u/Few_One_2358

Graduated top of my class. Did an internship. Got burnt out and was living in a terrible situation and honestly, just wanted to get out of the city. Took a quirky seasonal "USAjobs" job out in the mountains as an interpreter. Loved the research bit, but definitely had nothing to do with my degree, was seasonal, and paid poop. Did another seasonal job because I could not find anything related to my degree and wanted to stay in the mountains. Then...I met a boy and am semi-stuck in the mountains. Which is fine, because I want to stay here.

What is not fine...is there is not a market here for political science majors. That is all in capital cities. Luckily, our capital is only a couple of hours away and I am willing to live halfway between my job and my boyfriend. I have taken the leap and applied to some fancy policy analyst jobs...to no avail. I am wondering if it is because it's been two whole years since graduating and I haven't done anything, on paper, to maintain my knowledge, so maybe that is dissuading employers.

So, now I am racking my brain on how to become marketable in a tiny market. I am tempted to go back to school to get a certificate in data analytics, grant writing, etc.. I am even considering law school, but the idea that I will be done at 32 years old frightens me. I want to start making money sooner than later. I'm feeling pretty lost. I am EVEN considering making a total pivot and spending 2 years on another bachelors to become marketable in what IS here, which is mostly conservation, for obvious reasons.

If I was an emotionless robot, I would move to D.C. and I would be fine. But frankly, that is the last place I want to be.

Hi...

I work at a little shop and in the room next door (basically the same room bc there is a large open doorway), there is a resident artist. I am standing over there, looking at stock, then BOOM, the smell of paint thinner hit me. It has since spread to the rest of the shop and it is like a spray paint can has exploded in the art room. I realize the yellow liquid they have on their desk is probably unrefined turpentine, and from what I have read, the fumes are highly highly toxic and enter your bloodstream. I have been in the room for about an hour and I do have a slight headache.​ I honestly don't need this job and am considering going home sick unless reddit can persuade me I will be safe for the remaining 6 hours I am here. I can already tell you, neither the artist or management will change the situation.

Thanks :|

I used to be very likeable. I was funny. Whitty. Energetic. Empathetic. I was top of my class, friends with everyone, ambitious and pursuing big opportunities. Despite the horrible life I faced at home and my somewhat crippling ADHD, my drive to be better than my situation propelled me into the best version of myself.

However, I wanted to be better. I guess I became a perfectionist, but my home life was taking a tole. I started to hate working. Then I hated myself for feeling that way. So much so that I committed myself to a mental hospital. Even at the hospital, I got along with everyone. I wanted all of my fellow patients to feel included. I was determined to make depressed Sue in the corner participate in card games. I walked around and chatted with everyone, no matter their age or challenges.

I was so open minded. Too trusting.

The doctors there prescribed me 4 antidepressants (I believe one mightve been a antipsycotic, even) while I was there. I felt horrible on all of them.

See, I was there because the thought of going home after school made me also think of going to heaven. But that was it. I didn't want to die. I didn't hate life. I hated home. I hated not having a home. There was nothing chemically imbalanced in my brain. It was my life that was imbalanced. The doctors knew this, but they had an obligation to make sure I was safe when I left. But the medications just threw me off. They made me more anxious. More depressed. They even made me lose motor and speech functions temporarily and caused me to vomit - some were too toxic for me, that there was no way I could try it "until it worked."

But out of all 4, they encouraged me to consider taking the one that caused the least amount of side effects.

However, the worst symptom of all, is that they gave me brain fog. They took away the primary thing that made life bearable - myself.

When I left the hospital, I left the medication. I felt relieved. I had an even greater appreciation for myself than when I went in. I never knew truly what I had until it was gone.

I still went to see the outpatient doctor anyway. He was a resident doctor. I started the medication again. The brain fog came bag. But so did this sensation of jitteriness and panic - I had no idea at the time what a panic attack was. I explained to my doctor the symptoms. He told me it wasn't related to the medication and must've been something else. In reality, it was completely related.

The longer I stayed on the medication, the worse I felt. I couldn't focus on my studies. I couldn't hold conversations. My mood became worse from the increasing anxiety and from the fact I could no longer hear my own voice in my own head. I lost pretty much all of my friends. All of my aspirations. Further and further I went into despair. Enough was enough.

I told my doctor I didn't want to take them anymore. He said that it was a low enough dose that I could start and stop them at anytime, so that is what I did - I stopped. I was starting to heal. I was starting to feel like myself again.

