u/Few-Rent-1280

Unfortunately there's no plutonian subreddit so this is the closest thing to it.

I'm not a Scorpio, have zero Scorpio placements but I am pluto, saturn, and mercury dominant. I get mistaken for Scorpio often.

To start off: Everything I'm going to mention is internal. Nothing has ever been acted upon.

I enjoy everything fucked up, I can intellectualize anything so I don't stay emotional for long. I have control issues, but I exercise self control immensely. My life literally depends on it. Connections are like possessions. Envy, rage, suffering-- I enjoy feeling the things others may try to rid themselves of. I'm addicted to self harm, have never understood the value in love. Trust issues galore. I understand everyone, genuinely there's a part of me that finds pleasure in helping people feel understood. To help them face themselves, to improve and transform. But another side of me is so incredibly selfish.

Creativity is the only safe space to express these desires without consequences. It's all so violent. Ive noticed a pattern of never being in the present-- always focused on productivity and managing impulses. Almost as if self monitoring is the point of existence. Are any of you similar? Ive asked my therapist of 3.5 years, multiple times for a narcissism screening but I don't meet the criteria. It's hard to believe PTSD is the cause for all this BS. But I guess I'll trust the professionals.

I dont know what this post is-- I guess there's a sense of loneliness in self awareness and self control. I hate how insane I get. Emotions are extreme internally, yet I stay frozen, physically. Until i eventually dissociate and become empty again. I will never react-- only respond. I hate how socially unacceptable I am. Maybe it's due to having an identity out of this? I'm ashamed of my brain, and cannot fathom a reality in which I desire to be out of survival mode. Maybe one day that will change. Who knows.

Just the idea of knowing someone else understands, is enough.

I cannot stand a Cancer mars. (Maybe it's a me thing, but I have not yet met one pleasant to be around). Out of all the possible cancer placements, it may be the most challenging for the person affected. This goes with both sexes. ​

I was close with a female and 2 male Cancer mars placements at different time periods. Both were passive aggressive, blamed me for their emotional reactions to situations. I actually just had one of the male friends blame me for ruining their birthday because I'm depressed and didn't want to hang out and need time to process my own shit. I told them this multiple times. Every time I try to tell them they can control themselves, they throw it back in my face by saying "You just want to believe you're better than everyone". There's no winning with people like this.​ The female friend still stalks my posts after cutting me off, would not communicate anything to me when I tried to solve our issues and discuss how I could change, how she could change, etc.

It's exhausting. Vent over.

It's a constant.

I tell them I don't need them and I choose them. That means a hell of a ​lot more than depending on someone. It means I'm taking time out of my own life to want and choose you.

But they take it an entirely different way. They get offended, feel rejected, call me avoidant, etc. Like what the hell!

Anyone else deal with this? ​

Are any of you similar?

I want connection with people, not necessarily romantic-- simple connection.​ But all I can offer is silence and observation. Maybe the occasional, "Tell me why you feel that way/Why is that?". Ive always compared myself to a camera, lol. It's weird.

I could be totally biased but this is just an observation. I'm mostly a skeptic, too.

I've only encountered illogical/paranormal activity in areas that have a strong religious history. Churches, households that believe in Christianity, etc. I'm agnostic and follow no faith. I have tried my hardest to use logic in these situations but there's no answers.

Example: in my religious aunt's house as I was a teenager, my dad was discussing his catholic background and demons. I thought it was BS and was egging him on to talk more about it. He suddenly got visibly uncomfortable and stopped talking. When he gave in after I pressured him to speak, his beer fizzed up (it was halfway full) out of nowhere, and a hanger flung from the bathroom door, snapped in half, and hit both of our arms. Shit was genuinely freaky as fuck and I cant explain it. ​​

In non-religious households, everything is fine. I've experienced nothing. Does the belief in it reinforce it more? Is it possible to manifest that activity just by acknowledging it could be real?

Pisces rising here.

