u/InitialSyrup4434

I wanted to tell you all about my oats for breakfast!

I started anorexia recovery and wanted to eat oats for so long. I always loved them but have been too scared to put anything on them or make them enjoyable in any way. I thought I didn't deserve to have nice warm breakfasts. And thought you could only eat nice things on special occasions. Anyway, today I had some oats I made on a normal Thursday morning with some peanut butter, and banana and maple syrup and had them with my coffee.

I know it's not a lot, but just wanted to share. They were so warm and nice.

I'm going to hotpot for dinner. I've had a really bad few weeks anorexia/OCD/ anxiety wise and just want to eat tonight and not worry so much.

I have really irritating social anxiety though. I'm going to Hotpot which I've never been to before and I feel like I'm going to look stupid and I get so shy I just freeze. Here's what's scaring me:

1. It's kind of like a buffet right? Like you have huge tables to choose from?

2. What if I see my dietician or therapist there? This one scares me the most. Like I can't let them see me eating, especially out at a restaurant.

3. How do I know what to eat or what's good?

4. I don't know what I'm doing, everyone will judge me and I'll ruin it for everyone somehow

5. I just don't want to compensate. I just want ONE night where I can just eat and feel full and have fun.

I'm just going to look so stupid. I always end up freezing and going nonverbal and acting weird. Everyone at the restaurant will think I look so stupid

I know this is probably so stupid but support/advice/how to would be extremely appreciated.

​

I'm going to hotpot for dinner. I've had a really bad few weeks anorexia/OCD wise and just want to eat tonight and not worry so much.

I have really irritating social anxiety though. I'm going to Hotpot which I've never been to before and I feel like I'm going to look stupid and I get so shy I just freeze. Here's what's scaring me:

1. It's kind of like a buffet right? Like you have huge tables to choose from?

2. What if I see my dietician or therapist there? This one scares me the most

3. How do I know what to eat or what's good?

4. I don't know what I'm doing, everyone will judge me and I'll ruin it for everyone somehow

5. I just don't want to compensate. I just want ONE night where I can just eat and feel full and have fun.

I know this is probably so stupid but support/advice/how to would be extremely appreciated

Edit: ALSO why did my brain pick right now to spring a brand new spiral on me!! Some how I've ruined my relationship with my thoughts AGAIN. just FUCK OFF OCD

I'm going to hotpot for dinner. I've had a really bad few weeks anorexia wise and just want to eat tonight and not worry so much.

I have really irritating social anxiety though. I'm going to Hotpot which I've never been to before and I feel like I'm going to look stupid and I get so shy I just freeze. Here's what's scaring me:

1. It's kind of like a buffet right? Like you have huge tables to choose from?

2. What if I see my dietician or therapist there? This one scares me the most

3. How do I know what to eat or what's good?

4. I don't know what I'm doing, everyone will judge me and I'll ruin it for everyone somehow

5. I just don't want to compensate. I just want ONE night where I can just eat and feel full and have fun.

I know this is probably so stupid but support/advice/how to would be extremely appreciated

I just had an awful spiral and it was so scary and I felt like I'd done something terrible and there was no context and no excuse and it was just so awful.

It was so horrible. I was reviewing my memories of when I was early 20s and thought I had done something just irredeemable and I was so scared.

It was so scary. I'm sorry if this isn't what this subreddit is for. But it was just so scary and I felt like I had no one to call because all the helplines don't know about ocd, and I don't have friends with it, and it was so scary. And OCD spirals to someone who doesn't have OCD sound crazy. It was just so awful

I really tried. Maybe recovery isn't for someone like me. I tried to want it

I've found myself testing my anorexia therapist a lot. I'm still losing weight and resisting treatment. I think I'm trying to test her, maybe to see if she cares enough to make me stop and fight for me.

I wish someone would stop me. After the sessions I get to my car and just cry so hard I can't breathe. I feel like I'm not cared about enough. I make myself sicker and sicker waiting for someone to fight me. She just tells me if I can't follow the program, then it won't work and maybe we should stop. And then I just get to my car, and sob until I can't breathe and call my psychologist in a complete state. These breakdowns are so strong I just can't get up from the floor sometimes.

When I was hospitalized, I was just constantly being destructive and pushing the limits. It's not that I don't want to get better. I want to get better more than anything, I'm so miserable. But I just can't stop pushing and waiting for someone to push back.

I'm so sad. Please, I'm just so sad.

Why does everyone think I have autism? Lol my GP a few days ago out of no where asked if I had autism when I was describing OCD symptoms. My therapist told me she thought I might have autism when she first met me and even my friend at work with autism thinks so. I don't think I have it, but I heard cptsd can mimic it which I know I have. So ...

​

Hi all,

I'm about to start schema therapy for my cptsd/anorexia. I was wondering if anyone knows what to expect? I have googled it and know what it is in essence, but wondering more what it's going to actually be like? Like, what will happen and why is it different to other therapy? I heard the the therapists behave a little differently.

I sometimes have these "episodes" (I don't know what else to call them) of extremely intense crying and I'm always worried how it's going to come across to my therapist if it happens in session. Like I'll be crying so hard I can't get off the ground and shaking and just a mess. It's not pretty.

Please. I just need someone to actually tell me to stop. Everyone just keeps giving me advice and saying "maybe this and maybe that" and asking me all the time "do you want to do this" and anorexia will take advantage of anything. I just want someone to unequivocally give me permission to stop it. In fact please just straight up tell me to stop. Please