u/Forsaken-Physics5045

I (34F) need an outside read on this because Im going around in circles. My husband (37M) and I have been together for nine years and married for five.

A bit of context. My dad died when I was twenty seven, and the one thing he left me was a 1968 Mustang he had spent fifteen years restoring with me when I was a teenager. After he passed I kept working on it slowly in our garage. It was never going to be a daily driver, it was just a connection to him I could keep. The insurance valuation was around forty thousand pounds but you couldnt actually replace it.

My husband has resented that car from the day I moved it into our garage. He thought I spent too much money on parts, too many weekends working on it, that the garage space was wasted, and weve had the conversation about it more times than I can count. Ive always been clear that this is not negotiable for me.

Two weeks ago I went away with my mum for a long weekend, our first proper trip since dad died. While I was gone my husband called saying someone had broken into the garage and the Mustang was gone, the lock had been forced and there was no sign of who did it. He sounded shaken so I came back early, and we filed a police report and an insurance claim that same day.

The whole time something didnt sit right. The lock he showed me was on the floor of the garage and was barely scratched, he hadnt called the police himself but waited for me to come back, and the CCTV camera I had installed two years ago pointing at the garage door had apparently been "off all weekend" which had never happened before.

While he was out on Saturday night with his friends I copied the videos off the dashcam in his car. I went through the dates I was away and watched him drive the Mustang himself, hitched to a trailer, all the way out to a buyer at a workshop two hours from us. I watched him hand over the keys and put a thick envelope into his jacket, all of it filmed by his own dash.

I confronted him the next morning and he just stared at me for a moment before saying he thought it would be better for me to "move on properly" and that the money would be better used on a deposit for the bigger house hed been wanting.

Then he flipped and got furious that I had gone through his dashcam, told me Id violated his privacy, said my mother and I had no respect for boundaries in his own home, and that Im the asshole for snooping. AIW?

so a few months ago i sat down with my manager and told her i wanted to move up to senior adjuster. ive been processing auto claims at this company nearly five years. she said yes, next senior spot opens up its mine, the interviews are a formality because internal posts go out before external, just dont stress.

a couple months later the role opened up. two rounds of interviews. she kept telling me i had it, the panel was on board, the only reason this was being run as a real process was because our regional director liked seeing proper hiring even for backfills. i was killing it the whole time. closing files faster than anyone on the desk, picking up the messy bodily injury cases nobody wanted, volunteering for the quarterly audit committee.

i didnt get it. they hired someone from a competitor who had been a senior adjuster there for ten months. i got a 4 percent bump and a thanks for being a steady hand.

i was furious for about a week then decided ok, ill do the job and not a single thing past that.

since then i process exactly my daily file quota and not one more. when im done early i pull up youtube on my second monitor and watch documentaries about plane crashes. i take an edible before i clock in. i stopped going to team huddles unless theyre mandatory. when junior adjusters come to me with questions i tell them to escalate through the proper channel.

last month my manager pulled me aside to tell me how good its been to see me find a sustainable pace. last week she offered me a team lead role on the property damage desk that just opened up. i told her i was happy where i was, my friend who got me hired here five years ago had been gunning for that role since last year, she should give it to him. she looked at me like i was being noble.

ive told nobody what i actually do all day. the woman they hired into my role doesnt know i was promised it, shes just doing the job. my friend is happy.

i did everything i was supposed to and the company quietly decided i wasnt worth promoting. now im stoned half the day, watching aviation incident reports while i half-read insurance files, and im the model employee.

A bit of context. Im 29, husband is 30. His parents and his brother came to stay with us for three weeks last summer. Im training for my first marathon and Im on a pretty intense schedule. Six runs a week, two strength sessions, all of it timed around our regular meals so it never overlapped.

My MIL has very strong opinions about how women should present themselves at the table. Hair done, properly dressed, no athletic clothes, no "looking like youve come from the gym." Normally I respect that without making a fuss. I would do my morning workout, shower, dress nicely, then come down for breakfast. Same for lunch and dinner.

The problem was she kept calling me to the table the second food was ready, no matter where I was in my workout. If I was mid run on the treadmill she would shout up the stairs. If I was in the middle of my cooldown stretches she would barge into the spare room without knocking. I would have to cut things short, rush through a shower, throw something on, and still be late to the table, and then shed make little remarks the whole meal about how I needed to plan my time better.

I asked my husband to talk to her. Just tell her my workouts cant be paused on a whim and Ill come to the table within a reasonable window. He did. She nodded and kept doing it anyway.

So one evening she barged into my workout room while I was in the middle of a stretching set, sweat pouring down my face, no shower yet. She announced dinner was ready and to come immediately. I just got up and walked to the dining room exactly like that. Sweat soaked sports bra. Bike shorts. Hair plastered to my head. Towel around my neck.

She stared at me like Id done something criminal. Asked what I thought I was doing dressed like this at the table with men present. Said I should be ashamed of myself. I told her if she kept demanding I come the moment she called then this is what she was going to get, and I didnt know what else she expected.

Husband pulled me aside afterwards and told me off for embarrassing his mother. Said he got that I was frustrated but this wasnt the right way to handle it. I told him I had asked him to fix it for weeks and he didnt, so I fixed it.

For what its worth she never barged in on me again for the rest of the visit. I came to the next few dinners ten minutes late, properly dressed, and she didnt say a word.

I have spent years working in a field that is directly relevant to something my partner has been dealing with for the past few months. So when he came to me with this problem I was not just a supportive partner, I actually knew what I was talking about.

I gave him practical advice based on real knowledge. He nodded and did not follow it. I suggested specific things that would genuinely help. He found reasons to avoid all of them. I reminded him about appointments he needed to keep. He missed them anyway.

Meanwhile he complained to me constantly about how bad things were. And I kept listening and kept suggesting things and he kept refusing everything I suggested.

After a few months of this cycle I hit a wall. I told him pretty bluntly that he either needed to actually try one of the things I had been suggesting or stop bringing the problem to me because I was out of patience for hearing about something he was actively refusing to address.

He was upset and said I was being unsupportive. I said I had been incredibly supportive for months and that suggesting solutions and having them all ignored is not a dynamic I could keep doing indefinitely.

AITA for finally saying that out loud?

I had been running two full time remote positions for about eight months. Both were going well, I was delivering in both roles, managing my calendar carefully, keeping everything separate. I had gotten into a comfortable rhythm and honestly stopped thinking about the risk as actively as I should have.

Last week one of my managers tried to schedule a same day video call that clashed with a standing meeting at the other job. I moved things around but in doing so I accidentally sent a calendar invite from the wrong account to the wrong team. It had enough detail in it that someone started asking questions.

By the end of the day I had been called into a conversation at job one where they laid out what they had figured out. I was let go that afternoon. They told me they would be in touch with job two.

Job two called me the following morning. Also terminated.

I am not here to debate whether I should have done it. I knew the risks and I made the choice.

For the past few months my boyfriend has been coming home from work in a bad mood almost every night and I have been getting the worst of it without really understanding why. Nothing explosive, just him being distant, short with me, checked out when I try to talk to him, the kind of coldness that is easy to brush off once or twice but really starts to wear you down after a while.

I brought it up a couple of times and he kept saying he was just stressed and adjusting to something new at work and I believed him and tried to give him space.

But it kept going and I started genuinely wondering what I had done wrong because he would not give me anything real to work with. I was tiptoeing around my own home trying not to set him off and I did not even know what I was tiptoeing around.

Last week I finally sat him down and told him straight that I felt like I was walking on eggshells every night and that if something was going on I needed him to actually talk to me because I could not keep absorbing this without knowing what it was about.

He opened up and explained what had actually been going on at work, which I appreciated, but I also told him that while I understood it better now I was not okay with being the place he silently dumps it every night without saying anything.

Am I wrong?

​

someone close to my partner gifted us a stay somewhere as a celebration gift. generous, we were touched. what was not disclosed until we arrived is that they had booked themselves into the same place for the entire duration and had already planned group activities for every day.

we tried everything and . we said we needed time alone. they said that is what the room is for. we tried creating distance and they showed up anyway. my partner spoke to them directly and said this was not acceptable. they said they paid for the trip and could go wherever they wanted.

we had saved our own money for this before the gift came through. we still had it sitting there. we looked at options, found somewhere we had originally wanted to go, and realized we could get there and stay comfortably for well within our budget.

we packed quietly after dinner. left a note saying we needed to do this trip our own way and that we were grateful for the gift but needed space. then we left.

they called this morning. it was not a pleasant conversation. they feel we humiliated them and wasted their money.

we are sitting in a place we actually wanted to be, having the trip we actually wanted to have.

AITA for leaving without asking permission first?

I live with two other people. one of them, I will call him D, has a habit with the washing machine. he starts a load and then just. does not come back for it.

not for hours, sometimes not for a full day. we only have one machine and when his wet clothes are sitting in it nobody else can use it.

I have mentioned it to him probably six or seven times over the past few months. every time he says yeah sorry I will grab them. sometimes he does, sometimes I come back two hours later and they are still there.

last week he started a load on a monday and I checked tuesday morning before work and the clothes were still in there, wet, had been sitting overnight. I needed to do my laundry before work. I took his stuff out, put it in a laundry basket I had grabbed from the hallway, and left the basket outside his bedroom door.

he found it that afternoon and lost it. said I had no right to touch his things, that his clothes could have gotten damaged or gone missing, that I was being passive aggressive instead of just asking him again.

I said I had asked him six or seven times and his wet clothes had been in that machine since the night before and I needed to do my laundry.

he said I should have texted him first.

I said I have been texting him for four months.

AITA?

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I leave for work at the same time every day. have for about two years since I moved to this street.

my neighbor is always on his porch by the time I walk out. I do not know what time he gets up but I have never once beaten him to it. he has a coffee, sometimes a newspaper, and he waves at me every single morning without fail.

it started as just a polite neighbor wave. now it has become a thing. he does a little two finger salute when he sees me and I do one back and we both go about our days.

a few months ago I had an earlier start and left about forty minutes ahead of schedule. he was not out yet. I noticed I felt genuinely off about it for like the first twenty minutes of my commute which is insane because this man and I have never had a full conversation.

I do not even know his name. he does not know mine. we have just silently agreed to acknowledge each other every morning and it has become one of my favorite parts of the day.

I hope he is out there when I am seventy.