u/FancyLettuce2469

Hi! Forgot to schedule my boys’ haircuts for back to school. Are you a barber? Do you know of one who could squeeze in two kids on Monday?

My ex hasn't had an overnight with our younger son in over a year. He's has not used his current order time of 12% parenting time in the 6 years since the last order, refused to sign off on inpatient psychiatric care our older autistic son needed, left him home alone overnight without a phone last year, never administers his prescribed meds which leads to withdrawal meltdowns, and our son was recently on a 5150 hold. I put all of this in writing to the court, with dates, with documentation.
The court-appointed mediator (Family Court Services) talked to us both for one call and came back with this recommendation, and I need someone to tell me if this is normal because it does not feel normal. I have never heard of a schedule like this.

Every other weekend, 10am to 5pm.
He is not allowed overnights.
Each kid on a separate day.
One kid Saturday, the other kid Sunday.
Plus one weeknight a week for a few hours, with 48 hours notice required.

I have never heard of a parent only having to take one kid at a time. Sorry, parenting doesn’t work like that. I don’t get to decide that I only want one of them at a time but suddenly an absent dad can do that? The report also acknowledges that I told her our younger son is uncomfortable with the favoritism he receives from dad and that his dad leaves his older brother feeling left out. I feel like this is setting up conflict for my home when dad takes the younger one to do fun stuff on his day and then for sure won’t do the same for the older kid.

He also doesn't take time off work to actually supervise the kids himself when he does see them. And he often works weekends.

He also quit his job when I filed because I asked for increased child support. I am in disbelief and shock over all of this.

The report also states there's "no corroborating evidence" that his time needs to be limited, and that there are no allegations of domestic violence (I stated that there were allegations of abuse and the report conflicts itself here). The report also directly contradicts itself again, it says both parents denied any unmet health or developmental needs, and then later in the same document describes my son's 5150 hold and autism diagnosis.

My filed statements have a ton of evidence and dates that will contradict her recommendation. Do you think a judge is going to just rubber stamp this and not see he doesn’t parent or help or even see them ever and then give him MORE time?

Does anyone know if the ownership actually changed? The person that I know was the manager is doing a big push on social media and calling herself the new owner. But all documents and the ABC license are still in Sheldon’s LLC from what I can see. I commented to ask her if she has any proof she’s the real owner or if she is just saying that for marketing purposes because I see the license is still in his name and then she blocked me without answering lol so just wondering if anyone knows the real deal

Hi :) has anyone in the county (especially interested in unincorporated SR) had any success in requesting a traffic or speed study on their street. I cannot believe how many people push 50-50mph on my street that is marked at 25mph. Not just normal cars but huge commercial trucks that would obliterate anyone walking. My kids walk home from school and there are always pedestrians walking their dogs. No neighbors have had success getting CHP or Sonoma Sheriff to do speed enforcement. I called the office that handles speed/traffic studies but waiting on a call back and I’m wondering if anyone else has gone through this process or made a request?

I’ve already used the program so I know the ins and outs and recently graduated.

But I’m wondering if you guys can help me brainstorm a list of program/education ideas for my kids’ dad who is medically retired (but totally capable of working). I finally had time to file for a custody modification and child support increase and as soon as I did he quit his job (“coincidentally”) and tried to say it’s because he’s injured lol but he’s posting insane gym workout videos every day 🫠 him being a deadbeat is not the main issue here so I’ll try not to complain about that lol. I suggested that he apply to use Vocational Rehab a few years ago and he decided not to do it. I want to suggest it again and offer up ideas of things he can go to school for. He was retired for having multiple ACL surgeries so I’m trying to think of things that aren’t super physically demanding and also don’t require a long and difficult education because I know he wouldn’t be able to complete a four year college degree. I’m thinking of trade schools etc. I have a short list of ideas to suggest but I’m wondering what cool programs you guys have done or heard of that I can add to it.

