u/Disastrous_Spud_320

The main reason I'm asking this, is because I feel like I have no good options left. I'm in a position where I don't want to hurt my daughter, but I can't do something so against my morals.

I've worked in finance for over 20 years. Not to get into details, but because of my career development, I have many connections to different firms. I also have two children, my daughter Hailey, and my stepson Hamza. Hailey has just finished college, and is now looking for an internship.

Both of them have gotten internships through me, not in the 'title on paper' easy way, but nonetheless opportunities that a lot of other kids aren't fortunate enough to have. I can't just pull strings and get them hired, but I can suggest them as options to people who trust my word. Its important to note that I need to stake a substantial amount of my reputation on these internships, because I'm giving people my word that I'm not recommending these kids solely because they're mine, but because I actually trust in their ability.

Hailey has been unsuccessful in the internships I've helped her with. I don't blame her for this, she's a very bright girl, but her talents may not lie strictly in the finance department, and that is ok. It does mean, that I can no longer recommend her to people, as I do have a reputation to manage, and looking like a tyrannical nepotist is pretty bad for business. 

My stepson on the other hand, has had the exact opposite experience. Despite being slightly less hardworking than his sister, he tends to be very good with people, and has a head for research. He's 18, and has been offered a paid position by the company he was doing an unpaid internship for. Unfortunately, this was the same place that Hailey did not succeed at, and some of the people Hamza now works with, still meet with me semi-regularly for dinners and such things.

This is quite hard for Hailey, because she has to listen to the same people who she did not succeed with, praising her brother quite a lot. I've tried to get her to just avoid the dinners and networking if it makes her uncomfortable, but she does need an internship, so she has refused.

Hailey blew up at me recently, telling me that it wasn't fair that I got Hamza the 'better' position . I have explained to her that I did not get Hamza the paid position, only the unpaid one that gave him the entrance and I had done the same for her. I am not getting them positions at my company, I don't control what my contacts do after the initial recommendation.

She asked me to try and get her the same internship, but I told her that I couldn't get her anything else until she could be a bit more likable to employers. She fought with me, and called me some rude names, but ultimately ended up crying. She has decided that I think she's unlikable, and the only way to prove that I don't think that is to get her another internship. I really can't risk putting my reputation on her again, but I understand that this is very upsetting for her.

My wife and I are fortunate enough to be in a position where we can pay for our daughter’s college education.

The issue is what she wants to major in.
She’s interested in things like theater, art, and other creative fields. I told her I’m concerned about spending a significant amount of money on a degree that may not give her many stable career options after graduation.

We actually sat down together and looked at potential careers, salaries, and job opportunities associated with some of the majors she’s considering. From what we found, I wasn’t convinced the cost of the degree made financial sense.

So I gave her a choice.

If she chooses a major with a reasonably clear path toward stable, gainful employment, my wife and I will pay 100% of her tuition.

If she decides she wants to pursue one of the creative majors she’s interested in, I’ll still contribute—but only up to the equivalent of in-state public university tuition. She wants to attend a private school, so she would be responsible for the difference through scholarships, working, or student loans.

My reasoning is pretty simple: I’m willing to invest heavily in her education, but I don’t think being able to afford something automatically means I should pay for it regardless of the potential return.

She absolutely hated this.

She told me that making her take out loans when we have the ability to pay is unfair and would put her at a disadvantage starting her adult life.

I told her that graduating with an expensive degree that doesn’t provide enough income to support herself could also put her at a disadvantage.
That did not help my case.

My wife thinks I’m being too rigid, and most of my family thinks I’m the asshole. Their argument is that college should be about finding something you’re passionate about, not just maximizing your future salary.

I understand that argument. I also think there’s a difference between supporting your kid’s dreams and writing a blank check for them.

For context, I’m a 39-year-old high school biology teacher, and my wife works in healthcare. We’re not wealthy—we’ve just been fortunate and planned ahead enough that paying for college is something we can realistically do.

So, internet strangers:
Am I the asshole for putting conditions on how much I’m willing to pay based on what my daughter chooses to major in?

