u/Dinosaurs-N-Dragons

*As it relates to codependency: I believe that I was codependent in the sense that I was will to do almost anything for her, did everything I could to minimize her pain and protect her, and put a lot of my eggs in one basket - that being our relationship. She literally felt suicidal at thought of me breaking up with her and had a textbook borderline or histrionic collapse at the very end (I'm not diagnosing, but all the signs are there).

M28. We were together for appx. 1 year and 5 months.

I broke up with her almost exactly a week ago and I cut off contact completely 3 days ago. We'd talked about being friends if things didn't work out. It seemed very reasonable because she had healthy friendships yet clear boundaries with some of her exes. But that's not happening for us, and that makes it even worse.

When it started, she helped me get through my dad's death when he was killed in a car crash at the beginning, and I helped her through her own recent breakups and her dad getting a DUI/going through an intervention. We fell in love fast, saying "I love you" not even a full month in. We saw each other at least 50% of the days in the first three months. We'd both thought we'd found our soulmate. It was a fairy tale come to life.

She'd told me early on that she practiced ethical non-monogamy. But she said she'd give monogamy a chance. And it seemed to be working well. We both were happy and both were talking about plans for getting married (no formal proposal, though) and we were work-shopping the names for our future children. Neither of us had wanted children until we met each other, and it just seemed so possible and fantastical to be parents together.

Then she tells me a few months in that she's still having feelings about other people. I take this as a challenge to double-down on doing anything to make her happy, doing more and more things out of my comfort zone, and getting deep into the world of kink with her. But it was never enough. She still wanted to fool around with other people. I felt like I wasn't enough, and everything we did together always itched at the back of my mind saying "she wants to do this with other people too, not just you." She tried to reassure me, but it felt like her words weren't matching her desires.

We went to couples therapy and I completely freaked out afterwards because the unspoken thing was finally said out loud. She said something along the lines of "I want to do everything we can before I'm willing to give up on this relationship." But that was just it. I never in a million years would have thought it would actually end. And the very possibility that the end could be on the horizon royally messed with my brain. I had two mental breakdowns in 24 hours, battling between "I can't do this anymore" and "I can't lose her."

Over the next three weeks, I go on daily walks to work out my feelings and try to think of a solution, literally walking well over 100 miles to find a way to make it work. I go back and forth between what I'm willing to sacrifice and also making a script to break up with her because I can't let myself do something psychologically damaging and irreversible, like opening our relationship. Especially when I don't even LOOK at other women sexually, much less want to do other things with them, in a committed relationship. Especially also when she doesn't want me to see other people because she can't handle the idea of me falling in love with another woman.

Meanwhile, during these 3 weeks, she's going out and getting drunk with her friends every weekend because of back to back holidays/events just so happening to line up. I don't drink, smoke, or anything, and I never minded her doing so as long as she was safe. I always trusted her and never thought twice about her going out. But week 1 she talks about being jealous of her friend getting to kiss other people, week 2 she asks to kiss her friends which I say "no" to and feel uncomfortable when she's talking about "let me know if you change your mind," and week 3 she actually kisses another woman and gives her a hickey at a random bar/club while she's traveling away from home.

I absolutely cannot fathom that she did that, but then she makes excuses saying it was a "gray area" based on a previous conversation where I told her I MIGHT be okay with her kissing some of her CLOSE FRIENDS, who I trust not to hurt either of us. She's acting like the victim and getting mad at me. I'm mad at her too, but mostly just hurt because of all the trust I had put into her. I knew it was just a kiss, but it was also a precedent: How much more could happen years down the road while married when she got bored in this relationship without the novelty and stimulation she so desperately craved?

I tried to explain my thoughts via text and and emails so that we could discuss it in person. But she freaked out and I had to go see her immediately instead of the next day like we'd planned. All of this takes place around midnight on the driveway with no one else around: She starts coming at me with anger and frustration that I would want to break up with her and says that kissing the other girl and knowing how much it would hurt me was giving her suicidal thoughts. She calls her therapist's emergency line then her friend with lived experience with crisis care, either because she truly felt suicidal or just to prove to me that she was serious.