My ex was at his job for over two years and knew I was planning to file for a child support increase. Within days of finally having him served, he quit and now he is claiming he can’t work due to injury. He's medically retired from the military at 100% disability, but that retirement was due to an ACL surgery, and he's worked a physically demanding job for years since separating. He's also been posting on social media doing high-intensity, explosive compound lifts that are not rehab types of movements. He has full access to VA Vocational Rehabilitation (free schooling or training in any field that wouldn't aggravate that old injury) and he refuses to use the program despite asking me how I used it and I walked him through the process over two years ago. He also barely exercises the custody he already has, which is just a few weeks of school breaks under the current order, so my new filing requests sole legal and physical custody with him getting one weekend a month…that would be about 2% of the time, reflecting what he's actually shown up for. For six years I've let him pay a reduced support order at $600/month below state guideline. What are the real chances a judge imputes his income to his prior job level given this timing and pattern? Is there any specific language I should be using at the hearing?

Served my ex mid-June with a custody and support modification request. I know he was still working because I had to eventually hire a PI because he kept avoiding the process server. She told me she served him as he was getting into his personally assigned company work truck. Immediately after, he quit his job and is now claiming he can't work due to injury, but he's been posting gym selfies and workout videos the whole time, including one yesterday of him benching 275 Ibs. He said he is still working but only doing massage therapy and personal training - which used to be his side gigs on top of his full-time job.

Our original 2019 support order was set below state guideline because he had a lawyer and I didn't, and he filed in a county that the kids and I had not lived in for almost a year, which I couldn't afford to keep flying back to fight. I basically felt bullied into signing it so I could stop missing my college classes and leaving the kids for 48 hours to fly to court hearings. It's time he actually contributes fairly so l was proud of myself for doing all the paperwork on my own. But now I'm stressed out.

The hearing is next month. Anyone have experience with judges imputing income in situations like this? | feel like it's glaringly obvious why he quit his job. Is there specific language I should be using to request that they impute his income to what he was making.
He was definitely clearing 10k a month before quitting.

Hi! One of our sliding glass doors is sticking and after cleaning the track I noticed the metal bar on the track is bent so it definitely needs to be replaced. Does anyone know of a company that can repair the track (maybe it’s the wheels in the door too?) or what it’s going to cost me 😭

I think my husband has finally decided he can’t handle my level 2 son’s behaviors anymore. It’s his stepson and he knew what he was walking into but I think he is going to walk away. We just had a baby 7 months ago. He left in an uber and left his ring on the counter. Just needed a safe place to vent about this. I never tell my friends about the conflict my son has caused in our relationship.

Hi! If anyone is looking for a dental hygienist position I know the VA dental clinic is SR is desperately looking for someone.

Just found out my 13 year old level 2 teenager was approved for services at the regional center. I don’t even know what to ask for. Any suggestions?

He has extreme meltdowns so the idea of respite care is appealing. Are there people that can help him with tasks like cleaning his room without me having to manage the meltdown that causes while trying to care for the other kids in the home? Can they take him fishing as an activity (current hyper fixation). I have so many questions but also what questions should I be asking at our planning meeting?

My husband is considering taking a job in NYC. We would be moving from a somewhat rural area where I grew up. I’ve lived in NY before but was in the Hudson Valley and spent occasional time in NYC but wasn’t ever looking at neighborhoods as a place to live. If you’ve lived there with a family can you share with me what neighborhoods you would consider? I have three kids and my oldest has autism so I need to consider availability of services and schools. His income would double but I know rent there would probably be as much as our large California home mortgage so I’m guessing that expense would stay about the same. What websites do you search for housing?

Any suggestions on how to get my GP to settle down and lounge when inside. He’s 7 months old and at night he’s fine getting locked in a bedroom with a baby gate and will lay down and go to bed. But if I bring him inside during the day because it’s hot all he wants to do is walk in circles around the house 😂 he doesn’t lay down at all and it drives out older dog nuts. She will be lounging and he steps on her or nudges her to move and she corrects him with a growl like, “dude that’s how we act in here, get it together.”

My son is 13. Level 2 but good communication when not escalated. He has been bullied and abused at multiple schools over the years and watching him try to make real friends has been painful to watch. He made a few So when his friend's mom reached out and invited him on a camping trip, I was excited for him but nervous. He has had a history of extreme meltdowns but with somewhat predictable triggers that I knew were highly unlikely to happen while camping. I’ve let him go to their house a few times and the mom has been a good communicator and nice. He was the only friend they invited to go. She sent me these long texts about how much they adored him and would treat him like their own. I was nervous but I said yes. I wanted him to have this and I felt that I could trust them.
Before I picked him up today and I felt something felt was off. I checked his iPad (like i occasionally do because of the history of bullying) and found posts where 1. My son was holding a cigarette and 2. his friend posted that her parents were letting her drink the night before.

