u/Frost_Diamond22

I (18M) graduated a few weeks ago. I have a small friend group now, and one of those friends is an 18-year-old girl I’ll call “Jay.”

Jay had been talking to this guy for a few months and apparently they made things official about a month ago. The thing is, she never posted him, never showed us pictures of him, and honestly we used to joke that he must be ugly because she was so secretive about him.

For context, I’ve been hooking up with a guy I’ll call “Kay” for about 4-5 weeks. We met on Instagram. I never thought much of it because I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship with him.

One day, Jay and I met up with another mutual friend at a restaurant. The conversation turned to relationships, and she started talking about her boyfriend. She showed us a picture of them together, but once again his face was covered. The only thing I really noticed was that he had a sleeve tattoo.

That made a tiny alarm bell go off in my head because Kay also has a sleeve tattoo. But it wasn’t some unique tattoo. It was one of those tattoos that feels like every guy has nowadays. I didn’t think much of it because you can walk down the street and find ten guys with similar sleeves.

There was also the name issue. Jay would refer to her boyfriend by a name similar to “Samuel.” Meanwhile, the guy I was seeing went by something like “Sam.” I never thought anything of it because Sam could be short for Samuel, Samson, or a bunch of other names. It wasn’t enough for me to think they were the same person.

A little later, when I was hanging out with Kay, I jokingly asked if he was DL. He laughed it off and said no. He also told me I was the only one for him. I didn’t really take that seriously because we weren’t dating, but that’s what he said.

The next time Jay and I hung out, I showed her a picture of the guy I had been seeing because I never got the chance to before. She stared at it for a second, snatched my phone, and immediately started screaming at me, saying I was sleeping with her man.

I was completely confused.

She said, “This is Kay. This is my boyfriend.”

At that point I honestly thought there had to be some mistake.

She tried FaceTiming him and he didn’t answer. Then I FaceTimed him from my phone and he picked up on the second ring saying, “What’s up, baby?”

Jay absolutely lost it.

Long story short, I cut Kay off because I don’t appreciate being lied to. Whether he was DL or not, he clearly wasn’t honest about his situation.

The bigger issue is that Jay is still furious with me. She’s been calling me a weird-ass bitch, telling people I slept with her boyfriend, and basically blaming me for the whole thing.

The thing is, I genuinely did not know that was her boyfriend. She never showed his face, never posted him, the name she used wasn’t an obvious giveaway, and the only clue I had was a very common tattoo that thousands of people have.

One of my friends says I should have said something the second I noticed the tattoo. But honestly, I didn’t think it meant anything.

I feel awful that this destroyed our friendship, but I also don’t think I intentionally did anything wrong.

So, AITJ? Should I have done something differently?

TL;DR: My friend kept her boyfriend’s identity secret, never showed his face, and referred to him by a name similar to Samuel. I had been hooking up with a guy who went by a nickname like Sam for over a month. The only similarity I noticed was a common sleeve tattoo. When I finally showed my friend a picture of the guy I was seeing, she realized it was her boyfriend. I immediately cut him off after finding out, but now she’s blaming me and telling everyone I slept with her man. AITA?

I (18M) need some outside opinions because my family keeps acting like I’m the problem here, and at this point I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if everyone else is.

My mother (39F) has been married to her husband (39M) for about five years. I absolutely cannot stand this man. I don’t like him, I don’t respect him, and I have no interest in having a relationship with him. People keep telling me I need to forgive him and move on, but I feel like the people saying that either weren’t there or conveniently forgot everything that happened.

One of the biggest things I resent him for is that I genuinely feel like he took away my creativity. Before my mom married him, I was a very artistic kid. I loved drawing, painting, and making things out of random materials. If someone threw away a cardboard box, I was turning it into something. If I found bottles, cans, or scraps of material, I was making some kind of project out of it. I had sketchbooks everywhere and loved going to Michael’s to buy art supplies. A lot of people thought I’d eventually do something professionally with art because I was constantly creating things. Then one day, after I told him I hated him because of the way he treated me, he took away all of my art supplies for almost an entire year. When I finally got them back, something had changed. I tried getting back into art, but the spark just wasn’t there anymore. To this day, people ask me what happened because they remember how much I loved it, and honestly, I blame him for a lot of that.