Additional Context:

I had a 3 million dollar inheritance. We paid off our home and live very frugally. Our kids don’t know about the inheritance

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My fiancé (27M) and I (29F) got engaged a few months ago. His father leads a large religious center in a very expensive beach town and offered to host an engagement luncheon for us.

I asked if I could say a few words at the luncheon. I’m a lawyer and public speaker for a living, and I just wanted to introduce myself and my family to the congregation, thank my future in-laws, and say something about how my fiancé and I met. His father said no. When my mom asked him about it, he responded, “No, and when I say no, it means no.”

His reasoning was that if he lets me speak, he’d have to let anyone who sponsors an event there speak.
Then, a few weeks before the engagement, I found out he invited 40 clergymen and that one of them will be speaking at the luncheon. Apparently someone else can speak at my engagement but I can’t. (Nothing to do with gender, he hosts female speakers all the time).

My friends think I should just stand up, quiet everyone down, and give my 2–3 minute speech anyway. There’s no microphone because of religious observance, so realistically, once I start, he can’t really stop me.

The complication is my fiancé’s relationship with his dad. They’ve historically been distant, and I can tell this event is making my fiancé feel loved and included by his father in a way he hasn’t in a long time. My fiancé’s parents divorced when he was little, his father remarried and has multiple children with his new wife. I don’t want to jeopardize the relationship my fiancé is rekindling.

Part of me wants to respect his wishes out of love and respect for my future husband. Another part of me really wants to stick it to his father, especially now that he’s having someone else speak.

WIBTA if I stood up and gave the speech?

(Scroll down to OP comment answering common questions — it’s a standalone comment, wish it was easier to find!)

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Jajamoses100

Originally posted to r/restaurant

Friend is hiding a wedding reception inside 4 dinner reservations. Will this go badly?

Thanks to a longtime lurker for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!entitlement!<

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Original Post: August 7, 2026

My friend is having an intimate wedding ceremony, followed by a dinner for about 30 people at a restaurant. Plot twist: the dinner guests don’t know it’s a wedding reception. On top of that, she has not reserved the private party room. She’s made 4 separate reservations under 4 different names and plans to “just move tables together” when everyone arrives. This is a Saturday reservation (4-7pm according to the evite) at a popular, large (300-seat) waterfront seafood restaurant in a major city.

I’m nervous this will fall apart on her (and us guests) upon arrival.

So what’s the likely outcome here? Is there anything she could do to make this go smoothly if she won’t just call ahead (which is what I’ve strongly recommended)? Sigh.

ETA: the guests are paying for themselves, and I don’t think they are aware of this “plan” (neither the bill responsibility nor the reservation nonsense). She told me (and her mom & sister) about it, but the evite I received was very vague: “Join us to celebrate friend and fiancé” at X restaurant.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: That’s extremely shitty behavior

> OOP: I cannot disagree.

Commenter 2: It's pretty simple: This is not going to happen in any way shape of form the way that they think it will.

The chances all 4 reservations are located right near each other is slim. The chance that a busy popular restaurant on a waterfront in a busy city on a Saturday night isn't at or near capacity is slim to none.

The restaurant won't be able to accommodate anything other than the individual reservations as they were made.

It's absolutely stupid to do this, but I bet it's because they either can't afford, or tried to book too late, the private area.

My best guess is that she thinks they'll just slide them into the private area without the booking cost and minimums - but restaurants don't staff for party rooms when they aren't pre planned and pre-paid with guaranteed minimums to cover the labor.

Let us know how things pan out, OP.

> OOP: Will do. Yes, it’s an affordability issue, but that’s no excuse. Do what you can afford and in a way that’s considerate to all involved. I’m really taken aback by this.

Commenter 3: Those tables will not be close to each other.

Someone will keep saying "why can't we..." or "we just want to....'. like it's no big deal.

The manager will try to find a happy medium, the servers will cry/curse in the walk-in.

No-one will tip anywhere near enough for the trouble.

Record everything you see and post here Monday!

