u/Frost_Diamond22

Im a relatively new witch but I’m not completely inexperienced with baneful work. I used to practice it more often and still occasionally work with it, although I don’t do nearly as much now. I also don’t follow the Threefold Law. This situation is personal because my mother’s husband has caused problems for both of us. I’ve personally been affected by his behavior, including issues involving transportation, finances, household stress, and the way he has treated me. With my mother, he is extremely manipulative and often acts like another child in the household. He doesn’t take care of his own laundry or dishes, doesn’t clean up after himself, and expects her to handle almost everything. She recently had carpal tunnel surgery and is still recovering, yet when they had to go to the laundromat because their machines broke, he sat in the car watching TikTok Live while she folded the clothes. I’ve had to help her wash and detangle her hair, clean underneath her nails, and help her with other basic things because he refuses to. A few days ago, my mother called me during an extremely serious mental-health crisis because of everything happening in their relationship, and I genuinely became scared for her. She is planning to leave him once she has everything arranged, and my grandfather and I both agree that she needs to get away from this situation.

At this point, I genuinely feel like he deserves a hex. This isn’t me wanting to curse someone simply because I dislike them. I feel like I have personally been affected by him, and I’ve watched him seriously affect my mother as well. I’m not concerned about the Threefold Law because I don’t believe in it, but I am concerned about whether I’m making this decision from a place of justified anger or simply intense emotion. I’ve had experiences with hexes in the past that didn’t go well, which makes me hesitant. So, for those of you who are more experienced with baneful work: how do you determine when a hex is justified versus when you’re acting primarily from anger? Would you personally consider this a situation where baneful work is warranted, or would you leave it alone? I’m not looking for spell instructions—just perspectives on the ethics and spiritual side of the decision.

I’m 18M, and I genuinely feel like my entire world has fallen apart over the past few days. I was supposed to move into my college dorm on August 15th and start classes on August 18th, so I had been getting everything ready and preparing to leave in literally a week. Then on August 9th, my financial aid was supposed to be disbursed, and instead, it looks like my financial aid was canceled. I don’t know why, and I’ve been trying to contact the school, but nobody is responding to my emails or other attempts to get in touch with them.

The school is now expecting me to come up with around $13,000 for one semester, which obviously isn’t something I can just magically produce. Because of that, I’ve made the heartbreaking decision to withdraw for now. This has been devastating to me because I’ve wanted to become a general surgeon for years, and I genuinely feel like the dream I’ve worked toward just got ripped away from me. I’m still trying to process everything because this literally happened only two days ago.
I don’t come from a wealthy family, either. I’m not from one of those families where everyone is a doctor, lawyer, or some other high-paying professional who can just throw thousands of dollars at a problem. Most of my family either works regular jobs, is an entrepreneur, or lives paycheck to paycheck. So when this happened, one of my biggest fears was that maybe I really couldn’t accomplish my goals because I didn’t come from money. My mom has actually been supportive through all of this, though, and she told me that I’m allowed to be upset but that I shouldn’t completely lose hope.

I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do next, and I don’t have a perfect plan yet. I may take a year to get my life together financially and mentally, I may go to community college and work toward an associate’s degree, or I may eventually apply to another university. I might end up doing something completely different, because right now I honestly don’t know what the best option is. The important thing is that this is all extremely fresh, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the college experience I was preparing for might not happen right now.

And that’s where my grandfather comes in. I currently live with my grandfather, so obviously I had to tell him what was happening, and I also told my mom. The problem is that my grandfather has always had issues with privacy and boundaries, and this isn’t something that suddenly started with my college situation. He’s opened my mail before, he’s forced me to hug people even when I didn’t want to, and he has a habit of telling other people’s business constantly. He’s told people about my mother’s marital problems and financial struggles, and he has told other people my business as well, so there is a long-standing pattern here of him not understanding that some information is supposed to stay private.

Because of that, I really didn’t want my entire family knowing about my college situation. I don’t feel like they need to know what is happening in my life, whether it’s good, bad, or completely neutral. The reason I feel that way isn’t just because I’m embarrassed about the college situation, either. My family has never really been supportive of me in the first place, and I don’t feel like people who haven’t shown much interest in my life suddenly need access to all of my personal struggles.
For example, I recently graduated, and barely anybody in my family even came to my graduation party. I didn’t get much in the way of congratulations, nobody asked me if I had a registry, and nobody was really asking me questions about what I had planned for my future or what I was doing next. There wasn’t much effort from them to show that they cared about what was happening in my life. So I don’t understand why they need to know about this situation now, especially when they weren’t exactly checking in on me or supporting me when things were going well.

I told my grandfather about the financial aid situation because I live with him and obviously he was going to notice that I wasn’t leaving for college like I had planned. I wasn’t telling him so that he could broadcast it to everyone he knows. I wasn’t asking him to solve the problem, and I wasn’t asking him for money. I was simply telling him what was happening in my own life because he’s my grandfather and I live in his house.

A few minutes ago, I was laying down trying to process everything and figure out what the hell I’m going to do with my life when I heard someone knocking on the door. I didn’t answer immediately because I assumed it was one of my grandfather’s friends, and honestly, some of them irritate the hell out of me. Eventually the knocking kept going, so I got up and opened the door, and it was one of my uncles.

The first thing my uncle said was basically, “What’s going on? Did you not turn in your financial aid on time?” I immediately knew something was off because I had never told him about my financial aid situation. I gave him a very brief explanation of what happened without going into a lot of detail because, once again, I don’t want everybody knowing my business. He then started talking about how I need to go to school and joked about how he could “borrow some money” from me, which I laughed at because I’m obviously not giving him money when I’m the one who is currently trying to figure out how to pay for college.

The bigger issue is that this particular uncle talks to basically everybody in the family. Everyone talks to him, so I can already see where this is going. Even if my grandfather stopped telling people right now, the information is already out there, and there’s an aunt who my grandfather talks to who I know is going to spread this information around like wildfire. At this point, I feel like my private situation is going to become family gossip, and that’s exactly what I was trying to avoid.

What makes this especially frustrating is that I’m already embarrassed, disappointed, and stressed enough about what happened. I don’t need relatives coming up to me asking what happened, giving me unsolicited advice, making jokes about money, or treating me like I’m some kind of failure. I especially don’t want people who have barely shown interest in my life suddenly acting like they need to know every detail about why I’m not going to college right now.

After my uncle left, I called my mom and told her what happened. She ended up calling my grandfather and basically telling him that I was already embarrassed and upset enough about the situation and that he shouldn’t be telling everybody my business. She was advocating for me because she knows how upset I’ve been about this whole situation, but now my grandfather is acting like we’re the bad guys for asking him to stop spreading my personal information.

Honestly, I’m pissed. I understand that I live in his house, and I understand that he might feel like he has a right to know what’s happening because it affects the household. What I don’t understand is why that gives him the right to tell every relative he talks to about my financial situation, especially when I specifically don’t want the entire family involved in something I’m still trying to process myself.

I’m already dealing with the possibility of having to completely change my plans for my future. I’m trying to figure out whether I should work for a year, go to community college, apply somewhere else, or take another route toward becoming a doctor. I don’t have all the answers yet, and I don’t think I should have to explain my unfinished plans to a bunch of relatives who haven’t really supported me or shown much interest in my life to begin with.

So, am I the jerk for being angry at my grandfather for telling everyone my business? Or am I just overly emotional because I’m already stressed and devastated about the college situation? I don’t think I’m asking for anything unreasonable by wanting my own personal information to stay private, especially when I wasn’t asking anyone else to fix the situation for me. I just wanted the chance to process what happened and figure out my next move without having my entire family watching and discussing it.

