u/Edu_Vivan

Don’t mind me, just seeking some empathy on this random Tuesday night.

I believe this sums up my situation quite well.

As well as many people nowadays, I’m paralyzed by my own expectations.

I can’t get myself to do stuff if it’s not extraordinary. Can’t schedule a piano or guitar class without thinking about creating a masterpiece, can’t start a career if it doesn’t have a clear practical effect in society as a whole…

I feel like “what’s the point of putting so much effort and work into it if at the end of the day nothing really matters” and also “what’s the point of of doing it if it’s not gonna impress anyone now?”

Those are the two metrics my mind uses, and it leads to paralysis and procrastination every single time.

The “not being impressive enough” thing is very strong in my mind, like I’ll only be interesting for other people if I’m skilled at something or have a deep knowledge about a subject or something like that, so I just end up isolated cause I don’t feel enough for others, but also not being able to start stuff to make me “interesting” in the long run cause of how desperate I am to be so.

I’m trying to make peace with the fact the I haven’t really learned anything till now, and trying to stop feeling like I’m late to life, but it’s so hard. It feels like everyone has already read a hundred books, watched hundreds of movies or series or actively engaged in 15 different hobbies while I just sit around, trying to magically make myself absorve everything I wanted to have experienced by now with the snap of a finger.

I enjoy reading, I enjoy watching movies and series, I enjoy playing story games, I’m really interested in learning piano and guitar, and in learning music to maybe start writing instrumental songs, and in maybe going to film school cause I have that spark too, and start being more active in photography, maybe share it more… but I’ve spent so much time not doing any of this stuff trying to wait for the perfect time to make the most out of it, that now I feel like I’m not enough and too late for any of that (yes, even to watch a movie. Watching just one movie feels insignificant and not enough in my mind).

It’s such a weird mental paradox, like, I want to do/consume so many things, that I end up not doing/consuming anything at all. Like just one movie, or just one book, or just a small step in a hobby is never enough. Like, I feel inferior to people who’ve done more than me

How can I shift this mindset? It’s driving me crazy and burring me more and more in my comfort zone.

The way the world is crumbling, more and more people are starving and everyone just turns a blind eye is crushing my soul in a paralyzing way. I can’t even get myself to live my own life over how bad i feel for other people. My dad worked his entire life to build the financial stability he did, just to die of cancer when he was 55, 11 years ago, and I haven’t done anything since over guilt of being able to live without worrying about starving to death. No career, no hobbies, no social circle. And I’m already (or only, depending on the perspective) 25.

I’m tired. I want to help society so that others can have the same privileges as I do, or else I won’t be able to enjoy anything ever. But I don’t know where to start, so I’m looking for books for a beginner in economics and politics, if possible something more action focused.

It may sound like a lazy rich person’s problem, but it’s genuinely something that eats my soul and crushes my energy every day.

I’ve been stuck in this rat hole for a while now, and it’s really hard to find people who can relate or even therapists that can help me cause of how unusual it is for someone to receive a retirement amount of money at such an early age (my dad passed when I was 14), without having to struggle for years to earn it. It’s not an absurd amount, but I can live really comfortably in my country off of the passive income that it generates monthly.

I’m very aware of the problems of the world, how poverty makes the lives of so many people so hard, and this keeps me stuck in my comfort zone, isolated, cause it’s easier to do that rather than to deal with the judgement of not needing a 9-5 to survive and just being able to try stuff out and see if it works out.

Nowadays, mental health support seems to be mainly focused on helping people who have financial issues, cause we all know, it’s the thing that fucks people over the most, and that kinda made me feel like I can’t have issues or suffer. My problems don’t come from my reality, it comes from my awareness of the outside world, and I feel like when people hear that they just think it’s bs, “ah rich people’s problems 🙄” or “he’s just lazy”. I feel like I have to justify myself every time I complain about something, like I have no right to feel that way.

This guilt and lack of financial struggle has also caused me to turn “work” into this essential pillar of people’s lives, like it’s the thing that makes you a valuable human being, and that if you didn’t work to earn what you have, you essentially don’t deserve to enjoy life, so now I can’t get myself to start hobbies or meet new people, cause I feel like a worthless pos who doesn’t have/need a job.

People say “cultivate self-worth” to me, through hobbies and community and such, be I feel like I can’t do that until I “paid my debt” with society, so now everything that doesn’t have an immediate return feels like a waste of time, such as being a beginner at a skill, or something like that.

I’m 25 now and I’m really tired of living this hedonistic lifestyle (that btw I’ve now became addicted to). It’s making me feel worthless, and I really want to stop feeling guilty for being able to chase dreams of mine without worrying about surviving in this capitalistic dystopia we live in.

