r/ChildSupport

I live in California and have a question about child support. My children's father and I share 50/50 legal and physical custody of our three younger children, the three children stay with me from Friday 7PM till the following Friday 7PM. However, I currently have 100% physical custody of our oldest child, who has the same father, and I never asked for any support from him for this child. However, she will be turning 18 in about three months. Recently, I learned that their father applied for government assistance (CalWORKs) without informing me. I am the higher-income parent. Given these circumstances, am I likely to owe child support? Will the court consider that I currently have sole physical custody of our oldest child, even though that child will turn 18 in three months? How does California calculate child support in a split-custody situation where one parent has sole custody of one child and the parents share 50/50 custody of the other three? Once my oldest child turns 18, how might that affect any child support calculation? Also, how does his receipt of CalWORKs or other government assistance affect the child support determination, and does it automatically require the state to pursue child support from me?

I have two children and their father is in the army (E-4). He is stationed in Texas, we live in Virginia. He sees them maybe every 6 months.

I tried to give him time to get it together but he hasn’t. I decided to put him on some form of child support.

What’s the best way to go about it considering he lives in another state? Do I call his base? Go to the courts in Virginia? I tried to do research and I’m getting mixed answers.

To make a very long story short. My husband has 2 children with his ex, who he pays child support for currently. We have 3 children shared together, one of whom has quite a few special needs and we’re both feeling very burnt out and want to “switch” roles. I’m a SAHM currently due to our child needing care that really can’t be met in this area we live that is affordable. I want to work and interact with people who can articulate sentences and get a sense of identity again.

I’m concerned because how would child support work? If he has no income and we’re legally married can they take mine? I know he’ll obviously have a minimum that would end up falling on me to pay and I’m more than fine with that, but I’m very worried due to the pay cut we’d already be adjusting to with my income lesser than his and I obviously have 3 children to support of my own.

We’re already having financial issues with his child support on his income and trying to renovate a home to make it fit our families needs and just daily life expenses.

I know if his ex had any say she’d take all I own as she hasn’t worked for the past 2 years that we know of and is extremely confrontational (think constant cop calling, attempted at one point to claim my husband is sexually abusing their oldest child together who he hasn’t seen in 2 years and we had proof of that so immediate dismissal, attempted to break into our house to drop children off after telling us we could never see them again. She also claims I stole her man, though they’d been split up over a year before we even began talking. She’s not someone I’m comfortable around whatsoever and has a decent police record due to mental health issues)

I have a son who has recently turned 15; this past August (he was 14) he decided he was going to start sneaking around trying to stay the night at his girlfriends and sneaking out of my house. His father knew about these things and did not tell me. When my son was confronted he packed his bags and took off to his dads. Very little communication followed for a few weeks and I figured when school was starting he would be back; but instead I got court papers for custody and of course child support. My sons law guardian has always been a conflict of interest as she knew my ex personally before she was ever appointed (have notified the court multiple times). My son told the guardian he wanted more time with his dad (1:1 household vs family of 5 at my house) and that we argue at my house. The court did not take any history or facts into consideration, just the words of a 14 year old trying to get his way. The court was fine with it and told me oh well the 14 year old can choose whether he sees me or not so I didn’t even get visitation. My ex filed for support and then did not turn any documentation that the court requested….resulting in 3 court appearances spanning over 6 months all because he didn’t want to turn in his finances while asking me for money. That court awarded my ex child support even though I have been a stay at home mom for going on 3 years with my two younger children. They told me my wife couldn’t be responsible for my son but she pays all the bills and I don’t work so they made up a fake salary in order for me to pay support all because I used to work as a nurse.

My ex and I have a very long history. We have a large age difference of 18 years…I was 19 when I got pregnant for our son. The three years I was with his father I endured physical, emotional, financial and mental abuse. I’ve had restraining orders/orders of protection; CPS had been involved many times and even told me if I don’t leave they would take my son from me. When I left my son was 3 years old and we lived in a domestic violence shelter until I could get my own place. Shortly after that I was awarded physical and legal custody of my son’s older sister; my exes oldest child whom was a teenager at the time. The 12 years we’ve been back and forth in court should matter I would think? I can’t afford a lawyer so I’m lost on what to do next? My son is a lost child due to the abuse he’s witnessed and the lies his father has fed him. My son keeps asking me to just tell him all the truth about his father so he can figure out why he’s so torn but I don’t want to do that as I would never want to ruin their relationship. My son has witnessed his father’s abusive parts with other women as well as towards himself. Looking for any help/advice.

