Hi all,
I'm curious to know about what everyone's pain feels like and when does it appear. Also how would you rate it on a scale of 1-10 (1 being mild discomfort you wouldn't even notice if you weren't paying attention and 10 being one of the worst pains you have ever felt) Also what activities can you do pain/discomfort free and what are your triggers?
Hi all,
My (33F) grandmother passed away at 97 last year. When I went to see her nine months before she passed she was quite far gone. She didn't know who I was. She remembered her kids, but had no idea how old she was (insisted that she couldn't be a grandmother). She could still do some easy puzzles. I went to see her three days in a row and by the third day she kind of remembered that I had been there before but not who I was. But she was happy and said having her six kids was the best thing to happen to her and that she had a good life. Conversation was repetitive, but that was okay.
I was wondering how many years before this stage could symptoms start and what kind of symptoms are there? Like I remember from her early 80s onwards she was extremely grumpy. She was put on antidepressants at her care home and they tried to stop her from drinking and smoking (she used to drink a lot). Do you think her symptoms started in her mid 80s and we misidentified dementia as depression?
My grandmother also divulged some traumatic information to myself and my mom around her late 80s/early 90s. When I one day innocently asked while I was visiting her why she divorced my grandfather in the 80s after 30 years of marriage she said "because he raped me on the first date". Which would have been in 1949 or 48. I was shocked and had no idea what to say. I buried this for awhile and the topic never came up again. I think she also said something similar to my mom around this time too, because I could see how my mom kept trying to control the flow of conversation with my grandma around that time. I think it really messed my mom up. It definitely messed me up too. I remember my mom saying at one point that after their divorce my grandma went on a campaign trying to turn all the kids against my grandpa. I don't know if this is true. It could just be her reaction to being told something traumatic. I also don't know when my grandma told her or if she told the other five kids.
I guess I'm trying to understand if this could have been a result of early dementia symptoms (or years of alcohol she started drinking at 11 or 7 I'm not sure, she told me once and I can't remember which age was her first cigarette and which was her first taste of alcohol). I know she was always resentful of her role in life. That she couldn't travel and be independent. That she became a home maker and couldn't have a "big life". That she resented gender roles and would often proudly tell me of the times she one-upped or pushed back against my grandpa (like starting her own store, planting a garden on her own, building a shed, etc). Later in life she drove down to Mexico from Canada and stayed there for 12 years.
It's also entirely possible that my grandpa did do this. He was ten years older than her. He had fought in world war 2 as a Ukrainian immigrant and when he came back he was in his late 20s and married the Catholic girl from an Italian family who was ten years younger. I think it was also a deal between families because his brother married her sister. it's just so frustrating because he passed away 25 years ago and there is no way for me to ask him or her.
Neither my of my grandparents were without their faults. My uncle didn't talk to my grandma for 25 years because of some drama. I know my other uncle also didn't get along with my grandpa and moved out when he was 17 to get away.
My memories of my grandpa are positive. He died when I was 8. My memories of my grandma are more mixed, but that's because I knew her way longer.
I know trying to piece all this stuff together doesn't make sense. I wish I could just let this go, but it's been eating at me for the last six years since she told me.
I'm also very angry that she told me (and my mom). Like if you have something traumatic like that, tell your friends, siblings, therapist, lawyer, etc. Don't burden your kids/grandkids with this kind of stuff.
I (33F) have low free testosterone at 0.3 ng/DL. My SHBG is stubborn and has stayed between 110 and 140 nmol/l despite being on a 0.1% local testosterone and 0.01% estradiol compound on my vestibule for a year. My free testosterone before this compound was 0.08 ng/DL.
I am now thinking of trying the 1% gel. I have had two doctors say this is an option. The only side effect I am afraid of is the voice changes. I don't care about clitoral growth or acne or the hair changes.
How many people here ended up with voice changes on the 1% gel? Was it reversible? What can I do to prevent this. My one doctor said it's uncommon but if I am very afraid I can do a half pump.
Hey everyone,
I'm pretty sure this is normal but still feel a bit weird and wanted to ask.
I (33F) have struggled with mild provoked vestibulydonia since I was 22, which on a few occasions causes pain with penetration but usually just makes it so I feel mild to moderate chaffing after penetrative sex. I didn't know what it was until I was 31 when I finally decided to get a mirror and poke around down there myself and Google some stuff.
