u/Icy-Communication515

Hello everyone. I just recently learned something about my dad that’s making me think he’s not a muslim anymore and if so how do i fix it?
My father has not prayed or read quran in about 20 years. He fasted sometimes but only for the sake of me and my sister becuase we were fasting in ramadan and he says he loves us and we are his daughters. He does not believe the day of judgement. And today I find out he believes the quran was written by prophet muhammad pbuh. He also holds some belief in astrology. I think all this takes him out of the fold of islam. He still believes god exists. Just not these things

He hasn’t told me this himself my mother told me and I became very concerned. Thing is, in the past any time I have tried to gently push him in the right direction, he always says it’s between him and allah.
My heart aches at the thought that he is not muslim anymore. He does not openly declare himself non muslim. Nor does he believe he is not muslim. He just dosen’t believe in these fundamentals of islam.

Another thing I am worried about is my mother and me and my sisters we are all practicing. But if my father has left the fold of islam, dosen’t that void their marriage? My mother dosen’t know this nor do I plan on telling her right now. She just thinks he has weak faith. I don’t want to destroy our lives, but I want to guide my father back to islam. I don’t intend to disrespect him at all and I know only allah can guide.

What can I do? Even if I told my parents there marriage is void they would never believe me or even go with it. Is it void right away or is their an iddah? I sometimes online clear miscommunications for non muslims about islam so I know how to make convincing arguments. He has had a hard life and I think he says this becuz he beleives allah does not listen to his duas. He basically beleives allah doesn’t care about him anymore.

He is still a good person. i don’t want this to ruin our lives. But I’m confused on what to do. I can’t get in contact with a local imam nor do online scholar questions portals work, bcz i never get a response. If my mother has an iddah then time is ticking. It dosen’t even feel real. Like nothing is going to happen, but I know it will and I know I can’t turn a blind eye to this. Please pray for his guidance and give me some advice.

I’ve made arrangements to have therapy after some time because I think I can benefit from it. I don’t have any childhood trauma or anything. So it’s not big. I have many things to discuss. But one of the major things is something that happened to me that might be considered wrong and possibly in need of reporting. The thing is, that thing really affected me and it would be worth talking about.

But i’m worried my therapist would report it and my family and everyone could get in trouble which is not something I want to happen. No one did anything with bad intentions but I’m not sure they would understand the full dynamics. If something happened to me, but i am not in that situation anymore would the therapist report it? I feel like I can’t share it with anyone because I am just constantly worried it’ll get my family in trouble. For reference, I live in Canada. And I’m a minor so maybe that would influence things.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated, thanks in advance.

I’m a woman and I will be going to therapy over the phone. This morning was my intake session, but I forgot to mention, I would just personally prefer a female therapist. Is that wrong? Can I still mention it later? Will anyone take offence?

Hi y’all. So im 15 f and my parents have done my baat paki with my puphos son who lives in uk. But im in canada. Hes like 6 years older than me so the overall expectation likely is we get married when im 18. Tbh i see lots of red flags in this arrangement but my dad says its okay so i needed advice from the pakistani community. Cuz y’all understand culture and expectations.

K so the first thing is i literally find it weird to marry my czn tbh. His parents are czns, mine r cznz, if we marry imo itll be too risky but no one sees it that way.

Second reason is i rlly dont see him as a life partner. When i imagine my life partner personally i dont want to live with in laws, something my pupho and my baat paki czn prob wont agree too. I also wear hijab so living in the same house would be a problem cuz he has 2 brothers too and they are non mehrams.

The next reason is my pupho was talking to my mom on the phone and causally mentioned he has bad anger issues. Her exact words were that he has outbursts and my pupho has to calm him down and “ vo gussa jaldi karta lekin dil ka atcha ha”. 🙃Something im def not comfortable with.

His dads always been abusive to my pupho, physially and emotionally hes not a good person. So yeah. Im worried what influence that has on him. And if i go there all alone, no parents, no degree, no job, alone with a man who has anger issues i literally think u guys can imagine why thats not a good idea.

Next reason is my pupho and her household are overall educated but only in the degree sense. They’re likely still gonna be the kind if ppl that want me to have a kid 3 months into marriage. And if im married at 18, i promise i dont wanna be a mom at 18.

The anger one and the kids one and being isolated are my biggets reasons. Naturally ive raised all these concerns with my dad who had literally 2 responses. “Allah kher karay”, and “vo atcha batcha ha”. So yeah. Also my grandparents come here ovserve everything i do snd then they report back to my pupho and my dad refuses to set boundaries so yeah.

Need advice here. Am i crazy? And if im
Not what should i do bcz genuinely i think my dad might be rlly mad if i say no when its time to marry.

Edit: we not gonna get married rn its gonna be when im at least 18 or 18 plus but very likely when IM 18 and def by the time im 20. The arrangement was made by this pir, who my dad and pupho go to. Later they found out he was a fraud but wanted to keep the arrangement. My pupho literally brags that my czn cant even make fruit chat 😭.

