u/Hyugi_The_Dreamer

When you feel anxiety, your first reaction is “I need to get rid of it“. But let me tell you this, my friend: you should be doing the exact opposite.

There’s a paradoxical rule when it comes to our emotions and thoughts: the more you resist them, the bigger they grow. It's like quicksand. The harder you fight it, the more it pulls you down. But when you stop resisting, it lets go

I used to be an extremely anxious person. Every time I went out in public or talked to people, my face would go red like a fcking tomato, my heart would race like crazy and my brain would go: “They think I’m ugly/weird/stupid”. But this technique literally saved my life.

Every time you feel anxious, do this:

1. Start breathing slowly and deeply with your diaphragm.
2. Relax your muscles.
3. Just start observing your anxiety. How does it feel in your body? Tight chest? Knot in the stomach? Just notice it. Don’t try to fix it! Accept that it’s gonna be here for a while.

By simply watching it from a distance, you’re just letting it be and it starts losing its power. And just like a thought in meditation, the anxiety will pass on its own if you don't interfere.

+ My trick: I silently say, "I want to feel anxious. Give me more". That's the fastest way to switch from resistance to acceptance. It sounds paradoxical, but it works insanely well.

Good luck! 😉

I used to hate my inferior Se for making me feel like a “detached from reality” lazy weirdo. Especially when I compared myself  to all those “grounded”, “productive” types who just do things without “overanalyzing”. But that was all before I realized that detachment isn't a bug, it's the whole damn feature 😉 It's actually a great source for insane productivity most people don't have. Let me explain.

While other types are busy reacting to what's already there, we're connected to what could be there. We see images, visions, mental pictures of a future that doesn't exist yet. And when those images finally crystallize, when they become something we can't ignore, something clicks. 

Jung basically described Ni-doms as people who, once they lock onto an inner image they're deeply tied to, become completely consumed by it. A dream of making the world a better place, leaving something positive behind, inspiring others (or whatever image you have)... It stops being just a fantasy. It becomes a moral obligation. Something that MUST be made real.

And from that obligation comes an insane force of will, the kind that pushes through obstacles most people would give up on instantly. That's when the "lazy dreamers" turn into the most obsessive, unstoppable force you've ever seen. It’s not discipline, it’s f*cking obsession 😎.

And I'm currently in my own obsession phase. Ever since I locked in on making my Image real, I've become unrecognisable to myself haha. I have a Dream I can't get out of my head. I think about it while eating, while walking, while trying to fall asleep. Everything else (cheap dopamine sources, draining relationships, sometimes even basic needs lol) just becomes irrelevant. I work on it 6 to 12 hours everyday, but it doesn't feel like "discipline" or forcing myself. It feels like I've finally stopped running away from the image that’s been living in my head for a decade.

This is our dominant Ni in action 😉 That’s basically the key to the flow state that so many other types can only dream of.

We literally have this built-in ability to take one internal image and make it the center of our entire existence. It becomes a filter. Everything that doesn't lead to making it real gets cut. Everything that does gets our complete, obsessive attention. That's why an INFJ who's actually connected to their vision is unstoppable. Not because we suddenly became productivity machines. Because we finally started paying attention to the most important thing, the one we can't imagine our lives without. Our Dreams.

And you, dear INFJs, have an incredibly powerful tool to make them a reality. So, please, make it happen 🚀

I used to be a chronic procrastinator who couldn't force myself to practice guitar, work on my creative project or just do daily routine activities 🫠 But then I realized this: procrastination is basically just fear of boredom.

We can’t stand boredom so much that we grab our phones and start scrolling the moment we feel just a little bored.

To break that cycle you should do the exact opposite: embrace boredom. By doing so, you’ll teach your brain that boredom won’t kill you. That's what I did and my procrastination has been real quiet since then 😎

But you should do it gradually. Otherwise you’ll quit. Here are simple steps to do it:

– First 2 weeks. Start doing your everyday activities without the distractions you usually use to avoid getting bored. For instance, take a walk without listening to music. Wash your dishes without listening to podcasts. Eat without watching videos.

Pick at least one activity and do it every day for 2 weeks. It’s a necessary first step that will already increase your boredom tolerance drastically.

