u/I_Boop_Cats_

I'm not looking forward to the VoR Chronos fight.

I killed the King with the Crossbow. But still.

I love my Voodoo.

Could be under 60 if I wasn't so slow at killing adds.

Also, I feel the Repeating Crossbow is more consistent than the Reaping Chakram. Still both good weapons tho.

Chicken, Bacon, Macaroni and four (Cheddar, Gouda, Pepper Jack, Provolone) cheeses.

I go to work and I'm not really doing much there. I work as a SysAdmin, but in practice I'm a bench tech and... that's fine actually. I'm not overloaded with work like my colleagues are, though I know some of them resent me for it (don't care, you have your field and I have mine). Fairfield, CA is otherwise a boring black hole of "huh?" unless I'm at a bar or a brewery.

I'm not really sure what's "wrong". I'm looking forward to going to Creamfirlds in U.K. in two weeks (AHHHHH ACTUAL NOISES OF HAPPINESS!!!) and EDC Thailand (going alone 🥲) but otherwise I have nothing to look forward to. I go to work, do my thing, leave, and I'm in an empty apartment doing nothing until I have to go to work the next morning. I'm trying to force myself to end my backlog of Silent Hill 2: Remake, Like A Dragon, Expedition 33, Death Stranding 2, Hades II and Saros, but it's... like I lack motivation to actually play the game.

If video games won't survive my apathy, what will?

Dating apps are blank. Reddit isn't great for this either. I am a lifelong introvert and shy guy irritated because now, for some reason, I want to be around people and that is profoundly alien to me.

At least football season is soon.

Hey y'all.

I can't go to Elements but I can blow shit up.

... y'all mother fuckers were one hundred god damned fuckin' shit right.

This game needs to be re-rated to adults only because the way this thing fucks causes me SEXUAL pleasure.

Repeater Crossbow w/ Fast Charge... it fucks. It just FUCKS.

Bottom (Lindsey Graham) text.

I run him often as a Support and I love it!

In 2021 I felt on top of the world. I had just completed my second Army deployment and I was successfully dabbling in r/WSB shenanigans to the tune of turning a couple grand into a couple hundred grand. I lived by myself with my cat Voodoo and it would be honestly difficult to complain about my life.

In 2022 I started my job OCONUS in Djibouti and then I lost it. In 2023 I got a job in Iraq, and then I lost it. I came back stateside and my girlfriend, who'd been cheating on me with multiple men at that point, decided to end our relationship. I was homeless from October to April of the following year, essentially living on the street in northern Virginia. I was donating plasma just to be able to eat, this wandering misery and rejected job applications defined these months, and then I got an OCONUS position overseas again in May 2024; a relatively remote military installation in the Indian Ocean paid well and relieved my financial pressures. The bad times seemed to be over.

So fast forward to July 2025. I resigned from my job amicably because I wanted a position less remote and closer to home. Fine, right? Well in August of that year, Elon/DJT shenanigans resulted in furloughs and hiring freezes. I couldn't fucking believe it, back to desperation again.

From October 2025 to February 2026 I was couch surfing and homeless again after funds ran dry, and I was drowning in job application rejections again. In hindsight, I should've prepared better. However, if I had known what had happened, I would've just stayed at my job. This time however, although I was staying with a friend in California, I wound up having to leave her place because she had family to attend to. The difference between California and D.M.V. homelessness was that I used the VA this time to be put in transitional housing while they helped me get back on my feet. The food pantry was stocked and the staff were excellent. Occasionally my roommates were significantly mentally ill, or unpredictable, but other than some arrests and fights (none of which involved me), things were, again, stable.

So in February, I got a job as a mid-level I.T. support which is below my grade (I had been doing DoD I.T. for eight years at this point) and I just took it. $69,000 a year is far, FAR better than nothing. I was crashing and paying rent to a colleague while in the (very) boring area of Gardnerville, NV.

I was going through the motions of being completely bored with this position but simultaneously grateful that I was no longer homeless. No longer on the street. And definitely a damn sight better than my status when I was homeless in Alexandria. Took the good with the bad. And then, I got a better job: $86,000 to take a SysAdmin role in Fairfield, CA. Sold.

So I left Nevada to come to Cali, again. The VA again has me on transitional housing while I save up for my own place (VA benefits, when they work, are a godsend tbh). I'm doing better. My life is stable. I am content. But I'm not happy.