Then she talks about making a suicide pact and asking me if I knew how to make it painless for both of us. Then about wanting to run away together without any plan as to where or why. Then I have the worst breakdown of my life begging her not to hurt herself and also sobbing how I can't share the love of my life with other people, clinging to her on my knees and with her in my lap. Then she tells me that she'd never be okay with me being with another woman, either in an open relationship or after a breakup. Then, when I try to get her to promise she won't hurt herself, at least to live for her mom or friends or even me, she says "I'm not like you. I don't live for other people." Followed by forcing me to promise I won't live for other people either.

Going inside, after a shower, she comes out for reassurance that we aren't over, talks about wanting to see me be the father of her kids, and about how she thinks of her desire for non-monogamy as a diseased part of her ADHD need for novelty, as though it can be treated or cured and she can eventually go without it. I spend the next hour writing everything down with timestamps in case she does something dangerous and I need to file a police report.

The next day she goes to her psychiatrist, and on the way back she calls me all hopeful. But I finally put my foot down and say I'm done and I can't do this anymore. She switches over to insulting me: you're disgusting, you're a bastard, you're betraying me, and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She hangs up, I bring her stuff into her place, get her mom involved to go help her, and go back to my place.

She love-bombs and uses guilt tactics over text to get me to come back. And, after some time of trying to get her to calm down, I turn off my phone's ringer and notifications. I tell my mom and best friend everything that happened and add more to my write up report of events. The next day she's all reasonable and logical, like usual. She's apologizing and saying it was just one bad night and all of that, but I hold firm on the breakup yet make concessions that we can try to be friends later on.

A few days pass, and I finally realize that having her in my life as a friend won't work. She explicitly said she couldn't tolerate me falling in love with someone else, so the idea of ever getting to have a relationship she wouldn't sabotage is basically impossible. I finally reach out one more time to her and her mom to sever ties completely in the most polite and well-explained way I can before blocking both numbers.

Now that all of the chaos is over, I feel horrible. I've been running on adrenaline, cortisol, too much walking, and not enough sleep, and my body is not being very forgiving of what I just went through. I naturally have depression, but this feels worse. I still love her and want the best for her. I can forgive her as a person, but not for what she did. It's crushing me because of all of the good memories and all of the ideas of what could've been coming back to me. But I'll probably never see her again. Even if both of us do get better. I hate it. I hate this situation so much. It feels like being in "drop" without the aftercare. And there's no way to relieve it properly.

Give me whatever you got. I'm welcome to whatever advice you have. Please.

M28. We were together for appx. 1 year and 5 months.

I broke up with her almost exactly a week ago and I cut off contact completely 3 days ago. We'd talked about being friends if things didn't work out. It seemed very reasonable because she had healthy friendships yet clear boundaries with some of her exes. But that's not happening for us, and that makes it even worse.

When it started, she helped me get through my dad's death when he was killed in a car crash at the beginning, and I helped her through her own recent breakups and her dad getting a DUI/going through an intervention. We fell in love fast, saying "I love you" not even a full month in. We saw each other at least 50% of the days in the first three months. We'd both thought we'd found our soulmate. It was a fairy tale come to life.

She'd told me early on that she practiced ethical non-monogamy. But she said she'd give monogamy a chance. And it seemed to be working well. We both were happy and both were talking about plans for getting married (no formal proposal, though) and we were work-shopping the names for our future children. Neither of us had wanted children until we met each other, and it just seemed so possible and fantastical to be parents together.

Then she tells me a few months in that she's still having feelings about other people. I take this as a challenge to double-down on doing anything to make her happy, doing more and more things out of my comfort zone, and getting deep into the world of kink with her. But it was never enough. She still wanted to fool around with other people. I felt like I wasn't enough, and everything we did together always itched at the back of my mind saying "she wants to do this with other people too, not just you." She tried to reassure me, but it felt like her words weren't matching her desires.