– After 2 weeks. Continue doing the same thing as during the first step, but now take any task related to your work, big goals or dreams. Working on an assignment, writing a book, learning to play guitar, drawing... it can be whatever you want. Set a timer for 15–30 minutes. Turn off notifications and put your phone away. Your goal is to just stick with that task, no matter how strong your urge to check your phone gets.

At first it will be uncomfortable, but over time you’ll notice how it gets easier and easier. At some point you won't have to force yourself to do tasks at all.

Good luck!

I'll start with myself. Discovering MBTI and realizing I'm an INFJ was pretty much a turning point in my life. After years I spent trying to "fix" myself, I accepted myself for being:

• "Perfectionistic"
• "Overthinker"
• "People pleaser"
• "Detached from reality"
• "Delusional"
• "Weird"
• "Too soft"
• "Too sensitive"
• "Too idealistic"

... And for all the other labels that people like to put on us 🤪. Paradoxically enough, that's where I became happier and more fulfilled than I ever was during my self-improvement obsession. I realized that all those things I thought were flaws I needed to get rid of are just part of my personality.

It doesn't mean I stopped working on myself or that I don't want to be better anymore. Tbh I doubt it's possible to stop this inner drive to constantly evolve that we INFJs have. But I truly believe that the real growth starts when we learn to accept and love ourselves

So what about you? How did your life change?

When you feel anxiety, your first reaction is “I need to get rid of it“. But let me tell you this, my friend: you should be doing the exact opposite.

There’s a paradoxical rule when it comes to our emotions and thoughts: the more you resist them, the bigger they grow. It's like quicksand. The harder you fight it, the more it pulls you down. But when you stop resisting, it lets go

I used to be an extremely anxious person. Every time I went out in public or talked to people, my face would go red like a fcking tomato, my heart would race like crazy and my brain would go: “They think I’m ugly/weird/stupid”. But this technique literally saved my life.

Every time you feel anxious, do this:

1. Start breathing slowly and deeply with your diaphragm.
2. Relax your muscles.
3. Just start observing your anxiety. How does it feel in your body? Tight chest? Knot in the stomach? Just notice it. Don’t try to fix it! Accept that it’s gonna be here for a while.

By simply watching it from a distance, you’re just letting it be and it starts losing its power. And just like a thought in meditation, the anxiety will pass on its own if you don't interfere.

+ My trick: I silently say, "I want to feel anxious. Give me more". That's the fastest way to switch from resistance to acceptance. It sounds paradoxical, but it works insanely well.

Good luck! 😉

“There's nothing more empowering than being comfortable with your own company”

I used to cling to relationships because I thought being alone would make me... broken. And weird. Like it’s some kind of defect that needs to be fixed. I was afraid of a breakup or cutting ties with toxic people because of one persistent thought: “omg i don’t want to be alone!! i need connections to be happy!”

After all, this is what the entire world tells us. Ever since we were kids, we’ve been fed one loud narrative through movies, books and songs. The narrative is “Being alone is unhealthy! You need the other half to be a normal human being!”.

I mean, sorry, but I’m whole. I don’t have any missing half 😏 .

The problem is, I didn't allow myself to truly believe that. I kept forcing myself to stay in friendships and relationships that I didn't really want, just because the alternative felt... not allowed. Like if you're not actively maintaining a social circle, you're failing at life somehow..

As INFJs, we're constantly told we're "people persons". And yep, we're empathetic, warm and attuned to others. But there's another side to us that rarely gets talked about: we're also deeply self-contained. 

Think about it. How many times have you caught yourself completely absorbed in your own thoughts and ideas that you lost the track of time? How many times have you felt more alive walking alone with your thoughts than you ever did at parties or other social events?

That’s because our inner world is so rich and interesting to us that we don't actually need external stimulation (like relationships) to feel fulfilled.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying relationships are bad. If you currently have healthy relationships in which your needs are met, you feel loved and understood - that’s cool! Don’t change anything.

But I know that for a lot of INFJs the situation is different. I recently wrote a post here called “Dear INFJs, stop being everyone’s unpaid psychologists!” and it resonated with many people. That's because we, INFJs, often end up in rather draining relationships that take away all our resources but don’t give anything in return. Only stress and drama.