So in the car on the way home I asked him directly if he drank. He denied it until I told him I could test him. He started freaking out and took his seatbelt off and tried to reach for the car door while I was driving. When we got home he tried to “run away” but I don’t follow him anymore so I know he will come back after getting at most 5 houses down. He came inside and was stomping and slamming things and screaming at me. He picked up a cast iron pan and tried to take it outside to throw it but I got it back. He took a bag of trash from the kitchen counter and threw it into the living room and food and salsa was all over the floor and walls. I’m exhausted and sad and disappointed.

When I dropped him off I told them he's on daily medications. I didn’t want to overshare and say which ones (Abilify and Lexapro) but they said they’d remind him since their daughter has a dialysis med too. They had no idea what his meds were or if they could have serious interactions with alcohol.

I was so happy he had a friend who wanted him around. And now I'm sitting here with a sleeping baby wondering if the meltdown will stir up again tomorrow when he is guaranteed to obsessively ask me if I have confronted her parents because he’s worried he’s going to lose of of his only friends.

I don't even know what I'm looking for. Just needed to say it somewhere.

I filed an RFO for custody modification and a long overdue child support increase two months ago and have been trying to serve my kids' dad. He's been avoiding answering the door and hiding his vehicle in somewhere other than where he usually parks. Out of nowhere, after I sent him a text asking him to please stop avoiding the process server as I was trying to be nice and give him extra time to file a reply, he responds by ignoring what I said and asked me about summer parenting time dates under our 2019 order.
He has never voluntarily taken the kids for a single summer week since the order was entered, except once in 2020 where I provided all transportation both ways to San Diego (I live in the Bay Area and the order requires him to transport) and paid hundred of dollars for all food, diapers, and supplies for the entire week because he insisted he didn’t have the money to care for them. That's the totality of his summer visitation in 6 years.

He ended up moving up here at the end of 2020 and I allowed ample visitation outside of the order for two years until one day he decided he didn’t want to see them on weekends anymore and said he wanted to go back to the original order which only gives him one week each summer at agreed upon dates, every other Thanksgiving, spring break, and one week of Christmas break. Outside of the one summer week I paid for, he has only taken them for one Christmas week that I again paid for all the groceries for 🫠

Now he's asking me to propose dates for June, July, and August.

He works full time and he won’t confirm any supervision plan for the day time when he’s gone, moved his mother into the room designated for the kids, and his mother doesn't speak English and has no relationship with either child. She met our oldest child (13) at 4 months old. Literally that’s their only interaction and he just moved her across the country into the supposed kids room at his home. Our 13yo is level 2 autistic with complex psychiatric needs and cannot be left unsupervised. He has a history of psychiatric holds including a 5150 just last month. The 13yo cannot be left alone with our 11yo without the risk of the younger one being injured.
I told him I'm not proposing dates until he confirms adequate supervision. He keeps just asking for dates without answering that.

Is refusing to propose dates going to hurt me at our August hearing? I feel like he is only asking so he can try and say I’m withholding them and he doesn’t have any genuine interest in seeing them. He’s only seen one of them for two hours since the first week of October.

Anyone know why there is a helicopter circling the Country Club area off Hall?

Genuinely curious to know if anyone has had an experience with a “coparent” that is trying to avoid being served custody modification paperwork. I asked him weeks ago if I could have a friend do it and asked if he could make himself available of them to drop them off so I could avoid a fee - because I’d rather spend that money on my kids than paying a process server. I asked this a few times and he ignored me most of the times I asked then eventually told me to “drop it off yourself” 🫠 and no he wouldn’t agree to give me dates or times that would work. So now I’ve had to hire a process server and he’s refusing to open his door if they knock. I sent a text yesterday asking him to please stop avoiding them so I don’t have to repeatedly pay for this. Will a judge say anything about this when we get in front of them? Does it make that parent look bad?