u/Independent-State802

My mother is a high functioning alcoholic. She can go weeks without a drink and then she will relapse. This has been happening for the past decade at the very least. 

I am a grown woman in my 30s, but I still have so much anxiety and sadness around this. I can’t help but feel like she doesn’t love me enough to get help and get better. She refuses help, has an overinflated ego and believes she can stop drinking on her own through sheer willpower. She is also depressed, pushing away those around her and is destroying her relationships at the speed of light. The entire situation is extremely depressing.

Where can I find help for something like this? If you are in my shoes and have sought out therapy, what type of therapist do you go to?

I am so incredibly anxious. My mother can be the best friend I’ve always wanted her to be and the source of my anxiety all at once. And my anxiety, I get from her. And my daughter gets her anxiety from me. What a terrible cycle we’re in which I am desperately trying to break. 

The reason for my anxiety is that my mom is an alcoholic. She struggles with alcohol addiction and I struggle to admit it or even say it out loud or write it because it feels like I a betrayal. She drinks to cope with life and proceeds to get angry and lash out to anyone in her proximity. She calls her family, friends.. and whoever picks up is taken for a ride. She has been on and off this way over the past decade. 

She stopped drinking about a year ago, but she very recently found the bottle again. My 4 year old girl is very attached to grandma. She doesn’t live nearby, so most of our interactions are over video call and the yearly visits. I had a really shitty interaction with her on a call a few weeks ago when I wouldn’t let her talk to my daughter while she was drunk. I set a boundary and she was not happy about it. 

She sent me a message the next day apologizing to me for what happened, for what she said. She said she loved me. I told her I forgave her but that I worry about her. That was the last time we spoke. I am used to her going on a bender like this and being apologetic afterwards, and for the most part I’ve accepted it. I accepted that this is our family’s elephant, which no one wants to address, I’ve accepted that my mother will likely never take responsibility for her drinking, I have accepted that we will likely never have the close nurturing relationship I crave. But, it’s hitting me harder this time for some reason. 

My daughter is 4 and I dread the day I have to explain to her why she can’t spend the night at grandma’s or why grandma is speaking funny (I don’t allow my kids near my mom when she’s been drinking but I can’t foresee every interaction with her and it makes me so incredibly anxious. We haven’t spoken in weeks and you’d think I’d be feeling more peaceful, but no, the anxiety is going to eat me alive. It doesn’t help that my entire life is coming apart at the moment either, so other than my kids, little else brings me joy. 

I would never act on this, but I often daydream about picking up and leaving or going on an extended vacation without telling anyone. 

I know I would never actually leave my kids behind; they are my everything. But, sometimes, I daydream that I don’t have massive responsibilities in the shape of two little humans who need me to survive. 

I am just so burnt out and exhausted. I can’t remember the last time I had a break and I would kill to get a few hours to myself once in a while. 

I’m looking for some perspective on a playdate situation I’ve been dealing with.

I’m very good friends with another mom who has a daughter a few months younger than my 4 yr old. The girls have always played together well enough, but over the past several hangouts, I’ve started seeing a pattern with her daughter now that she’s in full threenager mode.

When the girls play, the other child will scream at the top of her lungs if my daughter is holding something she wants. She will snatch toys directly from my daughter’s hands, and in a couple of recent instances has screamed when she doesn’t get her way. My daughter is learning to stand up for herself, but she often feels confused and upset when this happens.

Something happened during a playdate today which really bothered me. The girls were playing with dolls, and the other child wanted the one my daughter was holding. She started whining and trying to pull it away. My daughter yelled “no, I’m playing with it,” and the other child escalated to snatching it out of her hands. My daughter held on, the mom stepped in to separate them, and the other child hit my daughter.

I immediately went to comfort my daughter, but I felt pretty frustrated watching the rest unfold. The mom’s response was to comfort her daughter and then redirect her to something else. There were no clear boundaries set in the moment like “we don’t hit” or “we don’t snatch toys,” and no consequences that I could see. And this isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this general approach. There have been other incidents where the child tantrums or throws toys, and the response is usually comfort + redirection, but no firm limit-setting. I haven’t said anything in those situations because my child wasn’t directly involved and it’s not my place to comment on another parent’s parenting.