If you’re sick and tired of it, but can’t find the courage to change it, just remember: you don't need anyone to be happy. You're already whole. If someone comes along who genuinely adds to that - awesome! But if not, you're not missing anything. You're not broken, you’re not weird, you’re not a failure. You're just you.

And that's more than enough 😉

You avoid doing tasks simply because you avoid the feeling of boredom. You can’t stand it so much that you grab your phone and start scrolling the moment you feel just a little bored.

To break that cycle you should do the exact opposite: embrace boredom. By doing so, you’ll teach your brain that boredom won’t kill you.

But you should do it gradually. Otherwise you’ll quit. So here are simple steps to do it:

1) First 2 weeks. Start doing your everyday activities without distractions you usually use to avoid getting bored. For instance, take a walk without listening to music. Wash your dishes without listening to podcasts. Eat without watching videos.

Pick at least one activity and do it everyday for 2 weeks. It’s a necessary first step that will already increase your boredom tolerance drastically.

2. After 2 weeks. Continue doing the same thing as during the first step, but now take any task related to your work, big goals or dreams. Working on an assignment, writing a book, learning to play guitar, drawing... it can be whatever you want. Set a timer for 15–30 minutes. Turn off notifications and put your phone away. Your goal is to just That'sstick with that task, no matter how strong your urge to check your phone gets.

At first it will be uncomfortable, but over time you’ll notice how it gets easier and easier. At some point you won't have to force yourself to do tasks at all.

That’s exactly what happened to me. I was a chronic procrastinator and couldn't make myself practice guitar or work on my Youtube videos. But facing boredom was a real game changer for me. Try it yourself and you’ll see.

Good luck!

Edit: People rely on motivation too much. But motivation fluctuates a lot. One day you have it, the next you don't. Relying solely on motivation won't get you far.

You don't need motivation to start. You need to start to get motivation. Once you start doing something, your resistance drops immediately. The same goes for this technique. You might feel like you don't want to do a task, but once you set the timer and start doing it, it'll get much easier.

Edit 2: Boredom you feel from doing nothing all day and scrolling social media IS NOT THE SAME boredom you feel getting down to work.

I swear, if I got paid for every time I was called "too slow" in my life, I would... take my time and think whether I should accept the money or not 🤔

No, seriously, my ESTJ dad was constantly criticizing me for making decisions too slowly, doing my homework too slowly, eating too slowly, going to bed too slowly, waking up too slowly, finishing sentences too slo~ ... You get the point.

When I grew up and discovered the world of social media, every self-improvement guru told me I'm thinking too slowly and I need to "just do it". Youtube "experts" told me I'm making my videos too slowly. My (former) friends told me I'm responding to their messages too slowly. Well, it's hard to admit, but... They were right. I am doing everything "too slowly". Or am I?..

See, our competitive and materialistic society really rewards Se and Te users, those who can just do things spontaneously and efficiently. No "overanalyzing", no "analysis paralysis", no "perfectionism". They "just do it", you know. 

So when you hear all those guru tips and get negative feedback from people around you about not being as fast as them, it's really easy to start feeling like there's something wrong with you. It's really easy to fall into the trap the whole self-improvement industry profits from: "I have to 'change' myself, I have to become like them, fast and efficient" But that's a dead end. Because you'll never be like them. And that's AWESOME! 😄

Why?

The thing is, every personality type is balanced. There's a reason why you have a dominant function AND an inferior function. Think about your Ni. When it takes over, we're zoning out and becoming detached from reality, at least to a degree. With a strong Se that's grounded in reality, it would be much harder to do. Our Ni makes us philosophical, always looking for an underlying meaning, for one universal truth, for symbols and patterns.

It makes us look for depth. Now, don't get me wrong, there are a lot of deep and smart fellas amongst Se and Te users. They're not dumb lol. But let's just say, they have Ni and Fi inferior for a reason... They also have their own kind of balance.

So, what happens when you're trying to act like Se or Te doms? What happens when you're trying to be fast, spontaneous and highly efficient? You're trying to win fights against mobs and bosses with a sword... When you're a mage. You're trying to play a mage using warrior and paladin guides. Instead of just pulling out your staff and casting a powerful Ni spell hehe.

