u/Exciting_Spare1870

I (F25) met by best friend (F25) at uni and we lived together for two years. We got on so well, more than with anyone I’ve ever met in my life and just completely clicked. 

After we graduated she went through a really tough breakup and just stopped responding to me for months, she has expressed before that she finds responding back overwhelming which I understand. Then on New Year's Eve I sent her a voice message saying I missed her and wanted her back in my life, and she said she felt exactly the same, she needed me back too. We went straight back to how we were, constant texting, facetimes, we went on holiday together for my birthday and had an amazing time. She is the only person I’ve been around that I recharge with, rather than away from.

In Summer 2024 she started dating someone new, and told me he had a serious porn addiction, to the point where he couldn’t orgasm either with her or on his own, apparently had little to no feeling down there at all, and that he'd lied to her before about stopping multiple times. I visited in the September and she told me she'd found Telegram on his phone. She asked what the app was and he said work messages, but when pushed he eventually said it was because he couldn’t get off to porn he found on the ‘normal’ websites. I asked if she thought he might be watching something illegal on there, she said she wasn’t sure and looked genuinely gutted. We’d had a few glasses of wine and I basically told her straight up that I didn’t like him and I thought that was major red flags. She had been talking about them going to couples therapy over it after 5 months of dating and I said that’s ridiculous, you’re 25, you should be having fun, and it shouldn’t be this hard. 

After I left hers she went radio silent for five days, then was on and off for weeks, I maybe heard from her once a week if not less. She was always so apologetic and saying she loved and missed me so much when she did reply, and when I asked her if it was to do with the conversation we had she said absolutely not and she was just struggling and had a lot on. She messaged me on Christmas Day, I said we should FaceTime soon and she was super enthusiastic about the idea of it, and I haven’t heard from her since. I send her a couple texts after, and the last I sent was a happy new year text which still hasn’t been read to this day. I waited a few weeks after the new year one to see if she’d reach back out and it just never happened, that was new years 2025.

The dilemma I have is that she was genuinely the person that convinced me friends can be soulmates, and from what she said she felt the same. I have built a life in London (I moved the January she ghosted me) and I have made friends here but I subconsciously compare everyone to the connection I had with her. I go through weeks where I will dream about her every night and birthday wishes are that she will message again. Part of me thinks I should just reach out and call or something and ask if she’d meet me for a coffee, the other part of me thinks I need friends in my life that wouldn’t ghost me the month I move to a new city where I don’t know anyone and never reach out again. About 8 months after not speaking she started watching my instagram stories again which felt like an absolute mindfuck, It feels so odd to think about just never speaking to her again and just seeing our lives play out on social media, and honestly gives me a sick sort of pit feeling in my chest.

Does anyone have any advice on whether I should just reach out and see if we can reconnect, or whether I should just leave it and try to move on?

I (F25) met by best friend (F25) at uni and we lived together for two years. We got on so well, more than with anyone I’ve ever met in my life and just completely clicked. 

After we graduated she went through a really tough breakup and just stopped responding to me for months, she has expressed before that she finds responding back overwhelming which I understand. Then on New Year's Eve I sent her a voice message saying I missed her and wanted her back in my life, and she said she felt exactly the same, she needed me back too. We went straight back to how we were, constant texting, facetimes, we went on holiday together for my birthday and had an amazing time. She is the only person I’ve been around that I recharge with, rather than away from.

In Summer 2024 she started dating someone new, and told me he had a serious porn addiction, to the point where he couldn’t orgasm either with her or on his own, apparently had little to no feeling down there at all, and that he'd lied to her before about stopping multiple times. I visited in the September and she told me she'd found Telegram on his phone. She asked what the app was and he said work messages, but when pushed he eventually said it was because he couldn’t get off to porn he found on the ‘normal’ websites. I asked if she thought he might be watching something illegal on there, she said she wasn’t sure and looked genuinely gutted. We’d had a few glasses of wine and I basically told her straight up that I didn’t like him and I thought that was major red flags. She had been talking about them going to couples therapy over it after 5 months of dating and I said that’s ridiculous, you’re 25, you should be having fun, and it shouldn’t be this hard. 

