with him in that setting. He told me he disagrees and that he understands my discomfort but that it is not his job to always provide me with 100% comfort. He said I should trust him and recognize that this is a harmless way for him to become close and develop friendships with someone else. If anyone has any advice for how to navigate this I’d greatly appreciate it! Thank you!

TLDR: I feel uncomfortable with my boyfriend going to a new friend who is a woman’s apartment to watch a show or movie.

Hi everyone. I'm a 28-year-old woman who has struggled with relationship OCD for nearly 10 years. I was diagnosed with OCD in 2015 and later with Pure O in 2020. My intrusive thoughts tend to revolve around being cheated on, abandoned, or betrayed in relationships.

I think a lot of this stems from my parents' divorce, my father's infidelity, and being cheated on by my first serious boyfriend. I've done therapy over the years, taken medication in the past, and recently restarted therapy.

I've been dating my current boyfriend (31M) for about 7 months. We have a great connection, share a lot of interests, and he's incredibly supportive. He spent the last 6 years dealing with thyroid disease and is now starting a new chapter of his life. He'll be starting law school in August and is also pursuing a new career path.

Lately, my relationship OCD has been flaring up. I'm afraid he'll meet someone in law school, develop feelings for someone else, or decide he wants to experience dating other people since I'm his first serious relationship. I also worry that my OCD and anxiety could eventually push him away.

He's very social and has a female best friend/roommate, which has already been a challenge for me to navigate. He recently told me that my anxiety sometimes makes him hesitant to tell me if he's spending time with women he meets because he's worried about my reaction. I told him that secrecy would actually make my anxiety worse because my OCD constantly seeks certainty, which I know isn't possible.

For those who struggle with relationship OCD, how do you manage the intrusive thoughts and urge to seek reassurance from your partner? How do you support a partner's independence and new experiences without letting fear take over?
Any advice, tools, or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: 28F with diagnosed relationship OCD (focused on cheating, abandonment, and betrayal). I've been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 7 months, and as he prepares to start law school, I'm struggling with fears that he'll meet someone else, want to date other people since I'm his first serious relationship, or leave me. I'm back in therapy and trying to manage my intrusive thoughts without constantly seeking reassurance or making him feel accused. Looking for advice from others who have dealt with relationship OCD and how they balance trust, uncertainty, and supporting their partner's independence.

Hi everyone. I'm a 28-year-old woman who has struggled with relationship OCD for nearly 10 years. I was diagnosed with OCD in 2015 and later with Pure O in 2020. My intrusive thoughts tend to revolve around being cheated on, abandoned, or betrayed in relationships.

I think a lot of this stems from my parents' divorce, my father's infidelity, and being cheated on by my first serious boyfriend. I've done therapy over the years, taken medication in the past, and recently restarted therapy.

I've been dating my current boyfriend (31M) for about 7 months. We have a great connection, share a lot of interests, and he's incredibly supportive. He spent the last 6 years dealing with thyroid disease and is now starting a new chapter of his life. He'll be starting law school in August and is also pursuing a new career path.

Lately, my relationship OCD has been flaring up. I'm afraid he'll meet someone in law school, develop feelings for someone else, or decide he wants to experience dating other people since I'm his first serious relationship. I also worry that my OCD and anxiety could eventually push him away.

He's very social and has a female best friend/roommate, which has already been a challenge for me to navigate. He recently told me that my anxiety sometimes makes him hesitant to tell me if he's spending time with women he meets because he's worried about my reaction. I told him that secrecy would actually make my anxiety worse because my OCD constantly seeks certainty, which I know isn't possible.

For those who struggle with relationship OCD, how do you manage the intrusive thoughts and urge to seek reassurance from your partner? How do you support a partner's independence and new experiences without letting fear take over?
Any advice, tools, or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: 28F with diagnosed relationship OCD (focused on cheating, abandonment, and betrayal). I've been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 7 months, and as he prepares to start law school, I'm struggling with fears that he'll meet someone else, want to date other people since I'm his first serious relationship, or leave me. I'm back in therapy and trying to manage my intrusive thoughts without constantly seeking reassurance or making him feel accused. Looking for advice from others who have dealt with relationship OCD and how they balance trust, uncertainty, and supporting their partner's independence.

Hi everyone. I'm a 28-year-old woman who has struggled with relationship OCD for nearly 10 years. I was diagnosed with OCD in 2015 and later with Pure O in 2020. My intrusive thoughts tend to revolve around being cheated on, abandoned, or betrayed in relationships.

I think a lot of this stems from my parents' divorce, my father's infidelity, and being cheated on by my first serious boyfriend. I've done therapy over the years, taken medication in the past, and recently restarted therapy.