But after today, I’m feeling conflicted because my daughter is now directly on the receiving end of this behaviour, and I don’t really want her to be in situations where there are repeated unsafe or unkind interactions without any boundaries being set. I’m considering that next time something like this happens, I will step in and say something like: “No, we don’t hit or snatch toys. If we can’t play kindly, we’re going to end the playdate and leave.”

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did you handle it without damaging the friendship between parents, but still standing up for your child?

I’m looking for some perspective on a playdate situation I’ve been dealing with.

I’m very good friends with another mom who has a daughter a few months younger than my 4 yr old. The girls have always played together well enough, but over the past several hangouts, I’ve started seeing a pattern with her daughter now that she’s in full threenager mode.

When the girls play, the other child will scream at the top of her lungs if my daughter is holding something she wants. She will snatch toys directly from my daughter’s hands, and in a couple of recent instances has screamed when she doesn’t get her way. My daughter is learning to stand up for herself, but she often feels confused and upset when this happens.

Something happened during a playdate today which really bothered me. The girls were playing with dolls, and the other child wanted the one my daughter was holding. She started whining and trying to pull it away. My daughter yelled “no, I’m playing with it,” and the other child escalated to snatching it out of her hands. My daughter held on, the mom stepped in to separate them, and the other child hit my daughter.

I immediately went to comfort my daughter, but I felt pretty frustrated watching the rest unfold. The mom’s response was to comfort her daughter and then redirect her to something else. There were no clear boundaries set in the moment like “we don’t hit” or “we don’t snatch toys,” and no consequences that I could see. And this isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this general approach. There have been other incidents where the child tantrums or throws toys, and the response is usually comfort + redirection, but no firm limit-setting. I haven’t said anything in those situations because my child wasn’t directly involved and it’s not my place to comment on another parent’s parenting.

But after today, I’m feeling conflicted because my daughter is now directly on the receiving end of this behaviour, and I don’t really want her to be in situations where there are repeated unsafe or unkind interactions without any boundaries being set. I’m considering that next time something like this happens, I will step in and say something like: “No, we don’t hit or snatch toys. If we can’t play kindly, we’re going to end the playdate and leave.”

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did you handle it without damaging the friendship between parents, but still standing up for your child?

For a week now my 4 year old has been waking up in the middle of the night wanting to pee, then she goes back to bed but is unable to fall back asleep. She can be up anywhere from 1-4 AM or 3-5 AM, depending on when she gets up to pee. 

I also have a teething 10 month old baby who is waking up multiple times at night. The cherry on top is this terrible respiratory infection which I caught and is running me into the ground. Needless to say, I am sleep deprived, beyond exhausted and just about ready to throw in the towel. 

Since the middle of the night bathroom trips seem to be the trigger, I'm considering cutting off fluids 2 hours before bedtime. Right now, I keep a water bottle beside her bed so she can drink whenever she wants during the night.

For context, I make sure she goes to the potty before bed every night even if she has peed after dinner.  

Just wanted to throw this out there to see if someone has dealt with something similar or if anyone else had other suggestions or tried this method and it worked for them.. or any words of reassurance that I will survive this. I am running on empty and will try anything at this point.

I started co sleeping/bed sharing with my baby at 2 months. I did it because he is my second, is breastfeeding and I wanted minimal overnight sleep disruption, so this setup worked best for me. He would only wake up once or twice at night, I would roll over, latch him on and we would both go back to sleep. Sometimes, I would even give him a pacifier and he would be fine. 

Over the past month or so, he would wake every hour, sometimes more and sometimes less, because he had unlatched. Most of the time, as soon as he latches on, he goes back to sleep. He is not hungry, when he does this, it is only to comfort feed. He has been teething a lot lately, fevers and all, so I know this could be contributing to it. But, this is no longer restricted to overnight, it is now also spilling into daytime naps and when I put him to bed at night. Basically, I am his pacifier (he has been refusing his pacifier lately), and as soon as I unlatch and leave the room, regardless if I unlatch and leave the room right away or wait until he is in very deep sleep, he will still wake up crying 10-15 minutes later and won’t go back to sleep until I am laying down beside him again and he is latched. 

