u/Dimsen89

I know I have skills. A friend and I recently released a travel documentary where I was the host. It was a proper production and will be used as a pilot. I’m not mentioning it to self-promote, but to give context. Hosting, researching, presenting, telling stories, connecting ideas, these are things I know I can do.

But I still feel completely intimidated.

Social media floods me with people in their 20s doing everything faster, better, louder, and with so much confidence. I know comparison is pointless, but I can’t seem to stop.

I also see myself changing in the mirror. My face, my body, my energy. I feel alienated from myself sometimes. I know going to the gym would help, but I don’t have the will for it. Even if my dad was a bodybuilder, even if I had managed to build an impressive body before. I am completely empty. Not because I don’t care, but because something in me feels exhausted before I even begin.

I turned one room in my apartment into a small studio. I decorated it with things from my travels. I bought a teleprompter. I set up backgrounds. I created the space. I have the ideas.

And yet I can’t make myself record and post.

I think part of this comes from growing up in survival mode. I was bullied for 12 years. There was also a lot of physical violence around me growing up. I lived on constant alert, especially at school, just trying to get through each day.

My curiosity was punished.

That’s the part that hurts the most. I was always curious about the world. As a kid, before the internet, I would watch travel documentaries and mentally travel with the hosts. Then I’d look up those countries in encyclopedias (mid 90s). I wanted to understand people, places, history, culture, everything.

But when you spend years being attacked, mocked, or made to feel unsafe, you start hiding the parts of yourself that are alive.

Now, whenever I try to create, something inside me says, “Someone has already done this.” Or, “Who do you think you are?” Or, “You’re too late.”

The strange thing is, I’ve done hard things before. I finished my studies in the US while working around 70 hours a week just to survive. I completed a tourism master’s that is considered one of the top 10 programs in the world. I’ve backpacked, worked, studied, escaped abusive relationships, pushed through, and built things from nothing.

But my life feels like bursts of focus and creativity, followed by years of self-doubt and burnout.

When I showed my documentary to friends and family, most of them didn’t even watch it. That broke something in me. Whatever confidence I was trying to hold on to dropped to zero.

Covid isolation also triggered a deep depression, and several traumatic things happened around Christmas/New Year for multiple years in a row. Now winter pulls me back into that same dark place every year. Every spring, I try to pick up the pieces, but my own mind feels like my biggest enemy.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and started medication. It helped, and it explained a lot about the constant burnout, the paralysis, and the stop-start pattern of my life. But it didn’t magically give me the push I hoped for.

I want to create. I want to share what I know. I want to stop hiding.

But I keep comparing myself, freezing, and convincing myself I’m already too late.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you start again when your confidence is gone, even when part of you knows you’re capable?

I’d be grateful for any advice.

I’m 37 and I’m reaching out to filmmakers and creators here because I feel like I’ve lost my confidence creatively, even though a part of me knows I still have something to offer.

A friend and I recently released a travel documentary where I was the host. I’m not posting this to promote it, but to explain where I’m coming from. Storytelling, researching, presenting, interviewing people, connecting ideas and experiences, these are things I genuinely love and have spent years developing.

But despite that, I feel completely stuck.

I constantly compare myself to younger creators online who seem to produce content effortlessly and with endless confidence. Rationally I know comparison is toxic, but emotionally it still affects me a lot.

I’ve even built a small studio space in my apartment. I decorated it with objects from my travels, bought a teleprompter, created backgrounds, and prepared ideas for videos and projects.

But I freeze every time I try to record something.

I think a lot of this comes from growing up in survival mode. I was bullied for most of my school years and there was a lot of violence around me growing up. I spent years trying not to attract attention to myself, and I think that mindset never fully left.

The painful part is that curiosity and filmmaking were always connected for me. As a kid, before the internet, I would watch travel documentaries and become fascinated by the world. I’d spend hours reading encyclopedias about countries, cultures, and history. That curiosity eventually pushed me toward travel, tourism studies, and filmmaking.

But somewhere along the way, fear and self-doubt became louder than curiosity.

Now whenever I try to create something, my brain immediately says:
“Someone already did this better.”
“You’re too late.”
“Who do you think you are?”

What confuses me is that I’ve done objectively difficult things in my life. I completed my studies in the US while working around 70 hours a week just to survive. I finished a tourism master’s program considered one of the best in the field. I’ve traveled extensively, adapted to difficult situations, and pushed through challenges many times before.

Yet creatively, I feel paralyzed.

My life often feels like short bursts of intense focus and creativity followed by long periods of burnout and self-doubt.

One thing that hit me especially hard was releasing the documentary and realizing most friends and family didn’t even watch it. I know people are busy and I shouldn’t depend on external validation, but honestly, it crushed whatever confidence I had left.

Covid isolation also triggered a deep depression for me, and winter has become especially difficult mentally after several traumatic experiences around the holiday period over the last few years.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, which explained a lot: the burnout cycles, the paralysis, the inconsistency, the feeling of wanting to create but being unable to start. Medication helped somewhat, but it didn’t magically restore confidence or momentum.

I’m posting here because I imagine many filmmakers and creatives have gone through periods like this, especially independent creators trying to keep going without much support or validation.

How did you rebuild confidence after burnout, rejection, isolation, or long creative gaps?

How do you stop feeling “too late” creatively?

And how do you push yourself to create again when fear and comparison completely freeze you?

I genuinely want to create again. I want to tell stories, make documentaries, and share ideas instead of hiding from them.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar.

I’m 37 and I’m reaching out to filmmakers and creators here because I feel like I’ve lost my confidence creatively, even though a part of me knows I still have something to offer.

A friend and I recently released a travel documentary where I was the host. I’m not posting this to promote it, but to explain where I’m coming from. Storytelling, researching, presenting, interviewing people, connecting ideas and experiences, these are things I genuinely love and have spent years developing.

But despite that, I feel completely stuck.

I constantly compare myself to younger creators online who seem to produce content effortlessly and with endless confidence. Rationally I know comparison is toxic, but emotionally it still affects me a lot.

I’ve even built a small studio space in my apartment. I decorated it with objects from my travels, bought a teleprompter, created backgrounds, and prepared ideas for videos and projects.

But I freeze every time I try to record something.

I think a lot of this comes from growing up in survival mode. I was bullied for most of my school years and there was a lot of violence around me growing up. I spent years trying not to attract attention to myself, and I think that mindset never fully left.

The painful part is that curiosity and filmmaking were always connected for me. As a kid, before the internet, I would watch travel documentaries and become fascinated by the world. I’d spend hours reading encyclopedias about countries, cultures, and history. That curiosity eventually pushed me toward travel, tourism studies, and filmmaking.

But somewhere along the way, fear and self-doubt became louder than curiosity.

Now whenever I try to create something, my brain immediately says:
“Someone already did this better.”
“You’re too late.”
“Who do you think you are?”

What confuses me is that I’ve done objectively difficult things in my life. I completed my studies in the US while working around 70 hours a week just to survive. I finished a tourism master’s program considered one of the best in the field. I’ve traveled extensively, adapted to difficult situations, and pushed through challenges many times before.

Yet creatively, I feel paralyzed.

My life often feels like short bursts of intense focus and creativity followed by long periods of burnout and self-doubt.

One thing that hit me especially hard was releasing the documentary and realizing most friends and family didn’t even watch it. I know people are busy and I shouldn’t depend on external validation, but honestly, it crushed whatever confidence I had left.

Covid isolation also triggered a deep depression for me, and winter has become especially difficult mentally after several traumatic experiences around the holiday period over the last few years.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, which explained a lot: the burnout cycles, the paralysis, the inconsistency, the feeling of wanting to create but being unable to start. Medication helped somewhat, but it didn’t magically restore confidence or momentum.

I’m posting here because I imagine many filmmakers and creatives have gone through periods like this, especially independent creators trying to keep going without much support or validation.

How did you rebuild confidence after burnout, rejection, isolation, or long creative gaps?

How do you stop feeling “too late” creatively?

And how do you push yourself to create again when fear and comparison completely freeze you?

I genuinely want to create again. I want to tell stories, make documentaries, and share ideas instead of hiding from them.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar.

I know I have skills. A friend and I recently released a travel documentary where I was the host. It was a proper production and will be used as a pilot. I’m not mentioning it to self-promote, but to give context. Hosting, researching, presenting, telling stories, connecting ideas, these are things I know I can do.

But I still feel completely intimidated.

Social media floods me with people in their 20s doing everything faster, better, louder, and with so much confidence. I know comparison is pointless, but I can’t seem to stop.

I also see myself changing in the mirror. My face, my body, my energy. I feel alienated from myself sometimes. I know going to the gym would help, but I don’t have the will for it. Even if my dad was a bodybuilder, even if I had managed to build an impressive body before. I am completely empty. Not because I don’t care, but because something in me feels exhausted before I even begin.

I turned one room in my apartment into a small studio. I decorated it with things from my travels. I bought a teleprompter. I set up backgrounds. I created the space. I have the ideas.

And yet I can’t make myself record and post.

I have an extended experience with psychedelics (mainly mushrooms, LSD and MDMA). They have helped to guide me in points in my life I was lost but the past year, the effects really run off once the experience goes away and still get stuck on my own ideas and self-destructive habits.

I think part of this comes from growing up in survival mode. I was bullied for 12 years. There was also a lot of physical violence around me growing up. I lived on constant alert, especially at school, just trying to get through each day.

My curiosity was punished.

That’s the part that hurts the most. I was always curious about the world. As a kid, before the internet, I would watch travel documentaries and mentally travel with the hosts. Then I’d look up those countries in encyclopedias (mid 90s). I wanted to understand people, places, history, culture, everything.

But when you spend years being attacked, mocked, or made to feel unsafe, you start hiding the parts of yourself that are alive.

Now, whenever I try to create, something inside me says, “Someone has already done this.” Or, “Who do you think you are?” Or, “You’re too late.”

The strange thing is, I’ve done hard things before. I finished my studies in the US while working around 70 hours a week just to survive. I completed a tourism master’s that is considered one of the top 10 programs in the world. I’ve backpacked, worked, studied, escaped abusive relationships, pushed through, and built things from nothing.

But my life feels like bursts of focus and creativity, followed by years of self-doubt and burnout.

When I showed my documentary to friends and family, most of them didn’t even watch it. That broke something in me. Whatever confidence I was trying to hold on to dropped to zero.

Covid isolation also triggered a deep depression, and several traumatic things happened around Christmas/New Year for multiple years in a row. Now winter pulls me back into that same dark place every year. Every spring, I try to pick up the pieces, but my own mind feels like my biggest enemy.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and started medication. It helped, and it explained a lot about the constant burnout, the paralysis, and the stop-start pattern of my life. But it didn’t magically give me the push I hoped for.

I want to create. I want to share what I know. I want to stop hiding.

But I keep comparing myself, freezing, and convincing myself I’m already too late.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you start again when your confidence is gone, even when part of you knows you’re capable?

I’d be grateful for any advice.

I know I have skills. A friend and I recently released a travel documentary where I was the host. It was a proper production and will be used as a pilot. I’m not mentioning it to self-promote, but to give context. Hosting, researching, presenting, telling stories, connecting ideas, these are things I know I can do.

But I still feel completely intimidated.

Social media floods me with people in their 20s doing everything faster, better, louder, and with so much confidence. I know comparison is pointless, but I can’t seem to stop.

I also see myself changing in the mirror. My face, my body, my energy. I feel alienated from myself sometimes. I know going to the gym would help, but I don’t have the will for it. Even if my dad was a bodybuilder, even if I had managed to build an impressive body before. I am completely empty. Not because I don’t care, but because something in me feels exhausted before I even begin.

I turned one room in my apartment into a small studio. I decorated it with things from my travels. I bought a teleprompter. I set up backgrounds. I created the space. I have the ideas.

And yet I can’t make myself record and post.

I think part of this comes from growing up in survival mode. I was bullied for 12 years. There was also a lot of physical violence around me growing up. I lived on constant alert, especially at school, just trying to get through each day.

My curiosity was punished.

That’s the part that hurts the most. I was always curious about the world. As a kid, before the internet, I would watch travel documentaries and mentally travel with the hosts. Then I’d look up those countries in encyclopedias (mid 90s). I wanted to understand people, places, history, culture, everything.

But when you spend years being attacked, mocked, or made to feel unsafe, you start hiding the parts of yourself that are alive.

Now, whenever I try to create, something inside me says, “Someone has already done this.” Or, “Who do you think you are?” Or, “You’re too late.”

The strange thing is, I’ve done hard things before. I finished my studies in the US while working around 70 hours a week just to survive. I completed a tourism master’s that is considered one of the top 10 programs in the world. I’ve backpacked, worked, studied, escaped abusive relationships, pushed through, and built things from nothing.

But my life feels like bursts of focus and creativity, followed by years of self-doubt and burnout.

When I showed my documentary to friends and family, most of them didn’t even watch it. That broke something in me. Whatever confidence I was trying to hold on to dropped to zero.

Covid isolation also triggered a deep depression, and several traumatic things happened around Christmas/New Year for multiple years in a row. Now winter pulls me back into that same dark place every year. Every spring, I try to pick up the pieces, but my own mind feels like my biggest enemy.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and started medication. It helped, and it explained a lot about the constant burnout, the paralysis, and the stop-start pattern of my life. But it didn’t magically give me the push I hoped for.

I want to create. I want to share what I know. I want to stop hiding.

But I keep comparing myself, freezing, and convincing myself I’m already too late.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you start again when your confidence is gone, even when part of you knows you’re capable?

I’d be grateful for any advice.

I know I have skills. A friend and I recently released a travel documentary where I was the host. It was a proper production and will be used as a pilot. I’m not mentioning it to self-promote, but to give context. Hosting, researching, presenting, telling stories, connecting ideas, these are things I know I can do.

But I still feel completely intimidated.

Social media floods me with people in their 20s doing everything faster, better, louder, and with so much confidence. I know comparison is pointless, but I can’t seem to stop.

I also see myself changing in the mirror. My face, my body, my energy. I feel alienated from myself sometimes. I know going to the gym would help, but I don’t have the will for it. Even if my dad was a bodybuilder, even if I had managed to build an impressive body before. I am completely empty. Not because I don’t care, but because something in me feels exhausted before I even begin.

I turned one room in my apartment into a small studio. I decorated it with things from my travels. I bought a teleprompter. I set up backgrounds. I created the space. I have the ideas.

And yet I can’t make myself record and post.

I think part of this comes from growing up in survival mode. I was bullied for 12 years. There was also a lot of physical violence around me growing up. I lived on constant alert, especially at school, just trying to get through each day.

My curiosity was punished.

That’s the part that hurts the most. I was always curious about the world. As a kid, before the internet, I would watch travel documentaries and mentally travel with the hosts. Then I’d look up those countries in encyclopedias (mid 90s). I wanted to understand people, places, history, culture, everything.

But when you spend years being attacked, mocked, or made to feel unsafe, you start hiding the parts of yourself that are alive.

Now, whenever I try to create, something inside me says, “Someone has already done this.” Or, “Who do you think you are?” Or, “You’re too late.”

The strange thing is, I’ve done hard things before. I finished my studies in the US while working around 70 hours a week just to survive. I completed a tourism master’s that is considered one of the top 10 programs in the world. I’ve backpacked, worked, studied, escaped abusive relationships, pushed through, and built things from nothing.

But my life feels like bursts of focus and creativity, followed by years of self-doubt and burnout.

When I showed my documentary to friends and family, most of them didn’t even watch it. That broke something in me. Whatever confidence I was trying to hold on to dropped to zero.

Covid isolation also triggered a deep depression, and several traumatic things happened around Christmas/New Year for multiple years in a row. Now winter pulls me back into that same dark place every year. Every spring, I try to pick up the pieces, but my own mind feels like my biggest enemy.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and started medication. It helped, and it explained a lot about the constant burnout, the paralysis, and the stop-start pattern of my life. But it didn’t magically give me the push I hoped for.

I want to create. I want to share what I know. I want to stop hiding.

But I keep comparing myself, freezing, and convincing myself I’m already too late.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you start again when your confidence is gone, even when part of you knows you’re capable?

I’d be grateful for any advice.