u/HoneydewOk2703

I’m struggling deeply on what I should do regarding family ties. It feels so toxic, but my children don’t have any one but their grandma on their Father’s side.

One of my siblings and my mother are a massive trigger to me. This specific sibling went out of their way to tell my mother lies and I would in turn get an extra beating I never earned.

I was beat as a child and deathly feared my mother, but because of “culture” and “traditions”, this was viewed as love and then turned into comparison as an adult. “If only you had seen what I went through as a child and it never killed me, but instead I made it out the other side rather than complained about it”.

Fast forward, we’re all adults now and somehow, I’m still targeted. Instead of talking through issues, they’re talked about behind my back. I have children of many ages, with one having challenges, and I’m on my own most of the day when my husband is at work. If I’m ever lonely and want company I will go over to visit, only to then get crucified for having “dirty, spoiled children, and I don’t know how to raise children”. The dirt we speak of is a piece of eye crust that I attempted to get, and then left alone after my child screamed bloody murder for 20 minutes. And the spoiling comes in because my child was upset after being told no or not wanting to be picked up (even though the child is a toddler and this is normal behaviour.)

I am told not to share my secrets or any of my personal life with my friends or people in general, but yet they openly share my life and things I don’t want told, embarrassing me in front of others. They criticize my husband to others and to me behind his back, until I finally had enough of it and told them to allow divorce because it was too much for me and unfair to him.. I was told no because no one else would help me care for my child with extra needs.

I am told he doesn’t pitch money or help pay for meals when we are out, which simply isn’t true. He has paid for plenty of items and plenty of meals. I am told not to go on trips with family, “if we can’t afford it”. Yet, even my husband and I have contributed more than most of my siblings. The reality is, we’re not made of money and cannot always keep up with the high meal bills that others are.

I constantly get confronted with such disgusting combative energy all the time and I really don’t want my children to grow up seeing it or learning that it is okay to either be spoken to that way or speak to anyone in such a manner.

I get accused of so many things that aren’t true and I get ganged up on, by both my mother and sibling. It leaves me deeply hurt each time and yet I never learn to stop running back and attempting to have a relationship with them.

I understand this is a test from Allah, but what do I do with it outside of pray and hope for better? How many slaps in the face does one take by “loved ones”, before they are allowed to shut that door?

I’m struggling deeply on what I should do regarding family ties. It feels so toxic, but my children don’t have any one but their grandma on their Father’s side.

One of my siblings and my mother are a massive trigger to me. This specific sibling went out of their way to tell my mother lies and I would in turn get an extra beating I never earned.

I was beat as a child and deathly feared my mother, but because of “culture” and “traditions”, this was viewed as love and then turned into comparison as an adult. “If only you had seen what I went through as a child and it never killed me, but instead I made it out the other side rather than complained about it”.

Fast forward, we’re all adults now and somehow, I’m still targeted. Instead of talking through issues, they’re talked about behind my back. I have children of many ages, with one having challenges, and I’m on my own most of the day when my husband is at work. If I’m ever lonely and want company I will go over to visit, only to then get crucified for having “dirty, spoiled children, and I don’t know how to raise children”. The dirt we speak of is a piece of eye crust that I attempted to get, and then left alone after my child screamed bloody murder for 20 minutes. And the spoiling comes in because my child was upset after being told no or not wanting to be picked up (even though the child is a toddler and this is normal behaviour.)

I am told not to share my secrets or any of my personal life with my friends or people in general, but yet they openly share my life and things I don’t want told, embarrassing me in front of others. They criticize my husband to others and to me behind his back, until I finally had enough of it and told them to allow divorce because it was too much for me and unfair to him.. I was told no because no one else would help me care for my child with extra needs.

I am told he doesn’t pitch money or help pay for meals when we are out, which simply isn’t true. He has paid for plenty of items and plenty of meals. I am told not to go on trips with family, “if we can’t afford it”. Yet, even my husband and I have contributed more than most of my siblings. The reality is, we’re not made of money and cannot always keep up with the high meal bills that others are.

I constantly get confronted with such disgusting combative energy all the time and I really don’t want my children to grow up seeing it or learning that it is okay to either be spoken to that way or speak to anyone in such a manner.

I get accused of so many things that aren’t true and I get ganged up on, by both my mother and sibling. It leaves me deeply hurt each time and yet I never learn to stop running back and attempting to have a relationship with them.

I understand this is a test from Allah, but what do I do with it outside of pray and hope for better? How many slaps in the face does one take by “loved ones”, before they are allowed to shut that door?

If you and your partner get into an argument, and it’s just as you’re going to bed, but there is tension and an unresolved argument leading to you both not sleeping in the same room. Who usually takes the couch and who takes the bed in your marriage?

In desperate need of a new couch for my family and children, but cannot afford to buy one. Our current one is years old and been through the worst of my child’s autistic meltdown beatings. Alhamdulillah the child is medicated and much calmer now but, the couch is done. We are struggling financially and barely making it paycheque to paycheque. Would anyone be willing to help us fundraise for a new one? I can post screenshots of couch amount we are looking for and proof of purchase if we are able to fully raise what we need.

