u/Existing-Mastodon500

Long story short, house is probably going to appraise for 847k. We are accepting an 820k offer with no commission, as-is (an agent is buying and repping themselves). Another potential buyer would probably get us to pay 2% fees on their end anyway, so in my mind it’s more like an 836k offer. Theres nothing wrong with our house, a few things could use updating but nothing major anyway, so concessions for another buyer would be at most annoying and nickle-diming but minimal. It also costs me 2k a month to hang onto this house because we already moved.

My agent did not like this buyer because their initial offer was pretty insulting (805k, 3% commission, 60 day close, 25 day inspection period, 45 mortgage) but we offered our terms 825k 0%, as is, 30 day close, 10 day inspection, 30 mortgage. They accepted everything but countered 820k. I’m thinking we didn’t do too bad, let’s wash our hands of it but my agent thinks we could do better. This is our first and only offer, btw. We’ve been listed for 60 days and welcomed all offers.

Let’s be clear tho, I pay 2k a month to hang onto it, potentially have my time wasted, argue about concessions, pay buyers agent fees, etc. to MAYBE get a better offer or I can let it go for close to the same? FWIW, we are losing money on the house (around 40-50k). Bought 3.5 years ago, our needs have changed completely, had to move, and we put a decent amount of work into it thinking it would be our forever home so I know my agent is also keeping that in mind.

Idk tell me if I’m being foolish?

I’m really struggling because I have never felt the need to address anyone’s parenting before and it feels like such an overstep but I’m worried about my own child’s mental health and their child’s mental health.

My daughter is 16mo, her daughter is 14-15mo, and this mom is ALWAYS comparing them. My daughter is an advanced talker and her daughter is a late talker but every time my kid says something the mom will make silly comments like “we get it you’re smart” or “such a show off,” again, I do not think she means this to harm but it’s very off putting. Worse than that, she says mean things to her kid and it makes me SO sad. She’s basically always “joking” but I don’t find it funny. Today her kid was scribbling on paper and she said “you’re not very talented” and started laughing. I was so shocked I didn’t even know what to say at the moment. Later they were dressing up as princesses and she said “look at us princesses, we’re cuter than you” to MY daughter and then promptly caught herself and said “I’m just kidding, you’re beautiful.”

I’m very much in the camp of your voice is your child’s inner voice and I feel sick when she compares them, makes “jokes,” or any focus on how they look. Children shouldn’t be burdened by these things.

So today I said “we don’t compare each other and other girls aren’t our competition” and she of course agreed but I have this nagging pit in my stomach about it all. I feel like I’ve dropped hints before when she tells her daughter she’s the prettiest girl in the world (around my daughter) by saying “and you’re smart, and kind, and a good friend” and then telling my daughter the same.

Unfortunately it doesn’t seem that she’s picked up on this and I’m feeling the need to address it directly. I understand she may choose not to hang out with us anymore and I’m prepared for that possibility but I can’t in good conscience not address something that affects my child, or another child for that matter.

I’m really stuck on what to do and I need advice. I’ve let it go on long enough.

My girl still contact naps exclusively and we cosleep fulltime, I’m not looking to change that but previously my husband could contact nap with her as well. I went back to work VERY part time a few months ago and she was napping with my husband without an issue until recently.

She’s been extra clingy and attached to me lately, her mouth looks a mess with swelling and several teeth coming so I’m not surprised, I also understand this is all very normal for her age as well but it’s been difficult. She’s refusing to nap with my husband now and I feel awful because by the time I get home tonight she’ll have been awake for about 12 hours straight. I know one day won’t hurt her but the thought of her doing this again and me not being there kills me.

My husband is texting me telling me that she’s never cried like this before and if she cries like this again, I need to consider quitting my job.

FWIW, I only work a maximum of once per week. It’s not like I’m always gone. I’ve worked less than 10 days in the last 3 months, so I’m pretty much always home. It’s more that I keep this job so I have a day to decompress while still making some money and my husband gets a day with our girl at home. Quitting my job is a possibility, it’s not something that’s a hard no, but it’s a great job and they’ve been incredibly flexible with me and my needs for the last 5 years. I’m sure they’d take me back in the future as well, but keeping my foot in the door is ideal. I also hesitate to make a decision like that on something that could be over tomorrow.

I’m just not sure what to do. Idk if I’m looking for advice or support. I’m sitting at work right now trying not to cry thinking about my daughter crying because she’s tired and wants me.

