u/Helpful_Dinner_889

I feel like being an average man in the 21st century is a literal death sentence and life is miserable. Unless you have good looks, height, money or status, it feels life as a man is meaningless and hellish. Unless you have these things, you will never truly be loved, appreciated, cared about or thought of. Wonder if you guys think the same because I believe this to be real.

I know I'm going to get dissed and ridiculed for this but I just want to share my experiences. I am 31. No real friends, never had a relationship and I literally just feel like the invisible man. I have tried my best to join clubs, meet up groups, be kind to people but its like I'm either invisible or just someone they can replace or diss. Even yesterday, someone was kind enough to private DM me, but blocked me for no apparent reason after a supportive chat. I really do not know what wrong with me, I feel like modern life isnt compatible with me and when I try to connect with people, people seem to enjoy pulling away. I am in therapy, and its not like I burden people with my issues ot come off as needy. I do wonder if the world is cosmically against me and I just feel like no waking up. Is there any advice out there? Does life get better or is it just downhill from here. I'm not sure what to do. It just feels like life is hell. I want it to end soon and naturally.

I’m looking for advice because I think I may be dealing with limerence or obsessive attachment toward a colleague.

We work in the same environment. I am [31M], and over time I developed very strong feelings/attachment toward her [28F]. I don’t think it is just a normal crush anymore. I find myself overanalysing small things: whether she seems wary of me, whether she talks about her partner, whether I’m comparing myself to him, whether she is becoming more visible at work, and whether I am being replaced or made smaller professionally.

I’m also lonely, and I’ve never had a proper relationship, which makes this harder to deal with. I didn’t ask for this to happen. It feels like my brain latched onto someone who showed warmth, intelligence, humour, or emotional presence, and now I’m struggling to detach from the meaning I’ve placed on her.

The rational part of me knows she is just a colleague with her own life. But emotionally, her behaviour feels loaded with meaning. If she contacts me less, I feel rejected. If she mentions her partner, I feel diminished. If management seems to rely on her more, I feel threatened. It is like my brain turns ordinary workplace interactions into evidence about my worth.

I have not confessed anything to her, and I don’t want to burden her with my feelings. I am trying to keep professional boundaries. But internally it has become painful and consuming. I keep trying to “decode” her actions, and I know that is not healthy.

I think she may have come to represent a lot more than herself: validation, being chosen, professional status, warmth, fear of abandonment, and fear of being replaced. That feels like too much symbolic weight to put on one person.

I’m considering reading books like Obsessive Love, Attached, and books on limerence, but I’m wondering what practical steps actually help.

For people who have dealt with limerence toward a colleague or someone unavailable:

How did you stop mentally checking, decoding, and looking for reassurance?

How did you separate the real person from what they represented?

And how do you keep things professional when the feelings are intense but you know acting on them would be unfair?

I’m looking for advice because I think I may be dealing with limerence or obsessive attachment toward a colleague.

We work in the same environment. I am [31M], and over time I developed very strong feelings/attachment toward her [28F]. I don’t think it is just a normal crush anymore. I find myself overanalysing small things: whether she seems wary of me, whether she talks about her partner, whether I’m comparing myself to him, whether she is becoming more visible at work, and whether I am being replaced or made smaller professionally.

I’m also lonely, and I’ve never had a proper relationship, which makes this harder to deal with. I didn’t ask for this to happen. It feels like my brain latched onto someone who showed warmth, intelligence, humour, or emotional presence, and now I’m struggling to detach from the meaning I’ve placed on her.

The rational part of me knows she is just a colleague with her own life. But emotionally, her behaviour feels loaded with meaning. If she contacts me less, I feel rejected. If she mentions her partner, I feel diminished. If management seems to rely on her more, I feel threatened. It is like my brain turns ordinary workplace interactions into evidence about my worth.

I have not confessed anything to her, and I don’t want to burden her with my feelings. I am trying to keep professional boundaries. But internally it has become painful and consuming. I keep trying to “decode” her actions, and I know that is not healthy.

I think she may have come to represent a lot more than herself: validation, being chosen, professional status, warmth, fear of abandonment, and fear of being replaced. That feels like too much symbolic weight to put on one person.

I’m considering reading books like Obsessive Love, Attached, and books on limerence, but I’m wondering what practical steps actually help.

For people who have dealt with limerence toward a colleague or someone unavailable:

How did you stop mentally checking, decoding, and looking for reassurance?

How did you separate the real person from what they represented?