Until the abuse at home came at me two fold. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to have thoughts anymore. While I loved myself, I couldn't bare the thought of me being abused so badly. I took one more pill, thinking the brain fog would be temporary.

However, the situation mixed with the anxiety caused by the medication, and the lack of a support system, triggered the worst DPDR, anxiety, and depression of my life. That brain fog never went away. My ambition never came back. My zest and whit and love...became sweltered under the weight of horribleness.

Withdrawals came. Brain zaps. Flu-like symptoms. It turns out stopping and starting a medication, even at a low dose, and especially when you are already displaying signs of toxicity or adverse effects, can seriously hurt you. Either way, they say the medications just make your brain more flexible. Well, I had no therapy or guidance. Just abuse at home, now further etched into my mind where my thoughts once were.

It has been five years.

I am better, but it is hard for me to trust. To laugh. To hold conversations. To work hard. To see a future for myself. At the core of it all, it is hard for me to think, and even more challenging, to think positively.

I am the complete opposite of who I was. I am grumpy. I am incredibly anxious of everything, especially because my autoimmune system has clearly taken a hit from the chronic stress. Likewise, I am low energy.

People used to come to me for advice. Hit me up to hangout or to tutor them. Now, people tell me I am aloof and that I complain too much.

I don't need advice. I know the only way out of this is habit. My brain probably isn't working because I am burnt out and negative. Once I learn to accept that - that I cannot be perfect, and that they brain fog is here to protect me, and that it is ok to relax and enjoy life without overachieving - I know this DPDR episode will likely end. However, it is even hard for me to accept this is DPDR and my brain hasn't somehow been damaged my medication.

However, it is hard on my already low-self esteem being disliked. And that is my own fault, I know. It is hard for me to be mindful and thankful these days. However, I also don't want to be alone. That was the crux of all of this...was being alone.

I used to always inspire people. However, I am struggling these days to inspire myself.

That is it.

For me, zoloft. Had it on and now have it off of it. I don't *think* in a more negative stressful way. But my body is clearly hence the panic attacks, as well. So I am wondering how I can get my nervous system back to "calm" when mentally, I don't know how to be calmer. I am hoping just finding more happiness will make my subconscious feel safe enough to exit DPDR.

I swear to you, I lived for 25 years without antipsychotics, but the moment this fucking poison entered my bloodstream, it messed up everything—from how I view people, objects, and my surroundings to my three-dimensional perception and fine motor skills. It completely wrecked the health, brain, and everything else I had carefully maintained for 25 years in just four months. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years in those four months. Fuck Risperdal and Seroquel.

Medication fucked up my life and lead to me going from 130 pounds to 200, along with me feeling like I'm in constant fight or flight

I was put on the psych ward which caused me to gain like 20 pounds but I went off it and went on lamictal. Lamictal caused me a psychotic break and I feel like I've never recovered since. I feel like a whole different person. I used to be so happy so fearless so extroverted, I spent everyday outside talking to strangers

Even after I stopped lamictal the fear and paranoia it left behind was insane. It's only now started to ease up a bit (still not like my old self tho) and it's been nearly 4 months. The fear was so bad id start sobbing till id throw up nonstop uncontrollably everyday if I was sober. I also broke blood vessel things in my eyes and so id have like red splotches on the whites of my eyes

I used to spend all day outside and had a passion for walking and just being in nature and after I took lamictal I couldn't go outside at all anymore, couldn't take care of myself anymore, and became a alcoholic to just be able to be alive and functioning at all. The excessive alcohol plus the change in activity level is what cause the rest of the weight gain

It feels like it took everything from me. My personality. What was good about me as a person. My passions. My looks. My soul. I hate this

My psychiatrist had prescribed me lamictal after one visit. Only one. Like 40 minutes of talking and then going home with a prescription that changed my life. My psychiatrist warned me of NOTHING except for that rash thing lamictal could cause. She warned me of nothing mentally

Hi everyone,

This is going to be a bit long, but I really want to share my story and hear your thoughts.

I’m a 34-year-old woman. When I was around 15–16, I was prescribed escitalopram for psychosomatic nausea. I wasn't depressed at the time, but I was likely completely burnt out from witnessing endless parental conflicts at home from a very young age.