I don't understand communication with others. Interactions are foggy. I get told I always have a far away look in my eyes. I have a dissociative disorder due to my upbringing so honest to god its probably all of that, tbh. I am a major introvert and secluded-- I dont even like taking photos. A lot of my time is spent thinking, being paranoid, or doing something creative. I feel like no knows me-- I don't even know myself. ​

Seriously feels like I'm meant to be here to teach something via creative means... then dip. If you know what I'm saying. Just feel like a vessel, I suppose...

Usually I'm very composed and tough, independent, dont let anything bother me. But man. When I feel sick, I act like a big mf baby. Ive had bad allergies for 2 days. Feel terrible rn. I've been laying in bed hugging my childhood stuffed dog and listening to Minecraft music, crying because I feel like shit and want my mom. Lmao. I'm fucking 24, like get a grip, man... My mom isn't affectionate whatsoever and she lives across the country. We barely have a connection. So rip me, I guess.

Anyone else relate?

Im a virgo sun, cancer moon, pisces rising and Capricorn mars.

This is what my roommate texted my sister, in response to me setting a hard boundary and telling her to either choose her abusive bf or choose her own stability. It's either he leaves and she stays, or they both leave.

There has been a myriad of issues.

Roommate and her bf live with me, I told them they could stay as long as they put in the effort to fix themselves and be respectful. It's only been a month and theyve been physical with eachother, he gets jealous of me, he bas BPD and she enables him and self sacrifices constantly. She is 32, he is 23. That's a problem in itself. Im 24.

​I gave them 3 very reasonable options, such as:

1. He leaves to his parents house across the country to use insurance and get help, while she stays to work on herself.
2. She moves to a family friends house while he stays and works on himself.
3. They both move out.

They are choosing the worst option for themselves, #3, because they can't grow up and face reality. Keep in mind, neither of them are working yet. My giving them 30 days was generous, honestly. More than they deserved. They've been ignoring me for days once they realized I wasn't fucking around.

I told them they have to be out by June 1st. No more of this shit!

Vent Post

I have the habit of pushing myself to the breaking point. I had the choice between a remote job and a physical one. I was going to do both, but realized I couldn't meet the job requirements without hurting myself. I would be over exerting energy. Roommate told me to take it easy but I don't know man. There's a lot of guilt for giving it up. I feel lazy and weak for turning it down. I mean, the logistics weren't gonna work out in the long run anyway, hence the remote job as the final option. (Transportation, hours, etc) But still. I could have at least tried. Even if it was miserable.

In a way, it feels like betrayal against oneself. My identity has been based off the person who pushes through and gets shit done. Toughing it out, doing things scared, being realistic and accepting that suffering is a part of life. And to choose against that is almost insulting? I know it's just the overachiever mindset but damn. The thoughts are loud. Ive been having urges of compensating for the loss of labor, by doing intense workouts until failure. Straight up physically suffering just to apologize for choosing my comfort over more income. Wanting to isolate out of shame until I can prove I’ve made enough money to level out the lack thereof. My roommate is understanding but it doesn't help much. Shit, I'm really in my head right now.

I have therapy today so I'm sure it'll be fine, just bitching. But if anyone understands this, maybe it's you guys.

*Plutonic. Sorry for the typo!

My chart is Pluto, Saturn, and Mercury dominant. I have Pluto and Chiron conjunct MC.

On an old blog, a girl was obsessed with me and my writings. She made an account that was dedicated to the themes I wrote about, seperate from her main one. Honestly, it was impressive. The fact she did this to get my attention was insane. I ended up deleting my account shortly after due to other parasocial incidents I felt uncomfortable with (people thinking they were entitled to my attention, being delusional, trying to find my actual identity and using websites to do so).

I decided to check just now (5 months later) to see if her blog was still up. Lo and behold, it is-- but she last updated it before I deleted my accounts. Makes me feel like it was just a trend-- I respect people who are open and honest about their dark thoughts. But this seemed more like a performance than anything. It's a bit disappointing.

I'd like to return to the blog lifestyle but I'm paranoid. So I'm holding off. Anyone else have similar experiences?