We went to couples therapy and I completely freaked out afterwards because the unspoken thing was finally said out loud. She said something along the lines of "I want to do everything we can before I'm willing to give up on this relationship." But that was just it. I never in a million years would have thought it would actually end. And the very possibility that the end could be on the horizon royally messed with my brain. I had two mental breakdowns in 24 hours, battling between "I can't do this anymore" and "I can't lose her."

Over the next three weeks, I go on daily walks to work out my feelings and try to think of a solution, literally walking well over 100 miles to find a way to make it work. I go back and forth between what I'm willing to sacrifice and also making a script to break up with her because I can't let myself do something psychologically damaging and irreversible, like opening our relationship. Especially when I don't even LOOK at other women sexually, much less want to do other things with them, in a committed relationship. Especially also when she doesn't want me to see other people because she can't handle the idea of me falling in love with another woman.

Meanwhile, during these 3 weeks, she's going out and getting drunk with her friends every weekend because of back to back holidays/events just so happening to line up. I don't drink, smoke, or anything, and I never minded her doing so as long as she was safe. I always trusted her and never thought twice about her going out. But week 1 she talks about being jealous of her friend getting to kiss other people, week 2 she asks to kiss her friends which I say "no" to and feel uncomfortable when she's talking about "let me know if you change your mind," and week 3 she actually kisses another woman and gives her a hickey at a random bar/club while she's traveling away from home.

I absolutely cannot fathom that she did that, but then she makes excuses saying it was a "gray area" based on a previous conversation where I told her I MIGHT be okay with her kissing some of her CLOSE FRIENDS, who I trust not to hurt either of us. She's acting like the victim and getting mad at me. I'm mad at her too, but mostly just hurt because of all the trust I had put into her. I knew it was just a kiss, but it was also a precedent: How much more could happen years down the road while married when she got bored in this relationship without the novelty and stimulation she so desperately craved?

I tried to explain my thoughts via text and and emails so that we could discuss it in person. But she freaked out and I had to go see her immediately instead of the next day like we'd planned. All of this takes place around midnight on the driveway with no one else around: She starts coming at me with anger and frustration that I would want to break up with her and says that kissing the other girl and knowing how much it would hurt me was giving her suicidal thoughts. She calls her therapist's emergency line then her friend with lived experience with crisis care, either because she truly felt suicidal or just to prove to me that she was serious.

Then she talks about making a suicide pact and asking me if I knew how to make it painless for both of us. Then about wanting to run away together without any plan as to where or why. Then I have the worst breakdown of my life begging her not to hurt herself and also sobbing how I can't share the love of my life with other people, clinging to her on my knees and with her in my lap. Then she tells me that she'd never be okay with me being with another woman, either in an open relationship or after a breakup. Then, when I try to get her to promise she won't hurt herself, at least to live for her mom or friends or even me, she says "I'm not like you. I don't live for other people." Followed by forcing me to promise I won't live for other people either.

Going inside, after a shower, she comes out for reassurance that we aren't over, talks about wanting to see me be the father of her kids, and about how she thinks of her desire for non-monogamy as a diseased part of her ADHD need for novelty, as though it can be treated or cured and she can eventually go without it. I spend the next hour writing everything down with timestamps in case she does something dangerous and I need to file a police report.

The next day she goes to her psychiatrist, and on the way back she calls me all hopeful. But I finally put my foot down and say I'm done and I can't do this anymore. She switches over to insulting me: you're disgusting, you're a bastard, you're betraying me, and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She hangs up, I bring her stuff into her place, get her mom involved to go help her, and go back to my place.

She love-bombs and uses guilt tactics over text to get me to come back. And, after some time of trying to get her to calm down, I turn off my phone's ringer and notifications. I tell my mom and best friend everything that happened and add more to my write up report of events. The next day she's all reasonable and logical, like usual. She's apologizing and saying it was just one bad night and all of that, but I hold firm on the breakup yet make concessions that we can try to be friends later on.