For as long as I could remember, I never had any cognitive issues. I could study, focus effortlessly whenever I wanted, listen attentively in class, revise my lessons, read books, watch movies, and engage deeply with my hobbies. I rarely had any downtime; watching cartoons was probably the most "idle" thing I did. Because of this, my self-confidence was quite high. My learning capacity and willpower gave me peace of mind about the future—I believed that if I put in the effort, I would succeed and build a decent life for myself. I also had so many things I enjoyed doing: I was in the school theater group, doing sports, playing the violin, and more.

However, a few months after starting the medication, I noticed that I couldn't focus anymore, was losing my motivation, and stopped caring about my responsibilities. Even though I brought this up to my doctor multiple times, I was repeatedly told, "The medication wouldn't cause that."

Things progressively got worse. I developed severe anxiety because I could no longer do anything I used to be able to do. I felt like I had lost my personality. Reading books or watching movies became an uphill battle. I quit the medication after a year, but nothing improved—in fact, it only got worse over time. I think the last time I was able to read a book was when I was 17 or 18.

The following years continued on a downward spiral. By age 28, I was feeling suicidal because I simply couldn't take it anymore. My career was struggling, and I was nowhere near where I knew I was capable of being, yet I was completely powerless to change it. I hit such a low point that I had to go back to a psychiatrist, and I was prescribed a whole cocktail of medications again. I felt slightly better for a month or two, but then relapsed. But this time, because I became completely numb, I was no longer at the point of wanting to end my life—I just felt empty. I even lost the ability to enjoy traveling, which was the absolute last thing I could still take pleasure in. All my emotions were completely gone.

Thinking that forcing myself into a demanding environment might spark something back to life, I started a master's degree. But it only made things worse. I was forced to face the reality that even under pressure, I couldn't function, think clearly, or learn anymore. There was nothing left of my old brain. Doctors kept labeling it as "depression," but my emotional distress was always a direct result of losing my cognitive abilities. Since they never believed me, I got stuck in this endless, frustrating loop.

When I discovered this sub, I finally realized I wasn't alone.

To make matters worse, after suffering from lumbar and cervical herniated discs over the last two years, I’ve been left with chronic pain. Now, doctors are telling me I need to go on SNRIs or similar medications again. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

If anything has worked for you or helped you regain some function, I would really love to hear your experiences.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for reading.

I have been trying to understand my experience of PSSD by looking at the sequence in which the changes actually happened, rather than assuming that every symptom appeared at the same time or came from the same mechanism.

The most important distinction in my case is that the primary change did not initially feel like cognitive decline, memory loss or “brain fog.”

The first thing I noticed during antidepressant treatment was the disappearance of my spontaneous internal mental activity.

Before antidepressants, my mind was constantly generating and connecting things. Thoughts naturally led to other thoughts. Feelings, bodily sensations, memories and ideas seemed to influence one another continuously. I was extremely self-aware and naturally introspective. I would analyse myself without consciously deciding to do so. My thoughts seemed to have a kind of internal momentum.

My brain used to internally connect things.

That was not simply “thinking a lot.” It was more like an ongoing internal process in which one thought generated another, one feeling changed my physical state, and that physical state could in turn influence my thoughts and emotions.

During antidepressant treatment, this seemed to disappear.

However, I did not initially experience it as a loss.

I felt lighter.

The negative thoughts that previously made me anxious, sad or distressed became much quieter. I experienced what felt almost like an automatic lift. I did not go through a period in which I felt dramatically worse before improving. In many ways, I felt better almost immediately.

But, retrospectively, I think something much more fundamental may have changed.

I was there, biologically, but it felt almost as if I was not there at all.

I was in what I can only describe as a vegetative or automatic state. Not necessarily constantly sad. Not necessarily consciously unhappy.

I was numb.

When people talked to me about their problems, I remember thinking that things were simply much more straightforward. I would think: “It’s not that complicated.” I did not seem to naturally generate the same layers of thought, emotional interpretation, empathy and internal associations that I had before.

At the time, however, I did not fully recognise what was happening.

This is important because I was previously an extremely self-aware and self-analytical person. I now wonder whether the reduction in spontaneous internal mentation also reduced my ability to observe and recognise the changes occurring within myself.

In other words:

I may have lost part of the internal process that would have allowed me to notice that I was losing it.

This is why I do not think my experience can be adequately described simply as “emotional blunting.”

I was not necessarily sitting there thinking “I feel numb.”

The internal observer that would have naturally examined that change also seemed diminished.

The change became much more obvious to me after I stopped taking antidepressants, particularly after I reconnected with someone who had known me before treatment.

