u/HonestLemon4185

I started grad school this year and we are 2 months in. My cohort is ~15 people and we are pretty much all the same age, with the oldest being 6 years older than the youngest. Everything was fine at the beginning and I felt included (ish) but I still felt like I didn't fit in, especially with the people who I was trying to become friends with. We went to coffee shops a couple times and studied together, and then midterms happened and it all stopped.
Full disclosure, I feel like it might have been my fault because I have autism and ADHD so I might have missed social cues. Not fitting in has been a problem my entire life and I guess I am just disappointed because I was thinking "new program new me".
2 weekends ago, half of us were out to dinner and a bunch of them kept talking about memes they sent each other (they don't text me or send me anything) and even past and future plans that I wasn't invited to right in front in front of my face. On the computer of a girl who I wanted to be friends with (she sits in front of me), there was a group chat of some other people I wanted to be friends with, making up about half the cohort. I'm just lost because there is a discrepancy between how they acted towards me at the beginning before we started school and now. The only thing I have is one of them was nice enough to tell me that the others were talking behind my back about them being upset that I got distracted one day and was shopping on my computer when I should have been contributing to discussion (yes I know this is my fault).
The worst thing is besides that I don’t know what I did, and it just makes me think it wasn't one thing but I am generally not pleasant to be around. I also mask heavily, so maybe I started to unmask too much one day because I became cognitively tired but besides that I don't know. Besides those people, I don't really even have much in common (to my knowledge, but I am open to exploring) with other people. I feel like it's a bit late in the game to ask them about themselves because some other people also have little groups. On the bright side, there are 2 girls who I really connect with, so I think I am going to focus on that. However, I still feel like the other people have definitely talked bad about me in more ways than that. I wish I could just start over, and at the end of the day I probably wished I could be friends with everyone instead of just 2 for now. Is this normal and am I overreacting? Is there a way I can rectify my behavior or is it too late?

I'm starting stats tomorrow and I'm TERRIBLE at stats. Is there anything I can do/any ways to take notes to get better?

I'm moving from Chicago in August for school and I can't lie, I'm nervous. Cincy seems cool but nothing beats Chicago (for me, my good experiences have come from a good public transportation system, walkability, easily making friends/dating, many like-minded and ambitious people, etc.). A lot of my friends are moving to/staying in Chicago as well, and I am scared I am going to miss out because I'm 22 and wanted to live in a big city while I'm young. I tell myself it's gonna just be four years, but also four years is a long time to have that mentality. Did anyone else move from Chicago/another big city thinking they weren't going to like it and ended up loving it?

I am starting my PsyD this fall right out of undergrad, and for some reason, I have been sitting with a weird feeling that it may not be the best fit for me. This is not because I wouldn't be good at it, but because it may not give me the life I finally accepted as the one that I truly want.

My background and context: I have always been told I am emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and that I give great advice. I have a passion for understanding why people do what they do, and a talent for pattern recognition and solving others' problems (but not my own, haha). I figured I would channel these strengths and become a psychologist, particularly specializing in neuropsychology/assessment. Others seem to recognize these strengths, which is why I got accepted into multiple PsyD programs when I applied during my senior year. During undergrad as a psychology major, I participated in both clinical work and research. My year-long clinical experience at a community mental health clinic left me feeling drained because it wasn't the population I wanted to work with (I worked at a community mental health clinic that helped women who were recently released from incarceration), and it didn't involve any assessment/testing work. Furthermore, the staff was overworked and underpaid, some of the women didn't want to be there, and it showed. When progress was made, it felt rewarding, but despite this, I learned a valuable lesson: absorbing others' emotional weight in that kind of setting specifically is definitely not something I want to do. I also participated in research for 2 years in 2 separate labs, one focusing on childhood resilience and the other on neuropsychology and assessment. I was interested in the problem-solving aspect, which inspired me to conduct an independent research project throughout my senior year. Yes, I also applied to PhD programs in clinical psychology because I knew I would enjoy the research component. Unfortunately, I did not get into any of those, but if I had gotten a PhD, I would have also become a clinical psychologist anyway. I do recognize that I could have pursued the academic route with a PhD, but that isn't something I want, especially given the instability academia is facing.

My current situation of doubting my career choice first began when I was journaling and asked myself what I truly want out of life. In terms of work, I realized I value my own peace and a regulated nervous system, autonomy, creative/intellectual freedom, the ability to pursue hobbies and other income streams, and a high income that leads to financial stability. Neuropsychology excites me intellectually, pays well, and plays to my strengths, but I am afraid it won't give me the life I actually want outside of the office. Specifically, I worry about emotional exhaustion and the lack of flexibility/remote work options that clinical roles typically offer. All of this led me to explore UX research as a potential alternative. I believe it would be a good fit based on my fascination with human behavior, and it would be less emotionally exhausting. That said, I'm not going to make any immediate jumps. My current plan is to give my PsyD program a full semester; however, my one concern is that I won't start working with patients until the summer after my first year, when I begin practicum. Overall, I am just afraid of wasting my time if it doesn't work out.

Ultimately, I am asking whether anyone has had a similar experience or has any advice for someone in my situation. At the end of the day, is this a reasonable choice and fit?

Some of my contenders are:

- Industry

- Woodburn Exchange

- The Vibe

Safety, management, etc. Anything helps!

I'm not going to get a job besides my assistantship and I'm taking 13 credits with classes only 3 days out of the week.

During my free time, I try to incorporate movement every day because I strongly value my physical health, whether it be for yoga, strength training, or just walking. I want to continue a similar routine (I recognize it won't be the same). To first year students (and beyond) who are as value wellness as much as I do, how has your workout routine changed/what does it look like now?