Edit: another thing I forgot to mention, is that other reason I can’t chase dreams of mine (pursuing art professionally for exemple), is how hard it is to make it in those industries, cause I’ve now became used to my lifestyle, and I’m scared of some day stop being able to sustain it with my inheritance, and then I wouldn’t have a stable and prestigious job to sustain it by myself. So part of me says I should focus on profitable jobs, and other part tells me to stop worrying about potential but unlikely future problems and just do what makes me happy.

Kind of a stupid question, but that’s something that holds me from reading them, the feeling that I need to read them on their entirety or else I’m “cheating” and the read “didn’t count”. I don’t know how to explain it better lol

My days are just not exciting at all. I just basically watch tv all day cause I think “what’s the point of doing other stuff”, but the truth is I just don’t know what I’m losing.

I don’t know the gratification of growing to love an active hobby or a sport, and I can never get passed the beginner phase cause I just don’t know if it would be worth it. I worry so much about “being efficient” with my time, that I just end up wasting it, thinking about inconveniences I might encounter on the way and all…

I guess what I want to know is, what am I missing? What’s it like to grow yourself to love something you do? And what makes it worth the time invested to learn it?

My ex (25F) and I (25M) broke up basically because she’s a workaholic, obsessed with becoming a better version of herself, brags about practicing lots of different sports, having lots of hobbies and a successful online business, and I’m kind of lazy, live off of my dad’s inheritance which allows me to live really comfortably, and has allowed me to become her +one on all her stuff, photographing the events she does for her business and stuff like.

She broke up with me in July of last year cause she was not seeing a future with, thinking I’m not ambitious, that I don’t want anything from life, which I don’t blame her, that’s what I showed when we were together.

Now I feel overwhelmed, thinking I need to do a bunch of different sports, have lots of hobbies and be professionally successful if I want be successful in life, or even that I need that to find love in life again.

Basically she set an unrealistic standard on my mind of what makes someone successful and a decent human being. I cannot control this urge to reach her standards of success (maybe I cause I still look for her approval, idk) and feel a constant rush to become this person so every time I try to start something, I realize I’m still bad at it and give up cause it doesn’t feel enough. I also can’t enjoy my “free time” (quoted cause I’m always free, still live off of my late dad’s money), cause I constantly feel I should be being productive.

Btw, she’s not a bad person because of this. She constantly incentivized me to have my own life, build something of my own instead of just relying on the relationship, and she also knew I wouldn’t be successful right off the bat. I built this standard on my own, and never did anything about cause I gave in to the comfort of my financial stability and relationship.

My ex (25F) and I (25M) broke up basically because she’s a workaholic, obsessed with becoming a better version of herself, brags about practicing lots of different sports, having lots of hobbies and a successful online business, and I’m kind of lazy, live off of my dad’s inheritance which allows me to live really comfortably, and has allowed me to become her +one on all her stuff, photographing the events she does for her business and stuff like.

She broke up with me in July of last year cause she was not seeing a future with, thinking I’m not ambitious, that I don’t want anything from life, which I don’t blame her, that’s what I showed when we were together.

Now I feel overwhelmed, thinking I need to do a bunch of different sports, have lots of hobbies and be professionally successful if I want be successful in life, or even that I need that to find love in life again.

Basically she set an unrealistic standard on my mind of what makes someone successful and a decent human being. I cannot control this urge to reach her standards of success (maybe I cause I still look for her approval, idk) and feel a constant rush to become this person so every time I try to start something, I realize I’m still bad at it and give up cause it doesn’t feel enough. I also can’t enjoy my “free time” (quoted cause I’m always free, still live off of my late dad’s money), cause I constantly feel I should be being productive.

Btw, she’s not a bad person because of this. She constantly incentivized me to have my own life, build something of my own instead of just relying on the relationship, and she also knew I wouldn’t be successful right off the bat. I built this standard on my own, and never did anything about cause I gave in to the comfort of my financial stability and relationship.

I feel like my skills, status and professional title are directly tied to my self worth, and now that I see that that is the problem, I’m already 25 yo and feel late to start anything. How do I explain I spent my entire adulthood until now just avoiding any work being able to live off of my late dad’s money, isolated cause I’m scared of what others would think of that, and too addicted to comfort and quick dopamine to able to do anything?

That also makes me feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Not having to worry about a paycheck makes me feel worthless because that’s the people I tend to admire and respect, the underpaid working class who struggles everyday just to put food on the table for their families… and I’m here, complaining and crying about how having money makes me feel worthless, and not able to give up the comfort of it cause it just feels good to be safe.

I don’t think I’ll ever be brave to explore and face the unknown, to deal with the idea of things changing (which they always do), and to detach from things/people I lost if I don’t romanticize it a bit… so I’m looking for a book for that! Fiction, non-fiction, whatever you got!

Honestly I’m just scared to go to places we went to together, but those are my favorite places to go to lol