You're trying to go against your own nature. But the most important thing is, you're losing your uniqueness.  You're not using the strengths you already have, and instead you're trying to level up your weak sides

Don't get the wrong idea. It's necessary to sometimes step out of your comfort zone and develop your weak sides. But if you spend all your time mimicking warriors and paladins, they'll already reach level 100 and kill the final boss. While you're sitting in the first zone for level 10 players trying to kill an orc with a two-handed sword. Dying every 5 minutes in the process. You'll get the exact opposite result: you'll become even slower. Because that type of behaviour isn't natural for you.

So stop blaming yourself for not being able to swing a sword properly, and finally pull out your damn staff ffs! Don't be ashamed of it. Your Ni+Ti combo needs a lot of time to process information from the real world that your Se provides. Your Fe needs time to align the insights and conclusions it gets with social harmony and make the right decisions.

I know there are a lot of situations when you simply can't wait. When you need to act right here and right now. But in all other situations, don't rush. Take your time. Bring your unique INFJ perspective or point of view to the situation. The one Se or Te doms would never think of. 

Write the kind of book, create the kind of song, draw the kind of painting, make the kind of video they would never be capable of. "Overanalyze" and be perfectionistic all you want until your Ni is satisfied. Show everyone your depth.

You're "too slow" only according to other personalities' standards. You're absolutely fine according to INFJ's standards.

You have your own "slow" path.

Let the whole world wait.

When I was 15 I believed I could change the world. You know, that dream of becoming great, leaving something positive behind, inspiring others through your own example. My biggest Dream was to do it through art. I was passionate about rock music, animation and psychology and wanted to combine it all together somehow (but more on that later).

However, years passed and I didn't change the world heh. I didn't even change my own life. I was drowning in procrastination, watching others living the lives they want... My electric guitar was standing somewhere in the corner of my room, while I was avoiding even looking at it. I didn't want to remind myself of how much of a disappointment I was.

But deep down I knew I was betraying myself and my Dream.

I felt like I completely failed at life, like everyone is better than me and that I will never achieve anything I dreamt about. And I had only one question in my head: “How did it come to this?”

But that’s when I realized something. Something that changed my life so drastically it felt like a rebirth. Something that hopefully will change your life too, thus fulfilling that little dream of mine ;)

If you're struggling with the same thing, I bet you have thoughts running in your head like “I'm not good enough to achieve anything in life”, “I'm worthless/incompetent/inept”, “I'm too lazy”, “It's too hard for me to achieve it” and so on. So each time you get down to actually working on your goals , these thoughts start running through your head like crazy. Self-doubt attacks and you give up every time.This feeling of failure is just too overwhelming to bear.

“Why does everyone else seem to achieve their goals so easily, while I can't even force myself to do simple steps?!”. “Why can't I be like them?!”. Everyone else just seems to be productivity machines, I know.

But have you ever wondered where these thoughts even come from? Well, I bet you haven't even noticed these thoughts, have you? :) Or maybe you noticed, but didn't even question them. You believed them instantly, without a second of doubt. It's fine, I was just like that.

But now it's time to face the truth: these thoughts aren't yours. These thoughts were put in your head by someone else. Yes, let me repeat it: these thoughts aren't yours. You were taught to believe that you're a failure, inept, untalented, worthless, incompetent, inferior. You were programmed to think that whatever you want to achieve in life isn't worth trying. That you're doomed to fail.

You know, just like fake news create a different version of reality and a lot of people believe this reality, completely ignoring evidence that contradicts it. This is how you also believed in the version of reality in which you're incapable of anything and doomed to fail. And since you gave up every time, this belief became a self-fulfilling prophecy: you try to change your life -> start doubting your chances of success -> give up -> reinforce your deeply ingrained belief “I'm a failure” -> cycle repeats.

But you'd ask me, “Okay, how do I break the cycle?”. To do that, you should first ask another question: “Who was I programmed by?”.

I bet you already have the answer ;)

Remember a person or a group of people that were critical towards you in your childhood or teen years. Who was that? Who ignored your achievements and emphasized your mistakes? Who constantly yelled at you?Who made you feel like you're not good enough and worthless? Most likely it was your dad, mom, other relatives or teachers. Take a moment to remember the specific situations where this programming happened.