Happy Sunday all!! My ex and I have four children together. He is court ordered to pay $700 a month in child support and is about $60,000 behind. He has been job hopping to avoid child support enforcement and saw the kids for the first time in years yesterday after having little to no contact with most of them also for years. He is openly hostile when it comes to child support and says because my fiancé makes great money he doesn’t have to pay. He also has a fiancée who is helping him hide money from child support ( he apparently now works under the table and keeps his paychecks in a jar or something). He has not filed tax returns in two years to avoid the state garnishing his returns, and has told the kids he will not give them a dime because he does not see them. Child support enforcement is not helping because he has not disclosed his address and changes his number so they cannot contact him. According to my kids this visit he told them that he wants to sign his rights over when my fiancé and I get married but will only do so if I drop the child support case so he can “move on with his new family”. I am unsure if I should file a show cause warrant or just sit and wait for child support to actually file one. Any advice?

So with the advice of our mediator, my ex finally decided to start playing child support to me several months after we split. Now he hasn't paid since May and when I asked him about it, he said it was a temporary agreement and he can't pay anymore because he took out a HELOC to pay me out from the house we owned, rather than use the over 500k he has in stocks and savings to pay me out. The payments on the loan are his excuse.

I'm at a loss here. In September when I moved out, he left the kids alone with me for 11 days supposedly as he was working to sell or rent out our shared property. Long story short, there was a lot of deception throughout the relationship, and the coparenting dynamic has been contentious due to his deception. When eventually I filed for a child support, he was incensed that they sent an income verification to his job.

He ended up threatening during mediation to sue me for defamation for telling my personal friends the truth, that he was physically and emotionally abusive toward me (still emotionally abusive), which of course he denies. So I agreed to drop the child support case and we agreed to the support arrangement as it previously stood.

So now I'm like....what do I even do? We live in one of the most HCOL areas of the country and he made more than 200k more than me last year. We are only here because of his job.

Anyway, sorry if it was a little vent-y but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I'm scared to file for child support again, but I am concerned that it is the only option.

Just found out my ex filed for child support and I’m freaking out about because I’m already in debt and can’t pay my bills as is. I’m behind on rent and along with other personal loans car payments credit cards etc. I make 80000 base and for the last 2 years i made 110000 but that’s been due to me working excessive amounts of over time, however I’ve never had the money because I’ve always been catching up on bills and was stuck in a cycle of ill get and it never happened. I’m in Az, I’m curious on what my payments would look like, I have 3 kids and I have them on weekends since I work at night during the week and weekends off unless I’m on call for work. The mom makes about 29000 a year. I’m sure I left out a lot of information, ask and I will inform.

I’m curious on how others go about this. Would/do you include your current spouse in the process for adjustment of child support payment mediation? from your previous marriage?

IMO, I feel that when someone is remarried and building a new family and life with their new spouse, that they should both be included in the readjustment of child support payments. Because the payments, regardless of what they are will affect the new family. I believe both parents of biological children should be able to equally be able to provide for said child. In my husband’s situation, it’s far from equal.

My husband was previously married and they have 2 children together. She served him with the divorce paperwork and had come up with an amount she felt she was untitled to. She had a lawyer and my husband couldn’t afford one so he just agreed and signed to avoid his toxic ex making the drama more traumatic on their children. His payments are so high that he barely brings any money home. Less than 600 a check twice a month. Which I’m surprised a judge even signed off on their divorce settlement which showed an extreme difference in finances/income. What I mean by that is one home clearly was bringing in a much higher amount of income while the other was bringing in hardly anything. So one home was stable and comfortable while the other was unstable, poor and couldn’t afford necessities for the children.
For the record this was prior to us ever meeting.
We live in California so less then 1200 a month is not enough to survive on with 2 kids part time. So he was forced to live with his parents and struggling to pay all his bills and provide necessities for his kids, until we moved in together.