Does anyone struggle with boundaries? My 16mo does things I don’t really care about for myself (smacking me, giving her things that are mine, etc) and while I’m not bothered, I do set a boundary because I think it’s important that she learn those things aren’t really acceptable/some people do care. I’ve also heard that kids with consistent boundaries grow to be happier?

So anyway, we maintain boundaries and model them so she knows she can set boundaries too (respecting her no, etc). However, I really struggle with feeling the guilt or upsetting her. When she cries or throws a fit about it, I just say “I know this is disappointing/frustrating/upsetting and it’s okay to be (xyz feeling) but my answer is still no.” Proceeds to cry, I console her and validate the big feelings while still maintaining my boundary.

Does the guilt get you? Because it gets me and it’s hard to feel like I’m doing the right thing when it makes her sad. How do you reason with yourself? Or is this something you don’t do really at all?

I don’t have a good example of this from my parents and I have no experience with toddlers, so I’m flying blind and kind of always worried I’m doing it wrong 😂

Being a parent is exhausting but lately I’ve realized I have no little luxuries. No silk robe, no comfy slippers, no pretty pajamas, no time for myself, etc. of course I could just buy those things but usually as a SAHM I’m wearing a stained t shirt, underwear, and lucky if I got to shower today. Before anyone trashes my husband in anyway, he is very involved and an equal parent. It’s just a tough season right now for us both.

Tell me about your LITTLE luxuries? What’s something that you do or have that makes you feel pampered and human in these trying times?

Do you keep a hidden candy in the freezer? Always get your nails done on Tuesdays? Face mask once a week? Let me hear it.

Update: I have absolutely loved hearing about everyone’s little luxuries. I found it inspiring and have decided to carve out some me time every day, but it’s also opened my eyes to how many little luxuries I do have that I maybe haven’t appreciated enough. Thank you all, keep them coming, and I hope if anyone is reading this that they can also find some little luxuries to indulge in.

I’m just curious for those that have family close by. I see y’all doing it all alone with no family and I commend you, it’s so hard, but my question is geared towards those that DO have grandparents local.

How much help are you actually getting?!

My mom friend works fulltime, her MIL and mom watch her 14mo during the week, she goes to the MILs for dinner almost daily, and on Sundays her mom takes the baby. She usually wants to hang out on Saturday so she’s honestly never really alone? We talk about my lack of help from my family and I’m not sure if she’s just got the best set up one could possibly have or if my family has really just dropped the ball?

I’m a sahm 90% and per diem nurse once a week max. My mom used to come over on Mondays for around 3 hours and hang out with my now 16mo but that isn’t consistent anymore. She’ll watch her for an hour or 2 if I need to go somewhere, not that she’s rushing me home, but she’s always quick to leave when I return. I have a hard time asking for help so I don’t really push it but it isn’t really offered either. My husband and I are beyond burnt out but neither of us trusts a stranger to watch our kid (like a part time nanny/babysitter) so we can relax for any amount of time. I know that’s a personal problem but I’m just genuinely curious if this is more of a normal situation?

My family (including 3 sisters) and my husbands family live within 15 min in every direction and I’m feeling a little upset that nobody seems to care about us at all. I’d almost feel better if they all lived far away and that way there was an excuse for not being present?

OH and she’s the only grandchild on both sides LOL.

Anyway, just curious if this is pretty normal lol.

My daughter is 16mo and pretty clingy. Shes still wary of strangers, doesn’t jump into exploring places, and is slow to warm. I’ve been trying to socialize her more so she can gain some confidence amongst peers but she’s a little reluctant. At least initially.

I see all these moms and their kids are out running and playing the second they put them down, but mine kind of clings to my leg or asks for me to pick her up. I do as she wishes so she knows I’m here, but I lightly encourage her a couple times. Eventually she gains some confidence, explores a little, comes back and checks with me. Very much using me as a secure base, even though it takes a while.

I’ve been reading some about how clinginess and reluctance to explore, etc. can be perceived as an anxious attachment. I’m noticing that her peers don’t do this, so I’m becoming a little wary that maybe she isn’t feeling secure?

She’s only left we me, my husband, or mom. When we leave her with my mom, there’s no grand display of joy or crying. She just smiles, says “mama!” and is content to stay with my mom or continue playing. My mom would be another attachment figure to her though so this doesn’t read as abnormal to me?

She’s quick to settle when I step in, she uses me as a secure base, but she’s just a little slow to gain confidence in a new place or with new people. She hasn’t been super exposed or socialized due to my own shortcomings early on due to PPA/PPD, but I’m just worried and want to know if this warrants intervening in some way.