Now, I want you to realize the most important thing: all those people are fcking liars. Don't get me wrong, most likely they didn't mean to do you harm. They just had a very twisted understanding of how to bring up their kid or teach their students. But it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you have the right to be angry at them. Anger is the fuel you need to be reborn.

But how do you use this fuel? I want you to get revenge. No, not on those people. Wasting your fuel on playing a victim is the worst thing you can do now. Take revenge on the version of yourself they created, the one that's too weak, too lazy, and too inept. Crush it with every small step you take. And your perfect revenge will be your success.

Remember those goals and dreams you had. Start gradually doing little steps to achieve them. Even if it's just 10 minutes a day at first. But I know what you're thinking: "I've already tried and failed". You've tried it while still having that twisted version of reality in your head. But now you’ll have a very effective technique to change this reality, to diffuse all those negative thoughts.

Here's the technique. Every time you do small tasks related to your goals and these thoughts or negative feelings start flooding you, say “I can hear you” while picturing the exact person or people who programmed you. Separate yourself from them. Just like you do in meditation when you observe your thoughts and emotions from a distance. Then switch back to the task you are currently at. Keep ignoring and separating those negative thoughts from you. Don't fight them, just observe!

I'm gonna be honest: at first it will be super uncomfortable. But you'll make it. You'll make your dreams come true. I truly believe in it. Why? Because this is exactly what happened to me. I made my Dream come true ;)

A little more than one year ago I found the way to combine my passion for rock music, animation and psychology. I decided to make an art film with all those things mixed and started working on it every day using the technique I told you about. I decided to tell my story of struggle with the exact same problem we're talking about here. But in a much more personal, deeper and uncensored way, using the language of art.

At first it was hard, every day I was struggling not to quit, flooded by self-doubt. But I didn't listen. Over time those 10 minutes turned into hours. I spent one year making this film and eventually I finished it, being prouder of myself than ever before. And I know you'll be proud of yourself just like me. I believe in you! :)

P.S. I know people will ask about my film, so if you're curious, I uploaded it on youtube, there's a link to my channel in my profile.

I’m sick of it guys. Let me be clear: i'm not against normal morning routines and real discipline. IMO real discipline is when you show up for something that makes your life feel meaningful and fulfilling. But what's sold as "discipline" today is basically torturing yourself with cold showers, three hours of meditation and five hours of reading books from self-help gurus (I'm exaggerating obviously, but you get the point). My friends, that's self-punishment, not discipline 🤪

Morning routines should help you  work on your goals more productively, not drain your energy! Discipline should be freeing, not punishing.. Yet the self-help industry keeps saying that if you're not suffering, you're not growing. If it doesn't hurt, you're doing it wrong (hello David Goggins). So people wake up at 5 AM, do a bunch of absolutely useless things and call it "being disciplined" 

There's nothing wrong with waking up early though! personally I love waking up early,simply because I'm going to the gym before work. But if you wake up early just because another productivity guru told you to and do your "morning routine" instead of ACTUALLY doing the work, you'll hate it soon enough and quit. Because that's exactly what happened to me for soooooo many times

I copied what every guru said: suffer through a cold shower, meditate, go jogging. Basically everything but the actual work heh. You know what changed when I actually started working on my dream? My morning routine became simple af: wake up, and start working. No weird rituals and no self-torture lol.

So stop torturing yourself with overcomplicated morning routines and actually do the work! The only routing that actually matters is the one that moves you closer to your dream, not the one that tortures you. Please, remember it..

IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm not against waking up early, cold showers, jogging or meditating! I'm against using those things as a substitute for actually doing the work

Peace.

I believe this "advice" was popularized by gurus and business coaches. Basically people who are often very far from being empathetic. Andrew Tate is just the loudest example, but there are tons of them.

And the ironic part is that if you have psychopathic tendencies like many of them, you don't need to stop caring. ‘cause you never cared about people at all in the first place. And now you’re selling it as some kind of skill.

But here’s the thing. There are different personality types and some of them just PHYSICALLY can’t stop caring what others think and feel. 

I’m not exaggerating. For instance, when the person in front of me is anxious, sad or uncomfortable,I feel it in my own body. And I'm not the only one. There are a lot of people like me who are more attuned to emotions and needs of those around us than people on average.

