u/Hairy_Horror_7646

31M, finished my phd 2months ago.
starting a post doc.
both in NL.
My PhD journey was for the most part very alone eventhough i took all the chances i had to make friends and talk to people etc
now i have to move to another city for post doc and this time after the defence has been really tough for me and felt alone and weak.

I am already concerned about after post doc, also I’m single and despite many of my fellow phds have no family.

Should i expect a hard life? any thoughts?

I noticed for me (30M) it’s getting more and more, and I can enjoy it maybe unfortunately. I lost the urge to do new things/meet new people etc.
How much is it for you?

31M live in Europe, been going to trips since 4-5 years ago when I migrated here from Iran for a research job.
Recently I feel it’s not nice to go on solo trips. I feel people would see me as a creep. Also reminds me of a guilt for being single since most of my peers at uni/work are having families and all.
Also Last time I went to Norway for 5days and the whole trip was a deadly silent experience even though I went to many places and tried not to stay at the hotel much. I went to walk in the city, hike in a mountain, eat at a nice restaurant, usually not a fan of museums.

What are your thoughts/experiences on this?

30M expat finished my PhD 2 months ago in a building/civil engineering field.

After a year of search, found two jobs a month back ago: One post-doc and one consulting.

Rejected the consulting after a long thinking process and I’ll start the post-doc from June in a different university for a 2-year contract.

Already feel I did wrong and it gives me lots of anxiety and distraction.

I live alone, had no long term partner since 6 years ago despite my desire, and really feel jealous of seeing all my peers having kids and family.

My self esteem is below zero and cannot even talk with firm voice since this job choice.

I am viewing houses and talking to advisors to get a mortgage and buy a place with my post-doc salary anyways. The housing values increase and I am scared of not investing and being in the same financial situation as now except being 2 years older.

Looking into the future I see the post-doc as an opportunity to learn Dutch, or learn data science, and this is on top of whatever they will be expecting from me.
I have zero sense of what I can do to make a better profile for industry jobs after post doc.

I don’t like academic job especially as an expat here. I have this doubt in a more general sense for living here too. I feel moving to an English speaking country might be a better choice for me.

I have lost my will to do sports with these background thoughts in my head.

Do you have any advice on how to get on top of the situation?

Are there USEFUL coaches/agents/mentors that can help me with this situation?

Should I use 100% of my time on post doc’s outputs?

30M expat finished my PhD 2 months ago in a building/civil engineering field.

After a year of search, found two jobs a month back ago: One post-doc and one consulting.

Rejected the consulting after a long thinking process and I’ll start the post-doc from June in a different university for a 2-year contract.

Already feel I did wrong and it gives me lots of anxiety and distraction.

I live alone, had no long term partner since 6 years ago despite my desire, and really feel jealous of seeing all my peers having kids and family.

My self esteem is below zero and cannot even talk with firm voice since this job choice.

I am viewing houses and talking to advisors to get a mortgage and buy a place with my post-doc salary anyways. The housing values increase and I am scared of not investing and being in the same financial situation as now except being 2 years older.

Looking into the future I see the post-doc as an opportunity to learn Dutch, or learn data science, and this is on top of whatever they will be expecting from me.
I have zero sense of what I can do to make a better profile for industry jobs after post doc.

I don’t like academic job especially as an expat here. I have this doubt in a more general sense for living here too. I feel moving to an English speaking country might be a better choice for me.

I have lost my will to do sports with these background thoughts in my head.

Do you have any advice on how to get on top of the situation?

Are there USEFUL coaches/agents/mentors that can help me with this situation?

Should I use 100% of my time on post doc’s outputs?

I need a letter of intent for mortgage. I know TU Delft gives this to its temporary employees. Does anyone have experience with TU/e?

Especially if you intended to leave academia.
please share your stories.

After lots of thought and hesitation, starting a post doc in NL, 31M as an expat in an engineering field.

The group has 2 PhDs, 1assistant prof, and 2 full profs.

I realised in the past year of search that I am really not sure if i can become a professor with all the pressure. I want to make meaningful connections to industry in the time I have at this post doc (around 2years).

One way is I think writing grants with my PI’s connections. Also was asked to make a proof of concept/ freelancing for a startup I guess that might help. are these good ways?
what are other ways?
any suggestions?

I know the Dutch language till B1 level and soon I will be a Dutch citizen so i guess going to other European countries for work will be easier?

any advice?

After lots of thought and hesitation, starting a post doc in NL, 31M as an expat in an engineering field.

The group has 2 PhDs, 1assistant prof, and 2 full profs.

I realised in the past year of search that I am really not sure if i can become a professor with all the pressure. I want to make meaningful connections to industry in the time I have at this post doc (around 2years).

One way is I think writing grants with my PI’s connections. Also was asked to make a proof of concept/ freelancing for a startup I guess that might help. are these good ways?
what are other ways?
any suggestions?

I know the Dutch language till B1 level and soon I will be a Dutch citizen so going to other places should be easier.

any advice?

30M recently posted my frog.

Had two offers one postdoc one industry. Picked the industry, each minute I go back to the decision and I feel I betrayed my supervisor, and my own excitement in the past 8 years of doing this research.

i will tell the decision to the postdoc advisor in a couple of hours
I am feel afraid to my core, I feel uncertain as hell.

30M expat single in NL defended my phd a month ago in a building-related engineering discipline.

Have to pick between 2 positions: one 2-year post doc and one consulting, and I am in a state of decision fatigue.

Most of my friends try to convince me to do industry: Better pay, less academia bullshit, real world projects, permanent contract; but also lots of repetitive tasks. I did lots of such analyses back in Masters and I know I don’t like them, the difference is that now there will be lots of calling/contact to Dutch people that I only know about B1 level to speak with them. The company is not the best, but is still respectable. My doubt is if I can move to a different country after this position cause I have doubts about NL to be my home.

Post-doc is in a new university, only for 2 years, and I can easily imagine the outputs from that position now. They can be new methods I haven’t tried so far. and potentially do something new depending on what i like cause the funding is really open.

I don’t like being a professor though. I like to teach, I like to supervise, writing grants is fine. But don’t see the point of always looking for new research ideas etc.

Also I know I don’t like repetitive tasks and don’t like feeling lonely in the Dutch market as an expat, and come home late and then same day after. I am afraid I might break from loneliness and despair. I’m 30, not sure how much time/opportunities i have left for such trials and errors in a country that does not speak my language.

Could you talk to me please?