After I left hers she went radio silent for five days, then was on and off for weeks, I maybe heard from her once a week if not less. She was always so apologetic and saying she loved and missed me so much when she did reply, and when I asked her if it was to do with the conversation we had she said absolutely not and she was just struggling and had a lot on. She messaged me on Christmas Day, I said we should FaceTime soon and she was super enthusiastic about the idea of it, and I haven’t heard from her since. I send her a couple texts after, and the last I sent was a happy new year text which still hasn’t been read to this day. I waited a few weeks after the new year one to see if she’d reach back out and it just never happened, that was new years 2025.

The dilemma I have is that she was genuinely the person that convinced me friends can be soulmates, and from what she said she felt the same. I have built a life in London (I moved the January she ghosted me) and I have made friends here but I subconsciously compare everyone to the connection I had with her. I go through weeks where I will dream about her every night and birthday wishes are that she will message again. Part of me thinks I should just reach out and call or something and ask if she’d meet me for a coffee, the other part of me thinks I need friends in my life that wouldn’t ghost me the month I move to a new city where I don’t know anyone and never reach out again. About 8 months after not speaking she started watching my instagram stories again which felt like an absolute mindfuck, It feels so odd to think about just never speaking to her again and just seeing our lives play out on social media, and honestly gives me a sick sort of pit feeling in my chest.

Does anyone have any advice on whether I should just reach out and see if we can reconnect, or whether I should just leave it and try to move on?

Apologies if this is the wrong group to put this in.

My (F25) boyfriend (M29) moved back in with his mum in midlands about a year ago after quitting a job he hated in London. We’ve been long distance since then, and he constantly talks about wanting to move back and how much he hates the distance. He also dreams of opening a café or restaurant one day.

We had a date recently that ended badly which led to him confessing he’s had a gambling addiction since around Christmas. He told me he’d lost all of his savings (around £30k), was gambling huge amounts daily at one point, had been banned from multiple betting apps, and hid it from me for months although he told his sister. He says it’s been under control for about a month and tonight he’s going to his first GA meeting.

I’m devastated that he lied for so long. It possibly explains why we haven’t been on holiday, why he rarely visits me in London and why money has always seemed tight despite his living situation.

I haven’t told anyone including my mum or friends because I’m embarrassed. I love him and he has so many amazing qualities, but I’m struggling with the reality that he’s living at home, has a gambling addiction, hid it from me for months, and his insecurities mean each lovely date night ends with crying or frustration.

I just need some advice on what to do in this situation? - my ex had bad mental health and the last thing I want to do is go through another partner struggling, me being their only support system and feeling a bit like I’m trapped, but I love him and he genuinely is so sweet and we have so much in common. I’m also feeling a bit guilty about this but the thought of having a partner in GA meetings and either telling friends or keeping it a secret fills me with dread.

I have one community id like to be a part of and I can’t because I haven’t got enough karma, thought that’s fine, I’ll try and get some somewhere else. But i can’t because i need karma to post there too?????? I’ve been trying for days and I’m seemingly wildly unfunny because no one upvotes my comments and all my advice is going down like a fecking lead balloon.

Whats an unhelpful unfunny girl to do???

I (F25) met by best friend (F25) at uni and we lived together for two years. We got on so well, more than with anyone I’ve ever met in my life and just completely clicked. 

After we graduated she went through a really tough breakup and just stopped responding to me for months, she has expressed before that she finds responding back overwhelming which I understand. Then on New Year's Eve I sent her a voice message saying I missed her and wanted her back in my life, and she said she felt exactly the same, she needed me back too. We went straight back to how we were, constant texting, facetimes, we went on holiday together for my birthday and had an amazing time. She is the only person I’ve been around that I recharge with, rather than away from.