And guess what?. We CAN’T just "stop caring" what others feel or think. Because if we do something that hurts or offends them, we feel that hurt ourselves. Literally. And we can’t change it.

And no, we’re not “people pleasers”  as those hypocritical fuckers like to call us. I can push through someone else's feelings and do what I need to do. But it costs a shitload of energy. It's a conscious effort every single time. And no matter how hard we try we can never completely “stop giving a fuck”. That's just how our brains work from the moment we were born.

Sure, you should follow your own desires and needs, because it’s your life. And this is what I’m trying my best to do. But when you hear this useless and hypocritical “just stop caring what others think” everywhere you can’t help but start thinking like there’s something wrong with you. That you’re weird for caring.

But the problem isn’t you. The problem is that a lot of people in our society mistake coldness for strength and empathy for weakness.

So definitely prioritize your own needs. But don't beat yourself up for being empathetic and for “caring too much”.

I’m gonna be honest, some time ago I'd call myself the laziest mf out there. All my life I struggled with severe procrastination. Sitting still and working on an essay or assignment for 30 minutes straight was pretty much impossible for me. I literally wasted years binge-watching Youtube like 12 hours a day...

But a little over a year ago, everything changed. No, it wasn't some magical secret discipline hack from a productivity guru. It was much simpler than that.

I just remembered one thing... I remembered that I had a Dream. 

See, despite being a chronic procrastinator, I'm also a very idealistic and ambitious person (wild combination, I know). When I was 15, this idea hit me: I want to make the world a better place, to leave something positive behind, to inspire people through my own example. Later, I even figured out how exactly to do it. By mixing my main passions together: rock music, animation, and psychology (sounds weird but more on that later)

But the worst thing, I forgot about that Dream. Not literally, of course, my memory was fine. But I buried it. I'd taken some small steps toward it at one point: got an acoustic guitar, then an electric one. I practiced and, despite heavy procrastination, my playing actually improved to a pretty decent level.But "pretty decent" was as far as it went. I'd rather call it "average" tbh :)

Soon enough procrastination took over again, and there I was, doing absolutely nothing except mindlessly consuming social media. That's how I spent the next few years. But in the back of my mind I had a lot frustration and anger. A lot of anger.. Anger for betraying myself and my Dream like that.

Until I had enough. I realized one simple thing: if I didn't do something about it right here and right now, I'll end up an old man regretting he did nothing meaningful with his life.

So I finally locked in. I decided to bring that weird combination I mentioned earlier to life. I wanted to make a film and upload it on youtube. A film telling my story of struggle, one that could inspire others. A deep dive into psychology, stop-motion animation and tons of rock music all blended into one strange combo.

I started working on it every day. But it wasn't easy. The resistance was wild to say the least hah. Old habits kept pulling me back, and I doubted myself pretty much every day. But the more I stuck to the habit (putting at least some time into my project daily) the less power that resistance had. Eventually, momentum kicked in and I started working 6 to 12 hours a day on it. The whole thing took a year (hello, perfectionism). But I didn't give up, and I finished that film.

Looking back at how much I changed during that year made me genuinely proud. Not only did I work on my dream every day for the first time in my life, but I also got rid of a ton of bad habits: cut social media to 30 minutes a day, fixed a broken sleep schedule I'd been trying to fix for over a decade, stopped jer... joking off, sttoped eating junk food completely. I started hitting the gym three times a week too.

And all it took was remembering that I had a reason. That I had a Dream I couldn't let myself betray.

If you're stuck right now, maybe you don't need another productivity hack. Maybe you just need to stop and ask yourself: "What was that thing I once dreamed of doing before I convinced myself I couldn't?" That thing might just be the reason you need.

Don't bury your Dream.

You know the drill. Someone starts venting to you, and before you even realize it, you're three hours deep into a conversation you didn't sign up for. They dump their problems, their drama, their existential crisis, and you sit there, nodding, asking the right questions, reflecting their feelings back to them like a damn mirror. They walk away feeling lighter, but you feel completely drained and empty..

Why do we do this? Because Fe makes us hypersensitive to other people's emotional states, and our Ni-Ti combo instantly starts analysing, connecting dots, offering solutions. It's like we were built to be the perfect free psychologist. And people sense it and flock to us. They call it "being a good listener", but I call it emotional dumpster diving heh.

