u/Great_Loquat2950

Today I literally cried at work whilst helping students. I had a long day. First I realised I’d left my laptop home whilst travelling so had to go back and collect it (my manager was understanding and I made up my time). Then his manager was offering one of her other reports a matcha and also brought a small gift for another colleague as she was having a difficult time. I was wearing headphones so I understand she probably didn’t want to bother me and I don’t need her to buy me a drink but I felt excluded ( I’ve had other instances where I felt overlooked by her). And then I had a busy student facing shift and literally cried whilst helping. Luckily no one noticed it, and I carried on.

Also I’m adhd and she’s aware I can be hypersensitive to rejection. I’m also new, person of colour, and an immigrant. I absolutely love the job but how do I not let this affect me and just focus on work? I know my colleagues are not friends but instances like these can get to me. How do I believe in the positive qualities I bring? Is it worth bringing it up to my manager? Thank you!

Would love your thoughts and advice. So I work an office/uni admin job and am only 4 months in and relatively new. I’ve gotten so comfy in my team and have lovely working relationships with everyone. I enjoy my job and the pay’s ok. Our general team culture is of banter and I like to engage in harmless, fun banter (no veering into controversial/discriminatory topics). I like to keep the mood lighthearted and fun for everyone.

So, e.g., if my colleague tells me “I’ve got lots of grey hair” I’d be like “yeah my manager’s stressing me out” (again harmless, laughable, and we can all move on). I also try and read the room before bantering (e.g., do it more on a Friday afternoon rather than in between an important meeting) and gauge colleagues’ comfort also (e.g., neurodivergence, personalities, etc.). My team also engages in dark and sexual comedy but that’s where I draw the line.

Ok, so lately I’ve been bantering a lot with my manager and vice versa. He tends to make lots of dark and sexual jokes (not directed at anyone and as above I don’t participate in it). He’s 42 and I’m 27. I’m conventionally attractive and also look young for my age. E.g., this week I’ve been quite “mean” towards him (in a funny way). Now he’s been mean back and gotten so comfy around me. So this Friday I was using a table fan so my hair’s been flying a lot. So he said I should be in a shampoo ad and should consider advertising. Then when we finished, he said “have a nice weekend, don’t do anything naughty”. Have I given him the wrong signal? Was he meaning it sexually? I feel somewhat responsible. I like his personality and he’s funny and respect him as a manager, but WOULD never cross that line and he has a partner too.

Thanks for reading this!

Hello all, i just wanted to check who undertakes light repairs if you’re a lodger? The lights in the hallway, kitchen, living room, and my bedroom in the house aren’t working at the moment. Thank you!

Hi all, I’ve posted here twice now and you’ve all given me some helpful advice, and the washing machine rule is indeed bizarre and quite inconvenient. And I’m finding a way around it. Before commenting on this, I kindly ask you all to read my previous post for more context, things will make more sense. Thanks.

The landlord and myself both washed our clothes today given the weather – theirs first, followed by mine, a few hours later. They said they’ll take theirs off the airer once my cycle’s complete and they were napping that time. I was happy to wait and I patiently waited for a few minutes before hanging mine. In the meantime, I put my washing in a basket so at least the machine’s free and I can then dry mine. The landlady ended up drying mine too, again without asking me first and now I feel very uncomfortable (especially coupled with my previous concerns; see previous post for context). I did say I appreciated her favour and communicated the boundary but she’s not talking to me. I’m just not comfortable with my stuff being touched. She had also taken my milk and informed me after.

I want to be clear we used to be friends and we had that kind of a relationship, but things have changed now, and I’m keeping distance.

Any advice please? It’s becoming quite exhausting now. Thanks!

Hi all, thanks for commenting on my post yesterday regarding lodgers’ standards of behaviours; it’s indeed really positive that I’m doing well. I’m not at all perfect and there have definitely been times where I’ve fallen behind (e.g., with cleanliness due to neurodivergent burnout, etc.), but I strive towards those behaviours as best I can. They are good hosts and they kindly offered me a place at a difficult time. However I’m writing again as I’m struggling with some of their rules.

They use the Hisense washing machine and can operate it via the app. So, every time I’d have to ask them to have the cycle started, which can be annoying and sometimes time-consuming, especially if they’re unreachable. I’m not able to manually switch it on myself, even if I’m right next to it (of course I’m mindful of the energy and water use and I hope to use no more than two cycles every week). Another thing is they’re very particular about what goes inside (of course I don’t put in blocks of wood or random stuff), e.g., they want me to separate “light” and “heavy” clothes (jeans, jumpers, etc.). It’s quite difficult because when you wear clothes you don’t decide ‘ok today I’m going with two lights’ etc. and bags are not allowed in. And during summer they want me to hang the clothes outside in their garden, which is fair enough, and I’m more than happy to do it. However, I live in Manchester and the weather can be really unpredictable sometimes, so there’s very limited flexibility to use a dryer during a rainy week or sometimes they’d ask me what the forecast is and allow a cycle accordingly. Have you come across this before? Also, anyone who’s using Hisense here, if I were to use it manually will the cycle still be recorded on the app? Am I ok to wash when they’re away?