TL;DR: I’m 18M and was supposed to start college in a few days, but my financial aid was apparently canceled and my school is now expecting around $13,000 for one semester, which I can’t afford, so I’m probably going to have to withdraw and figure out another path toward my goal of becoming a doctor. I told my grandfather because I live with him, but he has a long history of telling everyone’s private business to other people, and a few minutes ago my uncle showed up asking me about my financial aid even though I never told him anything, making it obvious that my grandfather had told him. I’m upset because I’m already embarrassed and heartbroken about the situation, and I don’t want my entire family knowing my financial problems, especially because most of them have never really supported me or shown much interest in my life; barely anyone came to my graduation party, nobody really congratulated me, nobody asked about a registry, and nobody was checking in about my plans or future. I don’t feel like people who haven’t been there for me need to know what’s happening in my life now, whether it’s good, bad, or neutral. My mom defended me and told my grandfather to stop spreading my business, and now he’s acting like we’re the ones who did something wrong. Am I the jerk for being pissed off about this?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/yh5qHkGcoj

Hey everyone, it’s been a while since my original post and a lot has happened. First, I want to make one thing very clear: my mom is not one of the people I’m cutting off. She’s actually been really supportive through everything.

The biggest change is that I’m now only planning to stay in contact with my 15-year-old cousin. I’m fully cutting off my 21-year-old cousin as well.
Not long after my first post, we were talking and the topic of the family always sweeping things under the rug came up. I mentioned that they did the same thing with her brother (the one who assaulted our younger cousin). She immediately started defending him, repeating “my brother’s not a rapist.” I told her he’s still a sexual deviant and a disgusting person for what he did. She said she wasn’t going to judge because she doesn’t know both sides and needed to hear from everyone.

She wanted to put our 15- year-old cousin in a group chat so she could explain what happened. I shut that down immediately and told her absolutely not — I wasn’t going to let her badger a child. I privately asked the 15-year-old if she wanted to talk about it or leave it alone. She said she wants to move on with her life and not dwell on it, but if I wanted to tell her what happened, I could. So I did. Our cousin confirmed he made her do things to him (exactly what we already knew).

That still wasn’t good enough for the 21-year-old. She added the 15-year-old to the group chat anyway. Then, after hearing it again, this girl went and added her brother to the group chat too. I left immediately (I have him blocked). She added me back and asked why I was “hiding.” That started a huge argument that lasted for hours.

During that argument she said a bunch of shit that made me look at her completely differently. She tried to justify and minimize what her brother did, talking about his age (he claimed he was 10 but was older), saying I shouldn’t judge him, and that I need to move past it. She even argued that if he was old enough to know better, then our cousin (who was 8) should have known better too — which is insane and disgusting logic. It confirmed she’s extremely messy and was probably doing it just to stir up drama and see a fight.

This whole situation, plus other things I already knew about her (no morals, no self-respect, constantly sleeping with taken men, being a side chick even to guys in jail, pregnancy scares, defending her mom sleeping with my mom’s baby daddy, etc.), showed we don’t align at all. On top of that, she told me recently that her brother pulled a gun on their own father during an argument. I’m not scared of anybody, but I value my life and I’m not about to let her put me in a position where things could escalate dangerously.

I talked to my mom about it and she agreed I should cut her off. So that’s what I’m doing. I used to text her every day, but now I give dry responses and don’t keep conversations going. She’s starting to notice. I’m trying to bow out gracefully without giving her a reason to start more drama, especially with her brother.

I’ve also been skipping family functions and I’m sticking to my plan of going low/no contact with almost everyone else once I’m at college. It was also confirmed that a lot of the family called my mom a liar about what happened to her (there’s proof she wasn’t lying), and they still look past it. That just solidified everything for me.

I deleted Instagram for a bit to reflect, and I’m focusing on getting ready for college. I’m done letting this family drag me into their mess while they protect the wrong people and tear down the ones trying to do better.

Thanks again to everyone who commented on my last post. I’ll answer any questions if you have them.

TLDR: Mom is staying in my life (she’s been supportive), but I’m now only keeping contact with my 13-year-old cousin. I’m fully cutting off my 21-year-old cousin after she defended her brother (the one who sexually assaulted our younger cousin), tried to force the victim into a group chat, then added the abuser to it anyway. She minimized what he did, showed she’s messy as hell, and said a bunch of wild shit with zero morals. Add in safety concerns (he’s pulled a gun on their dad) and we don’t align at all, so I’m fading her out while staying cautious. Still going low/no contact with the rest of the family once I’m at college.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Original post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/fxKl3pxNoB

First off, thank you to everyone who commented and upvoted my original post. I honestly didn’t expect it to get anywhere near the amount of attention it did. I read through a lot of the comments, and I wanted to answer some of the questions that kept coming up while also adding a little more context.

The biggest question I saw was, “Why didn’t you just tell her no?” The answer is honestly because I didn’t realize how much she had taken until she had already left. I saw her grab a pretty big piece of cornbread, but I didn’t stand there and inspect both of her plates. It wasn’t until she was gone that I opened everything up and realized she had basically cleaned out the leftovers. There had been plenty of food before she came over. After she left, there was barely anything left.

Another common suggestion was for me to move out. I get why people are saying that, but I’m only 18. I just graduated high school, and I’ll be leaving for college in about a month anyway, so this living situation is temporary.

I also wanted to clarify something else. A lot of people assumed I only cook because it’s a hobby. While I do genuinely enjoy cooking, I also cook because… I have to eat. My grandfather isn’t a terrible cook, but he definitely cooks for survival, not for flavor. He makes the same handful of meals over and over, and I like making food that I actually enjoy eating. So I don’t plan on quitting cooking altogether. I’ve just decided that I’m not going to cook when my grandfather is off work anymore because that’s when this woman is most likely to come over.

A lot of people also asked why I seemed to dislike her so much before this happened. The truth is, this wasn’t the first issue I’ve had with her. When I first met her, she came on way too strong. She’d come over almost every other weekend, and she constantly ignored my boundaries. I don’t like being touched, but she’d hug me every single time she saw me anyway. She also had a habit of banging on my bedroom door if I happened to be taking a nap. She wouldn’t stop knocking until I answered, and then, even after I told her I’d been asleep, she’d just keep talking. One time I had a migraine, and after waking me up, she actually told me I needed to come outside and get some sun. That really rubbed me the wrong way because she never seemed to care whether she was bothering me.

Another reason I’m skeptical of her is because of something my mom told me. Apparently, she and my grandfather met years ago while they both worked in the police department. My mom told me that one night this woman got drunk and started complaining about her boyfriend, who’s actually one of my grandfather’s longtime friends. While she was drunk, she said something along the lines of, “Me and y’all daddy can get down like we used to in the police department.” My mom immediately asked what she meant by that, and instead of explaining, she just denied it and changed the subject. I have no idea what she actually meant, but hearing that definitely made me wonder if something inappropriate happened between them years ago. That’s my own suspicion, not something I can prove.

The other thing that bothers me is that I suspect she’s snooped around my grandfather’s house before. I want to be very clear that I don’t have proof, which is why I haven’t accused her of anything. I’ve heard cabinets and drawers opening when she was the only one inside, and there have been a couple of times where doors were open that my grandfather never leaves open. It’s enough to make me suspicious, but not enough for me to accuse someone outright.

My mom actually suggested something that I think is smart. She told me that if I cook again and this woman comes over unexpectedly, I should put the leftovers somewhere less obvious in the refrigerator. If they somehow disappear anyway, then I’ll know someone was looking for them instead of just grabbing what was sitting out. Until I actually have proof, though, I’m keeping my suspicions to myself.

As for my grandfather, a lot of people asked why he didn’t believe me. Looking back, I probably chose the worst possible time to bring it up. He’s an alcoholic, and that night he was extremely drunk. He had been drinking all day, didn’t get home until almost six in the morning, and passed out with the lights still on. My mom saw exactly what happened and agreed with me that she took almost everything, but because of the state he was in, he just brushed it off.

At this point, my plan is simple. I’m still going to cook because I enjoy it and because I like eating good food. I’m just not cooking when my grandfather is home on his weekends off anymore, and I’m definitely not cooking with the expectation that everyone else gets free access to whatever I make.

I’m leaving for college in about a month, so hopefully this won’t be my problem for much longer. I do worry about my grandfather sometimes, but there’s only so much I can do.

Thanks again to everyone who commented. If anything else happens or people have more questions, I’ll post another update.

