u/Extension-Dark1206

I started dating a guy a couple of months ago. Since we met, I’ve happened to travel a lot I had a 20-day trip early on, and recently left for another destination wedding. While I know being away so much early on can naturally breed some insecurity, his response to it has been really annoying

On this most recent trip, his intense insecurity around other men completely exploded. He started constantly probing into whether other guys were around me. At a beach afterparty, he kept asking if men were approaching me, if guys were talking to me, and what I was doing. Later, when I went to grab food with a group of friends, his very first question was whether there were guys in the group.

When I called him out and told him these constant questions felt insecure, controlling, and like he didn't trust me, he didn't apologize he claimed he's doing it on purpose to "see how I react in different situations" and watch how I handle other men.

I understand that me being away a lot early in dating might make him feel a bit anxious, but it still it makes me feel uncomfortable

Is this classic early-stage controlling behavior, or is his travel anxiety somewhat understandable?

I started dating a guy a couple of months ago. Since we met, I’ve happened to travel a lot I had a 20-day trip early on, and recently left for another destination wedding. While I know being away so much early on can naturally breed some insecurity, his response to it has been really annoying.
On this most recent trip, his intense insecurity around other men completely exploded. He started constantly probing into whether other guys were around me. At a beach afterparty, he kept asking if men were approaching me, if guys were talking to me, and what I was doing. Later, when I went to grab food with a group of friends, his very first question was whether there were guys in the group. It felt like he was perpetually paranoid and searching for a threat.
When I called him out and told him these constant questions felt insecure, controlling, and like he didn't trust me, he didn't apologize. Instead, he claimed he's doing it on purpose to "see how I react in different situations" and watch how I handle other men.
I understand that me being away a lot early in dating might make him feel a bit anxious, but using "testing" as an excuse to interrogate and monitor me feels like a huge boundary issue.
Is this classic early-stage controlling behavior, or is his travel anxiety somewhat understandable?

Hey everyone, I need some perspective because I’m currently sitting here feeling a mix of anxiety, annoyance and disappointment. I [F30] started dating this guy [M34] about a month ago but we knew each other for years. We hit it off so well he was texting every day, meeting every day introducing friends being incredibly sweet and lovely. Everything felt great. I had a huge block of travel planned months before. One was a 20-day trip (which I am currently on right now) and a 2-week trip for a bachelorette party and wedding that’s 2 weeks after I return from the first one. On top of that, I recently got accepted into a Master’s program abroad starting in September. He knew about this too. I told him from the start I wasn’t sure if I’d even go because I didn't get a scholarship and might not be able to afford it. He was visibly upset about the idea of me leaving for a year, which I guess is fair. The issue started the other day when we were texting about my second trip. He didn't realize it was a full two weeks. When I reminded him, he went, "Wtf? Why so long?" I explained that it was a bachelorette party combined with a wedding and it had been planned ages ago. I told him, "Well, you knew I travel a lot and had these trips planned." He literally reacted with a 👎 emoji to that message. Since then, the vibe shifted completely. He stopped texting goodnight (which he always did). I texted him and he gave me dry, late responses. Yesterday he asked if I paid my university deposit yet. I told him no he was like “ Why? Won’t you lose your spot?” I said that I might have already lost it and he said "Got it." Eventually, he sent a random reel, I sent a video from my current trip, and he just liked it this morning and hasn't texted me the whole day today. I am so annoyed. I get that it sucks that I'm away right as we started dating, but these were planned before him. What drives me crazy is the sudden shift to passive-aggressive behavior. When we were first getting to know each other, we literally talked about how we both hate uncertainty and ghosting, and he agreed that communication is everything. Now he's doing exactly what he said he saw as a red flag. Is his behavior fair? Am I missing something here, or is he acting incredibly immaturely by freezing me out instead of just talking to

Hey everyone, I need some perspective because I’m currently sitting here feeling a mix of anxiety, annoyance and disappointment. I [F30] started dating this guy [M34] about a month ago but we knew each other for years. We hit it off so well he was texting every day, meeting every day introducing friends being incredibly sweet and lovely. Everything felt great. I had a huge block of travel planned months before. One was a 20-day trip (which I am currently on right now) and a 2-week trip for a bachelorette party and wedding that’s 2 weeks after I return from the first one. On top of that, I recently got accepted into a Master’s program abroad starting in September. He knew about this too. I told him from the start I wasn’t sure if I’d even go because I didn't get a scholarship and might not be able to afford it. He was visibly upset about the idea of me leaving for a year, which I guess is fair. The issue started the other day when we were texting about my second trip. He didn't realize it was a full two weeks. When I reminded him, he went, "Wtf? Why so long?" I explained that it was a bachelorette party combined with a wedding and it had been planned ages ago. I told him, "Well, you knew I travel a lot and had these trips planned." He literally reacted with a 👎 emoji to that message. Since then, the vibe shifted completely. He stopped texting goodnight (which he always did). I texted him and he gave me dry, late responses. Yesterday he asked if I paid my university deposit yet. I told him no he was like “ Why? Won’t you lose your spot?” I said that I might have already lost it and he said "Got it." Eventually, he sent a random reel, I sent a video from my current trip, and he just liked it this morning and hasn't texted me the whole day today. I am so annoyed. I get that it sucks that I'm away right as we started dating, but these were planned before him. What drives me crazy is the sudden shift to passive-aggressive behavior. When we were first getting to know each other, we literally talked about how we both hate uncertainty and ghosting, and he agreed that communication is everything. Now he's doing exactly what he said he saw as a red flag. Is his behavior fair? Am I missing something here, or is he acting incredibly immaturely by freezing me out instead of just talking to me?

My boyfriend (M31) was cooking and handed me(F31) his phone so I could watch a video. While I was holding it, a notification popped up with my name in it. It looked like a joke, so I got intrigued and opened it and scrolled back a bit to see what was going on. I haven't told him how much of the chat I actually read yet I only mentioned the last few messages. It was a group chat of him and his best friends and as I understood the chat operates like this: they find a reason to swarm someone, concentrate all their energy on a single target, and relentlessly tease them with incredibly harsh, toxic jokes. The problem is that their "roasts" sometimes cross the line into disrespecting partners, past relationships comparing me to his exes, questioning my desirability to hurt his pride, comparing each each other’s girlfriends, some stupid jokes about sex lives etc etc. And my bf Instead of putting boundaries was just firing back with other insulting jokes to win the argument. When I confronted him about the few messages I "saw," he immediately brushed it off with: "It's just a joke, it's how we mock each and tease, it's nothing." To me, this feels incredibly weird, gross, and disrespectful for men in their 30s. I feel put off that my name and our private life are being used as ammunition for a bunch of grown men to secure their spots in a locker-room hierarchy.

At this point, I wish I didn't read further cause it just ruined my mood and my image of his friends. It should've just stayed there, but it is what it is. I got intrigued when I saw the joke with my name. Am I overreacting? Is it just boys' stupid jokes?