u/Emou123

I grew up watching my parents handle conflict by yelling, manipulating, and using guilt to control everyone around them. I promised myself my whole life I'd never do that.

Got married two years ago. My wife is pregnant now. And in the last six months, I've watched myself start doing micro-versions of the exact things I hated growing up — the manipulations, the guilt trips, treating "idiot/loser" like a normal word in an argument. My wife and I noticed this pattern in my behaviour and started working on and attacking it. But it scared me how automatic it was.

Recently, I had to cut contact with my parents (the standard story: boundaries → guilt → threats (even legal ones for some reason)→ done). The weird part was how much better my life got the moment I stopped. My confidence spiked, even people around me noticed it; my merrage got stronger; my business got better. But I also realised I'd been carrying their patterns around inside me, and cutting them off didn't delete the patterns. I still have to do that work myself.

I'm trying to understand if other people experience this the same way. If you've been through any version of this — the recognition moment, breaking the cycle, what's actually helped — I'd love to chat in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING, just trying to figure out if what I'm experiencing is common and what people actually do about it. Happy to share my story, too.

I'm a Christian, married, with a baby on the way. Both my parents are also believers — high-visibility in their church, scripturally literate, the kind of people other Christians look up to. But behind closed doors, there have been decades of manipulation, guilt-tripping, control, and using Scripture as a weapon (1 John 4:20 to enforce closeness, "honour your parents" to override any boundary, etc.).

A few months ago, I had to step back from the relationship for the protection of my wife and our coming son. They've responded with everything from spiritual lectures to legal threats. My sister, who lives in another country, just cancelled a visit and burned £500 on flights because they "forbade her" from seeing me when she comes (btw she's 41, married with 3 yo son). That sparked a huge fight between them — so this isn't just me.

What I'm wrestling with: even after stepping back, I see micro-versions of their patterns showing up in me. Hypocrisy. Religiosity over relationship. The instinct to control. I don't want my child to inherit what I inherited. I want the cycle to actually end with my generation.

If you've walked any version of this road — parents who are believers but unsafe, breaking generational patterns from inside the church, holding boundaries with parents while honouring God — I'd love to talk in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING. Just trying to understand how people actually do this faithfully.

I'm a Christian, married, with a baby on the way. Both my parents are also believers — high-visibility in their church, scripturally literate, the kind of people other Christians look up to. But behind closed doors, there have been decades of manipulation, guilt-tripping, control, and using Scripture as a weapon (1 John 4:20 to enforce closeness, "honour your parents" to override any boundary, etc.).

A few months ago, I had to step back from the relationship for the protection of my wife and our coming son. They've responded with everything from spiritual lectures to legal threats. My sister, who lives in another country, just cancelled a visit and burned £500 on flights because they "forbade her" from seeing me when she comes (btw she's 41, married with 3 yo son). That sparked a huge fight between them — so this isn't just me.

What I'm wrestling with: even after stepping back, I see micro-versions of their patterns showing up in me. Hypocrisy. Religiosity over relationship. The instinct to control. I don't want my child to inherit what I inherited. I want the cycle to actually end with my generation.

If you've walked any version of this road — parents who are believers but unsafe, breaking generational patterns from inside the church, holding boundaries with parents while honouring God — I'd love to talk in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING. Just trying to understand how people actually do this faithfully.

I grew up watching my parents handle conflict by yelling, manipulating, and using guilt to control everyone around them. I promised myself my whole life I'd never do that.

Got married two years ago. My wife is pregnant now. And in the last six months, I've watched myself start doing micro-versions of the exact things I hated growing up — the manipulations, the guilt trips, treating "idiot/loser" like a normal word in an argument. My wife and I noticed this pattern in my behaviour and started working on and attacking it. But it scared me how automatic it was.

Recently, I had to cut contact with my parents (the standard story: boundaries → guilt → threats (even legal ones for some reason)→ done). The weird part was how much better my life got the moment I stopped. My confidence spiked, even people around me noticed it; my merrage got stronger; my business got better. But I also realised I'd been carrying their patterns around inside me, and cutting them off didn't delete the patterns. I still have to do that work myself.

I'm trying to understand if other people experience this the same way. If you've been through any version of this — the recognition moment, breaking the cycle, what's actually helped — I'd love to chat in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING, just trying to figure out if what I'm experiencing is common and what people actually do about it. Happy to share my story, too.

I grew up watching my parents handle conflict by yelling, manipulating, and using guilt to control everyone around them. I promised myself my whole life I'd never do that.

Got married two years ago. My wife is pregnant now. And in the last six months, I've watched myself start doing micro-versions of the exact things I hated growing up — the manipulations, the guilt trips, treating "idiot/loser" like a normal word in an argument. My wife and I noticed this pattern in my behaviour and started working on and attacking it. But it scared me how automatic it was.

Recently, I had to cut contact with my parents (the standard story: boundaries → guilt → threats (even legal ones for some reason)→ done). The weird part was how much better my life got the moment I stopped. My confidence spiked, even people around me noticed it; my merrage got stronger; my business got better. But I also realised I'd been carrying their patterns around inside me, and cutting them off didn't delete the patterns. I still have to do that work myself.

I'm trying to understand if other people experience this the same way. If you've been through any version of this — the recognition moment, breaking the cycle, what's actually helped — I'd love to chat in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING, just trying to figure out if what I'm experiencing is common and what people actually do about it. Happy to share my story, too.

I grew up watching my parents handle conflict by yelling, manipulating, and using guilt to control everyone around them. I promised myself my whole life I'd never do that.

Got married two years ago. My wife is pregnant now. And in the last six months, I've watched myself start doing micro-versions of the exact things I hated growing up — the manipulations, the guilt trips, treating "idiot/loser" like a normal word in an argument. My wife and I noticed this pattern in my behaviour and started working on and attacking it. But it scared me how automatic it was.

Recently, I had to cut contact with my parents (the standard story: boundaries → guilt → threats (even legal ones for some reason)→ done). The weird part was how much better my life got the moment I stopped. My confidence spiked, even people around me noticed it; my merrage got stronger; my business got better. But I also realised I'd been carrying their patterns around inside me, and cutting them off didn't delete the patterns. I still have to do that work myself.

I'm trying to understand if other people experience this the same way. If you've been through any version of this — the recognition moment, breaking the cycle, what's actually helped — I'd love to chat in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING, just trying to figure out if what I'm experiencing is common and what people actually do about it. Happy to share my story, too.

I grew up watching my parents handle conflict by yelling, manipulating, and using guilt to control everyone around them. I promised myself my whole life I'd never do that.

Got married two years ago. My wife is pregnant now. And in the last six months, I've watched myself start doing micro-versions of the exact things I hated growing up — the manipulations, the guilt trips, treating "idiot/loser" like a normal word in an argument. My wife and I noticed this pattern in my behaviour and started working on and attacking it. But it scared me how automatic it was.

Recently, I had to cut contact with my parents (the standard story: boundaries → guilt → threats (even legal ones for some reason)→ done). The weird part was how much better my life got the moment I stopped. My confidence spiked, even people around me noticed it; my merrage got stronger; my business got better. But I also realised I'd been carrying their patterns around inside me, and cutting them off didn't delete the patterns. I still have to do that work myself.

I'm trying to understand if other people experience this the same way. If you've been through any version of this — the recognition moment, breaking the cycle, what's actually helped — I'd love to chat in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING, just trying to figure out if what I'm experiencing is common and what people actually do about it. Happy to share my story, too.