I used to love watching Our Hollow, Our Home's vlogs on YouTube back in 2019. Nick, the drummer, would often upload. Made me feel more connected to the music, seeing the process of practice sessions, hangouts, tour, and the personality's of everyone. I understand bands who dont gaf about doing that, but it's always nice to see bands willing to be vulnerable and show us the mundane side of things.

Do you know any bands who are similar?

Let me just say it how it is.

I have a feeling I'm going to meet a potential band mate at my new job I start next week.

Can I logically explain this feeling? Nope. Does that freak me out and feel ridiculous? Oh yeah. Am I more freaked out that these feelings always come true? Also yes.

​Its a job that is part time and physical, but the hours are lenient. I wont be slaving away. It leaves time to enjoy the day. I'm lucky to have this opportunity (something i feel guilty for).

At the job I interviewed for before this, I had the warning thought of "do not choose this even if it's full time/more financially stable. You arent supposed to be doing this. You are going to miss out on meeting important people for your band, working here". Which that sounds crazy, right? This job had great benefits, stability, not as physical, etc etc.Why the hell would I input my personal goals into work​, on my own accord? They have nothing to do with eachother. But I swear to god man, this shit will happen out of nowhere. It freaks me out. The intuition is crazy.

However... the process ALWAYS goes like:

Random thought that forces itself in my brain with zero context --> it feels like a warning and final, with no doubt --> I begin doubting it bc it sounds crazy --> i have a bad feeling about doubting it but try to shake it off --> time passes and the original thought comes true

Just keeping this post up for confirmation. I'm a Virgo sun, Cancer moon, Pisces rising, Capricorn mars. If this ends up being bullshit and delusional thinking, I'd like to call myself out and apologize. Think of this as a test, I guess. I'll update in the coming months.

Let me know if you can relate!

I've had to stay firm and go to extreme measures to prove a point, unfortunately. Especially with friends and family Ive let live with me. Im a virgo sun 7h, capricorn mars 11h, saturn conjunct IC (4h). Essentially, saturn is heavy af in my chart.

For a long time, I allowed poor boundaries and was a doormat. This resulted in resentment. The process would be:

me pointing out a problem in their behavior that is negatively affecting them and the stability of the household--> offering a solution --> literally making documents with resources, handing solutions on a silver platter --> trusting them to prove themselves --> they don't --> i become disappointed because their behavior doesn't change and I don't want to be around it --> I give them conditions and ultimatums. They have to choose betweem stability and chaos, because I refuse them to merge in my house --> they think I'm being controlling, mean, and make it seem like I'm setting restrictions for no reason, some have gotten violent --> they resist and get defensive --> i dont argue, i hold my ground and kick them out --> make sure to emphasize how seriously fucked they are now, because now im gone and no one will ever give a fuck like i did. because now, i really dont give a fuck what happens to you --> contact is cut and I erase them from my life --> remaining family members/friends turn against me --> I cut them off too without warning or apology (even after I explain both sides).

I dont understand how people can notice an issue and not feel the need to fix it, especially within themselves. Especially after someone they've been benefiting off of, has brought awareness to it. I love those close to me, but I love myself more. Self respect comes before anyone, even family.

I had a capricorn/virgo heavy aunt who kicked me out when I was at my messiest, emotionally. She was very firm with boundaries and at the time, I thought she was overreacting. She was nice, but she was final with her choice. I learned a lot about myself, doing the hard work to grow the fuck up. My tolerance for lack of accountability is much lower nowadays. I'm only 24, too. Ive accepted a sort of loneliness that comes with being firm and serious-- a lot of people my age arent too serious like this. But they should feel glad they havent had to experience the circumstances that have made it this way, you know? An old friend I kicked out, actually thanked me a while ago for doing so. It forced him to face himself and he has changed. He's a capricorn rising.

I'm curious if any of you are like this, and have noticed something similar? I'm 98% sure I've done the right thing for myself, but still... there's 2% doubt and self reflection where I'm asking myself if I gave up too soon, was too impatient, if i could've just endured the discomfort a little longer-- would I have been able to keep them? ​​