u/FastResident523

I had a really shitty and disappointing doctor's appointment now, nothing life threatening but more frustrating because of my chronic illness. Of course no one to comfort me, so I just hid in my room in the dark and tried to nap to forget it. The thought that came to my mind as it always does is eventually I will be dead, and all of this, the loneliness, the pain, the never ending misery of life will be gone. I will be free, one day. Hopefully soon.

Not all of them, but a LOT of men are the same as one another. Same misogyny, same contempt, same vapid desires. When you really start to notice it and see the microcosms of it in their behaviour you can't turn back. I feel a lot of women are aware of this, even the ones that deny it some of them know. They just don't want to admit it because it's like many issues in the world we can't change. You'd just fall into a deep despair as so many women go along with it so they aren't alone.

What's hilarious is how they don't hide it well. If they think you're a woman that will tolerate questionable behaviour, or a woman that they don't deem 'valuable' their true selves come out. The nasty little comments or the gawping at other women in front of you, the quiet cruelty and irritation they show you. They reserve that for later with the women they get into relationships with when she's no longer deemed valuable to them.

It's horrible seeing things for what they are. Sometimes I wish I could be in delulu land beautiful and unaware. Even the decent ones few and far between are taken, so we're just left with the demons. But perhaps its better this way then I won't get my heart crushed when I dare to age and no longer feed the appetite of another.

It was a party for a colleague, I knew a few people there but it was like they couldn't stand to talk to me much. God forbid anyone has to interact with the resident uggo. The couples made it 100 times worse, all sweet and lovey dovey together. There was one on my table, and the affection they showed to one another was so gentle, and warm. I have never been given even a small taste of that. Just rejection after rejection after rejection.

I had to leave earlier than everyone else as I couldn't take it anymore. I was in the corner at times just feeling so empty and embarrassed when people took pity on me and spoke to me. It was like why am I so awful to be around? No one wants to be my friend. No one wants to love me. What makes it worse is that it's for a volunteering organisation, so genuinely good people, and even they don't want me.

I don't have many options. I can maybe get a date, and that's something at least but I have been rejected so many times it's embarrassing. I will dress up, I will be engaging, the dates won't go horrendously. Then they ghost, or they send those condescending rejection texts.

I look for stuff to help in this sort of grief, but there's only bits about it on tiktok, and either most women haven't experienced repeated rejection or they're too ashamed to speak openly about it. Who can blame them in the horrid climate on the internet nowadays? its full of miserable people who get a kick of mocking those that are already suffering. I won't name names, but there was one youtuber who spoke about her struggles in dating, and people turned on her very quickly cause she was understandably saddened by it and the loss of a chance at motherhood, feeling love.

It just makes me feel abnormal. Like they assess me, and decide nah I don't want her. Then I will maybe remember them a year down the line and go snooping, they are then partnered up with a woman that fits the 'ideal' mould. So it was never really about lack of spark etc, it's just they didn't find me attractive enough to continue pursuing. Which is worse.

I see couples that have a steady happy life and have chosen one another. I watch them and think wow, what is so repulsive about me that I can't even have an average life. Why do people look at me and decide I am the outsider looking in.

I mean overall people tend to jump to the conclusion that I'm aiming too high. I'd argue I'm aiming well in my league or below it. I won't tolerate any disrespect, racism, misogyny and so on, but these men who decide to have a date? They are like me. Yet they still decide that after a brief interaction they'd rather discard me. It wouldn't hurt so much if I had at least had a relationship in the past, but no one wants me.

My bpd makes me over invest, which I'm working through in therapy. But I find I tend to really, really, REALLY like someone very quickly if I feel a connection with them. Of course they don't feel the same way so I have learnt to just shut them out before they can inevitably reject me.

Like this guy I went on a date with yesterday, he was always very attentive in texts and great, confident in person. Then after the date the few texts we've exchanged he's been slower in responses, last one taking 14 hours to respond despite his weak ass apology for it. I was crying in those 14 hours and ruminating on past rejections. Then the bpd latched onto that and said I'm not going to let you hurt me, so reject him and ghost before he can ever hurt you again. It's toxic I know and unhealthy but I struggle so much with emotional balance in situations like this.

Ghosting has become the norm in it and its disgusting. Like I've made the effort to engage with you, go on a date and want to build a connection and you ghost because its easier. I've had it happen numerous times as a woman, where they'll just ghost afterwards. Both parties, women and men do it and its like really? You're a whole adult and you're conducting yourself like a child. Then if you confront them about it via text they always give such a pathetic excuse.

For example I went on a date recently, we chatted, joked, got along very well. I never like to presume so when he suggested the next date location we'd go to for the second date I was thrilled. Him also asking if I wanted a second date and texting after the date. I thought great it's so nice to feel a mutual interest! Then of course after that initial date text he disappeared. That's what I get for having any faith in dating nowadays.