> OOP: I will definitely post an update. I’m planning to leave early if things get too ridiculous, though. > > Fwiw, she’s not confrontational (just inconsiderate surrounding this wedding), so if they shut it down she’ll go along with whatever they say. But I don’t believe there’s a plan B (at least she hasn’t said anything to me about that).

Commenter 4: They’ll probably all just end up eating a separate tables and come by to tell her congratulations. But it won’t be a reception. It’ll be separate dinners for everyone. Who is paying?

> OOP: The guests.

Commenter 5: Oof she needs to at minimum tip on top of what people leave. People are going to be irritated, which generally don’t make them great diners or tippers. What a nightmare

> OOP: I’ll definitely leave a hefty tip for my “table.”

Do the guests know they are going to pay for their meals?

> OOP: I’m not sure. She told me, but the evite I received was very vague: “Join us to celebrate friend and fiancé” at X restaurant. The additional guests invited to the dinner are unaware of the small wedding planned for earlier that day.

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Editor's note: OOP updated onto the original post

Update: August 10, 2026 (three days later)

UPDATE: Ultimately, it wasn’t terrible. After reading some of the strong reactions here (TYSM), I had a gentle chat with my friend. She wasn’t super receptive, but something clicked and she at least gave the manager a heads up (day of). Several guests didn’t come, and I can’t blame them given the circumstances. It ended up being about 20 guests and we were seated at a long table. The manager was great, even when my friend seemed clueless about their policy that they don’t itemize separate checks for each guest.

Many thanks to the restaurant staff for being so accommodating and for making everything feel so seamless. Shout out to restaurants everywhere that are so gracious instead of “Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s” lol - even when deserved. I’ll be leaving a glowing review, because they earned every star.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Not all the time. In fact, it’s rare. But every now and then, when she’s tired or something, and I ask if she wants to go to the store with me, she’ll say only if she can ride in the cart. At this point, I feel as if it’s an easy way of saying she doesn’t want to go, because I feel uncomfortable being seen pushing my 29-year-old fiancee around in a cart in a public space. But she’s dead serious. And thinks I “care what everyone thinks” about me, and that it’s ok to be silly sometimes. I can be silly and goofy at times, but typically in private. What is the internet’s opinion on this? Because I literally never see this whenever I go to these stores. I only see children riding in carts, and even that is uncommon. I’ll add that she’s pretty small (about 5’0 tall), and could easily fit in the cart, and I could easily push her, but it just seems like something that would be drawing unwanted attention.

Hi all. Yesterday, I was cooking bacon downstairs in the kitchen for my roommate and I and she went upstairs to take a shower. I didn’t realize it at first, but the bacon started to get really smoky.

The fire alarm started going off and my phone was in the living room on the couch. I was running around for about 45 seconds turning the fans on, trying to get the alarm to turn off, because I knew it was just the smoke from the bacon.

The alarm turned off after 45 seconds and I went back to cooking. A few minutes later, I checked my phone and saw I had a missed call from my roommate from 8 minutes before.

She had gotten out of the shower and called me when the fire alarms went off and I didn’t answer. I texted her back right when I saw I had the missed call saying sorry, the bacon was smoking but all good.

Next thing you know, I am getting the cold shoulder and silent treatment, even into today. I finally asked what was wrong and she said that it really irritated her when the fire alarms went off and it took me 8 minutes to say something.

She said that if she were in my shoes, she would’ve gotten them off and texted her right away to tell her everything was okay. She said she was worried that I had passed out while cooking or that I accidentally started a fire and left her inside without getting her.

I understand the worry of something being wrong when the fire alarm goes off, no questions asked. I could’ve texted her as soon as I got them off, but I just went back to cooking.

If anything, I just assumed she couldn’t even hear them from upstairs because she had the fan on in the bathroom while taking the shower which was very loud.

I sincerely apologized, but idk what to do at this point because she is still giving me a lot of attitude and acting like I wronged her.

What bugs me about this is how mad she is. I think, from my perspective, the silent treatment and cold shoulder she is giving me in person and over text is extremely unwarranted for a mistake like this.