It's been really hard finding a doctor who treats this condition. I did a phone consultation with Dr Irwin Goldstein in San Francisco and in person I saw probably four different gynos/doctors who all didn't know what to do. Dr Goldstein gave me a tentative diagnosis based on described symptoms, history and hormone panel of hormonally mediated vestibulydonia, but I never had a doctor who specialized in this do an appointment in person.
I finally found this one guy in my city who has an 8 month long wait list. I got an appointment and today went to see him.
He's 80 years old and retiring next year. For most of the appointment I was quite happy. He took a very very detailed history, family background, treatment background, etc. he asked many questions and listened. The 20 minute appointment lasted an hour.
When it came time for the physical exam he let me undress in private and went to call a nurse, but none were available to stand in. I was fine with it.
He showed me the speculum he was going to use and said it was the smallest one possible to limit any pain. After looking inside he started tapping around. He tapped my clitoris (which was a little weird - no doctor has ever touched there before) and asked if it hurt. I said no. He tapped the labia and asked the same question. And then he took a qtip and started touching various spots on my vestibule. He then gave me a mirror and told me to hold it so I could see. He then showed me some red skin on my labia that he said was normal (kinda like rosacea) , and then pointed to the skin near the entrance of my vagina which was clearly red. He asked if that's the area which usually causes discomfort, I said yes. And then he took his finger and I watched him insert his finger in and out for a couple of seconds. That was the weird part. I guess he was trying to see if it would get redder or if I would say it hurt. I just was kind of shocked because he didn't say what he was going to do before and I have never watched a doctor insert their fingers into my vagina and then slide them in and out a couple of times (very shallow and quick). I can't exactly remember what was said after this short part of the exam cause I was just kind of shocked. I mean logically I'm sure he was just try to see how the tissue would react to friction, which is my main issue, but still. It felt weird. I wish he would have asked if he can rub the tissue to see if it gets irritated quickly.
And then we were done with the physical exam and he brought the sample he collected of my discharge to a microscope and showed me that my microbiome was healthy. And walked me through a step by step program of how he wants me to treat this. He gave me a medication, physiotherapy recommendations, therapist recommendations in the area, and lifestyle changes. He then shook my hand and put his hand on my upper arm as he said goodbye.
I am happy I got the diagnosis from a professional who knows this condition, but the finger insertion and rubbing around part kind of made me feel weird.
I'm 33F and have lived in China and Germany. Originally from Canada. I have lived in eight different cities in the last 15 years, including my home town. I will probably move back home next year but am kinda stressing out cause I want to have a kid at some point and I realize the clock is ticking for me to settle down. I feel torn between wanting to move back home to give it another shot and not knowing if I would stay and feeling this biological time pressure. I also have a couple of surgeries I probably need to schedule (hip dysplasia and bad knees), so that adds even more pressure.
I would love to hear some stories from older expats who maybe also had health challenges or other pressures and how your lives turned out.
I used to have a 5mm lld with my right leg being longer. But in 2024 I got hip surgery on my right leg and now it is 9mm longer than the left. Not a lot but my pelvis is seriously tilted as a result. I have been wearing a 1cm external shoe lift for a year and in general it has been good for my upper body. Less headaches and other upper back problems. But my left knee (shorter leg) also has patella alta and it is chronically irritated. The muscles around the knee are not strong enough and my leg collapses when I go down the stairs. I am considering reducing the lift to 5mm and hopefully that will help, but I did have an internal 5mm insert before and my spine looked really crooked. Anyone else have experience like this?
Hi everyone,
A little about me - I (33F) left my hometown Calgary when I was 18 for university. I first moved to Vancouver, then China when I was 24, then finally Germany when I was 27. I am 33 now and feel like I am at a cross roads. The longest I have lived in Calgary since leaving at 18 was for a year during 2020 when Covid hit and I was forced to leave China. I moved to Germany in 2021 because I couldn’t go back to China, I wanted to do an MBA (they are shorter and cheaper programs here than Canada), and honestly because being home during Covid was kind of depressing. Partly because of family drama. My dad lost a lot of money during Covid when the stock market crashed and became super depressed, and my mom’s then boyfriend got caught cheating and their break up was huge and not fun to be around. But also it was depressing because I had not been ready to leave China when I did and desperately wanted to go back. I figured after my 1 year MBA in Germany, Covid would be over (lol) and I could return for a couple of years to China. Well that didn’t happen. Me and my ex in China broke up after a year and I ended up finding my first corporate job in Germany. So I stayed (I had like 70k debt from my two degrees and decided to pay that all off with my new corporate salary). I eventually got into a relationship which lasted 5 years. We just broke up a couple of months ago specifically because I have been wanting to try to go back to Calgary for a while and he felt like he was holding me back. There were other reasons too but that was a big one.