I have tried and tried and tried. No matter what avenues I take to try and make friends, start a relationship, no one wants me. I need to get the message.

I am just going to end my life in a year or two at this point. I've found a pretty much guaranteed method and ways to access it so now it's just about what I plan to put on my bucket list. I'm also going to arrange funeral plans in advance. I'm done.

I don't even think barbaric is a fitting word, doubt there's a word that can adequately describe it. The casual cruelty and joy they get en masse mocking women they don't deem attractive, women that age, women that don't fit their sick perversions. Even the 'nice' ones are guilty of it.

The way average looking women even are condemned to shitty relationships, or isolation as well especially in this day and age where they all want the same carbon copy woman. It's so depressing to realise this is it, the skin I'm in is all they see and the way I will be judged is due to that, and that alone.

The day was so mind numbingly boring as I don't have any friends and my family didn't care that much to be honest. I spent most of it asleep and stressed about an upcoming interview. I felt a deep, heavy sadness as I had saved up and gotten myself a nice spa treatment and tomorrow another treatment to help with my hair loss I experienced last year.

But it's so miserable being alone, and knowing other people having big birthday get togethers meanwhile I'm only getting older and more if I'm honest suicidal. Even having one or two close people can make all the difference and I've tried believe me but no one wants to stay.

I used the local app in my area just to see if there was anything going on like a nice event, and then made the error of looking at the dating apps. Of course when I disclosed that I was turning 28 today I was either faced with ageism, or with a weak happy birthday by a guy I'd been engaging with for a week or so. I just want someone to think yeah I'll give her a nice meal, a little gift, just something. Here I am with nothing.

Even when I've done the inner work to feel slightly okay about it, the world around me is very harsh regarding this. Especially as a woman. You just don't really see a lot of women talking en masse about experiencing repeated rejection. Perhaps later down the line when they're in the relationship and things go awry, but early on? In the dating stage, a lot of women are able to at least say they've had one long-term relationship.

When you're like me, and get the repeated condescending rejection messages, or ghosted, or humiliated in some sort of way it becomes much more difficult to not look at yourself and think what's wrong with me? Especially when the people who rejected you, pop up with their 'ideal' type a month later.

It's like others can smell it on me as well, the lingering rejection. I remember a colleague saying she 'assumed' I was single, another admitting she felt something must be wrong with me if I can't get a guy. It's those subtle jabs, and how I have to lie and evade my reality that slowly destroys what is left of my self esteem. It's next to impossible to not look inwards and feel shame.

I really really thought they were different. No one has ever been that nice to me so I thought at last I'm not worthless after all. I was wrong of course. They ghosted then after a week of silence I reached out and they responded 'Yup, I'm just a bit busy recently and decided to focus on other things than relationship! Hope you don't mind' and then said they had a lot going on and sorry.

My internal world collapsed again. I'm nearing my 30s and no matter how hard I try, no one wants to be a friend to me, no one wants to love me. He proved me right yet again I'm a nobody and I wish I was dead.

I just gave up it isn't worth it I'm just not the girl someone is going to choose. It's debilitating because the anxiety is always right, then I have to again and again go through the humiliation of being rejected and working through that grief.

The repeated rejection with weak fucking awful excuses like they're 'oh so busy' or just not ready for a relationship. Yet could waste my fucking time and make me feel something before discarding me. It's bad enough when it's one rejection but dealing with repeated rejection feeds into the depressive and anxious thoughts and makes me just want to curl up in bed and never go out ever again.

He ghosted me after seeming keen on continuing dating and after a week I'd had enough of his spineless self and sent a message asking for clarification. Why did this fool send me a response saying 'Yup, I'm just a bit busy recently and decided to focus on other things than relationship! Hope you don't mind. A lot going on, sorry!' The absolute nerve of someone to give such a weak excuse, like they're someone oh so special that they couldn't be bothered to send a message being honest about this.

Even more irritating is that after I reached out this is the response I get. No tact, no empathy shown just a weak response from a spineless coward. Blocked.

The nerve and gall to decide you can't even be bothered to send one line cleanly ending things with someone. That is a cowardly and disgusting move, and I'm tired of people being told to get thicker skin over it. It's a vile thing to do to someone and you should be shamed for it.

Like the guy recently who ghosted me, he was shaking on the first date, took very good care of me on that date and the second and messaged immediately after. Then overnight, gone. Still following me of course because these cowards want a way to worm back in if convenient. But won't watch any of my stories or actually you know send a single line to explain himself. I just plan to block by Sunday and send one message more to him so I can get some closure.

When it's interactions online if we weren't chatting for long then I'm indifferent. But when it's someone I've known for a little longer and met in person a few times whether that be a potential friend, potential relationship etc and they just......ghost? It eats away at me. Like I'm trying, and you decided my best wasn't good enough.