I used to think this was just what being a friend, partner or coworker meant. That if I really cared, I had to carry everyone's baggage. I was the 24/7 crisis hotline with no off switch for my friends, partners, even coworkers. Meanwhile, my own energy was evaporating. My own needs were ignored and my own Dream was buried under other people's unresolved issues.

And you know what the worst part is? Most of them weren't even looking for solutions. They just wanted to bleed out emotionally and then go back to their lives, leaving me to process their mess in my head for days

So I stopped. And I lost almost everyone in my circle. But you know what else I lost? The constant exhaustion, the resentment and the feeling that I was wasting my life on their drama :)

And here's what happened next. I redirected all that energy I used to pour into other people's problems into the one thing I'd been neglecting for years: my Dream. In addition to being an INFJ I'm also a 9w1. And I'd spent so long going along to get along with other people that I'd completely lost touch with my own needs. But once I finally cut the draining ties, it felt like someone took the brakes off my life.I started working on my creative project instead of working on other people's mess.

So if you're an INFJ reading this, please hear me: Your ability to understand others is a gift. But a gift stops being a gift when it costs you your own needs. You are not an emotional dumpster. You are a human being with your own necessities and your own Dream to chase. 

For the past eight years, I've been journaling. Except that it's an audio-journal. I've been doing it almost every single day — anywhere from half an hour to several hours (did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?). I just grab my phone, go for a walk, and hit record.

Most of the time, I'm reflecting on creative ideas, steps to bring them to life, social situations that happened (analysing them from a psychological angle), and various philosophical things. Often, I imagine I'm talking to my future self (the one who'll be listening to these recordings in the future) or to a person I know.

But for many other personality types, this sounds so weird. Before I dove into MBTI and started understanding my own personality, I genuinely thought everyone did this. That everyone talked to themselves. When I asked friends about it, though, they said they never do it and that it sounded boring. My reaction was basically, "Wait, what? How can self-reflection be boring?!" I even started to think I was weird for it.

But now I understand why this happens. As we know, our Ni is an endless source of insights and ideas. And to process them, we have to digest them somehow. Otherwise, our heads turn into chaos and clutter. For us, it's an invaluable source of creativity. But from the outside, it can look strange to others. Especially since, to work with Ni, we have to disconnect from the external world (maybe not completely, but there's always a certain detachment and withdrawal inward). So we look like we're only half-present while doing it (hello, inferior Se).

But for me, it's deeply calming. I literally can't live without it. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or anxious, I sort everything out in my head — almost like putting things on shelves — and I feel so much better afterwards.

A couple of years ago, I learned that cognitive behavioural therapy has an almost identical technique: having a rational dialogue with yourself. You ask yourself questions that help separate the situation from your emotions and let you see it from a rational perspective. Turns out, I'd been doing exactly that for years without knowing it.

On top of that, it keeps me really in touch with my emotions (even as an Enneagram Nine, hah), because I'm constantly analysing them too. "When that happened, what did I feel? Why? What did it mean?"

Does this resonate with anyone else? Do you like talking to yourself? Do you journal in any form?

There are a lot of people who are terrified of being alone. So much that they jump into relationships just to avoid it. And society pushes the idea that if you're single, something is wrong with you. But being single is actually bliss.

Someone might say: "You just haven't experienced the beauty of relationships." Well, I've never suffered from a lack of friends, I've been in romantic relationships, and I thought I couldn't live without them.

But at some point, I realized just how much I love being alone and how much I hate drama, stress and conflict — all of which often come hand in hand with relationships.

For years, instead of putting all my time and energy into what truly matters to me — working on my dream — I was pouring it all into my relationships. Relationships that gave me nothing but stress.

The most ironic part is that deep down I knew I never had a strong need for relationships in the first place. I was perfectly comfortable being by myself. I was never bored in my own company. I always had something to do. As an introvert, my inner world, the world of ideas, philosophical thoughts, hobbies like reading books — they've always been way more stimulating and energizing to me than any social activities.

And yet, I was afraid to give up on relationships because everyone around pushes the idea on you that you must have a ton of friends and a partner. I was afraid to go against that mainstream belief.

