u/Guilty_Annual_3449

Today, I went on a solo date to a popular restaurant in Harare. I genuinely had no idea it was predominantly frequented by white people, so I walked in expecting nothing more than a meal and some time to myself.
Almost immediately, though, I started noticing the way people were looking at me. It wasn’t just one curious glance… the atmosphere felt tense and uncomfortable enough that I became very conscious of the fact that I was the only Black (besides the waiters) and seemingly out of place in a space in my own country. At one point, someone actually approached me and essentially asked whether I felt like I was in the “right place.” That interaction really stayed with me. Because I kept thinking… what exactly makes a place in Zimbabwe “the right place” for a Black Zimbabwean? I am not saying every white person in our country is racist, nor am I interested in turning this into a racial blame game. But I also think we need to be honest about the ways exclusion can show up without anyone explicitly saying, “You’re not allowed here.” And I find that particularly troubling in a country where Black Zimbabweans are the overwhelming majority.
I also don’t want to be told where I can and cannot go simply because a certain space has historically been associated with a particular racial or socioeconomic group. If a restaurant or club is open to the public, why should I feel like I need permission to exist there? I’m curious whether other Black Zimbabweans have experienced something similar, especially in traditionally white spaces. Was it racism, classism, social unfamiliarity, or simply a misunderstanding? I’d genuinely like to hear other perspectives, because I think these conversations are uncomfortable… but necessary.

I was in a relationship with a guy a short while back. Nothing complicated, we understood each other very well. I almost thought I had met my soulmate. We had our romance and our “fun”.😂 The last time we met… Everything happened, and afterwards we were just talking when he casually told me… “You f*cked me like I was your husband.” I laughed because I genuinely thought he was joking, but then I started thinking about it and realised… WHAT DOES THAT ACTUALLY MEAN? 😭 Like, sir, what exactly is the difference between “having relations with someone like they’re your husband” and… whatever the opposite of that is? Is he saying I was too passionate? Too comfortable? Too affectionate? Too enthusiastic? Well he proceeded to break up with me the next day on the without reason. His departing message was yesterday was a bit too much and that was it.😂 Im still curious to what that means and why it was a warrant to break up with me. He did come back a few weeks later but by then I wasn’t feeling the back and forth anymore. Did I do something wrong?

Why do some male inDrive drivers have the most unprecedented opinions? And somehow, they’re always the dumbest opinions imaginable. Tell me why you’re asking where I get the money to afford my rent because “someone like me” shouldn’t live here. Or asking when I’m getting married because after 26 “no one will want me.” Sir, I ordered a ride, not a life consultation. And apparently every ride is also an opportunity for unsolicited commentary: “You look older than your age.” “Why do you stay in this area?” “I only pay $60 for my room.” “You’re too educated for a woman to be unmarried.” “You’re too beautiful to be alone.” “You’re too big/small/dark/light.” “You should have children now.” “You look like someone who has a lot of men.” “You seem like you don’t like men.” “Are you difficult in relationships?” “Why are you dressed like that?” “Do you stay alone?” “You look like you need a husband.” One even had the guts to tell me that women/girls who get r*ped enjoy it and quote “Hautadzi kut*nda kana ichinaka” Maybe I’m being dramatic, but the sheer frequency of these interactions has me wondering… why do some men interpret a woman being in their car as an invitation to have opinions about her entire existence? And women, what is the wildest thing a driver has ever confidently told you?

I feel like I’m the problem. I always mess things up for people. Ive had BPD and CPTSD for most of my life. I have taken the meds but they make me feel like I’m going insane. I sometimes genuinely dont want to wake up in the morning. It is so painful and the depression is suffocating me. I dont know why I’m even typing this cause I feel like I’m looking for attention. It’s so hard getting out of bed but I have work. How are you guys coping? Im too scared to end it on my own cause its failed twice already and I dont want to end up in psych again.