Plus, if she was actually concerned that I passed out while cooking, why did I not get another call or text? Why didn’t you actually leave the bathroom and yell downstairs?

I don’t know, maybe I am overreacting, but I just feel like she is getting way too mad at this. AITA?

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AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?
I (30sF) gave birth to our son a few days ago. It was incredibly traumatic. I had a severe postpartum haemorrhage, lost 1.8 litres of blood, and had emergency surgery to remove my placenta. I’m still recovering.
Our son was born with pulmonary atresia with intact ventricular septum and was admitted straight to the NICU. He’ll likely need heart surgery, and we’ve since been told they’ve found another abnormality they’re investigating.
My husband has a son from a previous relationship (Greg). I want to be clear that I have no issue with Greg meeting his little brother or spending time with his dad. I’ve never asked him to choose between his children.
Two days after I gave birth, I thought Greg’s mum would bring him to meet the baby before taking him home. Instead, my husband collected Greg and spent the entire day with him. They went on the London Eye, had lunch, he had a beer, then went home to play Xbox until Greg was collected around 9pm.
During that day, my husband spent around 20 minutes with our newborn in the NICU and barely saw me. My mum stayed with me on the postnatal ward, but she couldn’t come into the NICU, so I was making my own way to see our son while recovering from major blood loss and surgery.
When I explained I wasn’t upset Greg had visited but that I hadn’t expected to be left alone all day while our baby was critically ill, my husband became defensive. He said he enjoyed spending time with Greg and that he was “being a parent.”
I replied that I wasn’t saying he shouldn’t parent Greg. I was saying I needed him to be a husband to me and a father to our newborn during what was a medical emergency.
When I later explained how serious my blood loss had been, his response was, “My sister lost 5.”
The next day I told him doctors had found another abnormality with our son’s heart. He complained nobody had told him. I pointed out he’d already left because he’d only spent about 20 minutes in the NICU.
I’ve now been discharged, but our son is still in the NICU. I’m exhausted and terrified to leave him, while my husband has again spent the morning taking Greg to the cinema.
I finally told him that paternity leave isn’t supposed to be a holiday and that I don’t feel supported. I said if this is what his paternity leave looks like, I’d almost rather he went back to work because at least then I’d understand why I was doing everything alone.
He says I’m being unfair because he’s trying to balance both children.
AITA?

So I (28F) work at a mid-sized marketing firm, and last week a group of us (9 people total + our manager) traveled out of state to onboard a new client and set up their campaign. It was a pretty standard work trip. Meetings all day, dinners together, that kind of thing.

Our hotel had a pool and hot tub, and one evening after dinner, a few people suggested we go relax there. It wasn’t mandatory or anything, just whoever wanted to hang out.

I went up to my room, changed into a bikini, and joined them.

For context, I’m about 195 lbs and definitely on the chubbier side, but I’ve always worn bikinis. It’s just what I’m comfortable in, and I’ve never had an issue before, whether it’s with friends, at the beach, whatever.

At the hot tub it was me, two other women, and a few of the guys from our team. Everyone was just talking, having a drink, nothing weird or inappropriate. It felt pretty normal to me, like any casual after work hangout.

The next day, one of my senior colleagues (early 40s F) pulled me aside privately and told me that what I wore was “inappropriate for a work setting.” She said that even though we were off the clock, we’re still representing the company, and that a bikini was “too much.” She also mentioned that a couple of the younger guys were “definitely checking me out” and that I should be more mindful of that.

That honestly caught me off guard. No one said anything at the time, and no one acted weird toward me (at least not that I noticed). Also, one of the other women there was wearing a two-piece as well, but it was way more coverage than what I was wearing.

Now I’m second-guessing myself. I didn’t think hanging out in a hot tub in a bikini was a big deal, but maybe I misread the situation since it was technically a work trip.

AITA for wearing a bikini around coworkers in this situation?

Edit : Saying just a bikini can be a bit subjective and can be hard to tell since bikinis come in many types. So I will add what I was wearing for better perspective