I’ve tried talking about this rule and they haven’t really given a proper explanation around this.

They’re very house-proud as it’s a beautiful house and so understandably their standards for cleanliness and maintenance are high. I maintain it as best I can but I’m only human and work a 9-5 and am neurodivergent too. Now last week they entered my room whilst at work and noticed it wasn’t as clean and moved my belongings and tidied everything. I know they’re legally able to enter but all I’m asking for is a little bit of a heads up before entering. That led to a bit of a back and forth and gave me a huge headache (eventually they did agree but they ended up taking it very personally and it became more about my ‘offensive tone’ rather than their lack of respect for my privacy in the first place).

They were initially welcoming and did a lot for my birthday too and have cooked me food, and I’ll always be thankful for it, but given the above I really don’t want these favours. Would really love your thoughts on this, especially if my feelings around these are fair. Thank you.

Hi all, I’m a lodger, sharing my house with a married homeowner in England. This is the first time I’ve lived in this kind of an arrangement. Obviously, I’m mindful that I’m using someone else’s space and want to know if I could possibly be doing more/if the below are already fair and reasonable. Thank you!
• I deep clean our shared toilet and bathroom every fortnightly.
• I make sure my bedroom is reasonably clean (E.g., making my bed, vacuumed, tidying up, smelling nice, etc.)
• Contributing to shared consumables, e.g., toilet paper, kitchen towels, bin bags, dish soap, etc.
• Taking turns removing the bins out
• Cleaning the surfaces and sink after use
• I don’t bring any guests (I prefer to meet them outside). I’m not a party person either.
• Washing dishes promptly (if not immediately then atleast by next day morning at the earliest)
• Paying rent on time and communicating any issues early on
• If I cook something nice, I leave a small portion for them and vice versa

Hi all, I had my birthday this week and my colleagues were kind enough to wish me and my manager kindly organised a birthday card. I did take the birthday off from work. This is the only birthday I've actually enjoyed celebrating and I didn't get too emotional, so it's meaningful to me in a way and therefore I decided to keep the leftover cake to myself and not bring it to the office. Yes, in the past I did eat colleagues' cake but I wouldn't mind not eating going forward, especially if I wasn't to bring my own. I also like to separate my work from my personal life that way (yes I know colleagues were kind enough to wish me but I'm not doing/expecting anything beyond that). What are your thoughts on this? My manager very jokingly asked about the cake, I said it's all gone now (a white lie). Thanks!

(Spoiler warning)

I’m currently rewatching OTH and it’s one of my absolute favourite shows. I used to watch as a teenager myself and have a different understanding/view of characters now watching as an adult. They really nailed it with the discovery of Dan being the murderer and loved his perfect, nuanced portrayal of guilt and regret. I love how Lucas was always being cautious around Dan. Abby is such a great actor; it’s a shame (but very understandable!) that she couldn’t stick around and poor Lucas was made to feel crazy throughout. All of them involved in this acted so well throughout. Lucas wanting to know the real truth, but feeling helpless; Karen wanting to move on and trust Dan, but also wanting to hear out Lucas; and Abby being traumatised but wanting to tell the truth. Only issue I had with it all was they rushed the whole discovery scenes (i.e., Eps 21-22); it’s more implied/understood that everyone would eventually find out about Dan. I’d have liked some more episodes in between where Karen (seeing Lucas so helpless) takes some initiative/lead in finding out about Dan and sort of playing around with it; she’s Keith partner after all. I loved Nathan’s acting in this too. I really rooted for Dan and Dan genuinely made an effort to be a better person. Yes, he’s a murderer but a part of me didn’t want anyone to find out and for Dan to change and be a better person going forward – but the show must go on!

I’m just curious is it common/typical for a hiring manager to come to your workplace (this is for an internal role/transfer) and surprise you with an offer? Has it occurred to anyone before? I did accept the offer verbally, but it was quite a surprise and didn’t know what to say in that instant 😅

Hiya, so would love to hear your thoughts on this. So, my last day in my current role will be next week and the general culture is for colleagues to host a ‘leaving do’ where they all basically meet up for drinks/food after work. While I absolutely enjoy my work and appreciate my colleagues, as an introvert/ambivert and being neurodivergent, I’m finding it truly daunting and am constantly putting it off. The idea of having to see them again after work, especially being in a student-facing role, is genuinely tiring and I’m starting my new role the very next week after. Obviously, this wouldn’t necessarily burn bridges as I’m sure people will understand. Was wondering if I’m okay to instead bake off some ‘thank you muffins’ for my last day? I believe this will still show my care and thankfulness for my team, while allowing me to enjoy my well-deserved rest and human-free time. Thanks!

Is there any way to know on the Connect app if you’ve washed something manually without the app? Does the Connect app have a log/history of washing cycles even if you don’t use the app to wash? Thanks.