u/Hour-Page-5589

Hopefully focusing on that hardware design but i also want to know the physics and DSP stuff

Every single person on my dad's side of the family has some kind of anger managment undiagnosed mental illness. Trust me, u have never seen a ground of more spiteful and hateful people, to the point were it is a legit mental illness, really hard to expline to people, short fuse over everything.

Im realizing I have the same mental illness. Im so mad. I would spend like half an hour wrong to catch a fly in my house so I can release it and now I am wholeheartedly planning on killing the squirrel that ate my grapes this year, which sent me into such a fit of rage when I found out just now that I had to go lie down. This isnt weed withdrawl, its mental illness that was suppressed by weed. I really dont want to turn into my dad and i definitely will never get that bad if I tried but I think I might just go arpund being mean to people around me.

Im on fsdhunter app but its very rare that a car shows up in my state and I dont want to buy anything without trying it. Also 75 percent of the cars posted on there dont actually have fsd.

I managed to fail upwards into a good career but that's the only progress I have made since freshman year high school. Maturity wise im 15 years old. Never had a relationship and only had sex twice. All my freindships fell apart since stoners and non stoner(which i am now) dont have anything important in common and all my memories from hanging out with them are bascially doing the jay and silent bob thing, never leaving the town since they are all broke and worked dead end jobs they put 0 effort into leaving and instead accumulated baby mommas. I haven't really processed any of the family deaths i went though, turns out crying ur eyes out for a few weeks isnt the part were u process it, you are supposed to make peace with it, not just cry urself out until u have no emotions left to spare.

I have all these memories of my teens and 20s which are ONLY now coming back to me now that im sober but it just feels like scene out of a movie(and not a good one at that), not something that happened to me which helepd shape me. My youth is gone, I will never be even close to as happy as I was back then and I cant remeber enough to live on nostalgia either. Only option now is to have kids and live vicariously thorugh them. Maybe dont raise them in a household with 24/7 non stop screaming like I was so maybe they wouldn't feel the need to escape reality at such a young age..

Don't worry though, I maybe be an adult that's 14 at heart but I wont be on any epstein shit, 19-20 year old milfs are fine for me..

I dont even care about getting high, I just want to clear the wildfire smoke out of my lungs with some rosin and taste those terps. I really felt like it helepd in previous years.

But I cant. It seems like I can.. Last time I relpased I had a panic attack and thought how glad I was to not touch this stuff anymore. I was at a freinds house and he had to leave so I had to hang around outside for like 1-2 hours waiting to sober up, i used to roll blunts while driving with my knees and smoke a gram of rosin a day. 2-3 hours later im back to smoking weed like its oxygen. That was 8 months ago and only now am i 10 days sober..

I need something man. Something to get high off once a week. I have never had a problem with any other drug. Problem is that booze is not worth the 30 mineut high, kolonopin is hard to get, xanax is too rough on the body even for once a week use, i dont like uppers, i dont like video games anymore, Kratom sucks, i am immune to opiates, I go to the gym every day and its not the same, I cant handle just doing weed once. There really is mo release. I need to veg out and do nothing just once a week, and be okay with it. Which I am not when I am sober.

Day 7 of being sober, first time in 15 years. Sugar makes me sick to my stomach, more than a spoonful of honey a day is unatrual. Also I am never discussing poltics again. Tolerating other people's viewpoints was for the 00's and 10's. Not one political arugment ever actually convinced anyone to change their mind nor benefited either parry. None of you converted anyone to ur ideology. People think they can atgue their way into having pepple ignore their excperince in life. I dont need to have lots of freinds and get along with people and be part of any community. Individualism till I die. Every addict and loser is there beacuse its their fault, speaking from personal excperince. Now that im sober I will never need anything from anyone again so fuck pretending like I actually respect anything about the people around me aside from their personal freedom.

I understand I might be extra emotional right now but it feels really good having some emotions and opinions and standards. None of which I had while on this poison. Can't wait till month 3 and I can finally start sleeping normally.

On the used market, tesla with fsd for life go for about 4-6 k more than ones with similar miles with no fsd for life. Seems like a no brianer. Plus, since elon is canceling fsd for life. These guys with fsd for life would be priceless. In theory u will pay for itself and then some over the course of 20 years and 1 batter/motor change..