He told me that I was completely different. He described me as having previously been much “colder.” This was particularly striking to me because I remembered myself as someone who was emotionally intense and deeply affected by things. I had always been a very emotional person, but I also had an internal structure that seemed to force me to analyse, contain and give meaning to what I felt.

I was not “cold” because I felt nothing.

I think I was emotionally intense but internally structured.

My feelings had weight. They had meaning. I could become deeply distressed by what other people were experiencing because I could not simply ignore or mentally filter out the things other people were feeling. I would imagine their experience, emotionally register it and be affected by it.

After antidepressants, something about that internal process seemed to disappear.

When I reconnected with this person, I remember feeling different around him. I remembered, at least partially, how I had felt before. I remembered how deeply I had loved him and how significant he had been to me.

And this was one of the moments that made me stop and think:

“Wait. What happened to me?”

It was almost as if I had been in autopilot the entire time.

There was nobody inside.

This is also where I think I need to distinguish between emotional reactivity and affective or sentimental meaning.

Today, I may talk about something and feel emotional, want to cry, or have a strong bodily reaction.

But before, I think I was much more connected to what the experience meant to me.

I could focus on the feeling itself, on its significance, on what the person or experience represented internally.

Now I often feel that the emotional reaction exists more independently from the deeper meaning.

I can feel emotional without feeling the same depth of sentiment.

This may be why I sometimes describe myself as having become more emotional but less sentimental.

The primary change, therefore, does not seem to me to have been a simple loss of intelligence or even a simple loss of emotion.

It felt like the disappearance of the internal generative system that previously produced thoughts, connected them to one another, generated emotional meaning and allowed me to continuously observe myself.

I later began noticing much more obvious cognitive and linguistic problems: difficulty retrieving words, a reduced vocabulary compared to before, losing the structure and meaning of what I am saying, grammatical errors I would previously have detected automatically, incorrect conjugations, mismatches between singular and plural, stopping sentences halfway and struggling to maintain a coherent train of thought.

However, these were not the first changes I noticed.

During treatment, I could still speak relatively fluently.

The first thing that disappeared was the internal world.

Only later did I begin to realise:

“Wait. I can barely speak.”

This is why I currently wonder whether the cognitive and linguistic symptoms should automatically be considered the primary phenomenon.

My current hypothesis is that a profound alteration in spontaneous internally generated mental activity may have occurred first, during treatment.

The initial reduction in negative thought and emotional distress may have been experienced as therapeutic relief. However, the same broader alteration may have affected the spontaneous generation and integration of internal thought, affective meaning, self-awareness and interoceptive experience.

After discontinuation, I experienced a marked shift towards much greater anxiety, agitation and internal hyperarousal. I do not necessarily think this state caused the original alteration. I wonder whether it may instead have interacted with, amplified or made the consequences of the earlier change much more visible.

My experience therefore feels less like:

“The antidepressant made me emotionally numb.”

and more like:

“The antidepressant may have altered the internal process through which thoughts, emotions, bodily states and meaning were spontaneously generated and connected.”

The DMN and other large-scale brain networks may be relevant to this, but I no longer see “DMN undershoot” as the theory itself.

The phenotype I am actually trying to describe is the loss of spontaneous internal mentation and the loss of the internal continuity that previously made thought, emotion and interpersonal experience feel naturally connected.

My brain can still think.

I can still analyse.

I can still, sometimes, reconstruct things deliberately.

But I no longer naturally enter the same internal states or move between thoughts in the same way.

And the most important distinction in my experience is that my deliberate cognitive abilities appear to have partially recovered over time, while the spontaneous internal system that generated and connected my thoughts, feelings and sense of meaning has never fully returned.

I do not feel like I simply became less intelligent.

I feel like the internal process that made me feel like myself became quiet first, and only later did I begin to understand the cognitive consequences of that loss.

Edit:
Before, anxiety could come from anticipation, but it could also seemingly appear out of nowhere as a very strong, pre-verbal feeling of “something is wrong” or “I need to go home.” I had these intense internal states as a child and throughout my life. I don’t really experience that same kind of spontaneous affective state anymore.

I notice something similar with positive experiences. I can still cognitively recognise that something is interesting, beautiful or meaningful, and I can understand the significance of an idea or connection. The problem is that I don’t seem to register it through feeling in the same way anymore. I can understand that something is important, but the emotional experience of that importance isn’t really there.

So I wonder if what I am describing is not simply a loss of thoughts or emotions, but a loss of spontaneous affective salience, the internal process that used to give thoughts, experiences and things around me their emotional weight.

