u/EmotionalWin09

Have been intimate sporadically over the last ~year, we used to have feelings for each other and were getting to know each other romantically, but he lost feelings for me after a period of us getting into big fights pretty regularly. We went to being fwb after being no contact for a couple weeks, and now we live together with 2 other friends. We had a talk recently regarding “us”, and he said we are sexually exclusive, however he does not have any feelings for me romantically, and because of that, he has no current intentions of dating me or being romantically/emotionally exclusive.

We discussed the possibility of either one of us bringing over someone we’re talking to/interested in if the situation were to happen, and he’s been seeing this guy he says is a “friend”, but I can tell they’re talking and getting to know each other more than platonically (they met on hinge a while back and recently reconnected).

This is affecting my mental health, I’m super anxious about it and upset whenever I’m reminded of it. I can’t move out, we just signed the lease and I’m pretty low on money, plus I like the house we’re in. I don’t want this to affect me, and I just wish he still had feelings for me so this wouldn’t be happening.

How can I deal with this? How can I detach? I don’t want to care, I don’t want to be so jealous and anxious that I lose my appetite and feel like I’m gonna vomit.

Things can be great, me and him will have a great day, and then we’ll say goodnight and I’ll immediately spiral about how none of it mattered, he doesn’t actually like me, and things are bad now. I feel that way right now. He said he doesn’t feel as touchy lately, and he hasn’t been very affectionate the last ~5 days, and hasn’t seemed to want to spend time with me. I’m convinced he hates me, and doesn’t like me anymore because he’s not acting like he used to. It doesn’t matter that he pulled me into a cuddle a week ago, or called me hun yesterday. I genuinely don’t feel like he cares anymore, and I feel like I’m going to be abandoned and unwanted. I can’t get this thought out of my head, and all I see is evidence that he doesn’t like me. I feel so anxious I could vomit, and he doesn’t seem to care. I’ve asked him a few times to cuddle, or said I wanted him, and he either ignores it, or says “I see” and nothing else. Am I ruminating and reading way too into it? I feel like I’m so deep into this spiral that I can’t even regulate or be aware of what’s real and what’s not.

Known/been together for about 4 months now. I’m in my self improvement era, I’m very lacking when it comes to self awareness and tone, and he communicated recently that he is reaching the end of his patience with my snide remarks and rude comments. I intend them to be playful, but having been raised by narcissists, the things I was raised to think were jokes were just plain rude and mean, so I’m unaware sometimes that what I’m saying is hurtful.

We had a big fight today, because I got defensive because he’s been holding me accountable more than usual, and it’s felt near constant that he’s telling me what I’m saying is hurtful or narcissistic. We had a heated argument, after which he kind of shut down and said “whatever, I don’t care, I won’t say anything anymore I don’t give a f#ck(unsure if I need to censor?)”

I tried patching things up, apologizing, and saying I didn’t mean I was upset with HIM, I was upset at the frequency of my slip-ups, but he was still angry. I said I agreed with him and I wanted to fix things, but he said he needs space for the rest of the day so he can reset emotionally.

What can I do to fix things? I’m working on being aware and improving myself, but I want things to go back to normal and I want things to be good with us. Is there anything I can do to kind of mend the bridge, or “win him back” after the fight so to speak?

I’m trying to be more self aware and think before I talk, as multiple people on separate occasions have come to me to say I come across very condescending sometimes, and I use wording and iterations without realizing it that I inherited from my narcissistic, manipulative parents.
Tonight, I feel like I was continuously saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, and constantly coming across wrong. I’m extremely upset and I feel so angry at myself, and also overwhelmed because it seriously felt like every 5 minutes I was saying something wrong or using the wrong wording.
Does it ever get better? I feel so frustrated and angry.

I’m trying to be more self aware and think before I talk, as multiple people on separate occasions have come to me to say I come across very condescending sometimes, and I use wording and iterations without realizing it that I inherited from my narcissistic, manipulative parents.
Tonight, I feel like I was continuously saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, and constantly coming across wrong. I’m extremely upset and I feel so angry at myself, and also overwhelmed because it seriously felt like every 5 minutes I was saying something wrong or using the wrong wording.
Does it ever get better? I feel so frustrated and angry.

I feel like I’ll randomly be doing okay, and then suddenly my behavior and brain will shift and I just CANNOT function like myself. I feel like there’s a wall keeping me from not masking and being genuine, and I have no idea how to get past it or how to prevent it. I almost feel stiff in a sense? Mentally AND physically. I become sensitive, I overthink every small interaction, and I convince myself that my partner doesn’t love me and they’re going to leave me just because I feel like they will. I discredit every good interaction between us, even if we cuddled just that morning. It just seems and feels true to me that things are terrible now, they don’t love me, and I need to be hyper vigilant of every behavior and interaction. I hate it and I don’t know how to stop it. I feel like I’m not in control of my own mind or behavior, and I’m just sitting watching myself self destruct. Does anyone know how to get out of a tough spiral/ocd episode? I talked to my therapist about it and she said to sit with it and let it pass, but it’s hard. Any advice is appreciated.

I was raised in an abusive home, and I really have no idea how to be self aware or how to improve myself. I had a long talk with my friend/roommate last night and they helped me/held me accountable to realize a lot about myself that i want to fix. But how? How do i even change, or become more aware?

I occasionally use a condescending tone and belittle people when I feel backed into a corner, and I almost never realize it unless it’s pointed out to me.

I make rude statements and can’t read the room, and lack self awareness to realize that it was a rude statement. It’s hard for me to tell when something I said was offensive, and equally hard for me to tell when people are upset rather than being sarcastic.

There was one instance that I thought me and my roommate were having a loud playful debate, but he told me that he was genuinely irritated, and the other people in the room could sense the tension as well and I had no idea.

I feel completely lost as to how to even be more self aware and how to just be genuine without overthinking. I just want to have normal friendships and interactions without overthinking it or saying something offensive due to my lack of understanding.

Can someone give me some dumbed down advice?