A few days pass, and I finally realize that having her in my life as a friend won't work. She explicitly said she couldn't tolerate me falling in love with someone else, so the idea of ever getting to have a relationship she wouldn't sabotage is basically impossible. I finally reach out one more time to her and her mom to sever ties completely in the most polite and well-explained way I can before blocking both numbers.

Now that all of the chaos is over, I feel horrible. I've been running on adrenaline, cortisol, too much walking, and not enough sleep, and my body is not being very forgiving of what I just went through. I naturally have depression, but this feels worse. I still love her and want the best for her. I can forgive her as a person, but not for what she did. It's crushing me because of all of the good memories and all of the ideas of what could've been coming back to me. But I'll probably never see her again. Even if both of us do get better. I hate it. I hate this situation so much. It feels like being in "drop" without the aftercare. And there's no way to relieve it properly.

Give me whatever you got. I'm welcome to whatever advice you have. Please.

M28. We were together for appx. 1 year and 5 months.

I broke up with her almost exactly a week ago and I cut off contact completely 3 days ago. We'd talked about being friends if things didn't work out. It seemed very reasonable because she had healthy friendships yet clear boundaries with some of her exes. But that's not happening for us, and that makes it even worse.

When it started, she helped me get through my dad's death when he was killed in a car crash at the beginning, and I helped her through her own recent breakups and her dad getting a DUI/going through an intervention. We fell in love fast, saying "I love you" not even a full month in. We saw each other at least 50% of the days in the first three months. We'd both thought we'd found our soulmate. It was a fairy tale come to life.

She'd told me early on that she practiced ethical non-monogamy. But she said she'd give monogamy a chance. And it seemed to be working well. We both were happy and both were talking about plans for getting married (no formal proposal, though) and we were work-shopping the names for our future children. Neither of us had wanted children until we met each other, and it just seemed so possible and fantastical to be parents together.

Then she tells me a few months in that she's still having feelings about other people. I take this as a challenge to double-down on doing anything to make her happy, doing more and more things out of my comfort zone, and getting deep into the world of kink with her. But it was never enough. She still wanted to fool around with other people. I felt like I wasn't enough, and everything we did together always itched at the back of my mind saying "she wants to do this with other people too, not just you." She tried to reassure me, but it felt like her words weren't matching her desires.

We went to couples therapy and I completely freaked out afterwards because the unspoken thing was finally said out loud. She said something along the lines of "I want to do everything we can before I'm willing to give up on this relationship." But that was just it. I never in a million years would have thought it would actually end. And the very possibility that the end could be on the horizon royally messed with my brain. I had two mental breakdowns in 24 hours, battling between "I can't do this anymore" and "I can't lose her."

Over the next three weeks, I go on daily walks to work out my feelings and try to think of a solution, literally walking well over 100 miles to find a way to make it work. I go back and forth between what I'm willing to sacrifice and also making a script to break up with her because I can't let myself do something psychologically damaging and irreversible, like opening our relationship. Especially when I don't even LOOK at other women sexually, much less want to do other things with them, in a committed relationship. Especially also when she doesn't want me to see other people because she can't handle the idea of me falling in love with another woman.

Meanwhile, during these 3 weeks, she's going out and getting drunk with her friends every weekend because of back to back holidays/events just so happening to line up. I don't drink, smoke, or anything, and I never minded her doing so as long as she was safe. I always trusted her and never thought twice about her going out. But week 1 she talks about being jealous of her friend getting to kiss other people, week 2 she asks to kiss her friends which I say "no" to and feel uncomfortable when she's talking about "let me know if you change your mind," and week 3 she actually kisses another woman and gives her a hickey at a random bar/club while she's traveling away from home.

I absolutely cannot fathom that she did that, but then she makes excuses saying it was a "gray area" based on a previous conversation where I told her I MIGHT be okay with her kissing some of her CLOSE FRIENDS, who I trust not to hurt either of us. She's acting like the victim and getting mad at me. I'm mad at her too, but mostly just hurt because of all the trust I had put into her. I knew it was just a kiss, but it was also a precedent: How much more could happen years down the road while married when she got bored in this relationship without the novelty and stimulation she so desperately craved?

