u/Expensive_Education9

I don't even know where to begin or how to keep this from being an ongoing ramble.. I just really hope someone can relate and reads this to the end and can maybe help me with advice or support. TLDR at bottom❕

I'm 30 yrs old. 4 years ago my Mom passed suddenly. It destroyed me, I went through a lot of mental health issues and I still struggle a lot. It's taken 4 years but I've finally moved into her house with my partner & 3 cats (my childhood home).

Because my Mom passed suddenly, everything is the way she left it. My Mom was a very, very tidy & clean person but was very much an "organized" hoarder. The mass amounts of stuff she had stored in the basement has been so overwhelming. No word of a lie, she kept ALL of my brother and I's schoolwork, from daycare to highschool.. She kept bins upon bins of all of our childhood clothing, toys, baby supplies.. she even kept every prescription slip from medications we got as infants/toddlers.. antique furniture pieces, brand new appliances she never opened.. she also has an insane amount of seasonal decorative stuff because when I was kid she was amazing at decorating the house for every occasion and really enjoyed it. When my brother and father moved out they both left tons of their stuff here. This is just examples of the stuff that was kept, but you'd never know it because she TIGHTLY stored it all in a huge portion of the basement.

I know part of it is that my Mom had a hard timing parting with anything, if something was broken she would keep it because it's still good if she fixed it.. she was VERY good at saving money and also really just liked collecting things. Honestly, I'm not much different unfortunately. I know she did this because of how much she loved us, she was so proud to be a Mother (an amazing one at that) and I know she held on to all of this because she wanted us to be able to either pass stuff on to our future kids or for us to look back on. But at the same time, it has been so damn hard going through all of this stuff. Because we have had to make room in the basement to move in, The house has boxes piled everywhere and stuff piled everywhere, the garage is filled to the ceiling, it's making me feel so depressed to be literally walking through trails of boxes and stuff everywhere.

It's not just this, the emotional portion of this is extremely difficult. I'm having a really hard time parting with so much stuff because I know my Mom would either wanted me to keep it cus it's a shame to throw anything out or it has a memory of some kind behind it. It's making me procrastinate because I don't want to deal with it all. As much as my Mom was my everything, some days my brain just thinks how much easier it would be to just literally throw everything out. But I can't, I need to hold on to memories that make me feel close to her and It would break my Mom's heart if that is what I did. I also have a REALLY hard time parting with my childhood stuff as I constantly reminice on childhood lately. My father tried telling me yesterday that it's a normal part of life, that everyone has to throw out their parents stuff etc.

Has anyone gone through a similar situation? Any advice on how to know what to keep without it mentally destroying you? I haven't been able to do anything because I feel so stuck. How do I get through this?

TL;DR: Four years after my mom passed away, I've finally moved into her house and I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm sorting through not only all of her belongings, but also decades' worth of my brother's and my childhood keepsakes that she lovingly saved. I'm struggling with the grief, the guilt of letting things go, keeping her bedroom untouched, I'm looking for advice or support from anyone who's been through something similar.

I don't even know where to begin or how to keep this from being an ongoing ramble.. I just REALLY hope someone can relate and reads this to the end and can maybe help me with advice or support. TLDR AT THE BOTTOM❕

I'm 30 yrs old. 4 years ago my Mom passed suddenly. It destroyed me, I went through a lot of mental health issues and I still struggle a lot. It's taken 4 years but I've finally moved into her house with my partner & 3 cats (my childhood home).

Because my Mom passed suddenly, everything is the way she left it. My Mom was a very, very tidy & clean person but was very much an "organized" hoarder. The mass amounts of stuff she had stored in the basement has been so overwhelming. No word of a lie, she kept ALL of my brother and I's schoolwork, from daycare to highschool.. She kept bins upon bins of all of our childhood clothing, toys, baby supplies.. she even kept every prescription slip from medications we got as infants/toddlers.. antique furniture pieces, brand new appliances she never opened.. she also has an insane amount of seasonal decorative stuff because when I was kid she was amazing at decorating the house for every occasion and really enjoyed it. When my brother and father moved out they both left tons of their stuff here. This is just examples of the stuff that was kept, but you'd never know it because she TIGHTLY stored it all in a huge portion of the basement.

I know she did this because of how much she loved us, she was so proud to be a Mother (an amazing one at that) and I know she held on to all of this because she wanted us to be able to either pass stuff on to our future kids or for us to look back on. But at the same time, it has been so damn hard going through all of this stuff. Because we have had to make room in the basement to move in, The house has boxes piled everywhere and stuff piled everywhere, the garage is filled to the ceiling, it's making me feel so depressed to be literally walking through trails of boxes and stuff everywhere.

It's not just this, the emotional portion of this is extremely difficult. I'm having a really hard time parting with so much stuff because I know my Mom would either wanted me to keep it or it has a memory of some kind behind it. It's making me procrastinate because I don't want to deal with it all. As much as my Mom was my everything, some days my brain just thinks how much easier it would be to just literally throw everything out. But I can't, I need to hold on to memories that make me feel close to her and It would break my Mom's heart if that is what I did. My father tried telling me yesterday that it's a normal part of life, that everyone has to throw out their parents stuff etc.

