u/Dry-Force8675

I live in a big city, and have noticed new (and younger) furries getting fursuits, some before even turning 18. Now I'm not much older than them (second year in college) but I've been in the fandom since 2019 and the idea of getting a fursuit was far, far away for me and most of my friends.

From talking to one of them, they mentioned "being invited to room parties", "being looked up to" and "being recognised"; which felt like putting the cart before the horse really... I've wanted a fursuit even since I joined the fandom from the internet, and only got my partial 2 months ago. I'd still want a fursuit even if the clout/community didn't exist.

Wondering if anyone has noticed the fandom shifting from a nerd space to... (gestures vaguely) something people want to be popular in? I've only been in the fandom since 2019, when I was quite young, so I've not experienced the fandom firsthand before then...

tl;dr Unsocialised. I feel like I'm inferior, and far behind my friends in social skills. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to become a version of myself who gets along well with others and stop being awkward

I was unpopular in high school; tried to be popular in the beginning, but eventually, I graduated with a single friend. I'm in college now and things have gotten better -- started out with a bunch of friends from different circles, and found close friends through whittling down the bunch later.

Issue is, I fell into a trap... I got too comfortable in my zone. I talk to my close friends in a more selfish and candid manner (talking more about myself, less conscious of social skills), and I'm quite bad at code-switching.

I was becoming more confident in myself, and I thought that was a good thing, but really I was alienating myself from acquaintances, like I had let my guard down and forgotten my social skills with them. I can tell my not-so-close friends are slowly drifting from me (taking longer to reply or just ignoring outright).

Maybe because it's exam season and the stress is getting to me, but I'm in kind of a funk (hell I'm typing this instead of studying for my exam in 2 hours).

I'll say that what spurred me to type this was looking at old chat logs and social media posts with a formerly close friend... we've drifted since then. Ended up comparing myself with her because we were both introverts. The difference is that she voluntarily chose to be alone in high school. She was already really socialised; banter flows like water coming from her, and people approach her at conventions. Meanwhile, I never got the chance to become socialised... my words either come out stiff or fall flat, and at conventions, I usually tag along with my more popular friend... like a pet. I'm used to being "less than" compared to all my friends.

It still feels like I have what, several years' worth of catching up to do? I'm not sure how to feel about this whole ordeal really. Sometimes I really feel like it'd be better for me to be alone all the time, when every social interaction feels subpar and I'm the common denominator.

Any advice appreciated!

Context: I'm 20. I've been in the fandom for about 5 years. By "normal furries", they're more conscious of social skills, closer to normal people than furries. It's a breath of fresh air coming from furries who constantly make furry, gay, or NSFW jokes. I treasure my friendships with them and I don't want to lose it by being socially incompetent.

I joined a small friend group of normal furries about a year ago. They're pretty cool, and I really enjoy hanging out with them -- I've done way more cool things with them than I have with my other friends in the fandom (we just hang out since I'm not into guys). Things like going out for late-night suppers and going to conventions together. The kinds of adventures well-adjusted people have with their friends in high school and college before going out to work. I think the friendships are genuine too.

So what's the issue?

I was genuinely unsocialised, I think. Didn't have friends in grade school, and only made a few in high school. I met them over the summer before college through the furry community in our city because I happened to live near their homes -- it's been a year, and I've had the most rapid social development since then. I still mess up from time to time, but I'm quite aware of what's going on and can catch myself/do damage control.

One thing in common: They're all very socially competent, even the other autistic furry in the group (who is very outspoken and says strange things). They know I'm also autistic and are completely fine with it, although they can banter and be a little patronising at times (treat me like a puppy, but like, in a friend way).

They have large networks of friends within the community -- I don't. And they're not interested in befriending my few friends who are mostly introverts and don't have much social skills or awareness.

Tangent: >!I had a friendship breakup with a friend who was basically friends with *all* my friends at the time. He was normal about it, but his existence made me avoid those groups altogether.!<

>!When I told this to a friend in the group, she was like "haha yeah, and surely you've got more friends outside of our group, right" and it caught me off-guard. I mean, yes, I do, I guess?? But I would say I'm closest to our group, (while knowing that they have other friend groups elsewhere) -- before realising that I should be saying yes, regardless if I had other friend groups, only other individual friends (closest to the truth), or even no friends at all. I guess she didn't want me to be overly dependent on them, but that was really scary, because it's weird not to have any friends...!<

I find myself afraid of texting them individually or in the group chat. What if I say something stupid and get ignored? I know I'm one of them, but occasionally I get paranoid that I'm not really.

I think this mindset is bad -- thinking that I'm lesser than them somehow -- and I want to get rid of it and overcome it. I know the solution is to act more confident and become more socially competent... I'd like advice as on how to do so. I'm already making improvements but I feel like it's not enough. All advice and support is appreciated!

do i need to get separate sunscreen for face and body skin. i hear it's good for maintaining skin quality and preventing skin cancer

got my glasses scratched after a bad fall from my bicycle. looking for repairs. thanks

I'll be in Hokkaido (Sapporo) for the entire month of September and will have time over the weekends to go exploring, and want to maximise my enjoyment on the trip

I'm looking for things within or near Sapporo. A mix of solo/group places would be ideal, I hope to make some local/international friends when I'm there too!

I'm not sure if Furano/Biei flower fields are still worth checking out in September. I'd go to Hakodate but not sure how to do it cheap since I don't have a car.

Thank you!

20 y/o MTF with 2 years HRT here. I'm thinking of taking topical T. I'm wondering whether the side effects were worth it for you (energy and sexual function VS. possible remasculinisation). Thank you!

writing this while procrastinating on physics problem sheets

i'm currently a sophomore in college, and i managed to get an internship in the city my family lives in! i'm really happy to get some valuable CV experience and earn some pocket change.

though, the internship is 3 months long. i told the company my availability and they took my whole summer -- replaced it with an 8-5, five days a week. i'm really grateful for the opportunity but it feels strange.

i'm currently studying for finals and it feels so weird to think that i've been working my butt off this semester as a physics major, then my entire summer gets eaten up by the internship, then it's back to the grind when junior year begins.

i'm quite worried about not having enough time to catch up with friends from back home or work on hobbies i've been neglecting this semester. when i began college, i felt like i was becoming normal. but that also meant losing my hobbies and friends from home -- my individuality. i'm doing well in all other aspects

i wonder if i'll ever have time to do things outside of school/work. i used to be a creative and i loved having a big side project to work on after school during my "me time".

i mean, such is becoming an adult...