Then again, what if hw5 if the only one that can do ture underpervised. Then neither of us should really be buying any teslas right now.

8 years × 1200 = 9600 dollers. That being conservative cuz it will really last me 16 year since I have hybrid schedule and might go fully remote eventually. The car cost 38k(about 20k-30k miles). Thats 25 percent savings. And that's the most conservative estimate. It is almost definetly a no brainer. If fsd isnt important to you and u dont want a nice car to attract women and u dont get a thrill out of driving, get a shitbox like I am driving now.

Been taking 400-800 mg at night since april to help me quit the green stuff. I only take one pill at night to sleep, 24 hours apart. Wouldn't i get inerdose WD? I thought the WD isnt as bad as other drugs but im rading stories in here that its like benzoyl wd in which case im totally screwed as im starting a new job in less than 2 weeks. I should probably just quit it now or at least start tapering?

Edit: welp im fucked. I cant lose this new job. Cold uttering tonight and if it kills me fuck it. Fuck the freind that recommended me this for weed WD and fuck chat gtp for saying its just a few days of insomia. Fucking as bad as benzo WD? How could I be so stupid

Edit: shrunk my dose from 800 mg to about 350 mg last night. No WD whatsoever, slept normally but I also took melatonin. Feel way better today. Gonna shrink it to 150 mg tomorrow night

Even 800 milligrams of gabbapentinnisnt knocking me out. I have some kolonopin that I wanted to try tonight but im afrid since ive been doing gabbapentin. I actually slept last night but every other night is not one lick of sleep. I can barely see the screen typing and my eyes are burning and hurting yet I cant fall asleep. I dont think there is any drug that gets worse on day 5. I am at the point were im declaring this shit is more intense than a hard drug comedownnat lesst for me. I was doing 200 mg plus a gram of rosin every day for 5 years and pens and non stop weed for 10 years before that. Not including when I was sober for two months last year. Even at 2 months my sleepp didnt go back to normal. One time I tried quitting without gabbapentin or xans(once every 3 day) to help me pass out and I was up for 8 days straight.

I just feel like no one will understand what im going through. When I say ive been up for 5 days not including last night I mean that litteraly. No nap, no partly nodding off, no half way asleep. Wide awake. Can't relax my muscles, jaw shut at full force until I get headaches. Only happen when I fucking go to sleep, its normal when im up and about. Wtf is going on man..

Crazy part is that this drug has done so much damage to my life but I dont really have a craving or have any joy from it. It just simply shuts my body down when I try to leave it. If I could have quit with at least a reasonable amount of insomia I would have done it a very very long time ago. I once did coke every dya for 3 months. Spent like 10-15k if not more. 0 insomia when I quit even on day one. This is WAY more brutal thana coke comedown. I also did ice a few times and came down off that, I woild take that comedown over this any day. Being up for more than one day without stimulants like this is inhuman

I started browsing Facebook and 4chan more cuz that's how addiction works and the algorithm has been really diabolical lately. I cant shut off my brain. Keep having phantom conversations with people on the oppsite political spectrum in my head. I didn't sleep one lick last night yet im here seething at full force. This is no way to live. Politics dont even affect most people day to day lives, definetlynot mine. I downloaded like 120 bucks worth of video games but I cant bring myself to turn my computer on and keep spiraling into internet politics. Weed used to shut these thoughts off.

I need something to do. I dont have enough doapmean for video games, I cant go to the gym cuz u haven't slept all night, dont have enough doapmean for movies. Yet somehow still have energy for politics, wtf is wrong with me? This isnt my first rodeo and there is no easy way out. Just have faith that it gets better.

After im 3 months off im quitting the internet, or at least just lurking and not engaging or commenting. This isnt the person I wanted to be when I was younger. Younger me would tell myself that im a loser for getting trapped online instead of going out there and getting money, women, power, health and knowledge.i know that was cringe but its better than being on the fucking internet all day arguing with people who will never change their mind and wouldn't have made a difference even if they did.

I just accepted a role with a rafar company. I need something very challenging that I can lose myself in.