His ex wife did and still does work for the state. So she had her own income as well.

The reason my husband is requesting adjustment of child support payments now is because he lost his job last year and his new job pays way less than the one he had originally when he signed the divorce agreement. At this moment he’s barely able to make a dent in our bills and necessities. I pay mostly everything including providing food, some necessities and a home for THEIR children. His ex wife is currently living the dream buying a very expensive home, bought TWO Teslas and spoils the children with lavash shopping sprees. Then when they come to our house, they have a completely different life style and question why their dad can’t buy them things like their mom.

Now before anyone starts with negative comments about it doesn’t matter what the ex is buying or what not that’s not my point. I’m just trying to explain the extreme difference in both homes for the children. I believe they should have both home be more equal and both parents should be able to EQUALLY provide for their children. They shouldn’t have to go without at one home, while only the other home can provide what they need. It’s confusing to them.

I feel that I should be included in the mediation because at the end of the day, whatever the new child support amount is going to be will impact me and my financial situation. I’m the one who manages our money and bills and know what we bring in vs what we need. His ex wife always includes her new husband in everything and I seem to be left out of everything. Which I normally don’t make a fuss about but this is the one thing I do feel I should be part of too.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

So since 2021 when my daughter was born we had a shared parenting “pact” where we would get 50% each and just not take it to court, I always financially supported my daughter in every aspect and never had her question that. I worked the same job then around 2024 she took me in for child support. I was paying $1100 a month with no consideration of the amount of time we had. Then she dropped it later that year due to me being “consistent” (aka me getting our daughter 5-6 days a week on top of working).

Well tonight I dropped our daughter off to her mom and she was bawling not wanting me to leave I gave her some love and told her she had to go in and she cried as I was walking away so I gave her another hug and she lost her patience as she pulled her my arms upwards. I said “please don’t yank her like that I don’t want her getting hurt” she immediately flipped out and I said “woah relax I’m her dad I’m here to protect her that’s all” and proceeded to spam me with annoying texts on how pissed I am and how ridiculous and embarrassing I am and that she will be visiting the court for money bc of it. lol idek what to do but I’ve had a buddy kill himself over child support due to not being able to manage money regardless of making 100k a year.. idk im scared

Live in New York. Ex husband was ordered to pay $900/month. He is only paying $100 a week if he feels like it. Moat of the time he doesnt feel like it. He is also supposed to split gas to help get our child to doctors appointments 3 hours away (specialists). He doesnt do that at all. Back in Sept we went to court for enforcement. The judge said since.I had set a precedence, I need to remind him.every week to send money. (Brcause I would have to ask him.every week to send me money, and it would turn into verbally calling me names telling me I'm worthless) He told.the judge he couldn't afford to pay the full amount that month because he hadn't budgeted it. The judge told him Sept he.could do $100 and going forward full amount. Nobody was helping me enforce until earlier this year. CSE finally opened a case against him in Feb. They closed it in April because he refused to turn in any information. What can I do to get this enforced. He has since gotten a different job, brags about.how much more he is making, and refuses to pay. Meanwhile, I have to struggle and cant work because of child's disabilities, and not able to get child care because they are so high risk.

I’m looking for some advice on child support as my situation is changing.
I’ve been paying child support through FRO for the past 10 years. My ex has full custody. My son turns 18 next February.
I currently pay around $1,600/month in support, and none of that money goes directly to him. I also contribute about $5,000 per year toward his hockey.
He’ll be leaving home to play hockey out of town and living with a billet family (around $800/month), so he won’t be living with either parent.
Given that he’ll be 18 and no longer living with his mother, am I still required to continue paying the same level of support? Ideally, I’d like to see the money go directly toward him if possible.
Also, if he comes back home during the summer, how does that typically work in terms of support?
Would this be a situation where I should go back to court to have the support order changed, or is this something that can be adjusted without going that far?
Any insight or similar experiences would be appreciated.

