u/Dottore_Curlew

I'll preface this with: I *won't* kill myself. I am a rational person and that just isn't the answer (mostly because the classic "family would be sad"). My grandfather killed himself and I won't let my mom go through this again.

While I'm at it - I probably had a genetic predisposition for depression. My mother also has depression and she probably got it from her dad.

I failed the final exam - Matura - I needed to do. For 8 years I have been studying at this school with one goal.

I feel totally worthless and pathetic. And I do want to kill myself, but I know that isn't an option.

I really tried, I studied as much as I could... but even though I am taking medication, depression often won. It is so fucking hard to do anything. There were days where I just read 3 pages and couldn't physically do more.

And now I plan to spend the next 3 months hidden away in my room with the blinds closed while trying to cry.