u/Disastrous_Spud_320

My fiancé (27M) and I (29F) got engaged a few months ago. His father leads a large religious center in a very expensive beach town and offered to host an engagement luncheon for us.

I asked if I could say a few words at the luncheon. I’m a lawyer and public speaker for a living, and I just wanted to introduce myself and my family to the congregation, thank my future in-laws, and say something about how my fiancé and I met. His father said no. When my mom asked him about it, he responded, “No, and when I say no, it means no.”

His reasoning was that if he lets me speak, he’d have to let anyone who sponsors an event there speak.
Then, a few weeks before the engagement, I found out he invited 40 clergymen and that one of them will be speaking at the luncheon. Apparently someone else can speak at my engagement but I can’t. (Nothing to do with gender, he hosts female speakers all the time).

My friends think I should just stand up, quiet everyone down, and give my 2–3 minute speech anyway. There’s no microphone because of religious observance, so realistically, once I start, he can’t really stop me.

The complication is my fiancé’s relationship with his dad. They’ve historically been distant, and I can tell this event is making my fiancé feel loved and included by his father in a way he hasn’t in a long time. My fiancé’s parents divorced when he was little, his father remarried and has multiple children with his new wife. I don’t want to jeopardize the relationship my fiancé is rekindling.

Part of me wants to respect his wishes out of love and respect for my future husband. Another part of me really wants to stick it to his father, especially now that he’s having someone else speak.

WIBTA if I stood up and gave the speech?

(Scroll down to OP comment answering common questions — it’s a standalone comment, wish it was easier to find!)

Not all the time. In fact, it’s rare. But every now and then, when she’s tired or something, and I ask if she wants to go to the store with me, she’ll say only if she can ride in the cart. At this point, I feel as if it’s an easy way of saying she doesn’t want to go, because I feel uncomfortable being seen pushing my 29-year-old fiancee around in a cart in a public space. But she’s dead serious. And thinks I “care what everyone thinks” about me, and that it’s ok to be silly sometimes. I can be silly and goofy at times, but typically in private. What is the internet’s opinion on this? Because I literally never see this whenever I go to these stores. I only see children riding in carts, and even that is uncommon. I’ll add that she’s pretty small (about 5’0 tall), and could easily fit in the cart, and I could easily push her, but it just seems like something that would be drawing unwanted attention.

Hi all. Yesterday, I was cooking bacon downstairs in the kitchen for my roommate and I and she went upstairs to take a shower. I didn’t realize it at first, but the bacon started to get really smoky.

The fire alarm started going off and my phone was in the living room on the couch. I was running around for about 45 seconds turning the fans on, trying to get the alarm to turn off, because I knew it was just the smoke from the bacon.

The alarm turned off after 45 seconds and I went back to cooking. A few minutes later, I checked my phone and saw I had a missed call from my roommate from 8 minutes before.

She had gotten out of the shower and called me when the fire alarms went off and I didn’t answer. I texted her back right when I saw I had the missed call saying sorry, the bacon was smoking but all good.

Next thing you know, I am getting the cold shoulder and silent treatment, even into today. I finally asked what was wrong and she said that it really irritated her when the fire alarms went off and it took me 8 minutes to say something.

She said that if she were in my shoes, she would’ve gotten them off and texted her right away to tell her everything was okay. She said she was worried that I had passed out while cooking or that I accidentally started a fire and left her inside without getting her.

I understand the worry of something being wrong when the fire alarm goes off, no questions asked. I could’ve texted her as soon as I got them off, but I just went back to cooking.

If anything, I just assumed she couldn’t even hear them from upstairs because she had the fan on in the bathroom while taking the shower which was very loud.

I sincerely apologized, but idk what to do at this point because she is still giving me a lot of attitude and acting like I wronged her.

What bugs me about this is how mad she is. I think, from my perspective, the silent treatment and cold shoulder she is giving me in person and over text is extremely unwarranted for a mistake like this.