TL;DR: Thanks for all the feedback. I didn’t realize how much food she had taken until after she left because she made one plate to eat and another to take home. I’m only 18 and moving away for college in about a month, so moving out isn’t really an option right now. I cook because I enjoy it and because I actually want good food to eat. I’ve decided I’m not going to stop cooking altogether, but I won’t be cooking on my grandfather’s weekends off anymore since that’s usually when she comes over. I also explained why I already didn’t like her before the food incident and why I’m suspicious of some of her behavior, though I don’t have proof of everything and won’t make accusations without it. For now, I’m just keeping my distance and counting down the days until I leave for college.

I (18M) recently realized that I actually love cooking. It’s become one of my favorite hobbies. I like learning new recipes, challenging myself to make meals from scratch, and seeing how much better I get every time I cook. It’s honestly relaxing for me, and I take pride in it.

The problem is that cooking at my grandfather’s house has never been completely enjoyable because he’s overly critical. He’ll complain that the kitchen is messy while I’m literally still in the middle of cooking, like that’s not a normal part of the process. Pots, pans, mixing bowls, ingredients, and utensils are going to be out while someone is making a meal. The thing that annoys me is that I always clean up after myself before I’m done, but he still manages to complain about something every single time I cook. It’s gotten to the point where it takes a lot of the fun out of something I genuinely enjoy.

On top of that, I already don’t like one of my grandfather’s relatives who comes over all the time. Honestly, I don’t even know exactly how she’s related to us. She’s crossed my boundaries more than once. I don’t like being touched, but she’d constantly hug all over me even though I’ve made it obvious I’m uncomfortable with it. She also used to come over while I was taking naps and beat on my bedroom door loud as hell until I answered. It didn’t matter if I told her I had been asleep—she’d just keep standing there talking anyway. She doesn’t really do that anymore, but it’s part of the reason I never cared for her in the first place.

Another reason I don’t like her is because of something my mom told me. Apparently, years before I was born, she and my grandfather worked together in the police department. According to my mom, one time this woman got drunk and started complaining about her current boyfriend, who also happens to be one of my grandfather’s friends. While she was drunk, she said to my mom, “Me and your daddy can get down like we used to when we worked in the police department.” I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what actually happened between them, but ever since my mom told me that, I’ve wondered if they had some kind of affair while my grandmother was still alive. Whether that’s true or not, hearing that definitely didn’t make me like her any more than I already didn’t. I also suspect she’s snooped around my grandfather’s house before, but I don’t have proof of that yet, so I haven’t brought it up.

Anyway, yesterday I spent hours making a full meal from scratch. I made baked mac and cheese, oxtails, rice, sweet potatoes, greens, and cornbread. It wasn’t some quick dinner—it took a lot of time, effort, and money, and I was really proud of how everything turned out. We ate some of it that night, but there was still a lot left over for the next day.

Today, she came over. She hadn’t eaten yet, so she made herself a plate. I didn’t have a problem with that. If you’re hungry, eat. What irritated me was what happened after that. Once she finished eating, she went back into the kitchen and made herself another plate to take home.

Between the plate she ate and the plate she packed up, she took a huge piece of cornbread, basically all of the greens, left only a little corner of the mac and cheese, left maybe a spoonful of the sweet potatoes, and probably would’ve taken the oxtails too if I hadn’t told her they were spicy. I only told her that because I had a feeling she’d clean those out too. By the time she walked out the door, she had basically cleaned out almost everything I had spent hours cooking the day before.

After she left, I told my grandfather that next time she comes over, he needs to tell her not to take almost all of the food. His response was basically that she didn’t do that. The problem is, my mom was standing right there watching the whole thing happen, and she told him the exact same thing I did. She absolutely did take almost everything.

That was honestly my breaking point. Between my grandfather constantly criticizing me every time I cook, someone coming over and practically cleaning out the leftovers from a meal I spent hours making, and then being told it basically didn’t happen, I just don’t feel like cooking for this house anymore. If I’m going to spend that much time, effort, and money making food, I’d rather cook for myself or for people who actually appreciate it instead of treating it like a free grocery store.

So I’ve decided I’m done cooking for everyone here. If I cook again, it’ll be for myself or for people I actually want to cook for.

AITJ?

TL;DR: I (18M) enjoy cooking, but my grandfather constantly criticizes me while I’m doing it. I made a huge meal from scratch the day before, and there were plenty of leftovers. When my grandfather’s relative came over the next day, she made herself a plate to eat and another plate to take home, leaving almost nothing behind. After my grandfather dismissed my concerns even though my mom saw what happened too, I decided I’m done cooking for everyone in the house.

I (18M) have finally accepted that, once I leave for college, I’m cutting off almost my entire extended family. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that my family doesn’t just have normal family drama. The biggest problem is that when something truly horrific happens, people don’t deal with it. They ignore it, avoid talking about it, and eventually act like nothing ever happened. I’ve spent years watching this happen, and I don’t think I can be around people like that anymore.

For some background, my mom has told me that she was sexually assaulted multiple times by one of our relatives when she was growing up. She has always said she felt like no one really believed her or wanted to confront what happened. Whether people believed her or not, nothing meaningful seemed to change. Years later, that same relative went to prison in an unrelated case. After he was released, many members of the family welcomed him back into gatherings like nothing had ever happened. Because of that, my mom almost never attends family reunions or holiday events. She doesn’t want to be in the same room as someone she says abused her, and I honestly don’t blame her.

Years later, something happened that made me lose even more faith in my family. When I was 11, my younger cousin was only 8 years old. One day she quietly told me that another one of our cousins had made her do sexual things with him. She was scared and asked me not to tell anyone. I carried that secret for a while because I didn’t want to betray her trust, but I also knew she deserved help. Eventually I told my mom because I believed an adult needed to know what had happened.

From everything I’ve seen since then, it doesn’t seem like much was ever done. The cousin she accused continued coming to family events and was still allowed around everyone. As the years passed, it felt like the subject was simply buried. No one talked about it anymore, and it seemed like everyone was expected to move on. That pattern looked painfully familiar after everything my mom had already experienced.

I also can’t ignore how differently my older cousin and I were treated growing up. He was rarely held accountable for anything, and even after getting into serious legal trouble, his grandmother defended him and stood by him instead of expecting him to take responsibility. Meanwhile, I was often treated like I was the problem and excluded from family activities. Looking back, I can’t help but feel that constantly excusing someone’s behavior only teaches them that there won’t be consequences for their actions.

Yesterday really drove that point home. My family had a Fourth of July pool party, and both of those relatives were there. The cousin my younger cousin had accused acted like everything was completely normal and even tried to greet me. I kept the interaction as short as possible because I have no interest in pretending we’re on good terms because he also ruthlessly bullied me growing up. Throughout the day, I also noticed my younger cousin seemed uncomfortable. I can’t say for certain what she was feeling, but she didn’t seem relaxed, and it broke my heart to see.

Later that evening, my mom told me that seeing him gives her the exact same sinking feeling she gets whenever she sees the relative she says assaulted her when she was younger. Hearing her say that made everything click for me. It made me realize that while everyone else gets to laugh, eat, and enjoy family gatherings, the people carrying the emotional weight are the ones who were hurt. They’re the ones who stay home, avoid reunions, or silently endure being around people they’d rather never see again.

What makes all of this even harder is that this family has never really shown up for me either. I recently graduated high school as salutatorian. Before graduation, I earned certifications as a phlebotomist, an EKG technician, and a medical assistant, and I’m starting college soon. Those were huge accomplishments for me, and I worked incredibly hard for them. Very few relatives showed up to celebrate any of that. Yet almost everyone somehow had time to attend a random Fourth of July pool party. That contrast told me exactly where I stand in this family.

I’ve spent a long time trying to convince myself that things would eventually change, but I don’t believe that anymore. It feels like every time something serious happens, the family chooses silence over accountability because silence is easier. The people who were hurt are expected to quietly carry the pain, while everyone else moves on and pretends everything is normal. That’s not a family dynamic I want to keep participating in.

