u/Ghost-0_0

About me:

20F

I love art, it's my passion. I like crocheting, junk journalling (basically making collages out of rubbish), doing anything crafty really and reading. I'm wanting to learn how to skateboard and code.

I'm drawn to animated shows and fantasy, but I'll watch something if it's highly recommended.

The only game I play is roblox so if anyone also does I would be happy to play with you.

I have leftist ideals, I'm feminist, care about the environment, bi. Also just hella depressed.

I'm from the UK so I thought I'd have an easier time making ex-muslim friends or even generally non- religious friends.

I feel like people that didn't grow up with Islam don't understand how oppressive and controlling in can be and you come across wrong just for describing your life experience. Unless they grew up under a similarly controlling environment. So I would prefer making ex-muslim friends but where are they??

I accidentally hit the jackpot in year 7 ( at 11 years old) and became friends with another ex-muslim. We both independently strayed from religion, formed leftist views and were both gay and miraculously found each other. And it's never happened again.

I didn't realise how lucky I was, now that I'm 20 and I'm struggling to find anyone even atheist.

It's been multiple times now with different advisors where they sign me up for things I have no experience for and where it is required.

One time one tried to tell me I could work as 111 call responder. I said "oh I thought I'd need experience for that" and she said "noo you don't". I look later it's essential to have 2 years call centre experience.

Another tried to sign me up for another job and said you don't need experience. Very clearly on his screen it said the applicant must have experience. And I'm not bothered to list more.

Why do they do this?? This would only result in failure on my end?? Do they expect me to lie my way into a job? I know that's normal but I can't do it.

I've been on both therapy subreddits and this place. On therapy subreddits, I'm made out to be the problem when I share how therapy has not been helping at all and made me feel worse. There is just an assumption that the therapist is amazing at thier job and I'm not trying hard enough.

But here there is alot of black and white thinking (not from everyone). It's like therapists are evil incarnate who are too mentally ill but simultaneously too privileged to understand struggle. And therapy helps no one, they only want your money, they want you to be sick etc. Therapists are a diverse group of people like any group of people. There are shitheads and caring people both carrying the same label of therapist.

I think there needs to be an improvement in the how therapy works. There needs to be more regulation and accountability. You shouldn't have to see countless therapists to find one to help you or just go for the sake of it.

I think completely denying it's helpful in anyway is a bit silly. Im glad it's helped people. I'm glad it exists and is generally accepted, now we can focus on making it better. Maybe I'm being too optimistic. I don't want to dismiss people who it's been helpful for the same way people here have been dismissed for thier bad experiences.

There is also lot of pro ai stuff in here which is just not for me either. Lowkey typing this all has helped me organise my thoughts on therapy.

tldr: this place can be excessively hateful and pro therapy spaces are dismissive and obnoxious. And I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

I keep asking how do I deal with anxiety when the things I am anxious about are real? Not this specifically but this idea.

I can't comfort myself and say my problem isn't real and that my actions won't have consequences so how do I deal with it?? The problems being poor social skills affecting my ability to get a job, make friends and just perform simple tasks (like ordering food). My anxiety either makes my social skills worse leading to more anxiety for future interactions or makes me avoid talking to people altogether.

When I try to ask my counsellor this, he changes the topic without answering?

I've started counselling as anxiety makes getting a job really difficult and I want to work on it. I haven't let either know I'm struggling with mental health problems, I did let the job centre know when I first applied for UC but it wasn't really taken seriously. I also don't feel comfortable sharing this problem in the open floor plan office at Restart.

It will interfere with Restart as I won't be free one day of the week for 1 hr, which doesn't sound so bad but I've already had to miss out on a workshop and have another coming up clashing with a future appointment. I will let my Restart advisor know in my next appointment, but I was just wondering if they would have a problem with it?

I've only been to two sessions.

I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. I say something and all I get is 👁👁 with blue eyes. Sometimes he adds something to say but it's completely forgettable.

I can't find another therapist as this is the only option I can afford. I go to a centre with different affordability pathways. For the cheapest one, you don't choose who your counsellor is and you must be flexible and they may be in training. I'm grateful there was an option I could afford but now I feel like I'm paying to waste my own time.

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding what therapy is. This is my last option for trying to improve my mental health. I did make it clear that I need more that just a talking space because I've done plenty of talking and it's gotten me nowhere and I need something more actionable. And he said OK.

My original plan was to do 6 sessions at least before giving up. But its feel like an awkward useless burden I've put on myself to go to these sessions.

Should I get a brand new set of 60 polychromos for £90 or a used set of 120 polychromos pencils for £104?

In the second-hand set everything looks mostly unused but the whites and browns have been used alot.

Edit: I got the second-hand ones ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ). Excited to use them.

I have work shifts and appointments clashing with a course date I previously signed up to so I said I was no longer available.

My advisor said I'm choosing a couple of shifts over permanent full-time employment because the course may lead to a job. She said there is a guaranteed interview and most people get the job.

But I don't trust her because she has lied before and I've done courses that promise employment by the end but nothing has happened.

I'm very gullible so I'm thinking maybe she is right and I should cancel all my shifts and appointments. She makes me feel like I'm choosing the wrong choice all the time.