In desperate need of a new couch for my family and children but cannot afford to buy one. Our current one is years old and been through the worst of my child’s autistic meltdown beatings. The child is medicated and much calmer now but, the couch is done. Would anyone be willing to help us fundraise for a new one? I can post screenshots of couch amount we are looking for and proof of purchase if we are able to fully raise what we need.

Salams to all that cross this post.

I am seriously struggling with my marriage and the inconsistency we have had financially. When my husband and I got married, I knew he was in the construction field and I didn’t mind, only due to knowing financially we would be Ok. Once married, I learned that the hours were tough on marriage - inconsistent and very long. One of the requirements was travelling away from home and staying away for days as well. We lived this way, until we had kids and I no longer thought it was fair to consistently live this way with children around. There were no such things as paid sick days or taking time off, being allowed to vacation, etc. I had a serious talk with husband and we decided it would be best to switch careers, even seek out furthering education. What does my husband choose? Another position within the trades, which I was fully support of thinking it would be good pay and a better situation. He went to school for one year which we then had another child and then became the difficult search for a job. He finds a job and we find it’s the same thing again. No paid time off, sick days are unpaid, no vacation pay accumulation and minimal benefits. We have multiple children now and his pay is basically minimum wage. We have to wait 5 years to see the big bucks and sacrifice so much. No family time, no vacations, no road trips, living pay cheque to paycheque and sometimes even struggling to buy the necessities for our babies and older children. I feel as though I’m becoming so resentful of my husband for again choosing something knowing that we would struggle so much. My original ask when he finally decided to go to school was - please do not allow us to be in a position of hardship financially. I find him begging his mom for money behind my back when we have no money and this only leads to more money leaving our pockets to pay her back. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, but I just feel resentful. Resentful for the things my kids miss out on or the meals we are barely scraping together and they sometimes do not eat.. The life experiences and small trips I’d love to take them on.. The Eid’s we cannot afford to make special.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? I know I should return to Allah and just make Dua but I just can’t shake these feelings, even when I do..

Salams to all that cross this post.

I am seriously struggling with my marriage and the inconsistency we have had financially. When my husband and I got married, I knew he was in the construction field and I didn’t mind, only due to knowing financially we would be Ok. Once married, I learned that the hours were tough on marriage - inconsistent and very long. One of the requirements was travelling away from home and staying away for days as well. We lived this way, until we had kids and I no longer thought it was fair to consistently live this way with children around. There were no such things as paid sick days or taking time off, being allowed to vacation, etc. I had a serious talk with husband and we decided it would be best to switch careers, even seek out furthering education. What does my husband choose? Another position within the trades, which I was fully support of thinking it would be good pay and a better situation. He went to school for one year which we then had another child and then became the difficult search for a job. He finds a job and we find it’s the same thing again. No paid time off, sick days are unpaid, no vacation pay accumulation and minimal benefits. We have multiple children now and his pay is basically minimum wage. We have to wait 5 years to see the big bucks and sacrifice so much. No family time, no vacations, no road trips, living pay cheque to paycheque and sometimes even struggling to buy the necessities for our babies and older children. I feel as though I’m becoming so resentful of my husband for again choosing something knowing that we would struggle so much. My original ask when he finally decided to go to school was - please do not allow us to be in a position of hardship financially. I find him begging his mom for money behind my back when we have no money and this only leads to more money leaving our pockets to pay her back. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, but I just feel resentful. Resentful for the things my kids miss out on or the meals we are barely scraping together and they sometimes do not eat.. The life experiences and small trips I’d love to take them on.. The Eid’s we cannot afford to make special.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? I know I should return to Allah and just make Dua but I just can’t shake these feelings, even when I do..

Assalamualaikum everyone, I would like to preface this by saying I would be looking to start one in Canada.

I’m wanting to start an organization that provides events and services to parents and families/caretakers of disabled and special needs individuals. I do not have my own funds to create such an organization and would be looking at what I assume would be starting a non profit. I have so many ideas and wanting to create inclusivity within my community for those who do not feel as though there is a space or understanding for them. Does anyone have any experience with such a thing? Could anyone possibly direct me in the right direction?

JAK in advance for anyone willing to share their knowledge with me for such a beautiful and much needed cause for individuals that are held so highly in our deen and the persons who Allah has given such a precious job to as well.

Assalamualaikum everyone, I would like to preface this by saying I would be looking to start one in Canada.

I’m wanting to start an organization that provides events and services to parents and families/caretakers of disabled and special needs individuals. I do not have my own funds to create such an organization and would be looking at what I assume would be starting a non profit. I have so many ideas and wanting to create inclusivity within my community for those who do not feel as though there is a space or understanding for them. Does anyone have any experience with such a thing? Could anyone possibly direct me in the right direction?

JAK in advance for anyone willing to share their knowledge with me for such a beautiful and much needed cause for individuals that are held so highly in our deen and the persons who Allah has given such a precious job to as well.