u/Electricdragongaming

Might delete this post later, but how tf do some people actually feel like living? How do people who fixin' to hit 30 find joy in life? How the hell do I stop myself from thinking about my desire for death constantly? I'm not exactly openly suicidal though, I just think about it a lot. It's more like I don't really care if I die one day or not. Nothing's worth living for anymore, nothing will ever improve, and every time I try to improve anything, I only end up making things worse. Plus the voices and some people in my assure me that I'm just useless lazy waste of air and space.

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To me, life is only a cycle of work, sleep, and food on repeat forever with constant nonstop noise added in. That's it, nothing more. Anything else is just a temporary distraction from those three things. Hell, as I'm typing this up, I'm on the to work right now.

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Although it's not like anyone will care that I posted this, hell I don't even care that I posted this, this is just something to get off my chest. I just wish I could afford some boos or weed so I can try to silence or muffle these thoughts, even if it's temporary. In the meantime, I just hit myself to try to get the thoughts to just stop.

Is there any way to get my $10 credited back, or am I just cooked?

I'm mostly just ranting into the void rn but anyways...

I've been riding Lyft/Uber the same way I always have for the past 9 years I've been riding both of them and my rating until recently has been dropped down from a perfect 5 stars to 4.92 stars (which for Uber standards is basically the equivalent of just being less than two star to a lot of drivers.)

I don't get it, I tip, I try not to be obnoxious (by that I mean I don't talk much if the conversation doesn't seem to be going anywhere between me and the driver), I don't slam the door, I don't trash or any messes behind, I try my best to keep up with personal hygiene, and I say "hi how are doing" "thank you so much" to the driver.

I literally just use ride share to go where public transit won't go, including back and forth between work and the train station 4.5 miles away. Unfortunately I work in an area that doesn't have public transit and I can't really afford a car right now, so my only option at the moment is Uber and Lyft.

Already though, I'm already having a hard time getting an Uber driver to accept my ride requests because of my rating as a passenger. I just don't know what I did wrong to have my rating drop so low recently. Over the past week I got a 1 star, 2 star, and 3 star rating over the past week.

It's already hard enough just to get to work each day, and it wasn't easy to get this job, and it's the first job I don't actively hate right now, I don't wanna lose this job all because of my Uber passenger rating.

Recently moved back to Garland after almost a decade, and my new apartment has a chillwater system that my apartment manager refuses to turn on. Looking for cheap places to hang out at.

Preferably somewhere accessible on DART.

My mom said she wanted to stab me to death with a kitchen knife the other day, and last night she said she was going shank me if I didn't stop to buy her a soda on the way home from work.

And it's just now starting to bother me, I don't know why, maybe it's because there's a part of me that refuses to believe she would threaten something like that and be serious about it, or maybe I like to keep pretending she doesn't say stuff like that.

Either way, it's bothering me, I genuinely don't know how to feel about it. She's always has been short tempered about everything, she quick to scream at me about every single small thing, and she has tried to strangle me a few years back, and it always feels like I constantly have to tiptoe around her every time I come home.

Also, whenever I do end up breaking down and crying, my mom will just get angrier and screams louder. I feel like I always have to just hide in my room to hide from her. Even then when I'm trying to isolate myself, she still keeps yelling at me from outside my room.

Idk, just something that bothered me. I feel like I don't have anyone I can trust to talk about it with. If I don't reply to anyone, I'm typing this while on break from work, I get off about 2 hours after I post this.