This may also be why I keep describing my mind as “quiet.” It is not just that there are fewer thoughts. There seems to be less happening internally that spontaneously generates the next thought, feeling or state.

TLDR: I cured my severe post-SSRI anhedonia with pimavanserin, a potent antagonist at 5-HT2C and 5-HT2A receptors.

I wrote a really long post about this but I fat fingered God knows what button and it disappeared and I can’t find it and I’m really salty about that. I can’t be bothered to write it again so long story short: my anhedonia was being caused by 5-HT2C overactivation which inhibited my dopamine. Agomelatine is a weak to negligible antagonist of that receptor so it didn’t do anything when I took it. Pramipexole, tranylcypromine and bupropion all worked briefly but stopped after a few weeks. Pimavanserin is potent antagonist, so it cured me. I’m normal now and I have been for a few weeks. If you have any questions, please feel free to dm me.

Sorry for the monotone writing style but I’m just trying to keep this short.

You may be familiar with PSSD. It is a widely discussed side-effect from medication. I notice a lot of people who do not experience sexual dysfunction still join r/PSSD to discuss other long-term side effects, like brain fog, migraines, or restless leg syndrome, because often, folks have both. Why? Because something has happened to our brains, and our brains control everything in our body.

I made a community for those who specifically experience cognitive or mental changes after psychiatric medication for more focused discussions around that. Please consider joining r/PPMC and better yet, joining our mod team. Thank you <3

Honestly, participating in online forums has helped me process what I have been through, and connecting with others has been healing. That is why I started a community, just for us. On that note, if you would like to keep this community safe and functional, please reach out to me to become a moderator. All it requires is common sense. The main thing is monitoring negative speech. Promotion of certain activities or ways or thinking should be discouraged. That doesn't mean we should discourage the people who feel negative or speak freely. Maybe a warning and delete the content that will likely promote a harmful mindset to others. This will be a learning curve for all of us but I am excited to do this with you all!

https://www.reddit.com/r/PPMC/

This is my first and only community, but I have been contemplating starting it for awhile. Please let me know if you are interested in being a mod. Thank you 💙

Hey everyone! I'm u/Few_One_2358, a founding moderator of r/PPMC.

This is our new home for all things related to mental changes post psychotropics. We are excited to have you join us!

What to Post
Post anything that you think the community would find interesting, helpful, or inspiring. Feel free to share your thoughts, photos, or questions about PPMC. Common themes include brain fog, anhedonia, anphantasia, changes to inner monologue, confusion, word salad, thought blocking, emotional blunting, and so forth.

Community Vibe
We're all about being friendly, constructive, and inclusive. Let's build a space where everyone feels comfortable sharing and connecting.

How to Get Started

1. Introduce yourself in the comments below.
2. Post something today! Even a simple question can spark a great conversation.
3. If you know someone who would love this community, invite them to join.
4. Interested in helping out? We're always looking for new moderators, so feel free to reach out to me to apply.

You are welcome to share your thoughts in their entirety, but encouragement or promotion of doomful outlooks are prohibited. Of course, we have been negatively affected by mediation - this is true. However, this doesn't mean we will never heal. We have healed. And we will continue to heal as a community.

Thanks for being part of the very first wave. Together, let's make r/PPMC amazing.

Heavily considering trying Cyproheptadine and wondering if anyone had improvements in their cognitive symptoms such as blank mind/no thoughts/aphantasia (no visualization), etc. These are the worst symptoms for me along with the anhedonia and blunting.

What is your guys’s experience with talking to people after experiencing PSSD? I feel like since my imagination and mind is blank, I have trouble enjoying conversations and keeping them going. Also, contrary to how I was a few years ago, I am less talkative and more reserved, almost like my entire personality has changed completely. When I stop taking medicine, I find that I am able to enjoy things more, but I still don’t fully feel happy or get pleasure from doing certain things such as listening to music, hanging out with friends, etc. Unfortunately, the severity of my OCD makes it almost impossible to come off of medication completely. Last year, I came off of it for a few months and felt like I was losing it. I am unsure what to do at this point and just want to feel normal again.

For some of us, I know our inner monolgue has changed. Maybe it is due to exhaustion, anxiety, depression, anphantasia, anhodenia, vitamin deficiency, adrenaline fatigue, psychosis, inflamation, gut inbalances, etc. These will all trigger their own issues with thinking, and a lot of them can overlap or play into each other.

But let's put all of that aside for one second.

I just want to know how thinking has changed for you?

