u/Far_Ad_4934

My husband has been sober for 6 months now. He’s in therapy, working a program and doing well for the most part. We’re working through the hurt, and distrust in our marriage.
Since he’s been sober, he has a new ugly trait of being hangry. It sounds silly, when I think of hangry I think of little grumpy kids. This is not that. He is an absolute asshole, rude to me, to the kids, to anyone in his path.
If we are out and I notice it starting, I’ll offer him a granola bar or other snack I tend to keep in my bag. He gets annoyed and pissy, because it’s not what he wants or whatever.
I know recovery causes some new behaviors, coping mechanisms, replacement behaviors, soothing behaviors. I know it can also uncover some traits hidden by the alcohol. I was not expecting this one.
It gives me the biggest ick… you’re an adult. Fucking eat. Regulate yourself. Plan ahead.
Anyway. Just ranting.
I plan on talking to him about this tonight very seriously and calmly… after dinner of course.

My husband has been sober for 5 months. His drinking was particularly bad the last few months before he got sober and went into therapy. To the point where that was the only option before I left. He’s been doing intensive cognitive behavioral therapy, we have therefore been having some heavy conversations about things that happened while he was drinking. I had mentioned that if those things were to happen again, I wouldn’t be able to stay or do it again. He seemed deeply troubled that I would say that. He said “this is a disease and a relapse is something that I have to be realistic about. I now have to live in fear that you will leave me if it does?”.
Yes, addiction is a disease. I am not naive, and I acknowledge that relapse is a possibility. Here is where I struggle. It’s not like cancer, and it could come back and slap us in the face… it would be a choice he made. Should I lie and say that I’d stick by his side through another nightmare? Why shouldn’t he know what is at stake?

I have a 2024 Honda Pilot Touring, I use Sirius XM and I have an iPhone setup through Carplay.

The issue is, if I am listening to Sirius, my phone will randomly take over and Sirius will shut off, the screen will switch to "now connect to Amandas Iphone" but it looks more like a normal bluetooth connection, because the Carplay screen doesn't come on.

Any ideas on what settings I can adjust to fix this?

Thanks!

I 41F have been with my husband 42M for a long time. When we first met he wasn’t drinking. He wasn’t sober, just not much a drinker. I have never been much of a drinker outside of the occasional social event. My father was an alcoholic while I was growing up and got sober when I was an adult, and I have major baggage about drinking. This worked well for years. He started drinking more, but not alarming amount in the year before we married. I realized at this point I didn’t love him when he’s drunk… super annoying, slurring voice, can’t comprehend a conversation. I told him I didn’t love him drunk and he understood and would clean it up.
After we got married, and kids etc, the drinking got more frequent. It became every weekend. Then it became every weekend and a night or two a week. He’s a binge drinker, so 3-4 beers in an hour wasn’t uncommon and he’d be drunk seemingly out of nowhere. I confronted him about the drinking and he told me he wasn’t drinking when we met years before because he had a problem and needed to get it under control. What the fuck? This a huge omission. He knew my complicated relationship with my dad and issues with drinking. He thought he didn’t need to tell me because he never went to rehab, or had an intervention, or went to AA, he just quit.
My wonderful husband became a high functioning alcoholic before my eyes. He still worked, he still took care of the house but he started disappearing into the garage to get secretly drunk. He drank when alone with the kids. The final straw was picking me up from the airport one evening with our dog in the car, and he was hammered. He had never drank and drove to my knowledge. I told him I was going to leave him.
He went to AA the next day and started cognitive behavioral therapy. He’s been sober 3 months now.
I am thankful he’s sober, and I am thankful he’s doing therapy… he’s uncovering a lot and dealing with things he never did before.
Here is where I feel like an asshole… our life revolves around his sobriety now and his therapy. We talk and talk about his therapy sessions, and walk on egg shells about his drinking triggers.
I feel like my life was all about his alcoholism and I was carrying the family weight while he was drinking. Now I feel like I am just a supporter to his sobriety. I am not allowed to express a feeling or a frustration because he’s fragile.
I don’t know where I am going with this, or how to articulate it right. I’m just exhausted. When will I stop being a supporting character in my own life, because he’s an alcoholic?

TLDR: Recovery and sobriety feels more exhaustive than his drinking.

I hate having to refer to myself as middle aged but here I am 41, and that’s a fact.
I started getting migraines at 11, when I started puberty. They were the worst when I was 14-17ish, I had my first child in late teens years and things got better at the point. Went from 10 migraine days a month to maybe a 10-15 a year in 20s and 30s. My triggers are: humidity, extreme heat, seasonal allergies, barometric pressure and flashing lights. Spring and Summer are the worst seasons for me here in Upstate NY.
I think I am in the peri stage of cougar puberty and I seem to have regressed to the teenage years of migraine frequency and severity. I am getting 2-3 a week. I take Ubrelvy to manage the pain and symptoms, which works, but is expensive and I have to go through a frequent prior authorization through insurance (and still pay a huge copay).
We spent this weekend in the Catskill mountains, and my allergies were terrible this morning when I woke up… what followed was the worst migraine I can remember having. Aphasia, vomiting, aura… and Ubrelvy didn’t touch it.
I have an appointment with my doctor scheduled for next month, but it feels like this is the extent of treatment options for me. Any other women in my demographic having similar experiences or have any input on what helps them?