Ontario Canada

Friday night at 7pm my child’s dad picked them up for the first time in 3 years for a weekend visit. However, he brought our child back after not even 30 hours. (Saturday 10:30pm)
I’m genuinely confused about a few things such as he did not give me our usual weekly support payment because he said now that he’s going to have our child on the weekends there’s no reason to pay. It’s not court ordered child support so I’m at a loss of what to do?

I moved out from my daughter's father into my own place due to years of mistreatment. Before I moved out, there's was an agreement about him giving me a certain amount each month. One he realized I was serious about moving he backed out of this deal.
My daughter's father gets her Sundays and Mondays. He buys her diapers and wipes, and recently a new high chair.
Only stuff she "needs"
The rest of the stuff he keeps at his house for when he has her.
I needed a bit of assistance as I'm having a hard time finding a job so l applied for cash aid & got approved.
Recently he has gotten the papers and got super upset.
Claiming he's going to deny/appeal it with all of the proof of the stuff he buys her and when he gets her. As well as filing for 50/50. And also cutting back on the overtime he has been doing so it doesn't seem like he makes as much. He makes over 85000 a year.
How will this work?
Another question I want to add.
I've been told that fathers shouldn't be on child support if he's still an active father and he shouldn't have to "pay for my bills" is this true?

My ex and I are currently going through a divorce. The divorce should be finalized in about a month, and we have a young daughter together.
I’ve already filed for child support, and he’s been paying it for the last two months. Before that, I hadn’t filed anything because he was sending money voluntarily. But every month the amount got smaller, and eventually he stopped paying altogether.
He works in another country, and my sister works there too. When he found out that I had filed for child support, my sister asked him, “If you had just kept paying, she probably wouldn’t have filed. Why did you stop?”
His answer was: **“I did it on purpose.”**
And that’s the part I genuinely don’t understand.
This question is mostly for men, especially fathers who pay child support. What does “on purpose” even mean? Was it to hurt me? To punish me? To try to stay in control?
Because at the end of the day, the person who suffers isn’t the ex-wife—it’s your own child.
I’m not asking him to spend time with our daughter or to be involved in her life. That’s his choice. But financially supporting your own child seems like the bare minimum responsibility of being a parent.
So I’m honestly trying to understand the mindset. What does someone mean when they say they intentionally stopped supporting their own child? What was he hoping to achieve?

He's basically avoiding service because he knows they're looking for him. He said since he send me money on his own he shouldn't have to go through dcss. But when he got mad recently he withheld support from me. His cousins told dcss he doesn't live there but he does and he texted me saying so. I know where he works but it's a huge Amazon building. Do I really have no other options like the dcss worker said she was kinda rude about it too.

(Please be nice.) So I had my 6th kid by my baby daddy. And we’re not together. My last baby is 6 months old. My ex has been giving me $200 a month. I’ve asked for more help financially but he doesn’t help. I’m still out on disability so my income is limited. I didn’t want to take him child support. But I feel like I have to now that I can’t afford anything alone. I wrote a note when I filed saying I only want $1800 so that’ll pay my rent at least. I am currently at my parent’s house. I don’t want to take him for the full amount so that it doesn’t put him out of his place, also I don’t want him to fight me for more custody.
**Any mommas with six babies and get child support? Did you ask the max?

My son’s biological father owes $100,000 in child support arrears. His wife recently posted that they are looking to adopt a child. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in adoption for families who cannot have children and children who need families. My question is, in America, do adoption agencies look if the adoptive father has children who he chooses not to support? TIA

I'm in some dire need of help from a local child support lawyers who are able to work with someone who is nearly homeless and struggling financially. I really need help finding someone to take my case!

Here is the backstory:

Case 1: Arrears only $62.xx biweekly, child is 23, not enforced thru CS, but court (court people refuse to let me file to reduce or have it thrown out).

Case 2: Arrears only: I owe $1700, if I file taxes I could have this paid off. For reason I won't go into none of this would go to my kids and he's currently in jail. This would probably help bond him out so he wouldn't work. Currently $60.00 biweekly. (Kids 12 & 14)

Case 3: both arrears and CS. Only reason this was ever filed was because the person who has my children hates me. And because I refuse to leave and step out of my children's life. Truly this is what she has said on recorded lines. She has told the judge that she doesn't need the money and she truly doesn't.