Another issue was the way he treated me compared to my younger half-brother. I was expected to do most of the cleaning and housework while he sat around playing Call of Duty. When my half-brother came along, somehow everything became my responsibility. If my brother got hurt, it was my fault. If he tripped and fell, it was my fault because I “wasn’t watching him.” It didn’t matter that anyone who knows my brother knows he’s extremely hyperactive and doesn’t sit still for more than a few seconds at a time. Eventually I got tired of constantly being blamed for everything and started staying in my room. Then they complained that I stayed in my room too much and never interacted with anyone.

On top of that, I barely had access to anything that belonged to me. My phone was basically only for school. As soon as I got home, it was taken away. Birthday presents and Christmas gifts would often get taken away shortly after I got them. One thing that still bothers me is that he cracked the screen on a brand-new Nintendo Switch Lite my grandparents bought me. Over time, even my grandparents started having problems with him because of how he treated me, but somehow he blames me for that too.

The double standards drove me insane. I got punished harshly for the smallest things, while my half-brother could practically get away with anything. My brother has gotten in trouble at school for things like fighting teachers, destroying classrooms, and causing so many issues that the school has apparently been looking for ways to get rid of him. What happens when he does something? He gets a slap on the wrist. I literally overheard my mom’s husband telling him that it was okay and that he just made a mistake. Meanwhile, I felt like if I breathed wrong, it was a problem. Even my grandfather pointed out how unfair it was.

The biggest issue, though, is that he put his hands on me. It wasn’t a daily occurrence, but it happened more than once. My grandmother repeatedly told him to keep his hands off me. His response was always that I was “his son.” The thing is, I never considered him my father, and he definitely didn’t treat me like a son. He doesn’t even treat his biological son the way he treated me. The physical stuff eventually stopped because I started fighting back. I was a skinny teenager and he was a grown man who was pushing 300 pounds, but I got tired of just taking it.

What hurts almost as much as what he did is that my mother allowed it to happen. She knew what was going on. She saw what was happening. She stayed anyway. Eventually things got so bad between us that before my senior year I moved out and went to live with my grandfather. At that point, I had started resenting her too because I felt like she chose him over me over and over again.

Now here’s where the current issue comes in. Ever since my grandmother passed away, my grandfather has become obsessed with the idea of forgiveness. He keeps telling me that life is short and that I need to forgive my mother’s husband and move on. He’ll even say things like, “Do it for your grandmother.” The problem is that my grandmother couldn’t stand this man either. Losing her absolutely destroyed me because she was my person. I’m still struggling with that loss. So hearing people use her memory to pressure me into reconciling with someone she didn’t even like herself really bothers me.

I also didn’t invite him to my graduation. I didn’t want him there. It was my graduation, and I wanted people there who actually supported me. My family got upset about that. My mother ended up bringing him around anyway, which honestly felt like yet another example of her choosing him over me.

The irony is that now my mom is dealing with a lot of the things I dealt with. Since I moved out, she’s the one doing all the cooking, cleaning, and dealing with my half-brother. Their marriage is apparently awful. She’s talked multiple times about wanting a divorce because she’s tired of him, but she says she’s staying because she wants my half-brother to have both parents in the home. I’ve told her I think that’s a mistake, but that’s her decision to make.

Now both of them are pushing for reconciliation. Apparently he’s constantly complaining about why I don’t love him, why I don’t talk to him, and why my mother doesn’t force me to have a relationship with him. The thing is, I’m 18 years old. Nobody can force me to do anything. I already moved out. I’ve already distanced myself from my mother before. At this point I genuinely don’t believe we’re ever going to be a family.