Edit number 2: u guys have any suggestions for me without me getting disowned? If i say not here and get married somewhere else and it’s bad my dad’s never gonna support me and he’s gonna blame me for the rest of my life. Likewise if i do get married here snd something bad happens here too i’m gonna get blamed for it.

Edit number 3: guys i love my parents a lot i wont let them do it but i so love them so im looking for solution. Also plz dont say bad stuff about my parents. Ppl say call cps and it’s not easy and i wont do it. They are the best parents in ways i cannot describe. This is the only issue. I could have posted this anywhere else I hoped fellow Pakistanis wouldnt tellor ask me to call the police on my parents like some white person might ask me to do. But Anyways.

Edit number 4: okay guys i do have a bank acc. My family isn’t trad wife centered my dad wants me to be independent. He encourages me to have my own business too. Just to let you know. He loves me, i am not a burden on him, he buys me things, he cares about me. Hes just close minded here. He grew up in a very abusive household. And his dad used to beat him a lot.

Hi everyone. Its been a couple of years since this but I really don’t know if what my teacher did was wrong or just normal. I think about it a lot. For context. He was 58 male and I had him in grades 5 and 6. Right now, I am 15 f.

He would talk about sexual education stuff outside of the classes. One time he started talking about how babies were born in great detail.

One of the most common things he talked about was women. How men loved beautiful women. And they sometimes do stupid stuff around women they like. One time he made a comment on how men like women with big breasts. He made the girls practice saying no kindly to guys who will approach them later on. And he dismissed some boys who inappropriately touched some girls using that same comment that “men to stupid things around women they like”.

He frequently talked about how men used to be able to beat women and how women were property. I know thats history, but he talked about it in an uncomfortable way. It felt dehumanizing. Almost as if he liked to talk about it.

He made us draw naked men and women for an art assignment, (this was in grade 5). And to help us he gave us pictures of naked men and women. One time, he taught us a lesson about media using a picture of women in bikinis. He also frequently showed us pictures of this naked male statue in italy. Which very openly showed the male private part.

He made jokes about women’s periods. He always objectified women and when he did so he used the word female. I started to hate that word bcz it felt as if I’m not a person if someone used it. But I’m fine with it now.

I remember this other time he just showed us pictures of naked men and women statues. He would often go off topic and talk about greek goddesses related to women as well. I knew I hated his classes. And he knew it too. He made it sound like these things were okay.

In short he made lots of jokes about women, their bodies, he showed us naked stuff, etc. for this reason my mother exempted me from the sex ed classes Because I didn’t feel comfortable learning that with him. I had a girl approach me later I was lucky I didn’t have to take them because “he’s worse during those classes and shows us detailed pictures too”. He spent so much time on all this that we barely learned anything in class with him which was bad because he was our classroom teacher.

I reported him many times and I know 1 other student did too, but nothing was ever done about it. He had taught at the school for over 25 years, and had good relationships with the staff. He’s likely retired now.

Was his behaviour wrong? Or is it normal for some people to act like this?

Hear me out. I know if anyone in oshawa wants shawarma they tend to go to osmows or shelbys. But this place is LEGENDARY. The shawarmas are big, saucy, and they have genuine taste. Probably the best Shawarma I have ever had. PLZ go try it you do not know what you’re missing out on.

Hi, so I am 72 hours post op ACL surgery. I am having my surgery about 18 months after my tear. for context I am a 15 year old girl who loves basketball and i got my injury playing basketball 1 month into the first year of rep. If we add up all my injuries its a Fully torn acl and a medial meniscus tear and a mcl sprain.

I tore my meniscus on-top of a non fixed acl just 3 months later. So i had surgery for that immediately and obviously now its been over a year and I am here rn post op acl surgery. The thing thats bothering me is my friend. I told her i was having surgery, and she knew I would miss school. We talked about it on my last day too, like she knows its big and life changing and we exchanged hugs and stuff. We are pretty good friends. We have 3/4 classes together and always sit together, share work and help each other out and stuff.

I was like 36 plus hours post op and i didn’t even get a single text asking how the surgery went, which i know i might be overreacting but it rlly hurt me bcz if the roles were reversed i would 100 percent be there for her and at least send a text to check in. I decided to be the one to send a text and she still didn’t ask. Like i said hello how are you and she just said good how are you. No mention of it whatsoever.

I thought high-school would be different because in gr 8 when i got my injuries then the kids made fun of me and said i was faking it and that really took a toll on my mental health. My friends ditched me, i became the most alone person. When I came to high-school and met my friend i thought things were different, and i thought she cared and i cared too.

I am dealing with the actual surgery pretty well, but this stuff is just getting on my nerves. And It also bothers me how insensitive ppl are, like even my own sisters, they will ask me “what sports teams did you get in last year” or “what did you do for track and field” bcz apparently they “forgot” that i was injured last year and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I am sorry if that turned long but am i overreacting?