I tried to explain my thoughts via text and and emails so that we could discuss it in person. But she freaked out and I had to go see her immediately instead of the next day like we'd planned. All of this takes place around midnight on the driveway with no one else around: She starts coming at me with anger and frustration that I would want to break up with her and says that kissing the other girl and knowing how much it would hurt me was giving her suicidal thoughts. She calls her therapist's emergency line then her friend with lived experience with crisis care, either because she truly felt suicidal or just to prove to me that she was serious.

Then she talks about making a suicide pact and asking me if I knew how to make it painless for both of us. Then about wanting to run away together without any plan as to where or why. Then I have the worst breakdown of my life begging her not to hurt herself and also sobbing how I can't share the love of my life with other people, clinging to her on my knees and with her in my lap. Then she tells me that she'd never be okay with me being with another woman, either in an open relationship or after a breakup. Then, when I try to get her to promise she won't hurt herself, at least to live for her mom or friends or even me, she says "I'm not like you. I don't live for other people." Followed by forcing me to promise I won't live for other people either.

Going inside, after a shower, she comes out for reassurance that we aren't over, talks about wanting to see me be the father of her kids, and about how she thinks of her desire for non-monogamy as a diseased part of her ADHD need for novelty, as though it can be treated or cured and she can eventually go without it. I spend the next hour writing everything down with timestamps in case she does something dangerous and I need to file a police report.

The next day she goes to her psychiatrist, and on the way back she calls me all hopeful. But I finally put my foot down and say I'm done and I can't do this anymore. She switches over to insulting me: you're disgusting, you're a bastard, you're betraying me, and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She hangs up, I bring her stuff into her place, get her mom involved to go help her, and go back to my place.

She love-bombs and uses guilt tactics over text to get me to come back. And, after some time of trying to get her to calm down, I turn off my phone's ringer and notifications. I tell my mom and best friend everything that happened and add more to my write up report of events. The next day she's all reasonable and logical, like usual. She's apologizing and saying it was just one bad night and all of that, but I hold firm on the breakup yet make concessions that we can try to be friends later on.

A few days pass, and I finally realize that having her in my life as a friend won't work. She explicitly said she couldn't tolerate me falling in love with someone else, so the idea of ever getting to have a relationship she wouldn't sabotage is basically impossible. I finally reach out one more time to her and her mom to sever ties completely in the most polite and well-explained way I can before blocking both numbers.

Now that all of the chaos is over, I feel horrible. I've been running on adrenaline, cortisol, too much walking, and not enough sleep, and my body is not being very forgiving of what I just went through. I naturally have depression, but this feels worse. I still love her and want the best for her. I can forgive her as a person, but not for what she did. It's crushing me because of all of the good memories and all of the ideas of what could've been coming back to me. But I'll probably never see her again. Even if both of us do get better. I hate it. I hate this situation so much. It feels like being in "drop" without the aftercare. And there's no way to relieve it properly.

Give me whatever you got. I'm welcome to whatever advice you have. Please.

M28. We were together for appx. 1 year and 5 months.

I broke up with her almost exactly a week ago and I cut off contact completely 3 days ago. We'd talked about being friends if things didn't work out. It seemed very reasonable because she had healthy friendships yet clear boundaries with some of her exes. But that's not happening for us, and that makes it even worse.

When it started, she helped me get through my dad's death when he was killed in a car crash at the beginning, and I helped her through her own recent breakups and her dad getting a DUI/going through an intervention. We fell in love fast, saying "I love you" not even a full month in. We saw each other at least 50% of the days in the first three months. We'd both thought we'd found our soulmate. It was a fairy tale come to life.

She'd told me early on that she practiced ethical non-monogamy. But she said she'd give monogamy a chance. And it seemed to be working well. We both were happy and both were talking about plans for getting married (no formal proposal, though) and we were work-shopping the names for our future children. Neither of us had wanted children until we met each other, and it just seemed so possible and fantastical to be parents together.