My grandfather says I’ll never truly move forward in life if I keep holding onto this anger. I disagree. I don’t think forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing. Maybe one day I’ll stop being angry, but I don’t think that means I owe this man a place in my life. People who weren’t the ones being treated badly don’t get to decide when I’m supposed to be over it.

So, am I the jerk for refusing to reconcile with my mother’s husband and refusing to pretend we’re a family after everything that’s happened?

TL;DR: My mother’s husband spent years treating me badly, taking away my belongings, punishing me harshly, blaming me for everything involving my younger brother, and putting his hands on me. My mother allowed it to happen, and eventually I moved out to live with my grandfather. Now my family keeps pressuring me to forgive him and become a family again, but I want absolutely nothing to do with him. Am I the jerk?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/Y7yF7WCDAS

Final Update

Well, the graduation party happened, and honestly, it went pretty much how I expected.

The good news is that not nearly as many people showed up as I thought would, which made it easier to tolerate. I spent most of the party in my room with my cousins and my best friend, and that ended up being the best part of the day.

The food was shrimp Alfredo, garlic bread, and a fruit and vegetable salad. I mostly ate the Alfredo and garlic bread.

As for gifts, I received two cards. One had a $50 gift card, another had $25 cash, and someone else gave me $20. Two other people asked for my Cash App but haven’t sent anything.

What frustrated me was that a lot of the people who showed up either barely know me or didn’t really interact with me at all. Some didn’t even tell me congratulations. A few people didn’t seem to know who I was beyond the fact that they were invited to a graduation party.

Another thing that bothered me was that a lot of people came empty-handed but left with multiple plates of food. By the next day, there was barely anything left in the refrigerator. I ended up having to spend some of the money I received because there wasn’t much food available for me to eat.

The day after the party, I had to go to my best friend’s graduation celebration. I spent $12 on the entry fee, $20 on gas, and around $10 on breakfast because there wasn’t much food left at home. So most of the cash I received was gone almost immediately.

After my mom left that evening because she was in the middle of moving, my grandfather’s girlfriend showed up and spent the night. The next morning, while I was getting ready to leave, I saw her sitting in the garage eating food, and she never even said congratulations to me. That honestly rubbed me the wrong way considering the entire reason everyone had gathered was supposedly to celebrate my graduation.

My grandfather also got very drunk during the party, which was something I had been worried about from the beginning and one of the reasons I never wanted a graduation party in the first place.

A lot of people told me beforehand that I’d appreciate the party afterward or that I’d realize it was about celebrating me. Honestly, I still don’t feel that way. The parts I enjoyed were spending time with my cousins and my best friend. Everything else mostly felt like people showing up to eat, drink, socialize, and leave.

I do appreciate the people who actually showed up for me and spent time with me. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this, it’s that I was right about what kind of celebration I would have preferred. A small dinner or trip with people I genuinely care about would have meant a lot more to me than a large party.

TL;DR: The graduation party was more manageable than expected because fewer people attended, and the best part was spending time with my cousins and best friend. However, many guests barely interacted with me, some didn't even congratulate me, and the event mostly felt like a gathering for food and socializing rather than celebrating my graduation. In the end, it reinforced my belief that I would have preferred a small, meaningful celebration with people close to me.

I’m 18M and my best friend is 18F. We literally just graduated high school less than a week ago.

There’s this guy I’ve known since middle school who made my life hell. Him and his friends constantly messed with me in middle school to the point where I genuinely hated going to school every day. It seriously affected my mental health back then. Two of those guys also went to our high school, including the one this story is about.

Even in high school, this guy still kept bothering me. It wasn’t always as extreme as middle school, but he’d still come up to me at lunch and mess with me, and I got so tired of it that I’d literally pretend I didn’t know him or even deny going to the same middle school.