Edit: i do not rlly have problems with this stuff anymore bcz i adjusted to it for 18 months, and i learned that ppl aren’t always there but i thought this friend would be different and i at the least deserved a how are you text. I don’t feel depressed or anything, at least not rn bcz i went through that phase already especially when i had my last surgery. But i think i might feel it all again

Hey its my first time posting here. So I’m basically 36 hours post op, I was putting something under my whole leg to elevate it, but i read ur not supposed to do that. They booked my physio late too so i haven’t had physio yet, I will have it 5 days post op. The cryocuff machine barely does anything for pain. It hurts so much. They gave me 3 rounds of fentanyl after surgery. I got tylenol super strength, Auro celecoxib, and PMS hydromorpone for meds. I had meniscus surgery just over a year ago and it was stitched so the surgeon said he took out the stitches bcz the whole thing was healed. He only gave me an immobolizer and not a range of motion brace, and i i got a quads graft. It hurts a lot. Idk why, or how im gonna get through this. Im 15 f

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Im a teen and sometimes i rlly wanna get married. Mostly bcz it feels nice of the idea of having someone who’s ur partner, who you can grow with, someone with who you know is halal for you. And the obviously since I cannot get married yet, i just think ugh. The logical part of my brain tells me that for me personally I should not get married the moment I turn 18. I should wait, be stable, work on myself. But then I add that amount of years to the amount that I already have to wait and I do not think I could do it. I really want to be with someone and not worry about doing something wrong. And having kind of like a best friend.

Alhamdulillah I have never been with a man in a haram relationship nor do I plan to. Am I the only one that feels this way or is it other ppl too? How do you guys deal with it and would it be stupid to get married at around 18-19 ish before finishing my education?

I will see soooo many muslims that when u talk with them about palestine they say “its not out jobs”. What do u mean its not ur jobs. Its fardh on all of us to help our muslim brothers and sisters who are being tortured. I am sure many of u have heard about hind rajab. She was a 5 year old girl that the IDF shot with over 360 tank bullets. If that is not enough to wake u up i do not know what will. We must unite and fight and speak up as an ummah. This is a war against islam. And to those of you who say it is not our jobs, allah will ask u on judgement day about what u did to help them. And if u still think oh the quran never told us too. It did. And for those of u who are speaking out, I applaud you. And u can use the same verses I am attaching below to guide some misguided person on this topic.

"And what is wrong with you that you fight not in the cause of Allah and for the oppressed among men, women, and children who say, 'Our Lord, take us out of this city of oppressive people and appoint for us from yourself a protecter and helper?

— Surah An-Nisa 4:75

O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives. Be they rich or poor, Allah is best to ensure their interests. So do not let your desires

cause you to deviate from justice. If you distort the testimony or refuse to give it, then "know that" Allah is certainly All-Aware of what you do.

Quran 4:135

The Prophet a said:

"The best jihad is a word of truth spoken to a tyrant ruler."

- (Sunan al-Nasã'i 4209, graded authentic)

Assalam o alikum everyone, i have some conditions that i will put in my nikkah contract are these reasonable? I will have the reasoning behind each condition in brackets ().

**1. I have the right to work after marriage**. (I personally would like to stay home but I want to be financially independent as there is so many women in my family who never left and still cannot leave there abusive marriages becuase they were dependent on there husbands, plus I want to be able to send money to my parents, to help them. I wont be working any 15 hour a day corporate job, just something 9-5 or small so I’m independent)

**2. I have the right to continue education after marriage.** (This is in the scenario that I get married before my education is complete or if I want to pursue more education after marriage).

**3.** **I have the right to a seperate home.** (I am a hijabi and I cannot live in joint family if he has brothers, I would have to wear my hijab all day, and i generally prefer privacy)

**4. In the event my husband takes a second wife I have the right to initiate divorce.** (I just personally cannot share a man)

**5. I retain the right to visit my parents and family members after marriage.** ( I’ve seen it happen where the husband forbids his wife from meeting with her parents).

**6. Husband cannot forbid me from leaving the house without a valid reason.** (I’ve seen men forbid there wives from leaving the home over absolutely no reason besides ego).

**7. Husband should try to help around the house when he can, if he is physically and emotionally able.** (I don’t want all the burden to fall on me but I also recognize he can be tired at times thats why I said only if he is not rlly tired from work)

For context, after marriage I am willing to help him pay some bills like maybe cover all the groceries. I am not the type of woman to ask for 50k for mehr thats ridiculous. I know marriage is built on partnership, It just scares me to end up in a bad relationship which is why I have these conditions. **Let me know what you think.**

Edit: thank you for the responses everyone I see a a common point is that these are not properly worded, do not worry on the contract they will be, this is just the general gist.