Because of all of this, I’ve decided that once I leave for college, I’m walking away from almost all of them. The only exception is my younger cousin, because I’ve always thought of her like a little sister. I hate that I couldn’t protect her, and I hope she knows that I believed her from the moment she told me what happened.

People always say that family is family, but I don’t think sharing DNA is enough. If protecting the family’s image matters more than protecting the people who were hurt, then that’s not a family I want to be part of. I’d rather build a life surrounded by people who value honesty, accountability, and safety than keep pretending everything is okay just because we’re related.

I (18M) have finally accepted that, once I leave for college, I’m cutting off almost my entire extended family. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that my family doesn’t just have normal family drama. The biggest problem is that when something truly horrific happens, people don’t deal with it. They ignore it, avoid talking about it, and eventually act like nothing ever happened. I’ve spent years watching this happen, and I don’t think I can be around people like that anymore.

For some background, my mom has told me that she was sexually assaulted multiple times by one of our relatives when she was growing up. She has always said she felt like no one really believed her or wanted to confront what happened. Whether people believed her or not, nothing meaningful seemed to change. Years later, that same relative went to prison in an unrelated case. After he was released, many members of the family welcomed him back into gatherings like nothing had ever happened. Because of that, my mom almost never attends family reunions or holiday events. She doesn’t want to be in the same room as someone she says abused her, and I honestly don’t blame her.

Years later, something happened that made me lose even more faith in my family. When I was 11, my younger cousin was only 8 years old. One day she quietly told me that another one of our cousins had made her do sexual things with him. She was scared and asked me not to tell anyone. I carried that secret for a while because I didn’t want to betray her trust, but I also knew she deserved help. Eventually I told my mom because I believed an adult needed to know what had happened.

From everything I’ve seen since then, it doesn’t seem like much was ever done. The cousin she accused continued coming to family events and was still allowed around everyone. As the years passed, it felt like the subject was simply buried. No one talked about it anymore, and it seemed like everyone was expected to move on. That pattern looked painfully familiar after everything my mom had already experienced.

I also can’t ignore how differently my older cousin and I were treated growing up. He was rarely held accountable for anything, and even after getting into serious legal trouble, his grandmother defended him and stood by him instead of expecting him to take responsibility. Meanwhile, I was often treated like I was the problem and excluded from family activities. Looking back, I can’t help but feel that constantly excusing someone’s behavior only teaches them that there won’t be consequences for their actions.

Yesterday really drove that point home. My family had a Fourth of July pool party, and both of those relatives were there. The cousin my younger cousin had accused acted like everything was completely normal and even tried to greet me. I kept the interaction as short as possible because I have no interest in pretending we’re on good terms because he also ruthlessly bullied me growing up. Throughout the day, I also noticed my younger cousin seemed uncomfortable. I can’t say for certain what she was feeling, but she didn’t seem relaxed, and it broke my heart to see.

Later that evening, my mom told me that seeing him gives her the exact same sinking feeling she gets whenever she sees the relative she says assaulted her when she was younger. Hearing her say that made everything click for me. It made me realize that while everyone else gets to laugh, eat, and enjoy family gatherings, the people carrying the emotional weight are the ones who were hurt. They’re the ones who stay home, avoid reunions, or silently endure being around people they’d rather never see again.

What makes all of this even harder is that this family has never really shown up for me either. I recently graduated high school as salutatorian. Before graduation, I earned certifications as a phlebotomist, an EKG technician, and a medical assistant, and I’m starting college soon. Those were huge accomplishments for me, and I worked incredibly hard for them. Very few relatives showed up to celebrate any of that. Yet almost everyone somehow had time to attend a random Fourth of July pool party. That contrast told me exactly where I stand in this family.

I’ve spent a long time trying to convince myself that things would eventually change, but I don’t believe that anymore. It feels like every time something serious happens, the family chooses silence over accountability because silence is easier. The people who were hurt are expected to quietly carry the pain, while everyone else moves on and pretends everything is normal. That’s not a family dynamic I want to keep participating in.

Because of all of this, I’ve decided that once I leave for college, I’m walking away from almost all of them. The only exception is my younger cousin, because I’ve always thought of her like a little sister. I hate that I couldn’t protect her, and I hope she knows that I believed her from the moment she told me what happened.

People always say that family is family, but I don’t think sharing DNA is enough. If protecting the family’s image matters more than protecting the people who were hurt, then that’s not a family I want to be part of. I’d rather build a life surrounded by people who value honesty, accountability, and safety than keep pretending everything is okay just because we’re related.

I (18M) leave for college in less than two months, and I’ve pretty much decided that once I move into my dorm, I’m cutting off almost my entire family except for a couple of cousins who have actually been there for me. My family thinks I’m being dramatic, disrespectful, and ungrateful, but at this point I honestly don’t think I owe them anything.
For some background, I’m gay, and I also don’t practice Christianity anymore. Almost everyone in my family is Christian, and I’ve spent years being judged for both. I’ve been told I’m living in sin, that I need to come back to God, and that I’m wrong for leaving Christianity. The biggest reason I left was because of my grandmother. She was my person, and losing her completely changed how I viewed religion.

When she was in the hospital, I remember holding her hand and feeling like she was slipping away. I know that probably sounds strange, but I could literally feel her life fading. Everyone around me kept insisting she was going to be okay, but I knew she wasn’t. That was one of the only times in my life that I truly got on my knees and prayed. I begged God to save her, and she died anyway. Afterward, everyone kept telling me it was “God’s plan.” That answer never gave me peace, and over time I realized Christianity just wasn’t the religion for me anymore. I respect other people’s beliefs, but I don’t appreciate being judged because mine are different. I’m also a practicing witch now, and my family has plenty to say about that too.

Here’s what really gets me, though. I’ve worked incredibly hard to build a future for myself. I graduated salutatorian, I’m leaving for college to study biology with the goal of becoming a surgeon, and I already have certifications in phlebotomy, EKG, and medical assisting. Even if I never went to college, I already have qualifications that could help me get a job in healthcare. Instead of being proud of me, it feels like my family is always more willing to celebrate people who have done objectively terrible things.

My oldest cousin (21F) has a child she doesn’t have custody of, has no high school diploma or GED, and has never had a stable job. The only job she’s ever had was stripping for a few months.

My second-oldest cousin (20M) also has no high school diploma or GED. He’s supposedly a recovering drug addict, although honestly I don’t even know if I’d call him “recovering.” He’s been arrested multiple times, was incarcerated before he was even 18, has fought his own grandmother, and has a history of being violent. The worst thing he ever did was sexually assault our younger cousin when he was 13 and she was only 8 years old.
She’s 15 now, and I still remember when she told me what happened. She begged me not to tell anyone because she was scared, but even though I was only about 11 years old myself, I knew it was wrong. I told my mom, and my mom told the rest of the family. As far as I could tell, nothing meaningful happened. He still came around the family, there were no real consequences, and everyone basically acted like it was something we should all move on from.

Unfortunately, that’s not the only situation like that. One of my relatives (46F) has a brother (45M) who raped my mom when they were younger. The family knows about that too, and somehow that’s also been brushed aside over the years. That’s a huge part of why I don’t feel guilty about walking away. I’m tired of hearing that “family is family” when the family has repeatedly protected the wrong people.
Things really came to a head around my graduation. I hate parties, and everyone knows I hate parties.

My grandfather insisted on throwing me a graduation party anyway and guilt-tripped me until I gave in. Hardly anyone came, and only three people even brought gifts. It honestly hurt because I’m the first person in my generation to graduate high school, even though I’m only the third-oldest grandchild. I felt like one of the biggest accomplishments in my life barely mattered to anyone.

Now my grandfather wants to throw me a going-away party before I leave for college. I told him no because I genuinely don’t want another party, especially not with people who couldn’t even be bothered to celebrate me the first time. Instead of accepting my answer, he started guilt-tripping me again and even tried using my late grandmother’s memory to make me change my mind. That was the point where I finally snapped and told everyone that once I leave for college, I’m cutting off almost the entire family.

