u/Humble-Employer2447

(Other types feel free to respond if you have advice or insight etc. just think this might be a very type 7 problem to have in general)

Major vent incoming:

Basically the title. I’m a type 7 and I’ve always been motivated for bigger life goals by the need to “prove something” to other people, myself, people who have done me wrong etc. Other than that, I’m almost entirely motivated by the need to just have fun and laugh in the moment. To keep up the good vibes. This has gotten me pretty far, I had a shit upbringing and I’ve come a long way of having my own place, car, degree, an okay job, friends I trust, etc.

Now that I have all that though… I just feel confused? Lost? Like, I worked so hard towards these goals to prove that I could do what I thought might be impossible and I did all of those things. I can’t even be proud of myself or enjoy it though because I just find myself being anxious about what I’m supposed to do next, what I’ve done wrong, what I need to fix. So I just distract myself and fantasize about future possibilities.

I want to find another mission, another purpose, but I don’t want to be motivated by a need to prove something anymore, I just want to feel fulfilled, but it never feels like enough. I have a big life goal I feel I need to do to become a better person, I do it, and then I feel nothing. Perhaps just the tiniest sliver of pride that fades away in an instant. I think, well maybe I should do something personally fulfilling. So I start an art project: join a vocal class, start drafting a book, make a painting. It makes me feel good for a second and then, I get bored. I forget about it.

I’m just so lost because I’m truly at a pivotal point in my life of choosing a bigger career and have so much freedom and independence that I’ve worked so hard to get and I have no idea what to do with any of it. I’m not even sure I really know who I am beyond trying to make other people laugh, prove that I’m capable and independent and having all these things I’m good at that I don’t even care to do anything with. It doesn’t even matter what other people say. I get called smart, cool, pretty, funny, etc. and none of it even matters because what does a compliment mean when you don’t even feel that way yourself? When the person they’re complimenting isn’t you but the thing you’ve built specifically to be impressive and get by? People always say be yourself and I don’t even really know what that means beyond the things other people have told me I am.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my vent, if anyone related please let me know lol. Also, if anyone has some guidance I would also appreciate that. I know technically things like mindfulness, meditation, etc. are what type 7s get pointed to when rushing from one thing to the next but, I struggle to stick to stuff like that when the bigger picture feels like such a confusing mess.

Also, to be honest, I’m terrified of the thought of letting go of the need towards something to work towards because then it feels like I’ll be moving backwards. Like I’m standing the opposite direction on an escalator and I have to keep walking forward or it’ll pull me back right to the start. Back to everything I’ve been trying to escape :D

To be brutally specific, I just did the math on how much I’m actually spending on cigarettes a month and it’s … jarring. Seeing that number in itself is enough to make me feel pushed to smoking less, but, I know that I use it to cope with too many things right now (stress, anxiety, ironically shame etc.) that it’s just not realistic for me to expect myself to go cold turkey with no plan B or thought behind it. It might actually result in me coping in a worse way.

Anyway, all that to say, do any of y’all have experience with this? How did you move away from a self destructive habit? What helped you cope?

I think in general Ne dom, Si inferior types are likely to be more impulsive in this kinds of matters tbh, ESPECIALLY if you have type 7 enneagram which I do. It’s easy to have rational thoughts about the bad habits and then just say “fuck it” the second things get bad.

Okay, I just have to get this off my chest, but it’s something I have a lot of thoughts about as someone who is interested in typology and majored in Sociology/Cultural Anthropology. I think that MBTI can be a really amazing tool for self exploration, understanding your own patterns, managing your priorities and making life decisions that suit you. Where I get concerned in the usage is the tendency I’ve seen for generalizing types into in-groups and out-groups and creating negative narratives based around these.

One example I’ve seen a lot is people who consider themselves “thinker” types seeing themselves as intellectually superior to “feeler” types just based on their own self assessment of their MBTI. First, there is there a strong sense of irony in needing to assert superiority being based on a feeling in itself: insecurity. Second, everyone thinks and everyone feels. I don’t personally believe MBTI should flanderize a person so one dimensionally that it diminishes the complexity of human experience. Third, MBTI is not an excuse to hold on to your own lack of growth, or quite honestly just be an immature bully, and claim it as inherent or inevitable.

It’s already a problem in the community that people mistype often due to diluted stereotypes around each type. I’m an ENTP and I mistyped as an ENFP for ages due to having strong empathy for others and moral values. Still, I see posts every week claiming ENTPs are always doing things for their own gain and trying to hurt others for their own satisfaction. I don’t take these to heart because I understand that these people just don’t understand how functions work and how much individuals vary even within the types. Also, at the end of the day, I don’t put my true belief in any typology because it is just theory. Still, it’s hard to ignore the way it makes people act. Trying to pigeonhole people more and more. Even, in some cases, stereotyping further based on your gender in combination with your MBTI.

All of this to say, in my opinion, humans have a tendency to try and categorize themselves and others. It brings inherent comfort to be able to claim an identity and community, but it can quickly turn sour when that impulse is only used to improve self-esteem with a complete lack of self awareness. Someone telling another MBTI group they are an “out-group” does not make them better than anyone, it just means they are acting for their own psychological comfort with no wisdom or self reflection. No one is better for being a “thinker”, “feeler”, “sensor”, etc. If you believe that’s the case, that’s coming from deep insecurity within yourself. If you relate to that, perhaps you can use your interest in exploring your own cognition to find out why that is.

I was having a convo with my INFP best friend who’s learning more about cognitive functions (she was convinced I’m an ENFP because I have strong values, am very expressive, and don’t act coldly or solely logically on the outside). I was explaining Ti vs Te, Fi vs Fe to her and then she asked me “how do you feel about yourself when you’re alone” and I fully blue screened like I did not know how to answer this question no matter how hard I tried haha. That basically convinced her I’m not Fi, because she could not relate at all, but I was wondering if y’all would be able to answer this question?? I definitely have thoughts and very general feelings about myself, especially my past self, but I can’t say about I feel about myself at any given moment outside of thoughts of what I want to be or do or if I’m in Ne-Fe loop, how other people might perceive me.

To be clear I’m not talking about genuinely unsafe people, people who hurt people I care about, people who step over boundaries, bigots, creepers etc.

I’m specifically talking about I feel like I have an innate ability to switch someone’s vibe when they’re initially very rude or standoffish with me. Like, if a customer at work comes out the gate blaming me for stuff and angry, somehow the conversation ends with them apologizing to me and telling me how they had a bad day.

My supervisor at work who the first time I met him was extremely mean to me (he lowkey hates most people), now is super sweet with me and always trying to do me favors and thanking me for everything I do. Those are just recent examples but I feel like this has been pretty consistent through my life, when I care enough to try with people

Idk I get some kind of enjoyment out of shifting someone’s vibe on me when they came out the gate as a hater and I wonder if it’s an ENTP thing or just a me thing lol