I pay 276.xx CS and $56.xx arrears by weekly.

$62+ 60+ 276+ 56= $454. Bi weekly.

I make 18.25/hr. X 80= 1460 biweekly pre taxes/insurances/deductions

That's just my straight income. Occasionally I get what is called a percentage. That's if we have a certain income threshold that we meet. It's not guaranteed and again it depends on the revenue we bring in it has to be above a certain threshold before we get it. However the state in their infinite wisdom, count it as straight income. When it shouldn't have been. Because if we have no business or business is below a certain amount.

My last couple of paychecks after taxes and after all of my child support and deductions I received anywhere between $750 and $850. This include my medical dental etc.

I live in income restricted housing. Which means I am in my upper limit for income for my size of apartment. I have a one bedroom I can't even afford a two bedroom for my children if I ever were to get custody because I don't make enough to afford a two bedroom especially with the amount of child support. My child support amount was actually decreased because it is supposed to be over 800 plus arrears.

This is because I should make up 67 or 76% of the total payment of child support since my ex and me do not have custody right now they are living with his mother aka the devil. He had custody because when we split up he didn't like having 50/50 and thus being his hometown and his mom knowing every single person in that courtroom you can imagine things did not go the way of me. Especially when someone's car got stolen someone suddenly lost their job because of a well-timed phone call and so on and so on. So I had to move away to a place where they had buses and did not get to see my kids because he refused to follow the court order which was I got to pick the place. He refused to come anywhere near me because I did not have a vehicle, and he said if I wanted to see the kids I would have to do whatever he told me to do because he knew I couldn't afford to fight or to appeal the decision. Because he made the rules and he was in charge.

Long story short corrupt system, after the magistrate and I had to beg her in court with A list of my rent, light bills, etc showing her how much I made what I brought home etc because I knew I was about to get hit with a ton of money because that's what they were going for. The kids grandmother has told me and everyone has heard this in court is to make me as uncomfortable as possible so I will go away. Unfortunately the court does not care when they listen to this. The times that I'm permitted to bring this to court to listen.

So it was dropped significantly and I have to pay what I posted about. I had to confirmation hearing which is supposed to be when you don't agree with the magisterate's ruling. I tried to tell the magistrate in court and I tried to tell this judge that we had a pre hearing to try to come to a decision prior but the state's attorney would not let me ask one single question and as soon as I tried to ask, this was in a meeting with all parties involved, we were asked to leave because I was not permitted to ask questions. He did not like my tone he said and this is after my ex and my kid's grandmother had yelled at me. And this is not hyperbole.

This is after he made us wait an hour before he came to see us and then he disappeared for another hour. Then he got upset when I told him I had an appointment at a certain time and I needed to be there. I'm assuming he expected me to carve out 6 hours out of my day for him.

He had offered $350 for each of us. I was trying to tell him that my ex was was lying or not being honest about his income. He does a lot of under the table work. And he says he no longer does that which is a straight up lie. He has ads on Facebook offering to services. Then he also works for tips which he under reports. And I was trying to say that but I was not permitted to. Because I don't know. But it's funny how when I had the exact same job he did waiting tables He was allowed to say all of that.

Anyway, the judge said that I would be able to survive on everything even though my rent is almost $1,000 a month. My medication alone is 250. Car payments 400 car insurance is over a hundred, electric his skyrocketed to 150, student loans are about kids, I haven't even included food or doctor's appointments. Then I didn't know I needed to have heart surgery and time off work.

I literally cannot afford to survive and I have dipped into my savings which they don't know I have. I've had to hide that because I knew that their grandmother would get their stinky little fingers on it. My kids unfortunately have been manipulated to hate me and so I get zero time with them. Literally zero time. I'm filed an appeal that succeeded and so I get to have a new hearing. Of course I had to plead about my child support, my confirmation hearing in front of the same judge who denied me due process and was biased in my case because according to him me saying that my ex and my girl's father being in jail seven times in 3 months was a flat out lie. You're right it was it was just six times. And he just violated the sex offender registry three times. This is the same lawyer that called me a liar multiple times called me a drug addict and refused to send my drug test to a lab to confirm that I was on medication that caused false positives because he didn't need to know that because the drug test they do in the office is just as good if not better than the ones they spend a lot of money on. In labs. Who knew?