And how do you keep things professional when the feelings are intense but you know acting on them would be unfair?

I’m looking for advice because I think I may be dealing with limerence or obsessive attachment toward a colleague.

We work in the same environment me M31, and over time I developed very strong feelings/attachment to her F28. I don’t think it is just a normal crush anymore. I find myself overanalysing small things: , whether she seems wary of me, whether she talks about her partner and is trying compare me, whether she is becoming more visible at work, whether I am being replaced or made smaller professionally.

I’m also lonely, and I’ve never had a proper relationship, which makes this harder to deal with. I didn’t ask for this to happen. It feels like my brain latched onto someone who showed warmth, intelligence, humour, or emotional presence, and now I’m struggling to detach from the meaning I’ve placed on her.

The rational part of me knows she is just a colleague with her own life. But emotionally, her behaviour feels loaded with meaning. If she contacts me less, I feel rejected. If she mentions her partner, I feel diminished. If management seems to rely on her more, I feel threatened. It is like my brain turns ordinary workplace interactions into evidence about my worth.

I have not confessed anything to her, and I don’t want to burden her with my feelings. I to keep professional boundaries. But internally it has become painful and consuming. I keep trying to “decode” her actions, and I know that is not healthy.

I think she may have come to represent a lot more than herself: validation, being chosen, professional status, warmth, fear of abandonment, and fear of being replaced. That feels like too much symbolic weight to put on one person.

I’m considering reading books like Obsessive Love, Attached, and books on limerence, but I’m wondering what practical steps actually help.

For people who have dealt with limerence toward a colleague or someone unavailable:

How did you stop mentally checking, decoding, and looking for reassurance?

How did you separate the real person from what they represented?

And how do you keep things professional when the feelings are intense but you know acting on them would be unfair?

I am a 31M who has never had a proper relationship. I feel like a total loser not to mention I've suffered with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I have tried to make some changes, eating better, joining Krav Maga, dating apps but people seem not want to connect with me and I'm virtually friendless. I get blocked on dating apps, ignored on social media so I really don't know how to change things. I think being black is something to do with my failure in desirability.

The worst part of it is that I met a woman at work in September. She is engaged and initially we were just friends but I developed some quite deep feelings for her of the space of 5 months. I guess she was the only woman who only ever showed me kindness, attention, friendship and compassion. Things got complicated with me, being insecure and erratic and I was signed off sick for 3 months. I still work with this person and we are friendly but it hurts knowing her life is going in a better and more stable direction and mine is going nowhere. She always talks about her fiance × life and she doesn't do this to be spiteful, but I always feel like I'm never good enough for anyone or anything. They are getting married in July and it seems like their life is mystical.

I feel guilty as I don't think I handled my feelings well around her and I think she may see me slightly negatively now than before.

I think I'm suffering a bad bout of limerence as pathetically, I was trying to insert my life into hers via my daydreams. All I do is think about this young lady and I really wish she chose me, I feel like my life would be complete but now I just feel like an outsider looking in to someone's amazing life. I feel like I'll never get this for me. Can anyone help me through this?

I am a 31M who has never had a proper relationship. I feel like a total loser not to mention I've suffered with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I have tried to make some changes, eating better, joining martial arts, dating apps but people seem not want to connect with me and I'm virtually friendless. I get blocked on dating apps, ignored on social media so I really don't know how to change things. Maybe being black has something to do with my failure with women.

The worst part of it is that I met a woman at work in September. She is engaged and initially we were just friends but I developed some quite deep feelings for her of the space of 5 months. I guess she was the only woman who only ever showed me kindness, attention, friendship and compassion. Things got complicated with me, being insecure and erratic and I was signed off sick for 3 months. I still work with this person and we are friendly but it hurts knowing her life is going in a better and more stable direction and mine is going nowhere. She always talks about her fiance × life and she doesn't do this to be spiteful, but I always feel like I'm never good enough for anyone or anything. They are getting married in July and it seems like their life is mystical.

I feel guilty as I don't think I handled my feelings well around her and I think she may see me slightly negatively now than before.

I think I'm suffering a bad bout of limerence as pathetically, I was trying to insert my life into hers via my daydreams. I don't know what to do. I'm losing weight, trying to look for another place to work, trying to date but nothing ever happens maybe I'm hideous, and I know I won't find someone like her in my own life. I really would like some suggestions or advice if you can offer it as my life just feels pointless. I don't think that I can turn this around and I know I'm not like other men that are effortless in life.

If anyone can reply I would appreciate it.