Then she tells me a few months in that she's still having feelings about other people. I take this as a challenge to double-down on doing anything to make her happy, doing more and more things out of my comfort zone, and getting deep into the world of kink with her. But it was never enough. She still wanted to fool around with other people. I felt like I wasn't enough, and everything we did together always itched at the back of my mind saying "she wants to do this with other people too, not just you." She tried to reassure me, but it felt like her words weren't matching her desires.

We went to couples therapy and I completely freaked out afterwards because the unspoken thing was finally said out loud. She said something along the lines of "I want to do everything we can before I'm willing to give up on this relationship." But that was just it. I never in a million years would have thought it would actually end. And the very possibility that the end could be on the horizon royally messed with my brain. I had two mental breakdowns in 24 hours, battling between "I can't do this anymore" and "I can't lose her."

Over the next three weeks, I go on daily walks to work out my feelings and try to think of a solution, literally walking well over 100 miles to find a way to make it work. I go back and forth between what I'm willing to sacrifice and also making a script to break up with her because I can't let myself do something psychologically damaging and irreversible, like opening our relationship. Especially when I don't even LOOK at other women sexually, much less want to do other things with them, in a committed relationship. Especially also when she doesn't want me to see other people because she can't handle the idea of me falling in love with another woman.

Meanwhile, during these 3 weeks, she's going out and getting drunk with her friends every weekend because of back to back holidays/events just so happening to line up. I don't drink, smoke, or anything, and I never minded her doing so as long as she was safe. I always trusted her and never thought twice about her going out. But week 1 she talks about being jealous of her friend getting to kiss other people, week 2 she asks to kiss her friends which I say "no" to and feel uncomfortable when she's talking about "let me know if you change your mind," and week 3 she actually kisses another woman and gives her a hickey at a random bar/club while she's traveling away from home.

I absolutely cannot fathom that she did that, but then she makes excuses saying it was a "gray area" based on a previous conversation where I told her I MIGHT be okay with her kissing some of her CLOSE FRIENDS, who I trust not to hurt either of us. She's acting like the victim and getting mad at me. I'm mad at her too, but mostly just hurt because of all the trust I had put into her. I knew it was just a kiss, but it was also a precedent: How much more could happen years down the road while married when she got bored in this relationship without the novelty and stimulation she so desperately craved?

I tried to explain my thoughts via text and and emails so that we could discuss it in person. But she freaked out and I had to go see her immediately instead of the next day like we'd planned. All of this takes place around midnight on the driveway with no one else around: She starts coming at me with anger and frustration that I would want to break up with her and says that kissing the other girl and knowing how much it would hurt me was giving her suicidal thoughts. She calls her therapist's emergency line then her friend with lived experience with crisis care, either because she truly felt suicidal or just to prove to me that she was serious.

Then she talks about making a suicide pact and asking me if I knew how to make it painless for both of us. Then about wanting to run away together without any plan as to where or why. Then I have the worst breakdown of my life begging her not to hurt herself and also sobbing how I can't share the love of my life with other people, clinging to her on my knees and with her in my lap. Then she tells me that she'd never be okay with me being with another woman, either in an open relationship or after a breakup. Then, when I try to get her to promise she won't hurt herself, at least to live for her mom or friends or even me, she says "I'm not like you. I don't live for other people." Followed by forcing me to promise I won't live for other people either.

Going inside, after a shower, she comes out for reassurance that we aren't over, talks about wanting to see me be the father of her kids, and about how she thinks of her desire for non-monogamy as a diseased part of her ADHD need for novelty, as though it can be treated or cured and she can eventually go without it. I spend the next hour writing everything down with timestamps in case she does something dangerous and I need to file a police report.

The next day she goes to her psychiatrist, and on the way back she calls me all hopeful. But I finally put my foot down and say I'm done and I can't do this anymore. She switches over to insulting me: you're disgusting, you're a bastard, you're betraying me, and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She hangs up, I bring her stuff into her place, get her mom involved to go help her, and go back to my place.