I (25F) have always struggled with trusting people and making friends because of childhood abandonment issues, so beginning of the year I made a conscious effort to be more social after my therapist encouraged me to build friendships. Around Late January, a close family friend introduced me to a new group, and they welcomed me in. I was really happy to finally have a circle. I had also just moved into a new apartment, so I became the one hosting most of the hangouts and game nights. Around late February, I started casually seeing one of the guys in the group, (28M). We agreed to keep it private and keep things casual. That lasted until June, when I found out he had asked another woman (26F) in the same friend group to be his girlfriend while I was away for work for 5 days. He never told me. Funny enough, he was the one who picked me up from the airport and we spent the night together. I only found out the next day through grape vine.
I pulled back from the group after that so as to not pose as a threat to her. When I tried to be polite to the woman he proposed to, she was extremely hostile toward me to the point of shoving me away if I got close to her man. Eventually, both of them cut me off. He said he wanted to focus on his relationship, and she said she wasn’t comfortable with me being around him. Their relationship ended about a month later, and then he came back blaming me for their problems, even though I had no direct contact with her besides trying to keep things civil.
At the same time, other things in the group got messy. One friend (26M) stole $500 in the house whilst I was away and owned up to it when I mentioned the police would be involved. Ended up removing me from all his socials and the rest of the friend group refused to tell me his whereabouts. Another (27F) used my apartment as a her base constantly (I let her house sit when I’m gone for more than a week), but never contributed to utilities or groceries, then later called me a snake and cut me off.
The worst situation was with another friend (25F) who asked me to help her find work. I connected her with an opportunity, but she ended up getting scammed by someone else in the process. Instead of going after the actual scammer, she reported me for fraud because I had introduced her to the opportunity. I was arrested while it was being investigated, and that situation deeply affected mentally. She agreed to drop charges if she was awarded damages of about $1500 cause she was “traumatized” and scared to meet new people. It was then discovered she had made the whole thing up but I had already paid. After all of this, I cut the entire group off. I also filed a civil claim against the friend who falsely implicated me because of the emotional and reputational damage.

Now the whole group says I’m the problem and that I’m trying to ruin people’s lives and relationships. I genuinely don’t know whether I overreacted or whether I was being used and blamed for everything.

AITA?

(EDITED)

I think I've finally realized we've unintentionally formalized cheating. We've got touchlines in InDrive, marathons, run club, gym, work (zimworx allegedly), networking event... at this point every social space apparently comes with an unofficial dating department. The funny part is that many of the same people participating in this ecosystem will also passionately defend monogamy. Which makes me wonder… if exclusivity is so important to you, why not simply have an open relationship? The usual answer is that it's morally frowned upon. But isn't it stranger to publicly uphold one moral standard while privately living by another? This isn't even about judging people for wanting multiple partners. Humans have always had complicated relationships with exclusivity. It's the contradiction that fascinates me. We seem less
concerned with honesty than with appearances.
And the irony is that secrecy can expose unsuspecting partners to emotional harm and STIs they never consented to the risk of. Every time someone says, "Men are naturally polygamous," I can't help but think that's a completely different conversation. Being capable of desiring multiple people isn't the same thing as agreeing to exclusivity and then quietly outsourcing the contract.

Maybe the real taboo isn't non-monogamy. Maybe it's transparency.

Want to deal with the “Jonasi” of friend groups😂
A pity I dont have access to goons nor am I interested in dabbling in witchcraft…😂😂😂😂

I was having a discussion with a friend a few hours back and he mentioned how we as Zimbabweans have way too comfortable calling survival “resilience.”
Power cuts? Water shortages? Terrible roads? No jobs?
At what point do we stop calling it resilience and admit we’ve been conditioned to accept things that people elsewhere would consider a national crisis?
The craziest part is how people attack anyone who complains. It’s always “Ngwavha semunhu Mukuru.”
“That’s Zimbabwe for you.” Or “As long as ukufema”

Have we genuinely become resilient, or have our standards just dropped so low that we’ve mistaken coping for progress?

I think we’ve reached a point where “mental illness” has become the favorite excuse for a lack of emotional maturity.
Someone can’t communicate? Anxiety.
Someone manipulates everyone around them? Trauma.
Someone refuses accountability? They’re probably struggling.
Someone explodes every time they’re criticized? “Be kind, you don’t know what they’re going through.”

Or

“My (Condition) makes me do this so I can’t help it”🚮

At what point do we acknowledge that some people are just emotionally immature?
And before anyone starts, yes, mental illness is real. Yes, it can absolutely affect behavior. But having depression, anxiety, BPD, ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, or any other condition doesn’t magically exempt someone from taking responsibility for how they treat other people…
What also fascinates me is the number of people walking around undiagnosed, refusing therapy, refusing self-reflection, insisting everyone else is the problem… yet they’re the loudest voices using mental health language to justify everything they do. I don’t even want to get into Weaponized Incompetency.

Where do you draw the line?
Or do you think accountability should always take a back seat when mental health is involved?