Today my best friend texted me freaking out because this guy messaged her. I jokingly told her to tell him “me and my best friend don’t like you, get off my phone,” but I wasn’t really joking.

Instead, she started calling him a “hear me out.” She knows how badly this guy treated me. When I reminded her, she basically said “that was a long time ago” and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. But to me it is a big deal, because she wasn’t the one dealing with it for years.

I told her I was hurt that she’d even entertain him knowing all the history. Part of what bothers me is that if they actually end up talking or dating, then eventually I’m going to have to be around someone who made my life miserable.

I’m not trying to control who she dates, but I honestly feel weird and hurt by the whole thing.

Am I being unreasonable here?

TL;DR: My best friend started entertaining a guy who bullied me throughout middle school and high school and seriously messed with my mental health. She knows how badly he treated me, but brushed it off as “a long time ago.” I’m hurt because if they end up together, I’ll probably have to be around someone who made my life miserable.

I (18M) accepted money from my best friend’s dad to go to her banquet, and now my mom is furious with me. Am I wrong?

I’ve been best friends with this girl (18F) for about three years now, and she’s honestly the closest friend I’ve ever had. I love her and her family a lot, and they’ve always treated me really well.

A few weeks ago, she invited me to her band banquet. I went last year and had fun, so I said yes. Later on, though, we found out that non-band members had to pay $20 to attend.

The issue is that I don’t have a job right now. My mom isn’t currently working because of carpal tunnel issues, and while she does Uber sometimes to make money, she gets angry basically any time I ask her for money, even small amounts. I’m talking getting irritated over $5. So I avoid asking her for anything if I can help it.

Usually if I need something, I ask my grandfather because he’s less hostile about it, but I already feel bad asking him for stuff. My mom has even gotten upset with me before for asking him for money because “I have parents,” referring to her and her husband. I don’t ask her husband for anything because I honestly can’t stand him, and I feel like anything he gives me comes with strings attached.

So when the banquet came around, I just decided I wasn’t going because I didn’t have the money.

Today, right before the banquet, my best friend texted me asking if I was still coming. I reminded her that I couldn’t afford it. She then told me her dad said he would pay for it if we had just asked.

For context: her dad is genuinely one of the kindest people I know. He’s always been good to me, and I really do think he cares about me because his daughter does. This also isn’t the first time he’s helped me out with something, and I’ve always tried to pay him back whenever possible.

I asked her MULTIPLE times if he was really okay with it because I didn’t want to be a burden. She kept reassuring me that he genuinely didn’t mind and wanted me there. She told me to stop by her house, grab the money from her room, and head to the school.

I was honestly really grateful.

I screenshotted the messages and sent them to my mom saying something like, “This is why I love Mr. [Dad’s Name],” because I thought it was really nice of him.

Instead, my mom called me angry and started going off about how I should’ve asked her instead because now it “looks like” she can’t provide for me or that we’re broke. I reminded her that I DIDN’T ask him for the money. I never expected him to offer. He offered because he wanted to.

She hung up on me and later sent me $20 telling me to pay him back. The issue is he doesn’t use Cash App, Zelle, etc., so I’d probably have to send it through my best friend.

Now she’s giving me the silent treatment.

From my perspective, I don’t understand why she’s mad when she didn’t even have to pay for it. Also, I avoided asking her in the first place because historically she gets angry whenever I ask for money.

I also think part of this may come from her anxiety. She has really bad social anxiety and constantly worries that everyone is judging or talking about her. She’s even yelled at me before because my shirt was wrinkled and she thought people would judge us. So I honestly think she interpreted my best friend’s dad helping me as him seeing me as some kind of charity case, even though I genuinely don’t think that’s how he sees it at all.

Still, maybe I’m missing something because I’m not a parent.

So… was I wrong for accepting the money?

TL;DR: My best friend invited me to her band banquet, but I couldn’t afford the $20 ticket and didn’t want to ask my mom because she gets angry whenever I ask for money. My best friend’s dad kindly offered to pay for me to go, but when my mom found out, she got furious and said I made her look bad for accepting help instead of asking her. Now she’s giving me the silent treatment, and I’m wondering if I was wrong for accepting the money.

