u/ExcitingDay6452

My school is fairly small since only 350 8th graders from my whole district are selected to attend and many drop out from falling below academic standards throughout high school, and if i seriously had to put a number on it, i'd say around 75-80% of straight people are in a relationship. There aren't any "cliques" since our school is already so small and the academic pressures are high, besides the clear divide there is between single and coupled people. There are literally events that are for couples only and when I walk anywhere, I always end up seeing at least 3 couples doing couple stuff on my way. i almost dated this guy I hated from the fomo I felt and we were added to a mega groupchat with almost every couple in the school, and the culture there was unlike any other i'd seen before outside of the internet. i decided i couldnt be with him and i was told to leave it by some couples while at school, not in a like "you need to leave" kinda way but more of a "you wont fit in, so take my advice" way. I gladly did, i didnt message in it after the guy introduced us anyways.

Anyways, during one of the events they had during lunch, non-couples were "not invited" in the dining hall so me and some of my friends went to the classroom of a teacher who wasnt part of the event to eat lunch and we talked about it, and we all agreed it was weird. maybe we're bitter, but objectively, it's just strange.

Is this common in other schools or what?! I feel like this wasnt a thing until my junior year besides events like homecoming and sports games.

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I made a friend in October and I started trying to flirt with him in February and he seems genuinely scared of dating. He's homeschooled, I come from a really small school, we're both taking college early, and we've both never dated before. He isn't on tiktok or instagram so thankfully he's not into those relationship game things, me too. We have a great time in person and we don't text a lot if it's not to talk about college admissions, school, or making plans. Thats the issue though, it's summer, he doesn't like going out, and the only time we've had together was hanging out during free periods, after school, and at my birthday party. That presents some frustration for me because I trust him to be at my house alone with me, my dog loves him and he likes my dog too, and my parents are basically begging me to finally bring home a boyfriend or girlfriend since they're worried I'm autistic or antisocial or something. They're out almost all the time for work or travels too and as long as I let them know someone is coming over they're fine with it, evidently with my little brother (M15) who basically brings home a new girlfriend every month. Such is the life of an athlete who goes to a big school I guess.

Anyways, everything is perfect for us to get some 1-1 time at my house and I don't want to ask to go to his house before we're dating, obviously, but I'm worried about what kind of image that'd give him of me. I just want to talk to him more and eventually put a label on what we have, especially before my homecoming dance. I went once in sophomore year and, at a small school, everyone is dating someone, and it's agony when you're single at a dance like that. All I did was drink, eat, and take pictures of my friends and their boyfriends when they needed. I even ended up following one around cuz she wanted me to get candids. Even my single friends weren't making it fun, they spent the whole night just talking about how miserable they are because everyone has someone and they have no one. Its like, we're supposed to be the ones having the most fun, why are we droning and crying when we have a whole dance floor and a bunch of soda!?

I really like this guy and if I had to take anyone to the last dance I have in high school for anyone, it's him. But I can't do that if we're not closer.

What is the right move? Is it appropriate to invite him over, and if so, how should I even do that?

I'm thinking of asking him to the library or movie theater and then inviting him over either after or at a later date, maybe, but that just seems like so much work. I could also straight up say "wanna come over," but that could scare him off or something!

I figured out my functions by comparing which ones I felt more identified with my thought process, but now I’m confused on where they place in the cognitive positions. What kinds of questions do I ask myself to understand where each function places?

I’ve done research and it seems you need some kind of disability or disorder that prevents you from being able to live with others out in a dorm but nothing else. I don’t have either, I just want to save my self the money since my family owns a trailer that I can just park near my school and commute. It’s cheaper and usually the nicer parks have pools and stuff like that.

I feel like if living on campus freshman year is a requirement it should really be free.

I know we’re not going to work out, he’s even told me he isn’t ready for a relationship right when I tried asking him on a date. Only occasionally will he accept my invitation to hang out, and when we do it’s like everything I’ve ever wanted. Then I try again and he has some stupid excuse. When we hang out I feel like we’d make a great pair but then we’re apart and I am hit with the reality again and again that it’s only going to do me harm. As you can imagine, that has created some serious dissonance in my head and I feel like the only way for me to move on from him is to cure it. I’ve tried crying and deleting his contact and talking to my mom and going to therapy, but I still feel like crap about it and I miss the times we’ve had. I wrongfully feel like “maybe this time he’ll accept me” when I feel hopeful. I think I’m just lonely. What do I even do!!! It’s hard enough as is to find someone as an introvert, let alone someone I like the way I like him. That’s why I feel so attached I think. I’m scared I’m not going to find someone I feel so strongly about and I’m going to die forever alone and unloved.