Living in Germany was honestly really hard for a while. I paid off my debt, but it took me until last year to find friends and community and a job I actually like and that is not just a pay check. I was actually really struggling with aspects of my mental health while being here. And I had a few health scares that isolated me for many months. Now I have a job I enjoy (got it last year after working a job I hated for almost four years). I moved to a beautiful little town only 20 minutes from my office in Dusseldorf. Before that I lived for almost 4 years in my boyfriend’s city Wuppertal which was not really for me.
But now I am 33 and single and I feel like if I am going to try and move back now is the time. If I want to settle down by the time I am 40 and have a kid, i still have time now to go back to Calgary for a couple of years and see how it is. I really want to try to build up my connection with my family. I have two brothers who I am not very close to probably cause I left when they were 12 and 13. And my relationship with my mom has always been a bit difficult since I was a teenager. Maybe if I were actually in the same city it would be better. But i know just moving for this reason isn’t good enough. It would also be nice to have people around with the same cultural background and mother tongue.
I am a bit worried about giving up the little life that took so long to build here. The vacation days. Job security. The ease of travel around Europe. But I know i will regret it if I don’t spend a few years with my family before my parents get too old.
Anyone else do something similar and can share their experience?
My ex (31M) and I (33F) were dating for nearly five years. Last month we mutually decided to end it for various reasons. I am from Canada and moved to Germany during Covid to pursue my MBA. I moved to Düsseldorf after my studies were done and met him there. I then moved to Wuppertal where he lives and have lived here for almost four years.
He is my best friend and one of the few people I feel truly comfortable around. But we also got into a lot of fights, especially in the beginning and they would be explosive. I also wanted to try moving back to Canada and although at first he said he would do it with me, I could tell that he would continue pushing it back and there was a very high chance he wouldnt follow through. He kept changing the timeline, etc. We also have some sexual incompatibility issues. Also he is my person here. But I am just one of his many people. Of course I am quite important to him, but he also has friends he has known for decades here and his family. He also has never seemed to understand my struggles here in building community and making friends. in the beginning he would push me to be friends with people I wasn’t super comfortable around because he thought they were nice and I was being too picky. He has since apologised for that, and I eventually found my way, but that is just one example of how he struggles to understand the difficulties of my reality as an expat, which is often the cause of our fights.
Now I feel numb. I feel panicked. I don’t know if I should give up on life here in Germany and move back or what. I also struggled for a long time here to make friends, and I do finally have some but they are not super close. My job pays very well and has great benefits, but I just feel disengaged at work too.
I thought about going back to Canada for a few weeks to be somewhere else. My original plan was to save up six months of vacation days and then go on a sabbatical, but that was before this happened.
anybody else go through something similar and can share how things turned out for them?
Hey everyone
My boyfriend and I have lived in our apartment for 2 years. For the entire time we have had issues with the hot water and the heating. The heating went out three times in Winter, once last year and twice this year. We've had problems with the hot water for basically the entire time. The landlord each time has sent people over to fix it relatively quickly, but never to do a full fix. More of a just temporary patch up and then a month later everything's not working again. I didn't know about our right to ask for a rent decrease and we've already decided to move out so we're past that.
But one thing that's been very very frustrating is that as soon as we gave our three months notice to move out, our landlord then started sending hand workers over almost every single week to look at various things. He wants to repair the heating while we're still here, which will mean that the entire bathroom will be basically a construction site. The handworkers said they would have to take out an entire wall. He asked for an appointment for this week and I said no because I'm extremely busy at work this week. We're also going on vacation. I offered them an appointment for next Friday after I get back from vacation and after things have calmed down a bit at work. He is now threatening that any damages that incur will be 100% our responsibility. Are his threats valid? Is he allowed to demand that we should let people in whenever he wants? We are not denying access permanently. It's just that this week is extremely busy and I don't have time to be home every single day. He also sent over handworkers without asking us beforehand and it was a very awkward situation with them being here and me having to explain that I had no idea that they were coming over and them also feeling weird because they thought that I knew. We had communicated by email with them last Friday (so three days ago) saying this week doesn't work. Apparently our landlord called them today (he denied this, but who else booked the appointment?) and told them to just go over and start construction tomorrow.