I (18M) am about to graduate high school, and one of my friends (18F) is in a relationship with a 20-year-old guy that honestly scares me.
From the beginning, this dude has been bad news. His social media is full of him smoking, wearing ski masks, flashing guns, and acting reckless. They argue constantly ,like multiple times a week, and every time they fight, she comes to me to vent about it.

At first, I tried to help. When she told me he was threatening to slap her during arguments, I told her straight up to leave him because aggression always escalates. I grew up around domestic violence, and I’ve also been in an abusive relationship myself, so I know the warning signs. Once somebody starts threatening you, punching walls, throwing things, etc., it only gets worse.

She admitted they’ve physically fought before, and I kept telling her she needed to get out before something serious happened. But my mom told me to stop getting involved because if my friend wasn’t actually going to leave him, she’d probably tell him I was encouraging her to leave, and then that could put me in danger too.

A while back, I got so frustrated that I told her not to call me when he ends up seriously hurting her because I was tired of hearing the same thing over and over while she stayed with him. Harsh, I know.
Now she recently told me they fought again, and when I asked if he was threatening her, she admitted he’s now threatening to kill her if she leaves. The thing is, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared myself. This guy has guns, acts unstable, and I genuinely worry that if she disappears or leaves him, he could show up at my house thinking I know where she is.

At this point, I’ve emotionally checked out because I feel like I already did everything I could do. I warned her from the start. I tried to support her. Nothing changed.

Now she’s calling me heartless because I’m distancing myself from the situation, but I genuinely feel unsafe being involved at all.
Am I wrong for washing my hands of this situation?

TL;DR: My 18F friend is dating a violent 20-year-old who constantly threatens and fights with her. I warned her from the beginning to leave, especially after he threatened to hit her, but she stayed. Now he’s threatening to kill her if she leaves, and I’m distancing myself because I genuinely fear for my own safety too. She says I’m heartless for “giving up” on her.

AITA for not wanting my aunt at my graduation party after she flaked on my graduation ceremony?
I (18M) graduate in six days. About a week ago, my mom asked me to invite my aunt to my graduation because my grandmother (her sister) passed away, and my mom said it’s something my grandma would’ve wanted.

The thing is, me and this aunt aren’t particularly close. But I extended the olive branch anyway and invited her. Instead of giving me a straight answer, she kept saying vague stuff like “we’ll see.”

Today, I finally texted her because I needed to know for ticket counts and parking. She basically told me she “probably” can’t make it because she’s been feeling dizzy, but then followed it up by saying maybe she could still come later if I’m doing something afterward.

That immediately irritated me because:
My cousin told me she wasn’t even at home today, so now I’m sitting here thinking, “You’re too dizzy for my graduation, but not too dizzy to go out?”

If you can maybe come to the graduation party afterward, then why can’t you come to the actual graduation ceremony?

What makes it worse is that I didn’t even WANT a graduation party in the first place. My grandfather guilt-tripped me into having one because he wanted the family together. Now I’m frustrated because this aunt has a history of showing up to family events mainly for food, not contributing anything, and leaving with a bunch of plates.

At this point, I told my grandfather not to invite her to the party anymore, and he got annoyed about it.
So AITA for not wanting her invited anymore after she basically flaked on the actual graduation?

I (18 M) am graduating next week from high school. I’m honesty so ready to graduate and am pretty excited. I would like to preface this by saying I hate gatherings and large events, especially when they’re dedicated to me and my grandfather (62 M) knows this along with my mother (39 F).

A week ago, my grandfather asked me if I wanted to have a graduation party. I of course said no. He got an attitude and asked why. I told him the following:

1. Our family is fake. They’ve never really showed up for me or treated me like someone they truly cared about. I have a feeling that this is because of my mother because they treated her and still treat her this way. They only really come around when there’s free food and drinks. Honestly I don’t see myself talking to any of them when I leave this summer for college.