I had brain fog on meds. But what this looked like was an extreme lack of focus, less emotion except for maybe shock (I mean it is hard to be in the moment when you're feeling off), a lack of internal monolgue, as in my inner voice felt weak, like it was quieter and couldn't hold a train of thought, and some thought disorder, like world salad, music playing nonstop, etc. Like my brain was just grasping to fill the void with something but didn't have the capacity to actually think.

Five years later, I am getting better. There aren't any thought disorders and I can enjoy a conversation again. But when I am stressed, which will come on seemingly at random, my thoughts will stutter. I am sure this is probably anxiety related.

But I still struggle with no longer having loud, cohesive, and controlled inner monolgue that I can run through scenarios and thoughts experiments with. As a result, I am a little aloof, less motivated, and less creative. Pushing myself can be incredibly exhausting. I think my thoughts are most "normal" when I first wake up for a few seconds and I am calm. It really seems like I can only think somewhat clearly when I am laying down. Probably nervous system related.​

What is funny is I have always had ADHD. There is a possible simple answer that the meds not only made it worse while on them, but while off, they have thrown me into an ADHD burnout. It is why thinking the same thoughts, like planning my day, is now extremely exhausting, when before, it was my second nature.

I would love to hear how your thoughts have changed and what has helped you.

The silver lining, is I was always so hard on myself. That is what led me to medications. Now, I have immense love for who I was. I appreciate how creative and empathetic I was. My new challenge, is learning how to still love myself. Because while I may not be witty or the life of the party anymore, I am still her. I still have the same humor, the same trauma, the same morals. I am just clearly very tired and "woke" from what happened to me, and still learning to live in peace with it.​​

Not performance. My boss even said he'd write a letter of recommendation. A couple of days prior, he was talking about having me take on more of his responsibilities. Every day he came out of his office, he talked about me one day totally taking his place so he could retire.

The funny thing​, is I think it is because I worked that I was fired.

Why? Workplace politics. The three other people in our office are on the verge of retiring. They gossip all day. To the point of it being louder than my own thoughts. I have dealt with gossip at work but not on this level. Over the course of a few months, I saw how bad it was. Everyone in the building at some point was a topic. Even our boss, calling him "spineless." I knew the day would come where they would talk about me. Never would I expect it to happen in whispers just five feet away.

The rumor spread that I was *not* working. Well, I guess it would be to their benefit if people believed that. Because I worked more than they did, they needed to discredit me in case I tattled. And tattle I did. Especially after my coworker exploded at me for said "laziness" while my boss stood there with his jaw dropped.

I did not hold back in my disclosure to HR and my boss. They could not deny my claims, even when one of my coworkers came in to defend their view. My defense was air tight. Especially because they had done this to the last two people in my position. How do I know? Because they gossiped about them, too. Let's just say, HR was not surprised at my report. I think they were surprised at my call for accountability, however.

Two days after the 3 hour long conversation between one coworker, my boss, and HR...I was let go. Hmm, okay...

Well, I did the math. I am out-numbered, and the three of them are about to retire. In fact, they have threatened my boss with dipping out given my "disobedience" (really, the only way I could've stayed is if I participated in the gossip as to not be a threat). Anyway. If the three of them left, my boss would be high and dry. Especially because we are in a hiring freeze. So he let me go. Because of "personality clashes." Not because of anything they claimed I was. And because I was still in my probationary period, that is apparently enough of a reason.

Ive taken solace in the fact, however, that the three of them are still retiring. In just a couple of months. It took me a couple of months to be onboarded, and that was without a hiring freeze. One of the reasons I worked my ass off, was because my coworkers refused to train me. Even if he did find one or two people, my coworkers will be on their way out, and he will be left with a totally helpless skeleton crew.

Already, they are in so much non compliance. I am kicking my feet giggling with anticipation to get this letter of ref and then to call our parent company and whistle blow. I was in the middle of fixing it all, and while I disclosed what I was doing, I guarantee they wont pick it back up. Im an idiot, afterall.

Maybe he would've kept me if I told him everyone thought he didn't have a backbone. But he was part of the problem, too. An enabling bystander. He was probably offended when I said there hasn't been accountability. See. He would need to be accountable for that.

Cherry on top, I found out my coworkers. Who have been with the company for several years, only made a dollar more than me. there was no promotion potential, except to become my boss. I was going to stay out of sheer pride (and health insurance...), but Im on my way to better pay and brighter days! woohoo!

Sayonara suckas!