I'm extremely stressed now that I have my three cats here because my one guy marks a lot, he pretty much destroyed our apartment we moved out of. This was my Mom's cat. We took him in when she passed and he started peeing everywhere and we could never get him to stop despite several different methods. I was so scared to bring him back to his original house incase he continues the behaviour, but was hoping he wouldn't because he feels back at home.. however, last night he peed on a random bag of dirty laundry.. so now I'm terrified this is the start to another neverending battle and I don't want him to destroy my Mom's house.

Another thing I'm dealing with, I have kept my mom's bedroom exactly the way she left it and I keep the door closed. It still smells like her, 4 yrs later. It feels like I'm being embraced by her when I step in there. Is it normal that I want to keep her room just for another couple yrs? My Dad keeps pushing I should break the wall down to make the kitchen bigger but I just can't think of getting rid of her bedroom. It's the last part of this house that smells like her. She passed away in her bedroom. It all just has too much behind it for me to demolish it, but how long is it normal to keep this up?

Anyway, I could go on and on about other worries but I laid some out here. I just need ANY advice, please. I'm so depressed and desperate. I've been drinking since I got here 2 days ago because I feel so stuck, I can't even get myself to unpack.. I just am so scared of the amount of work I have to put into this place for the next coming years, and the stress. Please help.

TL;DR: Four years after my mom passed away, I've finally moved into her house and I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm sorting through not only all of her belongings, but also decades' worth of my brother's and my childhood keepsakes that she lovingly saved. I'm struggling with the grief, the guilt of letting things go, keeping her bedroom untouched, worrying about my cat damaging the house, and feeling completely stuck. I'm looking for advice or support from anyone who's been through something similar.

I needed to vent somewhere, I don't care if I don't get responses, I just needed to get it out.

I work in healthcare, not in the nursing field or anything but my department is considered small compared to others in this hospital. It just baffles me how some of my coworkers can just so carelessly talk shit about eachother but then they're working together and act like total besties. Just a few weeks ago a few coworkers were going on and on about another coworker, saying how she's always on others for "sitting around" and that she's got this "go go go never stops" mentality. I guess she's mentioned to some people about how they don't do enough to help, etc. In some instances she's totally right and I'm glad she has the guts to say something but at other times I know she's a bit much sometimes and it's not necessary but I let it roll off my shoulders because I know that's just how she is. When they were talking about her they were REALLY bitching about her, saying rude shit..etc.

Today, those same coworkers are all buddy buddy with her, showing her funny videos, planning a surprise party for another coworker, just acting like nothing they said before was ever even said and I'm sitting there thinking "If only you knew what they said, you wouldn't be like this with them".

Now, I'm not saying if you complain about someone behind their back that you have to hold a grudge and act like an asshole forever but if I feel really strongly about someone where it was bad enough that I was severely bitching about them for almost a whole evening (this also wasn't the first time), I'm not going to pull this overly friendly fake BS when I work with them again. Obviously I let things drop and I'm going to be friendly but the way they were being was just over the top for seeming like you hate this person behind their back a few weeks ago. It doesn't help that it pissed me off THAT much more because I was busting my ass while they all sat around talking about a surprise party for another coworker, and the same person who's always going on about people not helping, was just sitting there ignoring that I was doing everything and mingling with the same people who talked so shitty about her. They were all talking about who they should and shouldn't invite (saying stuff like "oh so and so should know that no one likes her), it all sounded so fucking entitled and highschool like.

I just feel like sometimes I have such a hard time connecting with my co workers or getting close with them when I witness shit like this. Everyone is so two faced and fake with eachother and they all just accept it. I start wondering if they do the same with me, even though I'm a total people pleaser and I do everything I can to make everyone happy and not cause shit. What has this society become where it's just so normal to be mean behind eachothers backs but totally different in person?

I hate that this bothers me to my core and that I can't let it go. I don't get involved in any of this crap and somehow it feels like it makes me feel more distanced from my co workers but I refuse to be a mean person just to fit in. I just wish I could let it not bother me for hours on end after it happens...

Anyway, thanks for whoever made it this far.

I've always had super colorful hair in the past but haven't done anything with my hair in about 2 years so I'm back to my natural brunette for the most part with some remnants of blonde highlights. For the last year or so I got back into lap swimming at the pool and I absolutely adore it and don't want to give it up just because I miss having different hair. I want to get my hair done soon but want something that won't get completely screwed up by the chlorine? I most likely want chunky blonde highlights (that 2000s striped look kinda) but lately I see photos of the calico look and I love it but again, I'm not spending the money on getting it done just for the chlorine to ruin it.

I know I could always wear a swim cap but I really don't like the idea of it.. I don't like restriction around my head,so, I don't know what to do 😂😢 I know there probably aren't a whole lot of suggestions other than the swim cap but thought I'd post here and see what everyone says! 🤍