2. I don’t like parties, especially when they’re dedicated to me. Pretty self explanatory.

3. I don’t like a good majority of the people I know he plans of inviting. He is going to invite everyone he knows and I don’t like a lot of them. 3 in particular I can think about is his girlfriend (my mom doesn’t like her either, and said she would talk to him about not bringing him (let me know if yall want more info on that)), his friend/cousin/ whatever she is (I don’t like her because she is in my face constant and never leaves me alone despite I only met her a few months ago), and my mothers husband. To add insult to injury my grandma who only died a year ago won’t be there.

4. I don’t want to make a big deal of everything with me graduating (pretty self explanatory)

I told him only the first 2 reasons and he got an attitude. I thought nothing of it and was talking to my mom about it the next day and she told me he already told her. He was telling her that his feelings were hurt and that he was upset because I won’t let him celebrate me. He brought up that I wouldn’t let get him a yard sign or let him throw me a prom send off. My mom reminded him that he can’t be mad because he knew I was like this. But he told her he just really badly wanted to throw me a graduation party because he really wants to celebrate me because I’m his first grandchild and he might not live to see my half brother (5 M) graduate. Because of that my mom said she would talk to me.

She told me about what he said and I reluctantly agreed but I made it known I was not happy about it. I’m writing this because as it gets closer he’s noticed how unhappy I am about it and has not told half the family about how ungrateful I am. I’ve gotten phone calls from a lot of family members saying I’m selfish and ungrateful because there are so many people who aren’t thrown one and I’m taking it for granted, but my mom is mostly on my side and told me from the start that it’s my decision.

I’m a bit torn about it though so am I the asshole?

I don’t really have anyone to vent to about this, so I’m putting it here.

I’m honestly feeling a mix of emotions right now, but the biggest one is relief. My mom is finally talking about divorcing her husband. It hasn’t officially started yet, but we had a conversation yesterday that confirmed a lot of things I’ve suspected for years.

First, it was confirmed that she only married him because she got pregnant with my half-brother. She didn’t actually want to marry him. That alone explains a lot, and if I’m being real, I’ve carried some resentment because of that situation. I’ve never been able to stand him, and now it makes more sense why things have always felt off.

My grandparents even told her back then not to marry someone just because of a pregnancy and that she should only do it if she truly wanted to. She didn’t listen, and now here we are.

Another thing she admitted is that the only reason she stayed this long was to give my half-brother a chance to grow up with both parents, since I didn’t really have that. But the reality is… she’s basically been a married single mom this whole time. I’ve told her before that if you’re already doing everything alone, what’s the point of staying?

I also found out something that really bothered me. She was planning to wait until my brother was much older (like 12–14) before divorcing him. I told her that’s actually worse. If she leaves now while he’s still young, it’ll probably affect him less than if his whole world gets flipped upside down later when he fully understands everything.

The biggest thing I didn’t expect, though, is why she’s felt stuck. Apparently, he’s been emotionally blackmailing her by telling her that if she leaves, he’ll have nobody. His family doesn’t deal with him, he has barely any friends, and he basically puts all of that on her.

And honestly… that’s not her responsibility.

From what I’ve seen, he has a pattern of blaming everyone else for his problems. His family doesn’t like him, and he blames my mom. He faces consequences, and it’s always someone else’s fault. He does the same thing even when it comes to parenting. At some point, you’d think someone would reflect and ask, “Am I the problem?”, but he never does.

Now it’s turned into emotional pressure on my mom to stay, and that’s what really gets me.

I’ve told her she shouldn’t feel responsible for his loneliness and that she deserves to leave if she’s unhappy. But at the same time, I can tell it’s not that simple for her.

I just want her to be free from this situation, and honestly, I’m tired of dealing with him too.

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest.