u/Equal-Animator132

I recently got rejected by a guy who wasn't physically my type. I liked him because we had good conversations, he seemed emotionally mature and we just seemed to have a lot in common. Guess what though, he still rejected me despite him claiming I'm incredible and beautiful, and before I confessed my feelings to him, he would put me on a pedestal, telling me how rare I am and how much he admires me. Yet, he wasn't interested in pursuing it.

I honestly feel sick. I know him not reciprocating the feelings I had doesn't make him a villain. That's valid and that's his right. But I'm just thinking to myself, so here he is claiming I'm all of these things, and also, not to sound arrogant at all and I hate that I even have to mention this but, I am actually beautiful, or atleast, a lot of people think so, and I've been painted and drawn by people. Yet, he still somehow did not think I was good enough to be pursued? And here I am looking stupid, falling for a guy who is not even remotely my type physically. It hurts.

I recently got rejected by a guy despite him telling me that I'm amazing and beautiful. he told me that he absolutely could imagine it in another time and place but that he didn't want to pursue it at the moment. basically he just wanted to be friends. edit: this wasn't a friends with benefits situation, we never hooked up, we were still in the talking-getting to know eachother stage. basically we were (online) friends, never met in person either

I'm having a bit of a hard time making sense of it. was he just trying to soften the rejection? I just don't understand because even prior to him rejecting me he would put me on a pedestal

Up until the age of 12 my name was Julia. Then when I was 12, my mom changed my name from Julia to Iris. She alerted the new school and teachers I was going to and so from then on everyone knew me as Iris.

I'm 34 now (almost turning 35) and my name never stopped being Iris. Iris feels the most familiar and most comfortable to me.

I have a narc older sister whom I never had a close relationship with and never got along with to be honest. We also didn't grow up together, she only came to live with us when she was in her late teens (before that she was pretty much a stranger to me) and by then my name was already Iris.

She however, still calls me Julia and I feel like it's pretty disrespectful. And I feel like she does it on purpose because for some weird reason she has a grudge towards my name being Iris. She even told my mom (mind you my mom was the one who changed it) that because Julia was my original name, Iris doesn't count. When I'm literally known as Iris for over two decades now, it's part of my identity, and the name everyone has known me as for over two decades, wether she likes it or not.

Mijn moeder komt oorspronkelijk uit Iran, en m'n vader is Nederlands, en zelf ben ik progressief links. En uit eigen ervaring (maar ook uit de statistieken) weet ik dat Iraniërs qua integratie het prima doen. Wij omarmen de cultuur van het land waar we verblijven, en Iraniërs zijn over het algemeen vaak hoogopgeleid en harde werkers.

Ik ben daarom dan ook het eeuwige gezeik en de slachtofferrol van bepaalde groepen zo zat geworden. Constant maar de racismekaart trekken, claimen dat je geen eerlijke kansen krijgt. Nu moet ik ook toegeven dat ik zelf ook vervelende ervaringen heb gehad met bepaalde groepen die hier de meerderheid vormen. En ik vind dat het eens een keer moet ophouden. En waar het op neerkomt, is dat de meeste culturen gewoon echt niet gelijk zijn. En hoewel ik niks persoonlijks tegen moslims heb, gaat de Islam absoluut niet samen met de westerse cultuur en normen en waarden.

De vergrijzing van veel Europese steden, maar nu zelfs ook kleine dorpjes, is een deprimerend uitzicht. En ik had graag gewild dat politieke leiders een goed voorbeeld namen aan landen als bijvoorbeeld Japan, die heel erg streng zijn met hun immigratiebeleid en zoiets als de Islamisering van hun land absoluut tegenhouden.

edit: de vegrijzing van Japan is vooral het gevolg van een laag geboortecijfer en een hoge levensverwachting, niet van immigratiebeleid. Ik heb het hier over de islamisering van veel Europese steden, en daar staat Japan ver van af.

Because it is not for the weak. What makes it more heartbreaking to me is that many of us have high empathy, which is also one of the reasons why it was hard to clock the signs/realize that we were being abused and it was so easy to be constantly taken advantage of, wether emotionally or financially.

I grew up with a very volatile narcissistic mom and abusive stepfather, and my older sibling is a narc too (and not so surprisingly she was the golden child as well). I ran away from home at the age of 15. The physical, emotional and financial abuse I went through was horrible and to this day (I'm in my 30s), I'm still trying to cope with it.

My mom is a hardcore Zionist who loves Netanyahu. Her social media account is plastered with pro-Israel content, far right politics and posts glorifying Netanyahu, pics of her carrying the Israeli flag.

I've always held leftist values and I absolutely do not condone Israel's actions towards the Palestinians and Gaza in any way whatsoever.

Lately i've been really bothered by the fact that i'm following her while she's posting all of that stuff and worse, her account is public. It's embarrassing tbh. I feel like it reflects badly on me and for all I know her account could be suggested (if it hasn't already) to my mutuals or friends and they could assume that me following her means I support her political views. Which is why I have unfollowed her.

I alerted her, and she seems ok with my decision. I do wonder, AIW for unfollowing her?

I spoke on the phone with my mom today, I told her about this guy i've been talking to for months now, he lives across the world, he's from the US, I live in Europe. I told her how i've been deeply connecting with him. He also puts me on a pedestal, he thinks very highly of me and I told my mom about this. As soon as I told her this, ofcourse she had to become (or was acting) suspicious, asking me if it couldn't possibly be a scam. That because i'm young I could be prey to a scam involving kidnappings. What?? I got so frustrated with her on the phone. Like why would I even be that stupid to fall for such a thing? I know it happens to the best, but this guy is rock solid, absolutely not a scam or catfish. So instead of her being happy for me, I find myself yet again, being defensive and frustrated.

And it made me realize how this has been a pattern with her for as long as I can remember. Always undermining my friendships, my love life, the love and support I get from other people. She always has to turn it into a negative. She never validates it or me. She never seems to be truly happy for me.

What is interesting to me though is that she never treated my older sister (who is a narcissist too) like this. She would always validate her, think highly of her and inflate her already huge ego. Yet with me, it's been the complete opposite.

I do wonder if this is coming from a place of jealousy, or resentment? And I wonder if any of you can relate and have similar experiences?

Because they're absolutely not the same. I often see women complaining about becoming invisible once they hit 30 and older and they somehow always project this onto other women, thinking it's an universal experience. When the (harsh) truth is that they probably were mostly coasting on their youth. Beautiful women never lose their pretty privilege and won't become invisible.

Especially if you're a beautiful woman who is still in shape and take good care of yourself. Fran Drescher was 36 years when she started in The Nanny.

And then there's women who actually become more beautiful as they age, like Rachel Weisz, and she still looks incredible.