u/Honka_Ponka

Doing some soul searching and coming to the realisation that I don't know how to be a consciously friendly and good person. Up to this point I've just been going into interactions blind and hoping they'll somehow end up good, but this strategy is becoming less effective over time.

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I need a way to snap myself out of that instinctual way of operating during interactions. Something that reminds me to be "on" and brings me back to reality.

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I have a little mental device that I remind myself of before planned interactions, and it works really well. I feel likeable and sociable. But if an interaction is sprung upon me, or if I'm familiar enough with someone that I forget I need to be on, I get completely lost and I'm not able to bring myself back. I want to get back in control!

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Anyone experience this, have any advice or tips?

Well, I should rephrase the title. I want to stop, and I'm sure I can stop. I have no idea how.

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This has been an increasingly difficult problem for me. Whenever someone says something I feel is wrong or illogical I feel this compulsion to fight against it, and I fight hard.

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Eventually the debate becomes an argument, and at a certain point I don't even know what I'm saying. It's like my mouth is getting carried by a huge momentum and I can't let go because I barely realise what's happening. Often I won't know how incessant I'm being until after the damage is done. Sometimes during the argument I'll realise that I don't even know what could be said to get me to back off. This realisation is *still* not enough to ground me.

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People find it exhausting. I find it exhausting. At this point it's completely unsustainable, and I desperately want to fix it. I hate being this way and I hate the way I make the people closest to me feel. When I look back after the fact, I realise how pointless the whole argument was, how I ignored every chance to take a step back, how there was never any chance of getting the other person to agree with me in the first place.

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I want to be more mindful but in those moments my mind is so locked in on the argument that I don't even consider it. I need a way to ground myself and take myself out of that argumentative mindset before it ruins what little I have. Anyone know anything about this?

Hi. I want to keep the details brief, but 6 months ago at a new year's eve party I (19M) was sexually assaulted by a girl. She followed me to the bathroom and I completely froze up. Following that I was completely outcast from my friend group, including one of my closest friends ever, because all they saw was a drunk girl following a (sober) guy to a bathroom and assumed I had done something. They are still friends with her.

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It's been 6.5 months and not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought about it. The things I could've done differently. My failure to act. How alone I've felt since then.

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It's ruining me. I'm depressed at work, I can't focus on my (great) relationship, all because these horrible thoughts and feelings dredge themselves up no matter how much I want them to disappear.

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Does anyone have any advice for this? Anyone relate? I need to get away from it. Please and thank you.

Hi! Very short backstory, I have a new band and we are just about ready to start playing shows. We have all had bad past experiences with promoters so we want to take a DIY route this time.

However, I've never organised an event on my own before and I feel a little lost. I have a few venues and a few bands in mind to join us on the bill, but I've no idea how to approach either and I'm especially unsure about the financial aspect i.e. how the venue and bands get paid, how to negotiate ticket splits, or whether or not we can even afford venue hire without a promoter. We are quite happy not to profit on this but we would like to recoup the potential venue hire fee and have some left over to offer the bands, especially because they might be travelling from neighbouring cities.

This is all very local-level grassroots stuff with other small bands so I am hoping we won't need to take a big financial risk organising it.

We are able to provide backline and sound tech too which relieves some pressure.

So, anyone know anything about this? Any tips or advice are appreciated cause I'm really interested in this and I want it to go well. Thanks :)

Tbh I just had one of the nicest days I've had in a long time - made an amazing girl my girlfriend, spent the night together, in the morning hung out and visited her friends and ate some nice food. At the time I felt so happy. Now I'm back home, it's 11pm, and I'm on the verge of tears thinking about all my awful memories of the past, how much I wish they never happened, what I should've done instead.

I should feel on top of the world rn. But all I feel is guilt and shame and horribleness over stuff that doesn't even affect me any more. I wish I could stop ruminating on the past and just focus on my decent present, but it comes back every day to haunt me no matter how much I want rid of it.

Idk what the point of this post is rly