I also have an older kiddo to look after and this arrangement is no longer working for me. Is this end of our co sleeping journey? Is there anything I can do or try before pulling the plug and moving him into his own room?

About a year ago, a couple (Emily (F30s) and Jake (M 30s)) moved into the house next to ours (30s). Emily and I were both pregnant at the time, with due dates a few weeks apart. We would run into each other in the neighborhood or out on the street and eventually became friendly. We texted occasionally to check in on each other during our pregnancies, and our husbands became friends as well.

For some context, Emily had a very difficult pregnancy and was on bed rest for the last month of her pregnancy before she gave birth. They moved away from their support system for Jake's job and didn't have family nearby, so I would sometimes drop off meals when I was cooking for my own family. Emily had her baby about a month before I had mine. After the babies were born, we didn't see much of each other. I invited her a few times to go for walks with the babies, but she always declined, saying the baby was fussy or napping. I figured she was just overwhelmed as a first time mom. Our husbands continued to see each other occasionally during this time.

Last week, I was out walking my baby when I ran into Jake, who was also out walking his baby. We ended up walking together and chatting for about 30 minutes. Our chat did not include anything personal; we talked about the babies, our jobs, our summer plans. When we got back to our street, the babies had woken up, so as we passed my house I asked if he wanted to come in for a coffee and let the babies play together. He thanked me for the invite and declined, saying he needed to get home because he had errands to run.

A few days later, Emily invited me over for a playdate. I accepted and even offered to bring some food for the babies because she had mentioned being nervous about introducing non-puréed foods. While the babies were playing, she suddenly said, "Jake told me you went for a walk together last week." I said yes, we ran into each other while out with the babies. She then asked, "Why did you invite him back to your house?"

I was caught off guard and tried to explain that the babies had woken up and I had meant it as a playdate. She responded that she didn't know what I was playing at, but her husband was off-limits and uninterested in case I had any ideas.

I  was in shock, so I froze up for a couple minutes. When I was able to respond, I told her it was bizarre that she would interpret a walk with her husband and an invitation for coffee and a baby playdate as anything other than innocent. I also told her that my husband was working from home that day and was in the house. I also said that I hope she heals from whatever happened in her life that made her view something so innocent as a threat. She laughed in my face and said rich coming from you, just because your husband treats you like dirt doesn’t make it okay for you to go after my husband. My jaw dropped and I just picked up my baby and left. I fucking hate myself for not giving her a piece of my mind and leaving without saying anything. But I felt like I had just been slapped. 

My husband and I have been having some serious issues. When I got home, I told him what happened and asked if he has said anything about our problems to Jake. He swore that he hasn’t but I am not sure I believe him because how else would Emily know anything? My husband then said Emily was right, that it was inappropriate to invite Jake in and my husband is now mad at ME over the whole thing. 

AITAH?

ETA: I discovered my husband was cheating on me 2 months ago.

ETA 2: I am going through some of the comments and I think I may have not explained this part well. emily didn't avoid hanging out with me or “us”. The four of us with our kids and their baby have spent time together on multiple occasions, going to the park, we have had them over, they have had us over. But always the four of us and the kids. My older child really likes Emily and Jake, they have always been nice to us. Jake and my husband hang out together alone sometimes, but Emily has always had a reason not to hang out alone with me. The other day when she invited me over was the first time we‘d had a solo playdate for the babies.

My 4 yr old is having a hard time adjusting to sharing my attention with her new baby brother, who is now 9 months old. Since he was born, she has had some regression in her behaviour, and I've been making a conscious effort to spend one on one time with her. I read to her every day and we have special “mommy time” together when the baby is napping or happily sitting near us. 

One thing I've been struggling with for months is her repeatedly asking to breastfeed. Whenever she sees me nursing her brother or even at random times in the day, she'll ask, "Can I please drink milk from your boobies?" I've tried different responses: telling her that breast milk is for babies and that she's a big girl who drinks from a cup, or even saying that the milk wouldn't taste good to a big kid. I have even told her that I breastfed her when she was a baby and she drank milkies from boobies too until she got bigger and was able to drink from a cup. None of these are working though. 

I am a little worried about her fixation on breastfeeding. I also worry that since breastfeeding is off-limits to her, she might develop complicated feelings about it.

Is this all normal? What can I say or do to help her move past this?