My coworkers are cool and my bosses are awesome. Nobody has a stick up their ass here and we are all better off for it. I come to work. I go back to my room. Rinse and repeat. However: this routine is making me apathetic. Whenever I'm in my room I have nothing to look forward to but my PlayStation 5 or sleep. Edibles and alcohol are wonderful but I don't want to constantly poison myself to pass the time. Furthermore, I'm reliant on alcohol as a social lubricant because I'm extremely introverted and find it difficult to just go up to strangers and say "hi" while sober. It also doesn't help that Fairfield is fairly... boring. Wine Tasting and the Jelly Belly factory are all that there is to do here, and nightlife is fairly non-existent. Sacramento is in one direction and the Bay Area proper is in the other direction: so if I want to have fun, I need to leave, which is somewhat of a pain.

I know I'm doing better. I know I should be grateful (and I am) to be better. I know that it could be, and I have been, far worse. I know that sometimes I need to realize that it's not that deep. But I'm left with long periods of nothing to do and I wind up in a mental cycle of artificial misery in which I'm constantly daydreaming about exaggerated or fictional scenarios that have me sad or enraged until I mentally check myself and go "why am I making myself upset?". The utter lack of stimulation during the week is actively becoming a detriment to my mental health and when I'm at rest, fictional mental misery is actively rotting my brain. I have always had an active imagination and when I was a teenager it was whimsical and creative. Now, it's just my mind trying to tell me via elaborate mental fantasies that I'm worthless or deserving of unhappiness despite the fact my life is far more content than the imaginary misery inside my head. I can't get my manipulative ex out of my head, or stupid scenarios from high school, or imaginary nonsense where I'm the victim. I've gotten better at mentally turning these off and checking myself, however. It doesn't stop. When I'm with friends online or IRL, this isn't a problem. But the majority of the time... I'm not.

Five years ago my life was wonderful. Now? I miss my cat (with my ex), my only source of stimulation is my PS5, liquor, or edibles (I really like St. Ide's tea), and... there's nothing else. My life is several brilliant shades of gray and I can't even feign to be interested in most things anymore. If I start reading an SCP I'll randomly stop. If I look into an interesting Reddit post I'll go into the first paragraph at most before I sigh and close it, unable to care. My colleagues will ask me what I have planned on weekends and I'll come up with some generic answers just so they don't pry further. My friends are scattered around mostly on the East Coast and Europe so I can only really hang out with the couple friends I have here on weekends in either direction. I'm not "sad" but consumed by apathy and I'm not sure how to relieve it. My hobbies are Legos, video games, music, and reading but I can't bring myself to be interested enough to pursue them now.

I'm utterly bored by everything and I haven't been happy in years, if ever.

Before y'all suggest therapy: guess what? It helped me, at age 36, be diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, and an anti-social disorder, but it otherwise does nothing to help. I can vent but that doesn't mean anything when solutions are non-existent. I'm glad my therapy is covered by VA because I feel little other than "I go to this woman's office and talk for an hour before going home and doing the same the following week."

I guess I'm just stuck in the doldrums that are my life.

Above: Buldak Rosé, pork belly in Szechuan sauce, and MELA Water.

1. Tyrantrum: Dragon Dance and hitting shit hard, will elaborate in a sec.

2. Mega Altaria: the rotation of Take Heart & Roost before attacking was lethal

3. G-Max Flapple: the giant Apple is the fastest? Neat!

4. Haxorus: Sharpness and chop chop, but not used often

5. Turtonator: I just picked him up during the run

6. Mega Tatsugiri: I wish you were faster, my MVP, but MAN is your Sp. Atk stat disgusting

Tatsu swept early, and Tyrantrum did most of the backup work. I went in with five Pokémon, and wasn't able to get to Wasteland/Volcano until nearly level 140. Applin didn't evolve into Flapple until I found the Syrupy Apple in wave 138, but oddly enough got the G-Max Mushroom after I beat Ivy.

When Altaria evolved, I quickly realized that Take Heart × 6 and Roost meant I could boost and sweep myself through... anyone. Mega Rayquaza didn't use anything against me but Outrage for some reason (no other damaging move...?), and Eternatus 1HKO ALL of my Pokémon with Dynamax Cannon, but this gave Altaria time to boost up.

A flaw of my team is that none of my Dragons had stat breaking moves for Eternatus, and another is that they were all fucking slow. However, the tank and spank worked, with Tyrantrum (Dragonite + Hyper Fang) and Mega Altaria (+6 Dragon Pulse) getting the job done.

My last Mono to do is Rock.

1. Purple/Gold Shields are psychological warfare: get in there and just shoot them

2. These were from the same match, with about two minutes of wandering and banter removed

3. The Red Room had one Assassin Core, one Head Implant, and the Cryo Key that were Superior. Everything else: BLUES. BLUES EVERYWHERE.

I'm new to Fairfield, CA and went to San Francisco for a block party event. Even though I don't know anyone here yet, the food at Brenda's gave me no complaints. 😁

Ironically, that Heat Grenade likely helped this to happen.

Why he say "Fuck me" for?