Plus, if she was actually concerned that I passed out while cooking, why did I not get another call or text? Why didn’t you actually leave the bathroom and yell downstairs?

I don’t know, maybe I am overreacting, but I just feel like she is getting way too mad at this. AITA?

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AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?
I (30sF) gave birth to our son a few days ago. It was incredibly traumatic. I had a severe postpartum haemorrhage, lost 1.8 litres of blood, and had emergency surgery to remove my placenta. I’m still recovering.
Our son was born with pulmonary atresia with intact ventricular septum and was admitted straight to the NICU. He’ll likely need heart surgery, and we’ve since been told they’ve found another abnormality they’re investigating.
My husband has a son from a previous relationship (Greg). I want to be clear that I have no issue with Greg meeting his little brother or spending time with his dad. I’ve never asked him to choose between his children.
Two days after I gave birth, I thought Greg’s mum would bring him to meet the baby before taking him home. Instead, my husband collected Greg and spent the entire day with him. They went on the London Eye, had lunch, he had a beer, then went home to play Xbox until Greg was collected around 9pm.
During that day, my husband spent around 20 minutes with our newborn in the NICU and barely saw me. My mum stayed with me on the postnatal ward, but she couldn’t come into the NICU, so I was making my own way to see our son while recovering from major blood loss and surgery.
When I explained I wasn’t upset Greg had visited but that I hadn’t expected to be left alone all day while our baby was critically ill, my husband became defensive. He said he enjoyed spending time with Greg and that he was “being a parent.”
I replied that I wasn’t saying he shouldn’t parent Greg. I was saying I needed him to be a husband to me and a father to our newborn during what was a medical emergency.
When I later explained how serious my blood loss had been, his response was, “My sister lost 5.”
The next day I told him doctors had found another abnormality with our son’s heart. He complained nobody had told him. I pointed out he’d already left because he’d only spent about 20 minutes in the NICU.
I’ve now been discharged, but our son is still in the NICU. I’m exhausted and terrified to leave him, while my husband has again spent the morning taking Greg to the cinema.
I finally told him that paternity leave isn’t supposed to be a holiday and that I don’t feel supported. I said if this is what his paternity leave looks like, I’d almost rather he went back to work because at least then I’d understand why I was doing everything alone.
He says I’m being unfair because he’s trying to balance both children.
AITA?

So I (28F) work at a mid-sized marketing firm, and last week a group of us (9 people total + our manager) traveled out of state to onboard a new client and set up their campaign. It was a pretty standard work trip. Meetings all day, dinners together, that kind of thing.

Our hotel had a pool and hot tub, and one evening after dinner, a few people suggested we go relax there. It wasn’t mandatory or anything, just whoever wanted to hang out.

I went up to my room, changed into a bikini, and joined them.

For context, I’m about 195 lbs and definitely on the chubbier side, but I’ve always worn bikinis. It’s just what I’m comfortable in, and I’ve never had an issue before, whether it’s with friends, at the beach, whatever.

At the hot tub it was me, two other women, and a few of the guys from our team. Everyone was just talking, having a drink, nothing weird or inappropriate. It felt pretty normal to me, like any casual after work hangout.

The next day, one of my senior colleagues (early 40s F) pulled me aside privately and told me that what I wore was “inappropriate for a work setting.” She said that even though we were off the clock, we’re still representing the company, and that a bikini was “too much.” She also mentioned that a couple of the younger guys were “definitely checking me out” and that I should be more mindful of that.

That honestly caught me off guard. No one said anything at the time, and no one acted weird toward me (at least not that I noticed). Also, one of the other women there was wearing a two-piece as well, but it was way more coverage than what I was wearing.

Now I’m second-guessing myself. I didn’t think hanging out in a hot tub in a bikini was a big deal, but maybe I misread the situation since it was technically a work trip.

AITA for wearing a bikini around coworkers in this situation?

Edit : Saying just a bikini can be a bit subjective and can be hard to tell since bikinis come in many types. So I will add what I was wearing for better perspective