Does this read more temperament based? Or insecure?

Edit to add: my husband and I are not social butterflies either. We get by but we are definitely more reserved, observant, and introverted fwiw

Thank you for the reassurance. I had always assumed it was just her temperament but got a little nervous reading some things. We will continue to socialize at her pace 💕

I have a floorbed that sits against a wall due to space constraints, is there a way to minimize risk of entrapment while keeping the bed against the wall that doesn’t involve a crib-style frame (i don’t want her climbing out and falling)? Is the only way to rearrange the room?

I cosleep with her (16mo) so right now I just sleep on the side where the wall is to keep her from rolling into it but looking for suggestions so I can switch sides.

Thanks

***OWLET, I didn’t catch the autocorrect lol

My daughter is almost 16mo and I know the owlet isn’t meant for and won’t monitor her after 18mo.

How did you guys make peace or find reassurance that they’ll be okay? My sleep has changed and I’m waking up to her less than I was before, I imagine it’s just hormones returning to normal and whatnot, but I used to wake to her every move. Sometimes I wake up now and she’s sleeping propped up on my hip or her feet are in my face with her head by my hips, etc.

With those new changes, I at least had the peace of mind with the owlet. We’ve had several seemingly false alarms over the time we’ve had it but all I can think of is what if they were real and I missed something? What if there is no alarm next time?

Logically, she’ll be 18mo and she’s already fully mobile. But do they really wake up if their oxygen is compromised? Is the real risk entrapment? Idk

My daughter is 15mo and hasn’t breastfed since she was around 4mo, but I always slept very lightly and woke to her every move all night long…until the last couple weeks?

There’s been some nights where I guess I’m sleeping deeper than I had previously and I’m waking up to her feet in my face and her head on my stomach, or perpendicular to me, or some other odd position we didn’t fall asleep in. I know this is less concerning given she’s 15mo with full mobility but is this a problem? I’ve always kept a blanket around my hips but I’m thinking I’ll need to remove it since she’s maneuvering herself that way in the night. I think this may just be a part of returning to normalcy postpartum, perhaps my sleep patterns are returning to my pre-pregnancy state but I’m just speculating?

Would you stop cosleeping for this or no? Removing hazards should be enough?

TIA

Edit to add: drop some links for your fav adult sleep sacks please lol I don’t have a lot to spend, but would be interested in some cheaper kyte baby alternatives

Please spare me any shaming as I’m asking from a desperate position. My stress and anxiety levels lately are astronomical, I’m struggling to regulate my own emotions, and I’m too scared to take Ativan to keep me calm because I sleep WAY too hard when I do.

My question is if anyone here has experience with a microdose of a THC product in the morning to control their anxiety/stress and if it’s worn off by the time you’re ready to go to bed with your kid? And did it still affect how deep you slept?

I have been 100% sober for several years now while trying to get pregnant, breastfeeding/pumping, cosleeping, etc. not that it’s ever been an issue for me, but I’m curious if anyone has gone this route

TIA

Our potential listing agent has been our buyers agent twice. We really liked her the first time so we used her again, and that time was not as great as the first. I let it go and we decided to use her again to sell.

We moved in 3 years ago and our life has changed dramatically so we are selling. We don’t want to lose money but we know it’s a real possibility so I asked her what’s the best she could do on commission. She told me 4% (so 2% and 2%) unless she can do both sides, then she said she’d do 3%. Again, I just dealt with it and assumed she was doing the best she could but when she sent over the contract, she put 4% to her broker and then checked the box that said seller authorizes broker to offer 2% to buyers broker at sellers expense (so 6%). There was also a mistake where she checked that we didn’t authorize it listed on the MLS. Now it absolutely could have all been an honest mistake, but she’s thrown so many numbers at me and knows I’ve never sold a home before and that I’m very busy and distracted with a baby. So I’m a little wary.

Am I overreacting? My neighbor is a realtor who actually was the sellers agent when we bought and we’re considering asking her to list for us instead.

Edit to add: she also said the reason she couldn’t do any better on brokers fees was because he just bought a 600k dollar boat and now they’re all paying for it (I’m paying for it??) my dad also suggested that the commission she offered wasn’t a favor.

Update: she admitted the mistake and changed the numbers. I still have questions so I’m calling her today. For everyone who said I read it wrong, I did not lol. It would have totaled 6%.