My grandfather is also a big reason for that decision. He says he loves me, but he doesn’t “accept my lifestyle” because I’m gay. On top of that, I’m still angry about how my grandmother’s death was handled. She coded for around 30 minutes before being revived. Later, my grandfather made the decision to let her go, but he never told my mom beforehand or gave her the chance to say goodbye while my grandmother was still alive. Instead, he called after she had already passed. I understand that those decisions are incredibly difficult, but my mom and I both feel like we were robbed of those final moments with her, and it’s something neither of us has ever really gotten over.

The hypocrisy is what finally pushed me over the edge. My family can throw welcome-home parties for relatives who get out of prison, even one who had just gotten out after shooting someone,but they couldn’t show up for the first person in my generation to graduate high school. They judge me for being gay, for not being Christian, and for living my own life, while making excuses for people who have committed crimes or seriously hurt others.
Now everyone’s calling me disrespectful, saying I need to respect my elders, and insisting that I owe the family an apology. My grandfather has been giving me the silent treatment because I refused the going-away party, but honestly, I don’t feel like I owe anyone access to my life just because we’re related.

So, AITJ for refusing the party and deciding to cut off almost my entire family once I leave for college?

TL;DR: I’m an 18-year-old gay man leaving for college to study biology with plans to become a surgeon. I graduated salutatorian and already have certifications in phlebotomy, EKG, and medical assisting. My family judges me for being gay and for leaving Christianity, has repeatedly ignored serious abuse within the family, barely showed up to my graduation, but celebrates relatives who’ve been arrested or gone to prison. I refused a going-away party and decided I’m cutting off almost everyone after I move out. Now they say I’m disrespectful and owe them an apology. AITJ?

I (18M) have a cousin (21F), and for the last several months she’s been obsessed with this guy she met. He was literally on house arrest when they got together. He didn’t graduate high school, was on probation for armed robbery, and from what I know was still scamming people while he was supposed to be staying out of trouble.

From day one, this relationship was a complete train wreck. He cheated on her constantly, called her degrading names, threatened to slap her, and treated her like she was nothing. Almost every week she’d call or text me crying, saying she was finally done with him and asking me what she should do.

Every single time I’d tell her the same thing: leave him alone because she deserved better.
The problem is she never actually left. They’d “break up,” she’d swear she was done, and then a day or two later she’d be right back talking to him. Every time I asked why, she’d tell me, “It’s not that simple. Every time I see him, he reels me back in.”
I genuinely don’t understand that mindset because I’ve been cheated on before. The second I found out, I cussed my ex out, ended the relationship, and never looked back. When he tried to come talk to me, I ignored him. When he came up to my car, I rolled my window up. So hearing “it’s not that simple” over and over just stopped making sense to me.

A few weeks ago she even had me cuss this guy out for her. Before I did it, I told her, “If you go back to him after this, don’t ever ask me to get involved again.” She promised me she was done.
She wasn’t.

A couple of weeks ago he got sent back to jail after violating probation. The craziest part is she didn’t even find out from him. She found out because his fiancée reached out to her. That’s how she learned he’d been living a double life the whole time.
You’d think that would’ve been the final straw, but it wasn’t.

She’s still calling him in jail. She’s still sending him letters. She’s still telling people to tell him she loves him. And when I brought up the fiancée, she said, “That ain’t really his fiancée. He told me the same thing, and I still never got a ring.”

That statement blew my mind. To me, she’s basically saying she’s okay sharing a man as long as she gets some of his attention.

She’ll also admit she wasn’t innocent. She’ll say, “I slapped him too, so it’s not like I was an angel.” My response was basically, “Okay… so y’all did everything except leave each other alone.”
Eventually I got tired of hearing about it. She called me crying after he went to jail, and I hung up because I didn’t want to hear about him anymore. She called back later trying to talk about him again, and I hung up again.

Then she got mad and started taking shots at me. She brought up my dad not being in my life and started talking about my mom’s choices. I admit my mom made mistakes too, but that had nothing to do with what we were talking about.

That’s when I completely lost my patience.
I told her she had no self-respect. I told her she was pathetic for knowingly staying with someone who cheated on her from day one and still wanting him after finding out he had a whole fiancée. I literally said, “You’re okay with being somebody’s green bean casserole. You’re okay with being somebody’s deviled eggs. You’re okay with being somebody’s fucking mashed potatoes and gravy.” I told her she was perfectly fine being somebody’s side piece, and I couldn’t respect that.

She told me I was judging her and that “you never know what you’ll do until you’re in that situation.”
But I have been in that situation. I’ve been cheated on, and I left. I didn’t keep going back. I didn’t keep making excuses. So I don’t really buy that argument.
Now she’s saying I’m cruel and judgmental because I refuse to keep listening to the same cycle. I feel like I supported her for months, gave her advice every single time she asked for it, and eventually got tired of watching her ignore all of it.

TL;DR: My cousin spent months going back to a guy who cheated on her, insulted her, threatened her, and eventually went back to jail. She found out he had a whole fiancée because the fiancée contacted her, but she’s still calling him, writing him letters, and telling him she loves him. After months of the same cycle, I finally told her she had no self-respect, said she was okay being somebody’s “green bean casserole, deviled eggs, and mashed potatoes and gravy” (aka the side piece), and cut her off. Now she says I’m judgmental and heartless. AITJ?

I (18M) am leaving for college in August and moving into my dorm on the 15th. Before I leave, I wanted to have a small sleepover with a couple of friends as one last chance for us to hang out before everyone starts going our separate ways.

For some context, my best friend (18F) and I have been friends for about three years. She’s basically my sister at this point. I love her to death and would do anything for her. We talk all the time, and she was even supposed to come with me when I move into my dorm to help me get settled in.

The problem is her dad.

Now, I want to be fair because her father is genuinely a good man. He’s always been nice to me, and I know he cares about his daughter. He likes me, and it’s pretty obvious that part of the reason he likes me is because he knows how much his daughter cares about me.

That being said, he is also one of the strictest parents I have ever met.

For example, she had a car for basically her entire senior year and wasn’t allowed to drive it. Then after graduation, when everyone thought she’d finally be able to use it, he still wouldn’t let her drive it. She’s 18 years old and still has to ask permission for pretty much everything she does.

And when I say ask permission, I don’t mean a quick “Hey Dad, I’m going here.” I mean she has to think about exactly what she’s going to say, how she’s going to say it, and basically make a case for why she should be allowed to go somewhere.

We’ve talked about sleepovers before, and she’s told me that her dad doesn’t really approve of them. She’s also told me that if there are men in the house, that’s usually a problem.

The thing is, I’m gay. Her dad knows I’m gay. I’ve never hidden that, and he’s known me for years. So I don’t think I’m the issue here.

I think the issue is that I live with my grandfather, and it’s just the two of us in the house. Since there’s an adult man living here, I figured that alone would probably be enough for him to say no, regardless of the fact that he knows me and trusts me.

Another reason I thought the sleepover would have made sense is because she’s supposed to be helping me move into my dorm the next day. If she had stayed the night, she literally could have just gotten up in the morning, gotten dressed, and gone with us.

Instead, if she doesn’t stay over, then somebody has to either drop her off, I have to go pick her up, or we have to coordinate everything the morning of move-in day. The sleepover would’ve honestly made things easier for everyone involved.

Because of all of that, when I started planning this sleepover, I invited two other friends but didn’t invite her.

Honestly, my thought process was, “What’s the point?” I figured she’d ask her dad, he’d say no, and we’d end up right back where we always do. I didn’t want to get excited about plans just for them to immediately get shut down.

The thing is, this isn’t just about the sleepover. I’m honestly frustrated with the whole situation in general.

She’s 18 years old and still has to get permission for almost everything. She wasn’t even allowed to go away for college. She wanted to have more options, but she ended up staying home and going to a local community college because her dad didn’t want her leaving.

Every single time we try to make plans, it feels like we have to wait and see what her dad decides first. At some point, it starts feeling less like making plans with another adult and more like making plans with someone whose schedule is completely controlled by someone else.