I’m not interested in saying our ages but we go to a college in our hometown and this happened in January.
Basically the way things went, I was set up with a guy (who I all around did not like for an unjustified reason) by a friend of mine. I disliked him because of how he acted with his girl friends and just because of the guys he was friends with, but I knew nothing else about him, so i decided to give it a fair chance and get to know him. I hadn’t dated a man before him so who was I to make such a quick judgement right?
I feel like from the 3 weeks I got to know him though, my dislike was justified. He’s not a terrible person, but he’s just interested in a relationship for the sake of being able to say “I have a girlfriend,” I wasn’t special to him, when I asked him about his reasoning for hanging around such terrible dudes and for being so flirty with his girl friends, he always talked down on them which is such a red flag. Why are you friends with people and talk such crap behind their backs because you want to seem better?
Anyways, I broke up with him after 3 weeks of talking to him and going on 2 dates, nothing else. He was really interested in meeting each others parents and going to each other’s houses around 2.5 weeks in which I was on board with to him but I didn’t feel up to it for real. I was just really disappointed with my first time dating a guy and I thought it must be because I wasn’t meant to be with one, but it was because I tried dating someone who I basically hated before. I know now that never works well.
Before i broke up with him, I talked about my feelings with a lesbian friend of mine, about how I thought this was a clash of my sexuality and not what it was, my inherent dislike for him. That really amplified that feeling and I decided that’s what it must be. So when I broke up with him, I just said, “I don’t feel like I’m cut out to date guys, it’s nothing personal but I am glad that my first experience was with you.” I asked if we could talk in person the day after, so I could make it clear that I wasn’t playing him and I want to keep this private to avoid drama and obstacles to dating who I want in the future, but he refused, so I just texted him keep my sexuality private two days after the breakup because I’m a little unsure still. I mostly said the last part to soften the blow because I can think of a much better guy too (coming later).
He was rightfully upset but before we started dating, he first became friends with a lot of my friends (which really pissed me off but I thought he was innocently trying to get closer) and the night after I broke up with him he took one of our girl friends who set us up to his home and cried to her and another of his girl friends about how I deceived him and wasted his time. I guess it’s a valid feeling for right after but it pissed me off, like I’m sorry for exploring my sexuality?? Anyways, they went and told everyone and after my classes the next week, a lot of my friends were saying “so I’ve heard you’re a lesbian” and all that kinda stuff. I was unlabeled before which I liked more. I liked the time I’ve had with the ladies I’ve dated before but I am so not down with all the labels and rules of the lesbian community. I just want to have fun with and date people I like, and if that happens to be a woman then so be it. I don’t see the need to find what category you fit in or whatever.
In any case, here’s the later part. Like 2 weeks after I broke up with him and he told everyone I’m a lesbian, I reconnected with a guy I was talking with for like 2 months from October to November last year. This guy is the partner of my dreams, he doesn’t like all the stupid dating games, we’re into the same things, he plays piano, he’s smart, he’s organized, he has realistic goals, and he’s so straightforward. The more I learn about him the more I like him, I love spending time with him, he’s easy to talk to, so on and so on. We stopped talking around the end of November because we weren’t really ready to date then, especially with the holidays around the corner. That’s the worst time to start a relationship.
Anyways we’re talking again 2 weeks after I stopped things with the guy I dislike. We spent like everyday for a whole week in between classes catching up and spending time 1-1 whenever we had the time that week, it was so lovely. Now that summer is here and we’re bored, we are going on a proper date this Saturday.
But I still feel uncomfortable that everyone in my outer circle thinks I’m a lesbian. I’ve introduced my close friends to him at my birthday party and they’ve clicked well so far, but they don’t spread my business like the friends of the guy I don’t like. We still haven’t seriously made the move to be partners because I feel wrong saying I’m dating a guy while the majority of people I know think I’m lesbian.

How can I settle it? Would it be wrong to start dating him without making it clear that I don’t date based on gender?

TL;DR: I broke up with a guy I basically hated because I thought I was lesbian, he told everyone, now I’m talking to a guy I actually like and I’d feel bad if I started dating him without clearing the air.

I’m a huge fan of tame impala and I think Kevin Parker, the musician behind the music project, is such a relatable and admirable guy. He’s not a “celebrity crush” to me per se but I do think the way he dressed and carried himself when he was in his 20s is pretty cute. I’ve been a fan for a few years now and I feel like everything I learn about him makes me like him more and more, as a musician and as a person. He’s the closest I have to a celebrity crush but I don’t really feel any of those parasocial feelings and expectations for him, I just think he’s stylish and has got a cool and aspirational personality.

Now, in September of last year I saw someone who looks and dresses like Kevin Parker on my campus eating alone, and I went up to him and said he looked like KP, complimented his outfit, and then I left. I ran into him again in late October and asked for his name, and we have spent time together between classes since then. We’ve learned about each other in those times and he knows tame impala is my favorite artist. We’re trying to go on a proper outing soon but I’m kinda feeling worried that he thinks i like him because he looks like Kevin, which isn’t the case. He’s so much more than his looks, but I also don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world that he looks like my favorite artist. It’s a sweet bonus if anything, but I’d still like him the same if he looked any other way.

I know some people feel bad or insecure when their partner has a celeb crush in general, and especially when their partner has a celebrity crush that looks nothing like them. Would the alternative, where you look like the celeb crush, mean you feel more confident in your partner’s love for you, or is it still a problem in a relationship? I’ve tried looking at it from different angles but I don’t think I have sufficient enough relationship experience needed to fully understand.