Im just worried that this job will also be underwhleming since its in the uhf range(desining front end for this is super easy, u dont even have to follow any pcb rules). They did mention they are venturing into s band stuff but the main project i will be working on is in ufh. That being said it is megawatts of power. That might be interesting.

Anyone buy a used tesla with fsd included? Its either 30k for HW 3 or 38k for HW4. From my reserch it seems I cant replace HW3 with HW4 and that HW3 will never have true fsd. Will HW4 have true fsd though???

Also any tips on what i should check for in buying a used tesla? I would think if there's anything wrong with it it woild show up on the screen right?

Early 30s, 16 years of heavy daily use, 2nd day sober, i dont want to pay a BS therapist 200 bucks to do this shit so im using this board

>knew very well about bitcoin as early as 2014 and wanted to invest, too bad I spent every single paycheck on weed, was earning 23 an hour, could have easily put in at least 10k

>same with knowing about AI and nividia in the mid 2010s

>missed out on teen love, left high school a virgin, weed makes me too awkward to talk to people

>missed out on having sex in my 20s, going on 12 years of no sex now, 100 percent weeds fault, i smoke then I cnacle plans and stay in my room, also never had a gf or been on a date

>freind group full of losers and dead people from my youth

>been going to the gym the entire time, would have had 50 percent more gains/strength

>haven't slept more than 5 hours in years, runing my good looking face(hopefully I can recover) and my gains and my cognitive ability

>ruined my cognitive ability in general, going to take a bunch of shrooms and neutropics to try to heal once I have a few months off

>wasnt as present as I should have been for my now dead dogs, I love them and ended up giving them 5 hours walks a day cuz I had ti sneak out to smoke, its just that I am having hard time retaining memories of them, I barely even took any pictures of them cuz weed made me ignore the future, still love them more than any human to this day

>60 bucks sookiu bank rosin a day(sometimes every 2 days) for the past 4 years now, do the math

>just ingeneral smoked at least 500k and that's being conservative

>decided I like math in HS and taught myself up to college seinor math major level, then the weed started turning from a nightly treat to bascially my ciggarets and everything just stopped. My entire engineering career is based of what I learned from 16-17.5

>was doing breath mediation at 16. Actually reached higher states on consciousness and was truly at peace, all stopped also, u cant breath if ur lungs are fucked up from weed

I can keep going and going and going, the quintessence of my life is ruined potential all from weed. Crazy part if I tried every other drug multiple times and didnt get addicted.

Last, but not fucking least, my fucking dog died in 2020, cuz I was high. She was 18 years old and blind, I lived on a golf course, i left her outside to go pee so I could go to my car and get my pen, of course I hit the pen in the car and forget for a few minutes, she can make her way back in so I didnt think too much about it. After searching for her for 30 mineuts I find her dead body surrounded by coyotes. I chased them off then started screaming at the top of my lungs "I want to wake up, I want to wake up" as I ran right into a small pond, it wss winter. Worst part is that i had a deam she died the night before. Ive had many family deaths since then but its awhole different ball game when its actually ur fault they died. I honestly deserve a medal for learning to live with myself even with my continuous weed use. I will never fucking forgive myself, I wouldn't want NOT to suffer from this until I die. Ironically, ignoring what a POS I am doesnt help me be sober. Admitting im a irredimable POS is what helps me heal.

Maybe i should try real urine?

I can either tough out the night with guaranteed insomnia or take the last 20 mg of edible I have and get some sleep. Taking only 20 mg tonight will effectively reduce by intake by 95 percent, to give u an idea of how heavily I saturated my blood with this shit over 1.5 decades..

Im way over the mental pain(no big deal) part and the only thing blocking my sobriety is the insomia at this point. Without gabbapentin I actually would be physically unable to quit weed, last time I tried I was up for 8 days, not one lick. Relpsed for no reason also, fml. Almost had to go to the ER.

Bascially what option is overall the least amount of total suffering? Im already super sleep deprived from years of 5 hour nights

Tried picking up AC6 after like 3 years to see what the extra missions and weapons are about and im just finding out that nothing cool happens until ng++. I hate replaying videos or even rewatching movies. Im gonna tough it out since this is probably the best video game I ever played but it just pisses me off that the developers force u to replay the entire thing. Most people dont like replying and rewatching stuff.