But everything changed when the frustration of wasting all my time and energy on stupid relationship drama reached its peak. I got angry at myself for pouring all my energy and time into that instead of realizing my potential. Instead of following my dream.

So I cut ties with everything and everyone draining my energy and focused on what truly matters to me. Now I work on my goal every single day, and I'm happier than I've ever been. It feels like I suddenly tapped into a huge source of energy, except it was always there. I was just spending it on the wrong things.

And don't tell me I just haven't found the right friends or a good partner. I know healthy and happy relationships exist. If you're in one, that's really great. My point is that there are a huge number of people who simply don't need relationships that much, yet they feel like there's something wrong with them because of it.

I truly believe that you don't have to be afraid of being alone if that's what truly feels best for you. Follow what you're really passionate about in life, and if it's not relationships, don't be ashamed of it.

I used to think I was a failure incapable of achieving my Dream. Because in my childhood, I was criticized for every mistake I made. 

My achievements were devalued, my failures were emphasized. So I grew up thinking it was pointless to even try to follow my Path. That I'd inevitably fail. And so, I procrastinated for years.

Some of you might feel like what you've achieved so far isn't enough. Or maybe you're afraid that you'll never achieve your goals.

But that's an utter lie.

I spent years in self-doubt and procrastination because I believed every negative thought I had. Instead of working on what truly matters to me, I did nothing and hated myself for betraying my Dream like that.

But everything changed when I realized one simple thing: the voice in your head that doubts your ability to succeed is not even yours. It belongs to someone who criticized you in the past.

When I started separating myself from this voice (just like you do in mindfulness practices), I finally began working on something I'm truly passionate about. It didn't happen overnight. But the more I practiced this separation and took real steps toward my goal every day, the quieter that voice became. Eventually I achieved what I wanted, and I keep following my passion today. 

I just wanted to remind you: never listen to that liar in your head. You're not a failure. You're enough to follow your Path.

Ever since I was 15, I knew what kind of mission I had in life. As idealistic as it sounds, my deepest dream was to make the world a better place, to leave something positive behind, to inspire people through my own example (what an INFJ thing to say, hah).

I had three passions I wanted to pursue this dream through: rock music, psychology, and animation. I even had a rough idea of how to combine them (more on that later). But for years, I couldn't bring myself to start, because there was one thing that always stopped me. This thing was self-doubt, and as a result, procrastination.

I'd tell myself I wasn't good enough (not a good musician, not competent enough in psychology, incapable of doing animation), that my ideas were stupid, that I needed to be "ready" first. So I did nothing. And hated myself for it. I was wasting my time and energy on things that didn't contribute to my dream at all: unhealthy relationships and meaningless media consumption.

But everything changed when I got angry at myself for wasting my potential and betraying my dream. I got so pissed off that I decided to cut out of my life everything and everyone that was draining my resources. I decided to finally lock in.

I started working on a video for youtube (actually something like a film), where I would combine all three of those passions I mentioned (psychology, animation, and rock music) into one. I wanted to tell my own story of struggle and inspire other people through it.

That's when all my demons of doubt woke up: "You won't be able to do it”, “This is too hard for you", "You'll quit, just like you always have". There were periods when I felt like the whole thing was doomed and there was no point in even trying.

But I knew my Ni wouldn't leave me in peace until I walked the path it had been pointing me toward for years. Every day I worked on it for 6 to 12 hours. I spent a whole year on it (hello, perfectionism). But in the end, I didn't give up, and I finished that film.

And looking back at how much I'd changed, I felt genuinely proud of myself. Not only did I work on my dream every day for the first time in my life, but I also built a ton of useful habits: I finally fixed my broken sleep schedule (which I hadn't been able to fix for about 10 years), I significantly improved my English (I'm not a native speaker), I got back to the gym and got my body into good shape, completely cut out junk food, and limited my social media use to half an hour a day.

All because I made the decision to follow my dream. And that disciplined me more than any guru advice on Youtube ever did during all the years of trying before.

If any of you have been stuck in that same loop, know this: your Ni shows you the path for a reason. Our Ni is a gift that gives us something most other types don't have — a sense of direction. We were born to bring into reality something that doesn't yet exist. We were born to do something meaningful. You might take longer than others to start, but once you commit, you become unstoppable.

I believe in you.