(P.S I suffer from BPD and CPTSD… It was more of an observation from my interactions with other people)

Public urination, especially when a man is facing the road in full view of everyone, should 100% count as public indecency. The double standard is ridiculous. Women get judged for breastfeeding in public, even though they are literally feeding a child and cover with a cloth, but men can just urinate anywhere without people treating it like a serious issue. Make it make sense.

Date Ideas & Restaurant Bucket List
1. Activities

Bungee Jumping
Gorge Swing
Paintball Fight
Bubble Soccer / Dissolving Balls
Silent Book Club
Go-Karting
Roller Skating
Visit the National Art Gallery
Visit an Art Exhibition
Outdoor Movie Night
Pottery Painting
Pizza Making Class
Quad Biking
Fishing
Horseback Riding
Road Trip
Skydiving
Bowling
Aerial Yoga

2. Restaurants & Cafés
Bistro 41
Salt
Moongate
Grey Café
Gava’s (Belgravia)
Chop Chop Zindoga (Waterfalls)
Waikiki (Avondale)
Beach House (Borrowdale Racecourse)
Jam Tree (Vainona)
Queen of Hearts (Highlands)
Margolis (Harare South/Chitungwiza Road)
Mug & Bean
The Bun Zimbabwe – Piers Road
The Bun Zimbabwe – Highlands
The Edge Café (Avondale)
The Grub Joint (Belgravia)
Rockafellas Harare
Cottage Bites (Fife Avenue Shopping Centre)
Hungry Panda (Avondale) – Budget: $28 for 2
Freshly Ground (Pomona)
Caffè Davidos (Second & Chinamano) – Famous for ribs – Budget: $25 for 2
RocoMamas (The Village) – Budget: $25 for 2
Fairy Café (Joina City) – Budget: $15 for 2
Food Nest (Long Cheng Plaza) – Budget: $30 for 2
Hotdog Factory (Joina City) – Budget: $12 for 2
Vali’s Bakery & Café (Kensington Shops) – Budget: $20 for 2
St Elmo’s (Avondale) – Budget: $25 for 2
Bottom Drawer (Belgravia) – Hidden Gem – Budget: $25 for 2
Cabana (Greendale) – Hidden Gem – Budget: $20 for 2
Spraytech Café (Workington) – Budget: $20
Little Mereki (Showgrounds)
The Fridge Kitchen
The Fridge
The Villa Giani (Avondale) – Restaurant & Rooms
Oaktree
Boss Café (Avondale)
Friends Café (Chisi Walk)
Yanaya (Village Walk)
Organikks Patio
Café Nush (Village Walk)
Café Veldemeers (Arundel Village)
Mottle
Coco Mia (The Village)
Bistro Veldemeers
Antonio’s (Sam Levy’s)
Market Café (Food Lovers, Borrowdale)
Pakona (Harare Gardens)
Eden’s Garden
Kelly’s Cuttings
Smokehouse
Cobblestone – Budget: $50+
Firepit
Maize & Mingle
Oscar’s Restaurant
Foodies
The Pyramid
The Backyard ZW
Oh So Bubbly
Waterberry Lane
Sepharic Bistro
Hip Hip Sip
Cozy Restaurant
Bellini
Glass House Café
Three by Joe
Tiger’s Milk
Urban’s Fork
Geo Pomona Restaurant

3. Restaurants with Experiences
Wild Is Life
Brush & Bean
Spots
Mauya (Belvedere) – Picnic Spot
Heritage (Rainbow Towers) – Activities
Jump Zim (Pomona) – Activities
Akeelah Gardens & Resort (Hillside)
Rollers (Sam Levy’s) – Activities & Lunch
Kumusha Garden & Resort (Ruwa)
Puttery Barn – Restaurant & Activities
Mt Hampden Beach – Weekend Activities & Braai Area
Cooler Box: $10
Budget: $40 for 2
Virtual Reality (Westgate Shopping Centre)
Activities Budget: $30 for 2
The Duncan’s (Milton Park) – Silent DJ Nights

4. Budget Street Food
Uncle Chicken (Corner 8th & Samora) – $20 for 2
Fairy Café (Joina City) – $15 for 2
Hotdog Factory (Joina City) – $12 for 2

I saw a video online of people beating sticks on the ground in the name of “beating Satan,” and I genuinely had to sit with that for a minute. So I am asking this with real curiosity, not disrespect: in Zimbabwe, are some churches actually helping people heal and find hope, or are they sometimes just using fear, desperation, and vulnerability to keep people emotionally hooked? Because there is a difference between faith, and performances that leave people more confused, more dependent, and somehow still stuck.

Thoughts?