u/Galteem0re

So im a cis guy, but some recent events brought me to a realisation and idk what to do. I think I may be genderfluid.

Ive realised a few things, such as the idea of being able to switch my biological sex at will sounds like heaven, a lot of my ocs tend to want to be the other gender, look like the other gender, or can switch biological sex at will, etc etc.

This has all been really confusing me and im not sure what to do abt it. For context im bisexual. The other day my gf messaged me and essentially was complimenting me but the msg was autocorrected and she called me her wife. For context she's bi too. And tbh I didnt rlly hate it. Like I like being a guy but sometimes I wish I could be a girl. This whole thing kinda started and spiralled from looking into it more thru characters and songs, mainly Ranma from Ranma ½.

Im srry if im being confusing or like am just plain wrong with what im describing. This has all just been very confusing and idk how to feel abt it.

One of my friends groups is mostly female and a convo they have semi often is that they think it'd be fun being guys. Ive expressed how I thought the opposite before, but those convos always upset me more than they should have and I think its because ill never get to be a girl.

When I was 13 I was cutting myself, and when I was 15 I attempted. Since then my life has gotten better and I am happy but I realised something. When I was 12 or 13 I got really interested in things like martial arts, and I discovered something called Wolfe's law. Because of this, I would often find myself bashing my shins with a hurley (a stick from a national sport in my country). This has happened over many years and admittedly ive never even participated in a martial art. I was thinking abt my self harming earlier and realised I was simultaneously hitting my shins over and over again with an old wooden brush handle. I woulsnt necessarily wallop my shins, I would just hit them hard enough to sting over and over again. To the point where often any pressure on them would cause the stinging to come back a lot.

Have I been self harming this whole time without realising it?

When I self harmed when I was 13 it only lasted a week when my parents found out. Im scared.

I was looking into minor labels on the asexuality spectrum and found this, and it srsly applies to me. The other day I found Aceflux and thought it was that, but this fits better. Im hyersexual and think abt it often, but the thing is its never me. Its always two different people or characters and im just a spectator ig. Im not sure if thats the right way to put it but yeah. Or if its from my pov I dont imagine me as myself. Im always a different person. This has been stressing me out cause I think both me and my gf are hypersexual, but she wants to do a lot more than do. So far we've just been making out but today she mentioned sitting on my lap and I got very anxious abt it cause idrk how I feel abt that. I said it to her at the time and she seemed OK with it but im afraid of upsetting her too. We have >!sexted!< before and quite a bit. Weve talked abt much more intimate stuff during that but just the thought of actuslly putting smth a lot more time into practice had me really panicking. Idrk what to do and I think I could be aegosexual.