She love-bombs and uses guilt tactics over text to get me to come back. And, after some time of trying to get her to calm down, I turn off my phone's ringer and notifications. I tell my mom and best friend everything that happened and add more to my write up report of events. The next day she's all reasonable and logical, like usual. She's apologizing and saying it was just one bad night and all of that, but I hold firm on the breakup yet make concessions that we can try to be friends later on.

A few days pass, and I finally realize that having her in my life as a friend won't work. She explicitly said she couldn't tolerate me falling in love with someone else, so the idea of ever getting to have a relationship she wouldn't sabotage is basically impossible. I finally reach out one more time to her and her mom to sever ties completely in the most polite and well-explained way I can before blocking both numbers.

Now that all of the chaos is over, I feel horrible. I've been running on adrenaline, cortisol, too much walking, and not enough sleep, and my body is not being very forgiving of what I just went through. I naturally have depression, but this feels worse. I still love her and want the best for her. I can forgive her as a person, but not for what she did. It's crushing me because of all of the good memories and all of the ideas of what could've been coming back to me. But I'll probably never see her again. Even if both of us do get better. I hate it. I hate this situation so much. It feels like being in "drop" without the aftercare. And there's no way to relieve it properly.

Give me whatever you got. I'm welcome to whatever advice you have. Please.

I have about 3 years of experience working at Walmart, 9 months of which I was a team lead/dept manager in meat/produce as well as apparel

I did a 3 month stint at Publix in the middle before Walmart offered me full time plus 3 dollars and hour more than Publix.

I was at Pepsi for nearly 3 years as first a merch then a sales rep for large format. I have incredibly good rapport with the Publix managers I worked with from this time, so I could theoretically get over a dozen good internal references. I really understand ops from the bottom up at Publix, DSD, and retail in general. I also got training in a leadership development program at Pepsi called ALDP.

I am working on my MBA right now and doing some Coursera courses besides that. I'll graduate either this fall or next spring depending on how well I can manage my course load.

I'm interested in BAR jobs for analytics, purchasing, or in Planogram category management, but I'm not going to limit my options just yet.

What are my chances of getting in? What is the best way to get in? What is it really like working at the Lakeland home office? And for anyone that's worked at another retail giant, like Walmart or Target headquarters, what's the comparison?

I worked as a merch for 8 months before becoming a large format sales rep/BCR. I bypassed the relief role because a new route opened up with Gatorade DSD rollout. I worked as a BCR for almost 2 years across 2 different routes and some stores in between across two districts. I made a great reputation for myself with store managers, coworkers, and Pepsi managers.

I did the Aspiring Leader Development Program (ALDP) and have phenomenal connections and recommendations from former managers, including a unit manager and three former sales district leaders (SDLs) that all have since promoted upwards. I left Pepsi to pursue my MBA full time and only do some landscaping to pay the bills while also leaning on savings.

I know there's a lot of doom and gloom posts here and I remember seeing problems while I worked my 55 hours/week in the trade. However, I am considering going back to work at Pepsi in a corporate role as my first entry level job into the white collar sector after completing my degree. With my experience, my degree, and my references, I'd have a pretty good shot of getting in. Not to mention that I'd fit the "campus hire" profile they seem to prefer while also still having frontline experience as well as retail experience from working at both Walmart and Publix at various times; 6 years front line retail in total.

I am not committing to necessarily making Pepsi my long-term employer to retire from, but I won't turn away from an opportunity to get that entry level experience in this job market of mass layoffs, AI development, and other massive obstacles for new grads. Even a 3-year sprint before jumping to another company could be worth my while.

What is the reality check on working at Pepsi at the corporate level these days? Especially at big hubs like Tampa and Orlando in Florida or at the home office in Purchase, NY?

My guess is that it's kind of not great, but that there are still possibly pockets of decent options within the company. It just seems like there isn't anything positive happening in corporate America right now, so I might as well pick the poison I'm familiar with. But I'm definitely doing this degree and I need a strategy for what to do when graduation approaches. If you have other suggestions for me given my background and experience, I'm also happy to hear that feedback.