Well, she found out about the sleepover through one of the friends I invited, and she got really hurt that I didn’t invite her.

I told her I wasn’t trying to exclude her. I just didn’t see the point in inviting her when I genuinely believed she wouldn’t be allowed to come anyway. After years of hearing “I have to ask my dad first” and plans constantly depending on whether he approves, I honestly assumed I already knew the answer.

But now I kind of feel bad. The more I think about it, the more I realize she was probably hurt because I didn’t even give her the opportunity to ask. It probably felt like I decided for her that she wasn’t coming before she even had a chance.

I still think her dad would’ve said no, but maybe that wasn’t my decision to make.

So, AITJ?

TL;DR: I’m having a small sleepover before I leave for college. My best friend is supposed to help me move into my dorm the next day, so staying over would’ve actually made things easier since she could’ve just woken up and gone with us. However, her dad is extremely strict, doesn’t like sleepovers, and she’s had to get permission for basically everything for years. Because I assumed he’d say no anyway, I didn’t invite her. She found out through another friend and is hurt that I excluded her. AITJ?

I (18M) graduated a few weeks ago. I have a small friend group now, and one of those friends is an 18-year-old girl I’ll call “Jay.”

Jay had been talking to this guy for a few months and apparently they made things official about a month ago. The thing is, she never posted him, never showed us pictures of him, and honestly we used to joke that he must be ugly because she was so secretive about him.

For context, I’ve been hooking up with a guy I’ll call “Kay” for about 4-5 weeks. We met on Instagram. I never thought much of it because I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship with him.

One day, Jay and I met up with another mutual friend at a restaurant. The conversation turned to relationships, and she started talking about her boyfriend. She showed us a picture of them together, but once again his face was covered. The only thing I really noticed was that he had a sleeve tattoo.

That made a tiny alarm bell go off in my head because Kay also has a sleeve tattoo. But it wasn’t some unique tattoo. It was one of those tattoos that feels like every guy has nowadays. I didn’t think much of it because you can walk down the street and find ten guys with similar sleeves.

There was also the name issue. Jay would refer to her boyfriend by a name similar to “Samuel.” Meanwhile, the guy I was seeing went by something like “Sam.” I never thought anything of it because Sam could be short for Samuel, Samson, or a bunch of other names. It wasn’t enough for me to think they were the same person.

A little later, when I was hanging out with Kay, I jokingly asked if he was DL. He laughed it off and said no. He also told me I was the only one for him. I didn’t really take that seriously because we weren’t dating, but that’s what he said.

The next time Jay and I hung out, I showed her a picture of the guy I had been seeing because I never got the chance to before. She stared at it for a second, snatched my phone, and immediately started screaming at me, saying I was sleeping with her man.

I was completely confused.

She said, “This is Kay. This is my boyfriend.”

At that point I honestly thought there had to be some mistake.

She tried FaceTiming him and he didn’t answer. Then I FaceTimed him from my phone and he picked up on the second ring saying, “What’s up, baby?”

Jay absolutely lost it.

Long story short, I cut Kay off because I don’t appreciate being lied to. Whether he was DL or not, he clearly wasn’t honest about his situation.

The bigger issue is that Jay is still furious with me. She’s been calling me a weird-ass bitch, telling people I slept with her boyfriend, and basically blaming me for the whole thing.

The thing is, I genuinely did not know that was her boyfriend. She never showed his face, never posted him, the name she used wasn’t an obvious giveaway, and the only clue I had was a very common tattoo that thousands of people have.

One of my friends says I should have said something the second I noticed the tattoo. But honestly, I didn’t think it meant anything.

I feel awful that this destroyed our friendship, but I also don’t think I intentionally did anything wrong.

So, AITJ? Should I have done something differently?

TL;DR: My friend kept her boyfriend’s identity secret, never showed his face, and referred to him by a name similar to Samuel. I had been hooking up with a guy who went by a nickname like Sam for over a month. The only similarity I noticed was a common sleeve tattoo. When I finally showed my friend a picture of the guy I was seeing, she realized it was her boyfriend. I immediately cut him off after finding out, but now she’s blaming me and telling everyone I slept with her man. AITA?

I (18M) need some outside opinions because my family keeps acting like I’m the problem here, and at this point I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if everyone else is.

My mother (39F) has been married to her husband (39M) for about five years. I absolutely cannot stand this man. I don’t like him, I don’t respect him, and I have no interest in having a relationship with him. People keep telling me I need to forgive him and move on, but I feel like the people saying that either weren’t there or conveniently forgot everything that happened.

One of the biggest things I resent him for is that I genuinely feel like he took away my creativity. Before my mom married him, I was a very artistic kid. I loved drawing, painting, and making things out of random materials. If someone threw away a cardboard box, I was turning it into something. If I found bottles, cans, or scraps of material, I was making some kind of project out of it. I had sketchbooks everywhere and loved going to Michael’s to buy art supplies. A lot of people thought I’d eventually do something professionally with art because I was constantly creating things. Then one day, after I told him I hated him because of the way he treated me, he took away all of my art supplies for almost an entire year. When I finally got them back, something had changed. I tried getting back into art, but the spark just wasn’t there anymore. To this day, people ask me what happened because they remember how much I loved it, and honestly, I blame him for a lot of that.

Another issue was the way he treated me compared to my younger half-brother. I was expected to do most of the cleaning and housework while he sat around playing Call of Duty. When my half-brother came along, somehow everything became my responsibility. If my brother got hurt, it was my fault. If he tripped and fell, it was my fault because I “wasn’t watching him.” It didn’t matter that anyone who knows my brother knows he’s extremely hyperactive and doesn’t sit still for more than a few seconds at a time. Eventually I got tired of constantly being blamed for everything and started staying in my room. Then they complained that I stayed in my room too much and never interacted with anyone.

On top of that, I barely had access to anything that belonged to me. My phone was basically only for school. As soon as I got home, it was taken away. Birthday presents and Christmas gifts would often get taken away shortly after I got them. One thing that still bothers me is that he cracked the screen on a brand-new Nintendo Switch Lite my grandparents bought me. Over time, even my grandparents started having problems with him because of how he treated me, but somehow he blames me for that too.

The double standards drove me insane. I got punished harshly for the smallest things, while my half-brother could practically get away with anything. My brother has gotten in trouble at school for things like fighting teachers, destroying classrooms, and causing so many issues that the school has apparently been looking for ways to get rid of him. What happens when he does something? He gets a slap on the wrist. I literally overheard my mom’s husband telling him that it was okay and that he just made a mistake. Meanwhile, I felt like if I breathed wrong, it was a problem. Even my grandfather pointed out how unfair it was.

The biggest issue, though, is that he put his hands on me. It wasn’t a daily occurrence, but it happened more than once. My grandmother repeatedly told him to keep his hands off me. His response was always that I was “his son.” The thing is, I never considered him my father, and he definitely didn’t treat me like a son. He doesn’t even treat his biological son the way he treated me. The physical stuff eventually stopped because I started fighting back. I was a skinny teenager and he was a grown man who was pushing 300 pounds, but I got tired of just taking it.

What hurts almost as much as what he did is that my mother allowed it to happen. She knew what was going on. She saw what was happening. She stayed anyway. Eventually things got so bad between us that before my senior year I moved out and went to live with my grandfather. At that point, I had started resenting her too because I felt like she chose him over me over and over again.

Now here’s where the current issue comes in. Ever since my grandmother passed away, my grandfather has become obsessed with the idea of forgiveness. He keeps telling me that life is short and that I need to forgive my mother’s husband and move on. He’ll even say things like, “Do it for your grandmother.” The problem is that my grandmother couldn’t stand this man either. Losing her absolutely destroyed me because she was my person. I’m still struggling with that loss. So hearing people use her memory to pressure me into reconciling with someone she didn’t even like herself really bothers me.

I also didn’t invite him to my graduation. I didn’t want him there. It was my graduation, and I wanted people there who actually supported me. My family got upset about that. My mother ended up bringing him around anyway, which honestly felt like yet another example of her choosing him over me.