I've been dating my current boyfriend (31M) for about 7 months. We have a great connection, share a lot of interests, and he's incredibly supportive. He spent the last 6 years dealing with thyroid disease and is now starting a new chapter of his life. He'll be starting law school in August and is also pursuing a new career path.

Lately, my relationship OCD has been flaring up. I'm afraid he'll meet someone in law school, develop feelings for someone else, or decide he wants to experience dating other people since I'm his first serious relationship. I also worry that my OCD and anxiety could eventually push him away.

He's very social and has a female best friend/roommate, which has already been a challenge for me to navigate. He recently told me that my anxiety sometimes makes him hesitant to tell me if he's spending time with women he meets because he's worried about my reaction. I told him that secrecy would actually make my anxiety worse because my OCD constantly seeks certainty, which I know isn't possible.

For those who struggle with relationship OCD, how do you manage the intrusive thoughts and urge to seek reassurance from your partner? How do you support a partner's independence and new experiences without letting fear take over?
Any advice, tools, or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: 28F with diagnosed relationship OCD (focused on cheating, abandonment, and betrayal). I've been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 7 months, and as he prepares to start law school, I'm struggling with fears that he'll meet someone else, want to date other people since I'm his first serious relationship, or leave me. I'm back in therapy and trying to manage my intrusive thoughts without constantly seeking reassurance or making him feel accused. Looking for advice from others who have dealt with relationship OCD and how they balance trust, uncertainty, and supporting their partner's independence.

Hi! I’m a 28 year old female who has struggled with relationship OCD for almost a decade. I’ve had several serious relationships throughout my teens and 20s and have experienced pure relationship OCD in pretty much all of them to some extent. I was diagnosed back in 2015 with OCD and later with pure OCD in 2020. It seems to have manifested itself in my adult life to revolve around my relationships with focuses in being cheated on, wronged, or abandoned.

I’ve gone to therapy over the years and taken medication in the past (currently not on medication but recently re-started therapy). I believe this specific OCD manifestation stems from my parents divorce and my father cheating on my mother as well as my first boyfriend (who was about 7 years older than me at the time) cheating on me.

I recently entered a new relationship approximately 7 months ago with a male who is 31 years old. We met through mutual friends and share a lot of common interests and I feel a deep connection to him. He spent the last 6 years of his life fighting thyroid disease and feels he’s lost out on a lot of his young adult life. He has never had a serious relationship until me but has had flings with people in his past (all of this 6 years ago). He is also currently having a career change to pursue what he wasn’t able to do when he was sick. He will be attending law school starting in August and I hate to admit that my relationship OCD is starting to creep up. I want to be able to better manage it and continue to be a supportive partner so I am open to any and all advice or tools. I am worried he will find someone better in his program or will develop feelings for someone else and leave me. I hate that I think these thoughts and it is taxing on me. I think it’s rooted in the fact that I’m his first serious relationship and I worry he’ll want to experience other people or that even my OCD will drive him away (I’ve broached certain thoughts with him already).

He is very outgoing and supportive of me and his best friend and current roommate is a female. That in and of itself has been something I’ve been navigating, but I think I’ve done a decent job. He has expressed that my anxiety makes him cautious about telling me if he hangs out with a girl he could meet in his program. I’ve told him that would make my anxiety worse because it’s based in finding 100% certainty (which I know is an impossible task). I would just like some advice on how to deal with these intrusive thoughts and compulsions so as to not be “questioning” him and making him feel suffocated or accused of something. I also want to be a supportive partner through his new endeavors, but it is very hard with these thoughts. Thank you!

Me F(28) and M(31). I feel like a complete and total asshole after talking to my boyfriend about this. My boyfriend is in a public Facebook support group for a disease he has. This disease will often affect a persons physical appearance (not in a way I notice, but to someone with the disease they can become very insecure, which I totally get). In this group a post popped up in my Facebook feed where a woman had posted pictures of herself asking if she looked “normal” and he responded about her appearance saying she looked great and provided medical advice. This is the first time I really thought about this. He also later replied saying she could message him with any other concerns or advice. He has also told me he’s messaged other women from the group or they message him and will send pictures of themselves and compliment eachother and talk about the struggles of their disease. I feel like an asshole because I broached this to him and got insecure that he could be “flirting” or developing an “emotional” relationship with them. Now I’m wondering if I am just too insecure in myself or if this would make anyone else feel weird? I truly am asking for advice. He got very upset and said I was disgusting for thinking he’d flirt with women in an emotionally vulnerable time and that I jump to the worst case. Please provide any advice and ways I can also be of better support/a better partner. Thanks!

TLDR: am I an asshole for getting insecure that my boyfriend compliments other women in a disease support group that he has?