I'm sorry I made this so long. Has anyone ever had any success when you're kind of stuck in between a rock and a hard place with the amount of child support? The arrears I was told I did not get credit for. Because it should have been paid before and so they don't count that because it would be double dipping which makes zero sense because obviously I didn't pay it and I'm paying it now so how is it double dipping? No one can give me an answer to that and I'm being argumentative when I asked. I filed an appeal for child support but apparently they've lost it and the judge isn't due back in this county for several months. I've asked for a hardship appeal through child support and they've never heard of anything and they can't do anything to help me because it's been too soon. Even with the wrong amount being totaled they won't help me.

I'm about to run out of my savings once that happens I'm going to have to start deciding really hard questions. This month for example I can pay my rent which is 9:40 I can pay my electric which is $145. That brings me up to 1085. I will have approximately $315 in order to pay my electric in order to pay for medication in order to pay for my car insurance which is mandated by the state and I have to have it for my car payment My car payment is $421. My amounts are off but you get the idea.

I'm freaking out. I don't even have the money to put down for my heart surgery. I have a dog I cannot get rid of because she's the only reason I'm alive at this point. I would rather be homeless than lose her.

Someone please, does anybody have any idea please. I'm real honestly worth more dead than I am alive at this point. She hate it difficult. And she wants more money She wants more money so I will suffer more She said it's taken too long. She saw my tally of what I pay each month and was upset that I spend $60 a month for lunch. That's with a discount because I eat at work because I get a discount so I don't eat at home. So I don't have to buy groceries for dinner. On weekends I don't eat a big mea.l I buy a crackers and cheese. Or I'll spend $10 and go get a couple of cheap hamburgers from the local burger place and eat on those for the weekend or get a $7.99 pizza and eat on it all weekend. I can't keep living like this.

Hi yall,
Single FTM mom here. I gave birth to my baby 3 days ago after I went my whole pregnancy alone. The father demanded dna testing which I complied but he constantly belittled and refused to do it and would threaten me with how he’d only take one after the baby’s birth and with a legal process.

Anyways, he never contributed a dime my whole pregnancy, and I would ask a lot. I just got ignored, and sometimes he’d pull the, “I’m not providing you anything or doing anything till legal paternity is established after birth” which okay, I understand but I tried my whole pregnancy to get a dna test.

I had to get on government assistance, (wic, Medicaid, stamps) because i had zero help. The baby and I are on Medicaid right now.

Anyways, baby was born 3 days ago, I messaged him notifying him, kindly. He didn’t say much just said he was glad we had a safe delivery and nothing else. I messaged again later, asking if he could provide diapers or wipes or anything of that nature, he didn’t say a word. For context, I didn’t list him on the birth certificate and my baby got my last name.

So I got angry. I have no help with the baby and my family is already tired of me relying on them, I haven’t even been home a full 48 hours and my mom is already cussing me out and frustrated my baby is here now. Already getting onto me about money and watching the baby. I broke down into tears. My hormones are killing me because to be fair I can’t even rely on my family anymore. They supported me my whole pregnancy, but now that the baby is here they really are annoyed by me. They haven’t acknowledged my daughter. I feel unwelcomed in my own home. Just unsupported.

I let everything get to me and filed for child support online with an application from the father because it makes no sense for me to let that guy get off easy while I suffer and don’t have much support, like even my family support is crumbling now.

I’m just scared right now because I don’t want him to retaliate and take my baby away but my internet friend told me the best thing to do was to file now before he can do anything to me.

I’m scared. Looking for support.
I begged for my child’s father to be in her life but got stonewalled, ignored, and belittled with his legal talk. I even tried to be peaceful with him after I gave birth but he still didn’t care. He wants nothing to do with her but I know he’ll make my life hell once he sees I filed. Tell me I didn’t do a bad thing.