I recently had a surgery that prevents me from lifting anything or major movement for a couple of weeks. I have a dog walker coming to walk my two big dogs while I can’t. Of course… both dogs decide to have medical issues this week. My golden got a hotspot from scratching, so I decided to use get a membership to vetster to see if they could help, before I had to risk taking the 90lb beast to the vet while I’m recovering. The appointment was scheduled quick, the vet was great and prescribed prednisone, antibiotics and apoquel to take after his hotspot cleared up. I was told I could fill the prescriptions any where, through their pharmacy or locally. I opted for locally to get them quicker (and cheaper) and I could have them delivered same day.
I find out after the visit when I went to fill the scripts that they charge $15 per prescription to send to any pharmacy other than theirs as a processing fee. That seems ridiculous. Ok, fine, whatever.
That night, my mixed breed girl gets stung by a bee under her and overnight it gets infected and her eye is swollen shut. I make my second vetster visit in 2 days, and I ask pointedly “should I figure out getting her to an emergency vet?” He looks at her over video, says it’s infected and she definitely needs antibiotics and a topical cream but not the emergency vet. He said to fill the script locally ASAP to get her treatment started and get her some relief.
My appointment was at 10:00am, at 11am I had still not received the prescriptions, so I message the vet through the visit portal (you have 48 hours to communicate with the vet free of charge), no response. I message again at 1pm, nothing. I call Vetster at 2pm and get that run around and never speak to anyone. I message customer support at 2:30 and am told to message the vet through the portal.
At this point I am not able to send more messages because the portal says I need to wait for my vets response, and essentially not blow them up with messages before they have a chance to reply. It’s now 8 hours since my visit and I don’t have a prescription and I have no response from Vetster. I have a cone on the dog and am trying to keep her comfortable but I am going to end up calling a friend to take us to the emergency vet so she can get some relief.
I’m really unimpressed.

**Update: after reading some comments, I did reach out to Delta Customer Service. I called and they referred to me a form online. I do have 2 photos from the flight that I shared with Delta. They are not directly of the other passenger but of my body in my seat and, yes, you can see his body as well. I feel like a dirt bag for taking those photos. I inquired about their policy, and I also detailed the safety risks. Let’s see what they say.

I am a Delta Gold Medallion member, I have the Delta Reserve Amex and I fly quite regularly for business.
I get upgraded seats about half the time, usually comfort plus but I don’t care if I don’t, it’s just a nice perk of the medallion status. I am 4’10 120lbs, so extra room is nice but does t change my life too much.
This past week flying out of LaGuardia was a nightmare. Many flights cancelled and delayed due to weather.
My seat partner was already seated, as they required extra assistance to board. This man was over 6 foot tall and I’d guess 450-500 lbs. He was clearly upset to see me arrive and need to be seated. He was unable to stand up on his own, and another passenger and flight attendant had to come help him. I asked another FA if there was an open seat elsewhere and was told I’d have to wait until the plane was fully boarded to know. I got into my seat and the gentleman next to me took up all of his seat and about half of mine, he was sitting on my seatbelt connector and we couldn’t get it out. He had to be helped up again to pull it out.
I was contorted and sitting on my left hip with my body and rear end pressed against the wall/window. I couldn’t access my bag under the seat, or flip down my tray table due to his size.
I truly did not want to embarrass this man. When the boarding door closed I got the attention of the FA- I could see empty seats in comfort plus and said “any chance to move?” She said no, at this point all upgrades were done and it was time to prepare for takeoff.
I am not great with confrontation or putting someone else in an embarrassing situation. I had hoped she would observe the situation and offer either of us to move but it didn’t happen.
I was so uncomfortable the entire trip. I felt like I was being crushed from either side. I hate to even mention there were issues with hygiene and perspiration as well.
Anyway… how should one handle this in the future? Do I risk humiliating another person by asking more sternly? How are flight crews trained to handle a passenger who is too large for a single seat?

I marked this NSFW due to a fight being involved.

I have a 7 year old male golden, and a mutt. We live in a very typical suburban neighborhood, lots of dogs, lots of walks, and playing outside. We have a fenced yard.
Today my husband and I were working in our front yard, landscaping. He wanted to be with us so we put him on a tie out, he was fine for hours. Drinking water, rolling, napping. A neighbor ran by with their leashed dog and stopped to say hello, the dog was very excited to see us and was saying hello. Our golden snapped- he lunged at the other dog so hard he broke his collar off and went at him. The fur flew, and there was a little tussle but we got them pulled apart and everyone was damage free. I took the golden inside.

I feel awful. I apologized profusely, I gave her my contact info and asked her to please let me help however I could. She was obviously scared and upset.
I don’t know what to do. I feel terribly. I feel embarrassed. I feel scared that the cops will come or I’ll be sued and forced to put him down. I’m scared he behaved this way. I really don’t know what to do.
Has anyone been through something like this?