It's hard to not get in your head about it as well, especially if they later pop up with someone else, the mind can be cruel and does comparisons. Then I start picking on myself, and I have to find something to distract me but that wave of numbness, and heavy sadness just kills me. It's hard to not hate myself sometimes when I see others easily finding friends and a loving partner meanwhile I get so easily discarded time and time again.

I don't know why I expected any different, I'm not attractive or anything special I have only ever been rejected and ghosted. Same tune different day.

I went on two dates with someone I met on a dating app. He's 23, recently relocated to a new city for work, socially isolated, and has a history of women pursuing him intensely, an ex who moved internationally to try to make things work, another who wanted marriage, another who wanted to see him daily without him ever having had to reciprocate that level of effort. He drove nearly two hours then took a bus into town. The first date he was visibly nervous and shaking, brought gifts, paid for everything, researched my travel arrangements unprompted, and texted thirty seconds after leaving. Between the first date and second the messages were slightly slower, but always very warm and engaged.

I travelled two hours for the second date. He was quieter than the first but emotionally revealing, disclosing a family member's terminal diagnosis and academic insecurities unprompted, showing jealousy when I mentioned another guy and staring at my lips throughout the date without acting on it despite clear opportunity. He referenced specific future plans ,restaurants, a trip, seeing me the following weekend and the goodbye still felt oddly understated given everything that had been said throughout the day.

After the second date he messaged warmly, acknowledged the effort I'd made travelling, and referenced seeing me again as already decided. Within twenty four hours he went completely silent leaving my message unread for several days now while remaining active on social media, engaging with other women's content, and actively avoiding my stories despite previously watching and liking all of them. He hasn't unfollowed me or sent any kind of closing message, just sustained silence.

This really really hurt, because I've been ghosted and rejected several times before so I know the signs and patterns and he seemed genuinely different. It's just the final nail in the coffin to be honest. I just need to accept I'm just the cheap entertainment, not the one that gets chosen.

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I went on two dates with someone I met on a dating app. He's 23, recently relocated to a new city for work, socially isolated, and has a history of women pursuing him intensely, an ex who moved internationally to try to make things work, another who wanted marriage, another who wanted to see him daily without him ever having had to reciprocate that level of effort. The first date he was visibly nervous and shaking, brought gifts, paid for everything, researched my travel arrangements unprompted, and texted thirty seconds after leaving. Between the first date and second the messages were slightly slower, but always very warm and engaged.

I travelled two hours for the second date. He was quieter than the first but emotionally revealing, disclosing a family member's terminal diagnosis and academic insecurities unprompted, showing jealousy when I mentioned a male friend, and staring at my lips throughout the date without acting on it despite clear opportunity. He referenced specific future plans restaurants, a trip, seeing me the following weekend and the goodbye still felt oddly understated given everything that had been said throughout the day.

After the second date he messaged warmly, acknowledged the effort I'd made travelling, and referenced seeing me again as already decided. Within twenty four hours he went completely silent leaving my message unread for several days now while remaining active on social media, engaging with other women's content, and actively avoiding my stories despite previously watching and liking all of them. He hasn't unfollowed me or sent any kind of closing message, just sustained silence.

This really really hurt, because I've been ghosted and rejected several times before so I know the signs and patterns and he seemed genuinely different. It's especially bad when you're a woman like me or a man and trying to date when lonely. I don't have anyone else to hang out with now, no friends, no family just alone again.

When I look back on it now this guy was textbook. Warmth and intensity early, real vulnerability, then retreat right when things solidify. That's textbook avoidant attachment. That doesn't excuse the behaviour at all it just makes him look incredibly pathetic for wanting to date when he clearly knows he struggles with relationships. Men and women who have these clear issues have no business dating and it's exhausting because it's subtle at times until bam they're gone.

It doesn't excuse their behaviour at all however, plenty of people struggle deeply with building and forming relationships but they at least have the tact to send a rejection text or explain themselves.

I'll give it a few more days to confirm some suspicions I've had. But it's incredibly rude and pathetic to ghost in the first place. But then to proceed to still follow me, not watch my stories which is clearly intentional cause he jumped to watch them before. It's all childish mind games, typical of someone who can't express that they're no longer interested.

I went on a first date with a guy. He was so sweet, paid for everything, spent 8 hours together, brought me water and cake even though I insisted I was fine, asked me questions about myself and started planning things we could do together for my birthday as it's coming up. He seemed keen when he texted me soon after the date, then the messages started to get slower. Then I see it. The new girl he's followed on instagram, and my bpd is fighting my rational side of my brain.

My rational side says you aren't with him, he doesn't owe you anything. The bpd bleeds into those thoughts though because I immediately wanted to block him. I got upset and isolated myself in my room for a few hours, just regulating myself. I hate how once my mind has found someone to latch onto especially after a long period of feeling numb I romanticise everything. Then I learn again and again why I had to stay detached.