In Summer 2024 she started dating someone new, and told me he had a serious porn addiction, to the point where he couldn’t orgasm either with her or on his own, apparently had little to no feeling down there at all, and that he'd lied to her before about stopping multiple times. I visited in the September and she told me she'd found Telegram on his phone. She asked what the app was and he said work messages, but when pushed he eventually said it was because he couldn’t get off to porn he found on the ‘normal’ websites. I asked if she thought he might be watching something illegal on there, she said she wasn’t sure and looked genuinely gutted. We’d had a few glasses of wine and I basically told her straight up that I didn’t like him and I thought that was major red flags. She had been talking about them going to couples therapy over it after 5 months of dating and I said that’s ridiculous, you’re 25, you should be having fun, and it shouldn’t be this hard. 

After I left hers she went radio silent for five days, then was on and off for weeks, I maybe heard from her once a week if not less. She was always so apologetic and saying she loved and missed me so much when she did reply, and when I asked her if it was to do with the conversation we had she said absolutely not and she was just struggling and had a lot on. She messaged me on Christmas Day, I said we should FaceTime soon and she was super enthusiastic about the idea of it, and I haven’t heard from her since. I send her a couple texts after, and the last I sent was a happy new year text which still hasn’t been read to this day. I waited a few weeks after the new year one to see if she’d reach back out and it just never happened, that was new years 2025.

The dilemma I have is that she was genuinely the person that convinced me friends can be soulmates, and from what she said she felt the same. I have built a life in London (I moved the January she ghosted me) and I have made friends here but I subconsciously compare everyone to the connection I had with her. I go through weeks where I will dream about her every night and birthday wishes are that she will message again. Part of me thinks I should just reach out and call or something and ask if she’d meet me for a coffee, the other part of me thinks I need friends in my life that wouldn’t ghost me the month I move to a new city where I don’t know anyone and never reach out again. About 8 months after not speaking she started watching my instagram stories again which felt like an absolute mindfuck, It feels so odd to think about just never speaking to her again and just seeing our lives play out on social media, and honestly gives me a sick sort of pit feeling in my chest.

Does anyone have any advice on whether I should just reach out and see if we can reconnect, or whether I should just leave it and try to move on?

My (F25) boyfriend (M29) moved back in with his mum in midlands about a year ago after quitting a job he hated in London. We’ve been long distance since then, and he constantly talks about wanting to move back and how much he hates the distance. He also dreams of opening a café or restaurant one day.

I assumed he was saving loads because he isn’t paying rent and doesn’t really go out, but he rarely books time off to see me. I almost always travel to him, and even when I do, he’s usually working because he only sees me on whatever days he’s randomly given off. But I thought if we was saving he could set up this cafe and move to London and it would be perfect.

We had a date recently that ended badly. Someone I vaguely knew years ago came over to say hello, and my boyfriend got upset because that person had once made a joke about me having a threesome with her before we were even together. He shut down and refused to hold my hand and cried a bit when I asked why it felt like a threat. I have known our whole relationship (5 years) that he has issues with my past - he has asked me to remove people I’ve had any romantic history with from social media, and even an old friendship with a guy has been difficult because of a single kiss when we were 14, years before I met my boyfriend.

That conversation led to him confessing he’s had a gambling addiction since around Christmas. He told me he’d lost all of his savings (around £30k), was gambling huge amounts daily at one point, had been banned from multiple betting apps, and hid it from me for months although he told his sister. He says it’s been under control for about a month and he’s planning to attend support meetings.

I’m devastated that he lied for so long. It possibly explains why we haven’t been on holiday, why he rarely visits me in London and why money has always seemed tight despite his living situation.

The last few times we’ve seen each other have all ended in arguments, usually with me crying or him saying he doesn’t feel loved enough by me or that we don’t have sex often enough.

I haven’t told anyone including my mum or friends because I’m embarrassed. I love him and he has so many amazing qualities, but I’m struggling with the reality that he’s living at home, has a gambling addiction, hid it from me for months, and his insecurities mean each lovely date night ends with crying or frustration.

I just need some advice on what to do in this situation? - my ex had bad mental health and the last thing I want to do is go through another partner struggling, me being their only support system and feeling a bit like I’m trapped, but I love him and he genuinely is so sweet and we have so much in common.