The irony is that now my mom is dealing with a lot of the things I dealt with. Since I moved out, she’s the one doing all the cooking, cleaning, and dealing with my half-brother. Their marriage is apparently awful. She’s talked multiple times about wanting a divorce because she’s tired of him, but she says she’s staying because she wants my half-brother to have both parents in the home. I’ve told her I think that’s a mistake, but that’s her decision to make.

Now both of them are pushing for reconciliation. Apparently he’s constantly complaining about why I don’t love him, why I don’t talk to him, and why my mother doesn’t force me to have a relationship with him. The thing is, I’m 18 years old. Nobody can force me to do anything. I already moved out. I’ve already distanced myself from my mother before. At this point I genuinely don’t believe we’re ever going to be a family.

My grandfather says I’ll never truly move forward in life if I keep holding onto this anger. I disagree. I don’t think forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing. Maybe one day I’ll stop being angry, but I don’t think that means I owe this man a place in my life. People who weren’t the ones being treated badly don’t get to decide when I’m supposed to be over it.

So, am I the jerk for refusing to reconcile with my mother’s husband and refusing to pretend we’re a family after everything that’s happened?

TL;DR: My mother’s husband spent years treating me badly, taking away my belongings, punishing me harshly, blaming me for everything involving my younger brother, and putting his hands on me. My mother allowed it to happen, and eventually I moved out to live with my grandfather. Now my family keeps pressuring me to forgive him and become a family again, but I want absolutely nothing to do with him. Am I the jerk?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/Y7yF7WCDAS

Final Update

Well, the graduation party happened, and honestly, it went pretty much how I expected.

The good news is that not nearly as many people showed up as I thought would, which made it easier to tolerate. I spent most of the party in my room with my cousins and my best friend, and that ended up being the best part of the day.

The food was shrimp Alfredo, garlic bread, and a fruit and vegetable salad. I mostly ate the Alfredo and garlic bread.

As for gifts, I received two cards. One had a $50 gift card, another had $25 cash, and someone else gave me $20. Two other people asked for my Cash App but haven’t sent anything.

What frustrated me was that a lot of the people who showed up either barely know me or didn’t really interact with me at all. Some didn’t even tell me congratulations. A few people didn’t seem to know who I was beyond the fact that they were invited to a graduation party.

Another thing that bothered me was that a lot of people came empty-handed but left with multiple plates of food. By the next day, there was barely anything left in the refrigerator. I ended up having to spend some of the money I received because there wasn’t much food available for me to eat.

The day after the party, I had to go to my best friend’s graduation celebration. I spent $12 on the entry fee, $20 on gas, and around $10 on breakfast because there wasn’t much food left at home. So most of the cash I received was gone almost immediately.

After my mom left that evening because she was in the middle of moving, my grandfather’s girlfriend showed up and spent the night. The next morning, while I was getting ready to leave, I saw her sitting in the garage eating food, and she never even said congratulations to me. That honestly rubbed me the wrong way considering the entire reason everyone had gathered was supposedly to celebrate my graduation.

My grandfather also got very drunk during the party, which was something I had been worried about from the beginning and one of the reasons I never wanted a graduation party in the first place.

A lot of people told me beforehand that I’d appreciate the party afterward or that I’d realize it was about celebrating me. Honestly, I still don’t feel that way. The parts I enjoyed were spending time with my cousins and my best friend. Everything else mostly felt like people showing up to eat, drink, socialize, and leave.

I do appreciate the people who actually showed up for me and spent time with me. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this, it’s that I was right about what kind of celebration I would have preferred. A small dinner or trip with people I genuinely care about would have meant a lot more to me than a large party.

TL;DR: The graduation party was more manageable than expected because fewer people attended, and the best part was spending time with my cousins and best friend. However, many guests barely interacted with me, some didn't even congratulate me, and the event mostly felt like a gathering for food and socializing rather than celebrating my graduation. In the end, it reinforced my belief that I would have preferred a small, meaningful celebration with people close to me.

I’m 18M and my best friend is 18F. We literally just graduated high school less than a week ago.

There’s this guy I’ve known since middle school who made my life hell. Him and his friends constantly messed with me in middle school to the point where I genuinely hated going to school every day. It seriously affected my mental health back then. Two of those guys also went to our high school, including the one this story is about.

Even in high school, this guy still kept bothering me. It wasn’t always as extreme as middle school, but he’d still come up to me at lunch and mess with me, and I got so tired of it that I’d literally pretend I didn’t know him or even deny going to the same middle school.

Today my best friend texted me freaking out because this guy messaged her. I jokingly told her to tell him “me and my best friend don’t like you, get off my phone,” but I wasn’t really joking.

Instead, she started calling him a “hear me out.” She knows how badly this guy treated me. When I reminded her, she basically said “that was a long time ago” and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. But to me it is a big deal, because she wasn’t the one dealing with it for years.

I told her I was hurt that she’d even entertain him knowing all the history. Part of what bothers me is that if they actually end up talking or dating, then eventually I’m going to have to be around someone who made my life miserable.

I’m not trying to control who she dates, but I honestly feel weird and hurt by the whole thing.

Am I being unreasonable here?

TL;DR: My best friend started entertaining a guy who bullied me throughout middle school and high school and seriously messed with my mental health. She knows how badly he treated me, but brushed it off as “a long time ago.” I’m hurt because if they end up together, I’ll probably have to be around someone who made my life miserable.

I (18M) accepted money from my best friend’s dad to go to her banquet, and now my mom is furious with me. Am I wrong?

I’ve been best friends with this girl (18F) for about three years now, and she’s honestly the closest friend I’ve ever had. I love her and her family a lot, and they’ve always treated me really well.

A few weeks ago, she invited me to her band banquet. I went last year and had fun, so I said yes. Later on, though, we found out that non-band members had to pay $20 to attend.

The issue is that I don’t have a job right now. My mom isn’t currently working because of carpal tunnel issues, and while she does Uber sometimes to make money, she gets angry basically any time I ask her for money, even small amounts. I’m talking getting irritated over $5. So I avoid asking her for anything if I can help it.

Usually if I need something, I ask my grandfather because he’s less hostile about it, but I already feel bad asking him for stuff. My mom has even gotten upset with me before for asking him for money because “I have parents,” referring to her and her husband. I don’t ask her husband for anything because I honestly can’t stand him, and I feel like anything he gives me comes with strings attached.

So when the banquet came around, I just decided I wasn’t going because I didn’t have the money.

Today, right before the banquet, my best friend texted me asking if I was still coming. I reminded her that I couldn’t afford it. She then told me her dad said he would pay for it if we had just asked.

For context: her dad is genuinely one of the kindest people I know. He’s always been good to me, and I really do think he cares about me because his daughter does. This also isn’t the first time he’s helped me out with something, and I’ve always tried to pay him back whenever possible.

I asked her MULTIPLE times if he was really okay with it because I didn’t want to be a burden. She kept reassuring me that he genuinely didn’t mind and wanted me there. She told me to stop by her house, grab the money from her room, and head to the school.

I was honestly really grateful.

I screenshotted the messages and sent them to my mom saying something like, “This is why I love Mr. [Dad’s Name],” because I thought it was really nice of him.

Instead, my mom called me angry and started going off about how I should’ve asked her instead because now it “looks like” she can’t provide for me or that we’re broke. I reminded her that I DIDN’T ask him for the money. I never expected him to offer. He offered because he wanted to.

She hung up on me and later sent me $20 telling me to pay him back. The issue is he doesn’t use Cash App, Zelle, etc., so I’d probably have to send it through my best friend.

Now she’s giving me the silent treatment.

From my perspective, I don’t understand why she’s mad when she didn’t even have to pay for it. Also, I avoided asking her in the first place because historically she gets angry whenever I ask for money.

I also think part of this may come from her anxiety. She has really bad social anxiety and constantly worries that everyone is judging or talking about her. She’s even yelled at me before because my shirt was wrinkled and she thought people would judge us. So I honestly think she interpreted my best friend’s dad helping me as him seeing me as some kind of charity case, even though I genuinely don’t think that’s how he sees it at all.

Still, maybe I’m missing something because I’m not a parent.

So… was I wrong for accepting the money?

TL;DR: My best friend invited me to her band banquet, but I couldn’t afford the $20 ticket and didn’t want to ask my mom because she gets angry whenever I ask for money. My best friend’s dad kindly offered to pay for me to go, but when my mom found out, she got furious and said I made her look bad for accepting help instead of asking her. Now she’s giving me the silent treatment, and I’m wondering if I was wrong for accepting the money.

I (18M) am about to graduate high school, and one of my friends (18F) is in a relationship with a 20-year-old guy that honestly scares me.
From the beginning, this dude has been bad news. His social media is full of him smoking, wearing ski masks, flashing guns, and acting reckless. They argue constantly ,like multiple times a week, and every time they fight, she comes to me to vent about it.

At first, I tried to help. When she told me he was threatening to slap her during arguments, I told her straight up to leave him because aggression always escalates. I grew up around domestic violence, and I’ve also been in an abusive relationship myself, so I know the warning signs. Once somebody starts threatening you, punching walls, throwing things, etc., it only gets worse.

She admitted they’ve physically fought before, and I kept telling her she needed to get out before something serious happened. But my mom told me to stop getting involved because if my friend wasn’t actually going to leave him, she’d probably tell him I was encouraging her to leave, and then that could put me in danger too.

A while back, I got so frustrated that I told her not to call me when he ends up seriously hurting her because I was tired of hearing the same thing over and over while she stayed with him. Harsh, I know.
Now she recently told me they fought again, and when I asked if he was threatening her, she admitted he’s now threatening to kill her if she leaves. The thing is, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared myself. This guy has guns, acts unstable, and I genuinely worry that if she disappears or leaves him, he could show up at my house thinking I know where she is.

At this point, I’ve emotionally checked out because I feel like I already did everything I could do. I warned her from the start. I tried to support her. Nothing changed.

Now she’s calling me heartless because I’m distancing myself from the situation, but I genuinely feel unsafe being involved at all.
Am I wrong for washing my hands of this situation?

TL;DR: My 18F friend is dating a violent 20-year-old who constantly threatens and fights with her. I warned her from the beginning to leave, especially after he threatened to hit her, but she stayed. Now he’s threatening to kill her if she leaves, and I’m distancing myself because I genuinely fear for my own safety too. She says I’m heartless for “giving up” on her.

AITA for not wanting my aunt at my graduation party after she flaked on my graduation ceremony?
I (18M) graduate in six days. About a week ago, my mom asked me to invite my aunt to my graduation because my grandmother (her sister) passed away, and my mom said it’s something my grandma would’ve wanted.

The thing is, me and this aunt aren’t particularly close. But I extended the olive branch anyway and invited her. Instead of giving me a straight answer, she kept saying vague stuff like “we’ll see.”

Today, I finally texted her because I needed to know for ticket counts and parking. She basically told me she “probably” can’t make it because she’s been feeling dizzy, but then followed it up by saying maybe she could still come later if I’m doing something afterward.

That immediately irritated me because:
My cousin told me she wasn’t even at home today, so now I’m sitting here thinking, “You’re too dizzy for my graduation, but not too dizzy to go out?”

If you can maybe come to the graduation party afterward, then why can’t you come to the actual graduation ceremony?

What makes it worse is that I didn’t even WANT a graduation party in the first place. My grandfather guilt-tripped me into having one because he wanted the family together. Now I’m frustrated because this aunt has a history of showing up to family events mainly for food, not contributing anything, and leaving with a bunch of plates.

At this point, I told my grandfather not to invite her to the party anymore, and he got annoyed about it.
So AITA for not wanting her invited anymore after she basically flaked on the actual graduation?

I (18 M) am graduating next week from high school. I’m honesty so ready to graduate and am pretty excited. I would like to preface this by saying I hate gatherings and large events, especially when they’re dedicated to me and my grandfather (62 M) knows this along with my mother (39 F).

A week ago, my grandfather asked me if I wanted to have a graduation party. I of course said no. He got an attitude and asked why. I told him the following:

1. Our family is fake. They’ve never really showed up for me or treated me like someone they truly cared about. I have a feeling that this is because of my mother because they treated her and still treat her this way. They only really come around when there’s free food and drinks. Honestly I don’t see myself talking to any of them when I leave this summer for college.

2. I don’t like parties, especially when they’re dedicated to me. Pretty self explanatory.

3. I don’t like a good majority of the people I know he plans of inviting. He is going to invite everyone he knows and I don’t like a lot of them. 3 in particular I can think about is his girlfriend (my mom doesn’t like her either, and said she would talk to him about not bringing him (let me know if yall want more info on that)), his friend/cousin/ whatever she is (I don’t like her because she is in my face constant and never leaves me alone despite I only met her a few months ago), and my mothers husband. To add insult to injury my grandma who only died a year ago won’t be there.

4. I don’t want to make a big deal of everything with me graduating (pretty self explanatory)

I told him only the first 2 reasons and he got an attitude. I thought nothing of it and was talking to my mom about it the next day and she told me he already told her. He was telling her that his feelings were hurt and that he was upset because I won’t let him celebrate me. He brought up that I wouldn’t let get him a yard sign or let him throw me a prom send off. My mom reminded him that he can’t be mad because he knew I was like this. But he told her he just really badly wanted to throw me a graduation party because he really wants to celebrate me because I’m his first grandchild and he might not live to see my half brother (5 M) graduate. Because of that my mom said she would talk to me.

She told me about what he said and I reluctantly agreed but I made it known I was not happy about it. I’m writing this because as it gets closer he’s noticed how unhappy I am about it and has not told half the family about how ungrateful I am. I’ve gotten phone calls from a lot of family members saying I’m selfish and ungrateful because there are so many people who aren’t thrown one and I’m taking it for granted, but my mom is mostly on my side and told me from the start that it’s my decision.

I’m a bit torn about it though so am I the asshole?

I don’t really have anyone to vent to about this, so I’m putting it here.

I’m honestly feeling a mix of emotions right now, but the biggest one is relief. My mom is finally talking about divorcing her husband. It hasn’t officially started yet, but we had a conversation yesterday that confirmed a lot of things I’ve suspected for years.

First, it was confirmed that she only married him because she got pregnant with my half-brother. She didn’t actually want to marry him. That alone explains a lot, and if I’m being real, I’ve carried some resentment because of that situation. I’ve never been able to stand him, and now it makes more sense why things have always felt off.

My grandparents even told her back then not to marry someone just because of a pregnancy and that she should only do it if she truly wanted to. She didn’t listen, and now here we are.

Another thing she admitted is that the only reason she stayed this long was to give my half-brother a chance to grow up with both parents, since I didn’t really have that. But the reality is… she’s basically been a married single mom this whole time. I’ve told her before that if you’re already doing everything alone, what’s the point of staying?

I also found out something that really bothered me. She was planning to wait until my brother was much older (like 12–14) before divorcing him. I told her that’s actually worse. If she leaves now while he’s still young, it’ll probably affect him less than if his whole world gets flipped upside down later when he fully understands everything.

The biggest thing I didn’t expect, though, is why she’s felt stuck. Apparently, he’s been emotionally blackmailing her by telling her that if she leaves, he’ll have nobody. His family doesn’t deal with him, he has barely any friends, and he basically puts all of that on her.

And honestly… that’s not her responsibility.

From what I’ve seen, he has a pattern of blaming everyone else for his problems. His family doesn’t like him, and he blames my mom. He faces consequences, and it’s always someone else’s fault. He does the same thing even when it comes to parenting. At some point, you’d think someone would reflect and ask, “Am I the problem?”, but he never does.

Now it’s turned into emotional pressure on my mom to stay, and that’s what really gets me.

I’ve told her she shouldn’t feel responsible for his loneliness and that she deserves to leave if she’s unhappy. But at the same time, I can tell it’s not that simple for her.

I just want her to be free from this situation, and honestly, I’m tired of dealing with him too.

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest.